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  1. #1
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    Default people can be mean

    Hi everyone, i'm feeling so shitty right now i just need to get it out. :'( Im a college student and needless to say i strip to pay for the insane high cost of tuition (how else can i come up with 30K each year?)

    i live in the dorms, & the walls are really thin- i heard some girls talking all kinds of shit about me- ("the stripper girl" as they said). i don't know how word got out so fast about this, but a lot of people know...and the things these girls said were VERY hateful, and catty, and not based at all on my personality (they have avoided getting to know me) but only on the fact of where i work- i have always been nice and friendly to them. It makes me so mad ! I wish my parents were rich enough to pay for everything, i'd love to have a free ride like they do, but, i don't! The only thing i can try to make myself feel better is look at last nights wad, & it isn't helping...it shouldn't have to be a trade off. Maybe its something wrong with me that i cant seem to keep girl friends but it seems that people judge me before i even meet them on the basis of what i do, it sucks, i get so many dirty looks from people that have never even met me! Guy friends are great and all but you need girls sometimes! I feel so lonely already this just makes it so much worse. i'm like a freakin outcast of society, its awful. Why are people so hateful, and judgemental :'( :'( i just had to rant

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    Featured Member TiNi's Avatar
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    Default Re:people can be mean

    Who did you tell? It's to late now but next time just dont let anyone even people who you think you are close to know what going on in your personal life. But anyway they are probably jealous. They're haters...lol.

    Dont let people get to you like that. It would be hard due to the fact that you are living in a dorm with those people. How about saving up and getting your own apartment.

    And when someone give you a dirty look. Smile or wave. Trust me you get a laugh or two. Dont let them know it's affecting. If that dont work a good would do. LOL just joking.

    Cheer up

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    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re:people can be mean

    Well, if you are attending an "upper crust" university, and if you come from a "working class" family, you're ALREADY an outcast in the eyes of the "upper class" students. The fact that they unfairly attach the Hollywood Stereotype of a dancer to you is only logical is it increases the "upper class" students' feeling of superiority. As an extremely attractive female who, according to the Hollywood Sterotype, is "likely to" ... I'm sure that the guys don't allow any "class warfare" to interfere. However, with "upper class" girls, who see you as an inferior person who is also (in their own minds) "likely to" with THEIR guys, I wouldn't expect much to develop in the way of serious friendships.

    my advice - let them kiss your ass !

  4. #4
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    Default Re:people can be mean

    When I started stripping at age 21, I found out REALLY quickly who my real friends were. I also learned, for the most part, that it can be hurtful to others to pass judgement, so I try to stay away from that.

    The best thing to do, is kill em' with kindness. Give a smile and "hello" in the halls. ALWAYS be the bigger person, be a lady and break down that stripper stereotype that is in their narrow minds.

    And BTW, they're probably just insanely jealous because you're paying your own way with your hot looks! Don't let it get you down, most of the ladies on this forum have had to deal with this kind of situation at one time or another, but it will make you a stronger, more compassionate, understanding person.

    The cream will rise to the top, girl, and you're on your way there! Good luck with school!

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    Featured Member polecat's Avatar
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    Default Re:people can be mean

    College is always a learning experience... it's where many people first get a good perspective on human nature in it's many, varied colors and flavors.

    I wouldn't give in to their bitter hate fests, but instead remember that success is the best form of revenge.
    It doesn't matter if you're somebody in this world, it rather matters you mean the whole world to somebody.

