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Thread: Obsessed Customer

  1. #1
    Newbie Shimmery's Avatar
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    Default Obsessed Customer

    I have had a regular customer for the past few months that I no longer know what to do about.
    He has become very creepy lately. He told me that he is my new stalker and future husband. I thought he was joking, until recently.
    He makes mention of the dreams he has of me. Where he says he knows we will be together someday.

    Normally I would be able to run away and not engage in this type of nonsense or insanity. My intuition tells me this is not right, and I can no longer be a part of this.

    He does spend a lot of money on me everytime I am at work. But I do not want to feel obligated to be around him.
    Or uncomfortable with him, due to the fact that he is very posessive of me when I am in the club.

    He often mentions that he wants to kidnap, abduct or steal me away. Also he has said that he has followed vehicles that look like mine and has thought to follow me home.

    So, I need to create a clean and graceful break from this person without having a dramatic issue.

    If anyone has been in this situation before, I would really appreciate any input or advice. Thank you!

  2. #2
    God/dess Zabrina's Avatar
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    Default Re:Obsessed Customer

    OMG! That sounds scary! I've never had a situation like that before, I don't quite know what to tell you. For one, I would tell everyone, including your managers, everything you know about the guy, and what he's said. Do you have his info, his full name, where he works, etc? I would want them to have this info, and when you work make sure you always have someone walk you out. When you drive home, keep an eye out for any cars behind you. Even do a lap around the block of your club before you head towards home, just to see if there is anyone following.
    Is there another club near you where you can work until things blow over? It might be a good idea to avoid him for awhile. I would be very hesitant to confront him, this might make him get desperate and do something drastic.
    Can you call the cops and ask for their advice on how to handle this?
    Good luck to you, hopefully he's not serious-but please take every precaution just in case.

  3. #3
    Pamela
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    Default Re:Obsessed Customer

    First if any man ever told me he wanted to kidnap me he better chose his words very carefuly after that comment.

    1) i would make sure i have his first and last name (or police can do this)

    Have them run his name for ANYTHING that this ass has against him.

    Then file a complaint either way.

    2) and i am not normally this way, but this guy is friggin nuts. Usually (not always) these types of guys seek out women who are kinda shy, or for example walking around with their heads down, not aware of their surroundings etc. Not to say this is you, but a "tough" women is more likely to scare him off.

    I would surely say back off to him, in strong firm words. No jokes no games. Then walk away, i would no longer take his requests for me, period. You will knock him of guard, and he may just go away. This may be another side he sees in you that says "omg she means business!"

    To hell with the "i want to kidnap you shit." No one better ever tell me that, i will take extreme action. And he better back off.

    I had a GF up north who's ex got out of jail for easter, he took her out of her home to his daughters home, and beat her to death, on Easter morning around 3:00am she was found by the ex's daughter.

    NOPE, i wont play that friggin game, and you know what else he was writting her telling her he was going to "KIDNAP" her, she did not take him serious at ALL.

    Watch your back, always....Especially when a guy/female starts talking shit.

    Pamela

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    Newbie Q-Ball's Avatar
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    Default Re:Obsessed Customer

    Speaking as a bouncer of a strip club, My suggestion would be to talk woith management and see if you can have him barred from the club. If that doesn't work then I would suggest not confronting him when he comes in the club. There will always be money with or without him. If he continues his assualt, then politely tell him if he doesn't stop what he is doing then you will take legal action against him. I have had to take dancers home because of distraught men, and it is not fun. If all this fails then pplay his game and tell him you want everything in writing that he is willing to do for you, and then hold that against him. Put the shoe on his foot so to speak! Q-Ball

  5. #5
    Featured Member Chili Palmer's Avatar
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    Default Re:Obsessed Customer

    Wow, this is like the fourth different post about a dancer/stalker relationship, and in everyone of them the dancer mentions how nice the money is.

    This guy is friggin nuts. Period. Confronting him, siccing the cops on him (for what?), banning him from the club will do no good. You undoubtedly have told him your schedule so he'll be there to give you money, so he'll just wait until you leave the club and follow you home.

