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Thread: So this cow walks into a bar....

  1. #1
    Featured Member Lilith's Avatar
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    Default So this cow walks into a bar....

    Cows
    How you would use your cows if you were a:

    DEMOCRAT
    You have two cows.
    Your neighbor has none.
    You feel guilty for being successful.
    Barbara Streisand sings for you.

    REPUBLICAN
    You have two cows.
    Your neighbor has none.
    So?

    SOCIALIST
    You have two cows.
    The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

    COMMUNIST
    You have two cows.
    The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it.
    It is expensive and sour.

    CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
    You have two cows.
    You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

    DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
    You have two cows.
    The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

    BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
    You have two cows.
    The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

    AMERICAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
    You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
    You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have down sized and are reducing expenses.
    Your stock goes up.

    FRENCH CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine.
    Life is good.

    JAPANESE CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
    They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

    GERMAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

    ITALIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch.
    Life is good.

    RUSSIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You have some vodka.
    You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka.
    You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

    TALIBAN CORPORATION
    You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.
    You take the restitution check and plant opium poppies.

    IRAQI CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    They go into hiding.
    They send radio tapes of their mooing.

    POLISH CORPORATION
    You have two bulls.
    Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

    FLORIDA CORPORATION
    You have a black cow and a brown cow.
    Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one.
    Some people vote for both.
    Some people vote for neither.
    Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
    Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best looking cow.

    CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
    You have a cow and a bull.
    The bull is depressed.
    It has spent its life living a lie.
    It goes away for two weeks.
    It comes back after a taxpayer-paid sex-change operation. You now have two cows.
    One makes milk; the other doesn't.
    You try to sell the transgender cow.
    Its lawyer sues you for discrimination.
    You lose in court.
    You sell the milk-generating cow to pay the damages. You now have one rich, transgender, non-milk-producing cow. You change your business to
    beef.
    PETA pickets your farm.
    Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your driveway. Cruz Bustamante calls for higher farm taxes to help "working cows". Hillary Clinton calls for the nationalization of 1/7 of your farm "for the children". The L.A. Times quotes five anonymous cows claiming you groped their teats.
    You declare bankruptcy and shut down all operations. The cow starves to death.
    The L.A. Times' analysis shows your business failure is Bush's fault.

    He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

  2. #2
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re:So this cow walks into a bar....

    OMG...ROFLMFAO!!!


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    Veteran Member heidi's Avatar
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    Default Re:So this cow walks into a bar....

    haha... that is so funny... LOL

    xoxo
    heidi
    ....i did not design this game...i did not name the stakes...i just happen to like apples...and i am not afraid of snakes... -Ani Difranco

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    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re:So this cow walks into a bar....

    I'd be laughing even harder if so much of it weren't true !

  5. #5
    God/dess montythegeek's Avatar
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    Default Re:So this cow walks into a bar....

    Lillith,
    I herd that MCWM is going to smite you for picking on those cute little cows.[move=left,scroll,6,transparent,100%] [/move]

    Why are my cows going backwards? LOL! Turn around guys. Where is John Wayne when you need him?

  6. #6
    Member IBKitty's Avatar
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    Default Re:So this cow walks into a bar....

    So funny, it's true, so true, it's sad... but sure the hell made me laugh...thanks!!
    If you don't like me for who I am, it doesn't matter, because I do.

  7. #7
    Featured Member Lilith's Avatar
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    Default Re:So this cow walks into a bar....

    For some reason, the Iraqi cows crack me up no matter how often I read it.
    He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

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    Veteran Member wasfatboy's Avatar
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    Default Re:So this cow walks into a bar....

    IM WAITING FOR BRIDGETTES TAKE ON THIS! WHERES THE COW MISTRESS WHEN YOU NEED HER?
    Baby's, the OTHER other white meat!

    I want my baby back, baby back, baby back.............................................r ibs.

    im damn sexy and you know you want me!

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re:So this cow walks into a bar....

    LOL! I'm with Melonie though, if so much of it didn't ring so true, it'd be alot funnier.

    Monty. LMAO!! I think your cows are or

    Heeee. I like all these new smilies

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Featured Member TiNi's Avatar
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    Default Re:So this cow walks into a bar....

    LOL thanks for the laugh Lilith

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    God/dess Farrah_Holiday's Avatar
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    Default Re:So this cow walks into a bar....

    Quote Originally Posted by Melonie link=board=1;threadid=7143;start=msg81137#msg81137 date=1078486052
    I'd be laughing even harder if so much of it weren't true !
    Exactly !!
    My new love...is me !

    Even the greatest authority does not, ultimately, know you as you know yourself.
    Jhuka

    When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
    Maya Angelou


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