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re:people can be mean

    Sweetie, this is the way things are. It sucks, and lots of people suck. Especially those rich spoiled brats who for some reason always feel the need to put down those who don't come from the same monied background as them. It doesn't matter what you do, they will always find a way to hate on you just because your parents aren't as wealthy as theirs. The fact that you're a stripper just gives them ammo that, in their minds, is more valid than just your family's tax bracket so they can feel ok with openly trashing you rather than doing it more subtlely. You'll be dealing with these brats for the rest of your college career, so the best thing you can do is ignore them, go to class and do your thing, and look for friends off-campus. The only really bad thing about this is that, because of your situation, you are out in the cold for any networking that you might have done in college for future resources. But that's not so bad. Getting a degree from a good university is worth a ton, so go ahead and get it. Do your best in school, get good grades and when you get that diploma, you'll have an advantage over the slacker brats who float through college on daddy's money, barely passing their classes.

    I'm with Mel, let them kiss your ass. You know their words are a load of crap anyway.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re:people can be mean

    The only really bad thing about this is that, because of your situation, you are out in the cold for any networking that you might have done in college for future resources.
    Actually, there's nothing preventing you from cultivating contacts with your male classmates which could turn out to be extremely helpful in the future. This would also piss off your "rich bitch" classmates in a big way !

    Wrap your mind around the fact that you're never going to be accepted as an equal member in the "upper crust club". With that in mind, make the best use of the situation !

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    God/dess Gynger's Avatar
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    Default Re:people can be mean

    oooh hunny, I'm so sorry!!! And you are right.. people can be VERY mean and hurtful...

    When I did this the first time, it was because of the same reason as you.. no money to pay for school, and I thought that I could confide in someone as well, well, that was a big mistake.. you learn who you can trust and who you can't.

    Have you met any girls at your club that have befriended you? I ask this because this is how I got through what I needed to get through.. instead of getting my girl friends at school, I became friends with a couple of girls at the club I worked at, I am still friends with them to this day, they are like sisters to me.. we shared a common secret/interest...

    In regards to the girls talking smack.. don't turn the tables on them, but kill them with kindness.. it is going to suck for awhile, as I sense from your post you'd love to confront them, but if you do that, you are giving in to what they want... instead.. act like nothing was heard, be nice as ever to them, and hold your head up... Jealousy is a weird thing.. act as if you don't really care.. you do have bigger fish to fry you know... and there is nothing wrong with what you are doing... you will appreciate your education much more if you have to earn it than if someone handed it to you...

    One thing I have learned throughout everything in my life.. people love to look at other peoples "back yards" especially when theirs needs dramatic improvement...

    One more thing: remember that you are NOT alone.. as I'm sure that all the girls/guys on this forum will agree with me, you have come to the right place


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    Default Re:people can be mean

    I agree with Melonie and Bridgette..let them kiss your ass..

    I know its hard and lonely now..but you're going to benefit from all of your efforts in the future. Don't waste your time even thinking about those rude bitches. They have no idea what living in the real world is all about. College to them is probably a way to find their future husbands.
    Keep your focus on your school work and getting good grades.
    True freinds will come in time.
    Like Gynger said you are not alone..we understand what you are going through..
    hugs sweetie,
    Farrah
    My new love...is me !

    Even the greatest authority does not, ultimately, know you as you know yourself.
    Jhuka

    When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
    Maya Angelou


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    Default Re:people can be mean

    Don't assume all the girls on campus know or care about your job. You might want to join a sorority and/or some service, social, activity or ethnic clubs. I found the sisiterhood and support I got at the sorority I pledged was invaluable. I wasn't dancing then but I was too poor to even live in the dorms. I had to commute and I was living at home with my Mom. They absolutely didn't care. Some of them had money and some didin't but money wasn't their reason for coming together. They actually wanted to create a supportive society of women to help each other through probably the hardest time in everybody's life, the time of building and maintaining your own emotional and psychological equillibrium. Oh, and with a sorority you can live in the 'frat' house so you won't have to suffer those fools one more semester. Don't ever feel that you are alone we are all rooting for you. Just be patient and respect yourself and you will find that positive people will be drawn to you.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default Re:people can be mean

    Yes, people can be jerks sometimes. I only have two close female friends who are not dancers. When I started dancing, I became friends with a girl at my day job, and I thought she was open-minded enough that she would accept my dancing job. Well, I told her that I started dancing, and not only did she stop talking to me, but she also told practically everyone at the office that I was a stripper. Everyone acted differently around me from that point on. It hurt, but I realized that she was not a true friend to begin with.

