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Thread: What Now?

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    Featured Member bambiblue's Avatar
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    Default What Now?

    Ok ladies I have never asked for advice before but here it goes. I started dancing about three months ago. At first I was very shy, soft-spoken.... pretty much just started doing it to get the hell out of a bad situation 200 miles behind me. Anyway, within the last month, I have been getting more dances than all the other girls, my stage show is starting to rock, and overall, I have gotten pretty comfortable with the whole job. I used to get along with everyone at work, which is important to me because we have to work 12 hour shifts. Anyway, lately the girls have been making snide comments to me about the money I have been making and trying to exclude me. Listen girls, I bust my ass at work! I got two small children at home and am putting myself through school with absolutely NO help! It's not so much what they say.... I'm not there to make friends anyway. I could care less if they like me either .... half of them aren't capable of not being 2 faced anyway. I was just wondering if there was a way to maturely go about putting them in there place without slapping them in the mouth? I don't like the tension and ignoring them doesn't really help. I have honestly thought maybe I was doing something to provoke this at first, but honestly I never really talk to the other girls and usually just sit with customers the whole time i am at work. Any advice would be helpful, but I feel better already since I got to vent.

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    Veteran Member emilybelle's Avatar
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    Default Re:What Now?

    i get the same exact treatment from the people at my club. i just ignore all of it. which i know is very hard to do. we can drink at my club, so i usually have a few glasses of wine to calm me down.

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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re:What Now?

    Quote Originally Posted by bambiblue link=board=1;threadid=6432;start=msg70588#msg70588 date=1076034438
    Ok ladies I have never asked for advice before but here it goes. I started dancing about three months ago. At first I was very shy, soft-spoken.... pretty much just started doing it to get the hell out of a bad situation 200 miles behind me. Anyway, within the last month, I have been getting more dances than all the other girls, my stage show is starting to rock, and overall, I have gotten pretty comfortable with the whole job. I used to get along with everyone at work, which is important to me because we have to work 12 hour shifts. Anyway, lately the girls have been making snide comments to me about the money I have been making and trying to exclude me. Listen girls, I bust my ass at work! I got two small children at home and am putting myself through school with absolutely NO help! It's not so much what they say.... I'm not there to make friends anyway. I could care less if they like me either .... half of them aren't capable of not being 2 faced anyway. I was just wondering if there was a way to maturely go about putting them in there place without slapping them in the mouth? I don't like the tension and ignoring them doesn't really help. I have honestly thought maybe I was doing something to provoke this at first, but honestly I never really talk to the other girls and usually just sit with customers the whole time i am at work. Any advice would be helpful, but I feel better already since I got to vent.
    Hey Sweetie...
    First of all, I must commend you for doing all of this on your own, taking care of your children, going to school, etc.. I've been there myself, and I know it's not easy. You deserve all the credit in the world for that.

    I know it's tough to just ignore those girls when it comes down to it, but my advice is try your best to do just that. Give them a nice little smile as you breeze passed them going from one customer to the next. Pretty much, act like you don't have a care in the world. Eventually, they'll get bored, back off, and find something else to obsess over.

    Kudos again to you hon.. Keep doing what you're doing.

    Take care


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    Veteran Member winter2003's Avatar
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    Default Re:What Now?

    Bambiblue-- my advice would be if someone comes up to you and says something about the money (you are or what they THINK you are making) tell them with a poker face, " I am doing my best, that's all i can do to support my kids," keep your head up, and also say" I stay positive and do my best"...which will help you relate to all the other girls who are doing the exact same...working for thier kids and doing their best..even if they don't click with you immediately, they will understand that you and them are in the same position...never brag about money, just talk briefly about a common stuggle(taking care of kid(s), paying bills, ect.) without being dramatic, but letting them know you are doing and struggling like them. You don't have to form super-bonds, but let the other girls know you are just like them...this should cut down on resentment...I had a similar problem...and i was in the same boat as them! LOL...just converse enough to let them know you're not stuck-up or any different.

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    Veteran Member Miss Courtney's Avatar
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    Default Re:What Now?

    i get the same thing from one of the girls at work, I just ignore it, put on my proffesional mode around her and get on with my job, as you said, were not here to make money. I have been told by other girls that she is jealous of me and wants to be the best thats why she is like that. I know she talks about me behind my back and says bitchy remarks but I just act friendly and confront her when I have to. But everyone can see what she is like because Im not biting back even though she keeps trying to upset me.

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    Veteran Member Pumpkin Pie's Avatar
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    Default Re:What Now?

    Bambi,

    This isn't something unique to the world of exotic dancing. It happens in any business where you're paid by your performance. Go to a car dealership and if you can get them to talk honestly to you, talk to the top salespersons and ask if they get the same back-talking from the other salespersons. You'll find they do. Go to the top advertising agencies and ask their top account executives of they get the same. You'll find they do. Heck, to go one of your area's finest restuarants and ask the waitresses there that get the most tips if they experience what you do. You'll find they do.

    How you should deal with it is the same way as any similar performance-paid professional should.

    1) Expect it. Jealousy is inevitable. It isn't going to go away. It will only get worse the better you do.

    2) Act professional to your co-workers. Don't act like a bitch back to them or you've just given them more ammo to fire at you. Don't go to the other extreme of trying to win them over or you'll quickly lose your self-respect.

    3) Keep focused on why you're there. You're there to make money ... just as the advertising firm's account executive is ... just as car salesperson is ... just as the waitress is. Sure you work there 12 hours, but you WORK there. You need to be focused on that. You need to try to maximumize your time there for maximum profits. With this in mind, realize that not being buddies buddies with all your co-workers is part of the price for you making more than them. So which do you want more? More money or more friends at work? I always vote for money. I can make all the friends I want in my private social (a.k.a. not-at-work) life.

    Now having said all that, here's a little thing you can do to put the dogs in their place.

    Get a photo of your kids and then get a special frame for that photo. The frame should have wide margins and then attach across the top a piece of tape that you can write on and on that tape write: "The reason why I'm doing all of this." or "I'm doing all of this for you." or "The more I make, the more I can provide for you." Change the phrase occasionally ... such as with each new snide remark you hear. Then place it somewhere that's considered yours. If you have a mirror that's yours in the club, put it there. Worse come to worse, hang it on the inside of your locker door. They will see it and they will get the message. The message is: If they attack you, they're attacking your kids.

    I got this trick from a top account executive. He said it worked wonders on calling off the dogs at his firm. I've given this tip to others in a variety of performace-paid jobs and they've reported back that it worked great for them as well.
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