    IMO, you need to change clubs. NOW. Change your dancer name, too. If you don't want to do that, you'll never be rid of him and you'll be spending a lot of your time looking over your shoulder, wondering where he's at. Make sure you never, ever arrive or leave the club alone--call a bouncer from your cel phone to have them escort you to the club, and the same when you leave. If you don't do at least this minimal protection, the ONE time you don't may be fatal. Don't just laugh this off--these kind of people fixate on what they perceive to be easy targets (dancers)--and, like Arnold in Terminator, won't ever stop until they get what they want.

    Be careful.

    CP

  6. #6
    Pamela
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    Default Re:Obsessed Customer

    I agree with Chili to a point. This is indeed a serious problem for many women in all walks of life. But if we changed our names, addresses and jobs everytime a "wacko" runs his mouth, we would have no life, and feel like a victim while we don't have to. Don't become a victim. Have you ever heard of the guys that actually get a thrill out of chasing women around.

    Protect yourself at all costs, but don't change who you are! Never.

    Take action, and make a firm stand that you will not tolerate this type of behaviour. Period. Go through all the proper channels.

    Showing a person you mean business is a great start. Then leave it alone, BUT keep your guard up.

    I have been told many things by "crack pots." I tell them back, "you picked the wrong one dude." And follow with a police report, and my protection in high alert. The club does not even have to know if she fears for losing her job, for being called nothing more than a "whistle blower." I have heard that one in clubs too. Sad.

    I don't like guys to threaten me. And god help one if he stalks me, and tells me he will kidnap me.

    And yes, these guys pay well for many reasons. One big one.....They think we owe them. BS.

    Take it to the police hun. That way he's on record for starters. Hell we women have to start someplace.

    This shit makes me sick.

    Pamela

  7. #7
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re:Obsessed Customer

    First, the next time this guy comes into your club, make sure you tell him loud and clear that his behavior is unacceptable and you will no longer deal with him if it continues. I am sure that the money is nice, but if he kidnaps you and who knows what else...what good is it then?

    Second, tell your club management about him. Point him out to the bouncers. It's so easy to get his name, address, and all that. They'll just take it from the drivers license...and the valet can grab his license plate, make and model of his car. Make sure they ban him from the club and then switch your work days. A lot of clubs these days will not release information on a dancer's work schedule because of people like this. Ask management if they do this.

    Go to the police and file a complaint against this guy. I am not sure of where you live, but a lot of states are adopting the "zero tolerance" stalking laws (although sometimes they are still a "wait and see" zero tolerance). The key here is to establish a paper trail and complaint history. Keep a copy of your complaint with you at all times. That way if you need to call the police again, you will have proof that you have already filed a complaint against this fool.

    In the meantime, you need to be AWARE of your surroundings. Listen to your gut instincts and follow them. Do you live with other people? Make sure that you tell them about this problem. Tell any neighbors that you have about this too. I know that you may be scared to do this, but I cannot tell you how many times neighbors, housemates, whatever, saw the perp in the area, but didn't know it...until too late. Don't be on the defensive. Take action and take back your power. You are not a victim...acting like a victim will only do one thing...and I am sure you do not want that.

    You are worth more than the way that you are treating yourself and allowing yourself to be treated. You need to stand up for yourself and tell this guy that you will not accept this kind of behavior. If he insists on continuing, tell him that he's going to need a few things: A good lawyer...if that lawyer gets him off then he's going to need a good doctor. If that doctor patches him up and he continues this behavior then he's going to need a good mortician...to make him look at least presentable at his own wake. End of story.

    Please let us know how this turns out.

    Take care of yourself!!

    Hugs,
    Venus

  8. #8
    Newbie Shimmery's Avatar
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    Default Re:Obsessed Customer

    Thank you everyone for your advice. I have recently learned that this customer is having serious financial problems, probably from being in the strip club every single night.
    But I have decided that will be my way out. I will just tell him that I know he is in trouble financially and maybe suggest that he not come in so often so he can get back on his feet.
    I would rather not have a confrontation with him, letting him know that I am worried over how much of a creepy stalker he really is will only make things worse.