    College is tough too and you should be praised for paying your own way, not looked down upon. I paid for my own tuition as well and some stuck-up girls do not realize that not everyone is lucky enough to have their mommy and daddy paying for them. Hang in there, eventually you will make friends who are your real friends.






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    Default Re:people can be mean

    Optimist, please enlighten me...which sororities absolutely don't care if one of their pledges is a stripper?

    Aphrodite, I'm sorry you're feeling down and I hope you get a surge of strength and start to feel better.

    30K a year, huh? Imagine how great you're going to feel after you've completed school!


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    Veteran Member carmenNYC's Avatar
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    Default Re:people can be mean

    grrr...... just the fact that they were talking shit about you BEFORE they got to know you tells alot about their character; or lack thereof.

    if you dont mind me asking, which area is your college in?? im thinking it's a very upper class school in suburbia....although few people at my school know im a stripper, i dont think it would be thhaaaat much of a big deal here in this big ass city.

    just keep to yourself and ignore them. this, too, shall pass.

    edit: and in the time being, you always have us here at SW!!!!!!!

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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re:people can be mean

    I think it's just one of the unfortunate parts of being a dancer....to the entire world, you are your job. You can't escape the stereotypes or the judgment. Sorry....I wish we could just do our jobs like everyone else in the world, but no.

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    Default Re:people can be mean

    I tend to be a facilities and building person. Not all problems in life are "real estate" solutions... but I really think this would help you in this instance.
    You are a 19 year old freshman living in a close quarters dormitory environment at an "old line" school in the south. You are not in a larger city which is probably more anonymous and cosmopolitan and forgiving. Living in a university communal environment dorm is part of your problem. The trouble with a dorm is that people do get to know you, and you (in this instance) don't want them to be able to get to know you. Spring for an apartment ASAP, where you will have more control of your living environment and less communal eyes watching you all the time. As a freshman getting to knoiw the school and system is a good reason to be in a dorm. In your case it is not helpful to you emotionally. You need to be much more anonymous and more
    independent on your comings and goings in and out. People in a dorm are going to know when you come in after the 3 a.m. or 4 a.m. club close on a Friday night. Think about a new place to live
    after this semester. Further... your "cover" is blown.
    Think of a contingency plan for another school and this time don't live in a dorm if you are going to strip.

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    Featured Member CrescentLuna's Avatar
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    Default Re:people can be mean

    Eep! That sucks so much! Seriously, I wonder about telling people my job, not even those that close my personal life, even friends. I told one guy and now any time he&#039;s a bit annoyed at me: "you&#039;re becoming a bitch like all strippers." <- grr.
    This girl who just started working with at my club [all right, so we have like 5 girls who&#039;ve started in the last six weeks] had been living with a friend, once the friend found out her new job was stripping, told her to hit the road. This girl is definitely NOT the druggie emotionally broken stereotype, full time student in addition to full time job [stripping], dedicated and very sweet, but this "friend" wouldn&#039;t even let her find a new place, she&#039;s camped out in a motel for the week. My DJ, another dancer and I all offered to see if our landlords had any apartments open [reasonably sure one in my building is], and this other girl offered her a spare bedroom. I don&#039;t know, maybe some workplaces aren&#039;t as friendly, but sometimes moreso than the outside world.
    "I still have my name
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    If I now embrace
    Every single thing I've never known"

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    Featured Member Lilith's Avatar
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    Default Re:people can be mean

    Aphrodite, one of the harsher lessons life gives is that not everyone likes you. Maybe they have a reason, maybe they merely think they have a reason, or maybe they just enjoy not liking people... but there it is. People will not always like you, and it doesn&#039;t have to be something you&#039;ve done to genuinely earn their despite. It sounds callous but the only advice I can give is to deal with it. It won&#039;t be important in the long run anyways.

    I know you&#039;re lonely, and I know that it totally sucks to be lonely. But there are far worse things than loneliness, after all. Look on the bright side: you could be a spiteful wench with little to look forward to except a bored husband, three kids and an extra fifty pounds five years after you graduate.

    Take care of yourself, A. The issues of others (and this is THEIR issue, not yours) are not your concern.
    He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

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    Default Re:people can be mean

    It is useless to try to change the opinions of a group of soon to be wealthy sorrority chicks who have "found out the "truth" on you.

    Think of the worst high school click that doesn&#039;t like you, and then imagine trying to make up and be friends with them. Not likely huh?

    The contingency plan on changing schools is merely that a contingency. Activate it as a way out should staying at your present school not work out and always have more plans than just one during any aspect of your life as you grow up.

    It is not a dressing room personality situation with a group of bitchy dancers from hell. This is far worse. A judgemental group of rich society sorrity chicks who are always looking for a reason for their group to ostrasize somebody. ("Hey... it&#039;s what they do.")

    And I&#039;m a guy speaking. Judgemental woman are much worse against other women than they are on men especially women who they feel have "fallen." I mean they already know that guys are assholes sometimes, and that sometimes they are bad boys who can have redeeming qualities. Not so with other women.
    No redeeming qualities are allowed once judgement is rendered.

    There are times and things to fight about and times to cut your losses and move on. At any rate moving to another school may not be appropriate here that&#039;s up to you. I&#039;m merely saying to have a plan and that further in my opinion, this type of battle on perception can PROBABLY not be won.



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    Veteran Member Tia_q's Avatar
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    Default Re:people can be mean

    I don&#039;t really have any advice to give I haven&#039;t dealt with what you are going through but I just wanted to voice my support. Keep your head up. What matters most is how you feel about yourself-not others.

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    Default Re:people can be mean

    wow, guys, thank you so much, you are all so sweet You&#039;re right, i shouldnt let it get to me...if they want to talk about me, fine, what does it really matter. Luckily the girls in my clubs are nice, & not catty (for the most part) so i have made friends w/ most, which does help...

    i think the reason so many people know is because a few months ago a big group (from a frat) came into the club, i knew a bunch of the guys from before, so my "cover" was blown--even though i asked them not to spread it around ...& my roommate obviously knows, so her friends know, etc...coming through the dorm at 4am in full makeup with a backpack on also doesn&#039;t help, haha! I&#039;m not ashamed of it. Just afraid of how people react.

    Suprisingly enough-for whoever asked this- the school is in the middle of a BIG city (New Orleans). and i totally agree, living off campus is a great idea...all freshmen are required to live in the dorms...never again though-already have an apt picked out for next year (i can actually afford one, now! ). I&#039;ll survive, the year&#039;s almost over. Thanks for the kind words, you guys have really helped me feel better

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    Default Re:people can be mean

    well. These girls are prudes. My college is paid for and i still dance.Iv&#039;e been to some of the more expensive colleges too. This doesn&#039;t mean that i cant dance, or that dancing is deamed class-less.
    YOU just have to find the right friends. As far as the snobs, you know who they are.. IGNORE THEM. If it persists definetly DON&#039;T take their shit or lies about you. You have to stand up for yourself. Don&#039;t say "well your college is paid for," because reality is you could go to a less expensive college and that will only give them the satisfaction of knowing they are much more wealthier then you!!!
    Trust me, that will only feed their fire!