    Monday he told me that he can't stop thinking about me and that he knows we will be together someday. Knowing he is a delusional stalker had made me come to the realization that I cannot rationalize with him. He has created an imaginary relationship with me. So if I back out of this by telling him, 'I can't hang because I need to make money and I can't be distracted by you being here and feeling like I should hang out, when you are outta money'.
    Maybe he'll get the point? Besides it has turned so weird anyway. There's not enough money in the world to keep me in this bizarre situation anymore.

  9. #9
    Newbie hiawatha_49's Avatar
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    Default Re:Obsessed Customer

    If anything..buy yourself a stun gun off ebay $30 and some pepper spray..if you do get followed call the cops..and if hes in your face BUZZ his ass.. I dont play a sweet helpless girl..ive had a few guys say they wanted to stalk me and I told them I woud Kill them..lol..it worked though..never seen them again

  10. #10
    Newbie Shimmery's Avatar
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    Default Re:Obsessed Customer

    I have been checking out stun guns on e-bay as a matter of fact. Ever since I first became creeped out by this guy I have felt the need to get one. After work nobody walks us out and my boyfriend waits for me.
    Still if anyone were to come up to me, it would be better to have a stun gun and not need it than to need it and not have it!

  11. #11
    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re:Obsessed Customer

    Wow, this is like the fourth different post about a dancer/stalker relationship, and in everyone of them the dancer mentions how nice the money is.

    This guy is friggin nuts. Period. Confronting him, siccing the cops on him (for what?), banning him from the club will do no good. You undoubtedly have told him your schedule so he'll be there to give you money, so he'll just wait until you leave the club and follow you home.
    Not to appear unsympathetic in any way to dancers involved in such situations, but Chili has hit on the bottom line here. Dancers who "lead on" regular customers with implied promises that if they will just spend enough money, over a long enough time period, they will eventually be allowed to become more to the dancer than merely a club customer, create big expectations on the part of these regulars in exchange for collecting large amounts of money from them. When the day finally arrives that the regular customer loses his cool and tries to "collect" on something he has been led to believe he has already "paid for", nasty incidents result.

    Granted that guys like this who lose their cool to the point of stalking dancers outside the club are totally in the wrong as well as just plain friggin nuts. However, dancers who risk creating these situations by allowing regular customers to believe they're "getting somewhere" by spending huge amounts on the dancer, when in actuality all the customer is accomplishing is giving money to a dancer who couldn't care less about him if money weren't involved, are not exactly 100% innocent victims in my mind. Nor are such dancers 100% innocent victims in the minds of most local police !

    So, I need to create a clean and graceful break from this person without having a dramatic issue.
    I doubt that anything you could do will result in a 'graceful' break with this frustrated and now aggressive regular. Your best bet for a 'clean' break is to move to a different city at least a 4 hour drive away without telling anyone at your present club where you're going.

    Having this guy banned from your club is only going to force him to stalk you outside the club. Going the police complaint route is really only going to help you AFTER this nut case commits a chargeable offense, like kidnapping you or assaulting you, but it will also give the police a reason to investigate you as well. Both of these options, and other similar ones, will really only accomplish one thing - pissing off the guy and making him more determined.

    If you're intent on staying in town, it's actually better to get the drama over with quickly. Pay all of your club's bouncers some extra money out of your own pocket to take an hour after work to "send this guy a message he won't ever forget". The only really effective way to shut this guy down is to send him a clear message that he has more to fear from YOU than you have to fear from him, as Hiawatha pointed out.


  12. #12
    God/dess Lexi's Avatar
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    Default Re:Obsessed Customer

    I would tell him that the kidnapping thing is not cute, and tell him that if he decides to keep saying things like that, you will take legal action. Maybe just putting him in his place will work, but also have the managers walk you to your car, or have someone pick you up if you can. I have never been in this situation but I wouldnt like it either.
    Good luck

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    Default Re:Obsessed Customer

    Melonie is SOOOO right. Have the bouncer's beat the shit out of this guy. I guarntee he will get the point REAL fast.

  14. #14
    Featured Member NikkiD's Avatar
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    Default Re:Obsessed Customer

    money vs. safety? you tell me.


  15. #15
    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re:Obsessed Customer

    Quote Originally Posted by Lexi link=board=27;threadid=6691;start=msg78847#msg7884 7 date=1077985728
    I would tell him that the kidnapping thing is not cute, and tell him that if he decides to keep saying things like that, you will take legal action. Maybe just putting him in his place will work, but also have the managers walk you to your car, or have someone pick you up if you can. I have never been in this situation but I wouldnt like it either.
    Good luck
    There really isn't any way to be "nice" about bringing these situations with rabid regulars back under control. The root of the problem is that friends or bouncers or cops can't protect you 24 hours a day, while the nut case has all of the time in the world to continue to stalk you. You either have to remove virtually all opportunity for this guy to stalk you (like moving far away without telling anyone where you're going), or you have to teach him by one means or another that he himself has more to lose than he stands to gain if he continues to try and bother you (like a slight case of lacerations and broken bones and powder burns).

    Any action short of this usually just escalates the situation and makes the nut case more determined. Involving the cops in the situation not only won't help the situation until the guy actually commits a crime against you and leaves evidence of actually committing that crime, but it also opens the door for the cops to take an interest in YOU (i.e. most cops will suspect that this guy has been a victim of a dancer's "con game", and thus are unlikely to consider this guy a dangerous nut case solely on the word of a dancer unless forced to by overwhelming evidence).

    I have always made it a personal rule to never allow a single club customer to occupy more than 25% of my time or contribute more than 25% of my income on a given night. As long as customers understand that they are not and will never become "special", and that I'm going to move on to other customers no matter what they say or offer to spend, they will not form unrealistic expectations. Without allowing any customers to develop unrealistic expectations which later have to be dashed, these nasty incidents don't occur.

    True, this means turning down large amounts of "easy money" by walking away from one willing customer at a certain point to approach a new one with unknown earnings potential. However, in the long run "easy money" is never that easy.

  16. #16
    Newbie Shimmery's Avatar
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    Default Re:Obsessed Customer

    Every night I work he is there waiting for me. I have only spent time with him when doing dances, then I am dancing for other customers and he still waits.
    I have told him that I have to work the rest of the club, but he continues to wait.

    I have told him I have a boyfriend. He is not being strung along or led on in any way. I always tell customers I have a signifigant other because of situations like these. I have found that customers that expect dancers to be single are not the ones I need to be associated with anyway. If they expect me to be single then they will expect something more.

    The issues I am having with this person is that he is a very good friend of the owners. So I really can't tell the club anything yet. If he does anything I would have to let them know, but they are not very sympathetic (towards dancers) anyway. It is not a very reassuring feeling either. As for moving out of town, that is not a possibility. Nor would I let this weirdo make me relocate just because he is being possesive.

    I am just going to tell him that I can't hang with him anymore, simple as that. If he doesn't like it, oh well. He shouldn't have said all the strange things, then there would not be any problem. I have had regulars in the past that didn't go psycho on me. This guy just needs to get a grip on reality. Thanks to everyone for your posts, it is really wonderful to be able to come here and get great advice and helpful information!

  17. #17
    God/dess Gynger's Avatar
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    Default Re:Obsessed Customer

    Quote Originally Posted by Chili Palmer link=board=27;threadid=6691;start=msg74673#msg7467 3 date=1077041130
    Wow, this is like the fourth different post about a dancer/stalker relationship, and in everyone of them the dancer mentions how nice the money is.


    leave the club alone--call a bouncer from your cel phone to have them escort you to the club, and the same when you leave. If you don't do at least this minimal protection, the ONE time you don't may be fatal. Don't just laugh this off--these kind of people fixate on what they perceive to be easy targets (dancers)--and, like Arnold in Terminator, won't ever stop until they get what they want.