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    God/dess DancerWealth's Avatar
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    Default Re:people can be mean

    Here&#039;s something to think about...nobody has any power except the power that we give them. Their obnoxious behavior comes from their ignorance, and your being upset only adds to their ability to push your buttons. You shouldn&#039;t be ashamed at all at what you do, and if you are ashamed at being a dancer, you shouldn&#039;t be dancing. That being said, if someone insults you because of something you do that you aren&#039;t ashamed of, what&#039;s to get upset about? Just laugh it off, and chalk it up to being a learning experience that not all people in the world are nice. Once you come to grips with that, you&#039;ve won and ultimately you&#039;re a better person because of it.

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re:people can be mean

    Quote Originally Posted by Melonie link=board=1;threadid=7198;start=msg81875#msg81875 date=1078675075
    The only really bad thing about this is that, because of your situation, you are out in the cold for any networking that you might have done in college for future resources.
    Actually, there&#039;s nothing preventing you from cultivating contacts with your male classmates which could turn out to be extremely helpful in the future. This would also piss off your "rich bitch" classmates in a big way !

    Wrap your mind around the fact that you&#039;re never going to be accepted as an equal member in the "upper crust club". With that in mind, make the best use of the situation !
    I agree, but the only way it will work is if she can work them like customers. The guys will be trying to just get what they can from her while at the same time dismissing her (probably not to her face) as &#039;common low-class disposable trash&#039;. Work them like customers in a more sublte way of course, but learn to &#039;tease&#039; them into giving them what you want.

    Oooooh and I just read that you&#039;re in NO. I went to Loyola and lived off-campus, and it was great. I made a few friends from classes, and they didn&#039;t care about my job. I did tell my friends, even one professor. Of course they were more liberal in their views, certainly NOT the standard snooty college brat type. Living off-campus does make a huge difference, because you can be much more anonymous and only associate with whoever you choose. I&#039;m sure a few people other than those I told knew I was a stripper, but it didn&#039;t matter because I hardly saw them. I know you&#039;ve already been outed to a large number of people, but believe me, when you&#039;re living off-campus next year, most of those people will fade into the distance and most will hardly remember you once they&#039;re not seeing you all the time. Also, New Orleans really isn&#039;t that big a city, and the natives for the most part have a VERY small town attitude. They are all about who your family is, and if you come from &#039;nobody&#039;, you are trash and that&#039;s that. It&#039;s why they always ask where you went to high school - their way of indirectly asking what your family background is and labeling you accordingly. I don&#039;t know where you&#039;re from, but I&#039;m thinking you&#039;re not from NO. Either way, don&#039;t even bother trying to make friends with the natives, it&#039;s pointless. Stick with the ones from out of town, and you&#039;ll have a MUCH easier time in the big easy. I spent the better part of my life there, and I never had even one person I called a friend who was from there. ALL my friends were from somewhere else. It&#039;s a great city, but the natives are socially &#039;closed&#039;, particularly those who attend Loyola and Tulane. Heh, now I&#039;m remembering my college years and I kind of miss it. I liked school, was good at it, and I had a great time in college! Hell I made the best friends of my life there. It&#039;s worth the 30k per year. Hang in there girl! That degree will be totally worth it, with or without the friends.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

  24. #24
    Senior Member celeste_63's Avatar
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    Default Re:people can be mean

    Don&#039;t worry sweetie---think about it this way:

    a) You will not be a stripper forever, but these girls will likely remain snobby and close-minded for the rest of their lives.
    b) They will also be in DEBT for the next 20 years paying off student loans. Or if their parents are supporting them, they are going to get a harsh slap in the face when it is time to start paying their own bills for the first time at the age of 22+.
    "When I squinted the world seemed rose-tinted and angels appeared to descend; to my surprise with half-closed eyes things looked even better than when they were opened!"

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    Default Re:people can be mean

    Aphro, you should have known at the time you started that it would be like this. Eventually others would find out. You can&#039;t change others around you that easily. Now that you are committed you have to stick it out the best you can. Try finding people who are more open minded to hang with. What about your career goals ? Can you find some related opening in that field? It could always be worse. You&#039;d might of had to make your way through school waiting tables or washing dishes.

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