    Be careful.

    CP


    I posted a thread about my former "regular" going nuts a little when he walked in on my dances, and then last week decided to get threatening and verbal.Yes, the money he spent was nice, up until he decided to think that I was his "girl’ (his quote) and then got upset every time I did a private dance for someone else.


    I went to management the first time he walked in on my VIP dance with another customer, then last week when he showed up at the club and started haggling me and giving me more issues, I went to both bouncers, told them what was going on and they watched him.. It continued on for another hour before the management and bouncers kicked him out. He left his truck in the parking lot and they got his license plate number. In Idaho, you can go to the DMV and find out who a vehicle is registered to, I did that and then ran his name through the public computer to see what I was dealing with.

    I have been getting escorts IN to work when I arrive as well as when I leave for the day.. no exceptions. He was 86’d, but it didn’t stop him the other night from showing up (when I wasn’t working).. our bouncers are really good, so is the management. I had a long talk with management and basically said.. when I am here.. you have to be responsible for my safety, if you guys can’t do that, then I need another club. They agreed.

    DO NOT TAKE THIS LIGHTLY… however nice the money is, this guy is a friggin nut just like Pamela said. Get a good description of this man and report him. Does your club have cameras? Ours does, so everything he did that night, is recorded. If he bothers me I have a tape as evidence to show his behavior. No matter how much money your customer has, being scared is not worth it.. Keep us posted.



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  18. #18
    Senior Member Flounder's Avatar
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    Default Re:Obsessed Customer

    This guy is bad news, your safety should come first.

    The fact he is good friends with the owners would make me real nervous, make sure you have a backup club to work at. A club should look out for there dancers, in all cases.


    Be safe and follow a lot of the whats been said to help.

    Good Luck,
    Flou

  19. #19
    God/dess Gynger's Avatar
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    Default Re:Obsessed Customer

    One other thing that bothers me is your statement about him being good friends with the owners… if this is truly the case, then I strongly suggest you pull the owners aside and tell them what has been said to you… they may be able to handle it discreetly for you without any dramatic issues… but, I’d also have a back up club to go and work at, simply because he may think that because he "has friends in high places" he can throw his weight around, or the owners may not realize this side of him and simply turn the other cheek. I would hope that the owners are concerned for their dancer’s safety and would take any breech of security as a concern. Customers like this make our lives difficult.. customers like this ruin it for everyone else…


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  20. #20
    Senior Member jennworthington's Avatar
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    Default Re:Obsessed Customer

    Melonie, I LOVE your posts............
    I wouldnt buy a stun gun, they have to be used up close to work and if he is bigger than you he might be able to get it away from you and use it to his advantage.I'd get the perpper spray. I also have guns in my home, they are liscensed and I know how to use them. I have a promo pic of me and my shot gun ( you can see it at www.worthingtonpro.com ) i had a guy being "creepy" on nite and trying to figure out where I was staying in town.....I showed him the pic and told him that I had a gun with me and would not hesitate to blow someones fucking head off with it. I wasnt lying either. He left me alone.
    No matter what they teach you, what you believe is true......

  21. #21
    Newbie Shimmery's Avatar
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    Default Re:Obsessed Customer

    Yes Gynger, the club is equipped with lots of hidden cameras.
    When I see this guy at work this week I will tell him that I am no longer going to be hanging out with him. It is unfortunate that he is so close to the owners, but everything will work out. I just am not looking forward to the discussion itself. There are so many annoying things that he has done. It will be hard for me to censor myself from telling him everything I am upset about. He repeats everything I say to the entire town. Everything I have told him, not personal information, but he has told so many people things that we talked about. His friends know he is obsessed, and they have told him to stop spending so much time and all his money on me. But I am not the only dancer he has spent alot on. He used to give alot of money to other girls until I started working there.
    Plus he is rude to those girls and ignores them when I work. I bitched him out when he did this to a girl and I made him apologize to her right then. But I have had alot of static from the former girls he spent alot on. So hopefully he'll just move on to another girl or even better another club.
    Jenn, that picture of you with the shotgun is awesome!! Good idea for a picture!

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    Default Re:Obsessed Customer

    Quote Originally Posted by hiawatha_49 link=board=27;threadid=6691;start=msg78608#msg7860 8 date=1077918347
    If anything..buy yourself a stun gun off ebay $30 and some pepper spray..if you do get followed call the cops..and if hes in your face BUZZ his ass.. I dont play a sweet helpless girl..ive had a few guys say they wanted to stalk me and I told them I woud Kill them..lol..it worked though..never seen them again
    Unless you're fairly comfortable with your hand-to-hand combat skills, you may find using a stun gun a bit difficult. For it to be effective, you'll have to get close enough to touch him with it - and maintain contact for at least 3-5 seconds to have much effect. Heavy clothing provides some protection, so beware. If you MUST carry a stunner, go for the highest voltage/amperage stunner you can find. Check out a few web sites on this before buying. Get at least 400,000 volts worth.

    Pepper spray is a better bet, since you can spray your attacker and still maintain a safe (relatively) distance. Buy a good brand of spray, like Mace Pepper spray or First Defense (they use this type in our state prison) - available from Galls.com or qmuniforms.com (and other places). If you spray someone - remember to spray and run away.

    Whatever you choose to do, if you carry a weapon of some sort,
    a) Know how to use it. Read the manual or instructions.
    b) Carry it with you at all times when not in the club.
    c) Don't tell anyone you've got a weapon.
    d) Only pull it if you fully intend to use it. Then do so.

    Avoid knives and guns unless you're very familiar with them. Guns draw a lot of unwanted police attention. Knives are very, very messy and unless you're pretty hardcore, you probably won't want to deal with that.

    Remember that using a weapon on someone is a very unpleasant thing - sometimes as much for the user as the recipient. Make sure you are mentally prepared to use a weapon before you choose to carry one, or it may be taken away from you by your attacker.



  23. #23
    Newbie Shimmery's Avatar
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    Default Re:Obsessed Customer

    I have not been able to tell this customer to leave me alone. He came in last week and was really angry, he said something strange out of nowhere. So I acted like I didn't hear him and walked away.
    I have been avoiding him, but I am sure there will be some kind of unavoidable confrontation. I have installed a surveillance camera outside my home and I have recorded his vehicle driving up and down my street.
    What he said to me last week had to do with me being home????
    Which was peculiar because why would he mention me being home?? Unless he knew where I lived, which now I know he does.
    So I have to take a more serious approach than personal protection devices or surveillance cameras. I have to tell him to f**k off!!
    I am going to keep on ignoring him at all costs. It's not worth it to hash it out in the club. There is too much drama there already! Thanks everyone for your posts, I really appreciate it.

  24. #24
    Member SexyNinjaGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re:Obsessed Customer

    Quote Originally Posted by Shimmery link=board=27;threadid=6691;start=msg83523#msg8352 3 date=1079077312
    I have installed a surveillance camera outside my home and I have recorded his vehicle driving up and down my street.
    What he said to me last week had to do with me being home????
    I would contact the police and tell them what is going on... he is a stalker and they will arrest him for it. You need to look out for your own safety. A camera will not do it. I don't know how you feel about guns, or if you would even be able to use it one someone (some people just can't) but that is great protection. My husband bought me one about 3 years ago. Off topic.. anyway, please call police, show them this video, make sure your bouncers and manager know what this guy is doing, and please watch your back. If he is crazy, he might try something. Oh yeah... don't tell him to f**k off, cause he might try something when you do.

  25. #25
    God/dess erotictonic's Avatar
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    Default Re:Obsessed Customer

    Yes, when someone is driving by your home, it is time to call the police. It's just a matter of time until he explodes in some way - breaks in to your home, causes a scene at work, or something of that nature. You should call the police now.

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