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Thread: A Stripper's Rant (from Craigslist)

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    Default A Stripper's Rant (from Craigslist)

    Reply to: [email protected]
    Date: Tue Feb 17 10:01:44 2004


    RANTS:

    1) Hey you over there, holding that one dollar bill in your hand with a death grip and waving it around at me like it's the fucking deed to Trump Towers... what the fuck do you want me to do, grow another pussy?? It's a fuckin' dollar, put it down on the tiprail already.

    2) Men that come into the club for a lapdance with NO underwear or boxers and thin-ass, nylon shorts, so we slip and slide on your hard-on (which always feel like a sharpie pen). Ew! I don't even bother dancing with you nasty fucks anymore.

    3) You with the thick-ass jeans--this was an impromptu visit, eh?

    4) Don't pull my thong up during a dance and ask me if that felt good. It does NOT FEEL GOOD.

    5) Hey you loser, counting all your bills to me after the dance, all $20 in ones, and rubbing your fingers between each one to make sure you are giving me just that one dollar. Yes, you.

    6) No I will not let you just "slip it in real quick" for 50 more bucks. If you're going to proposition me, at least don't insult my worth.

    7) Stop asking me if my tits are real. There are as real as my affection for you.

    If you cum in your pants, you have to tip me an extra $100 for being a lame-ass who can cum from just a lapdance.

    9) Stop asking me out. You're a smelly, fat loser and the only reason I'm smiling and cooing at you is because I want your money. Outside of the club I wouldn't even fart your way.

    10) Stop bitching at me about the goddamn two drink minimum. First of all your breath stinks, you have a piece of salami stuck to your goat-tee and you look like Jay Leno. Secondly, I don't give a shit.

    11) Don't bitch at me about the $8 non-alchoholic beer either. Hide a bottle of Jack in your coat pocket next time like everyone else does.

    12) My horniness is in direct proportion to your income.

    13) No, you CAN'T SMOKE. Dumb. Ass.

    14) Boys, don't sit in the front row with your homeboys and act all engrossed in some deep conversation (knowing damn well you ain't talking 'bout shit) during a girls performance because you want to look like you're too "cool" to notice the hot, naked girl in front of you.

    15) DON'T SIT IN THE FRONT ROW IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TIP. Fer chrissakes!!!!!!!!!!!

    16) Dumb ass, don't ask me, "so what do you guys do when you're on your period?" Answer: I lap dance only with guys in dark pants.

    17) STOP trying to grab my tits!!!!!!!!! That's extra.

    1 SHOWER FIRST, you nasty fuck!

    19) If you don't tip me, I'm going to call your wife.

    20) I had a feeling you weren't going to tip me, so I took extra care to rub my lip gloss on your collar and wear extra glitter lotion before our dance.

    21) Hey cheap-asses: please don't come to my work. Just stay home and jack off to reruns of "I love Genie" instead. It will save us a both a lot of unpleasantry.

    22) Stop asking me why I do this job and get all analytical on me. For the MONEY you moron, that's why. Duh.

    23) No seriously, my real name is Vixen Blue.

    24) NO, I will not take a dime sac of weed for payment. I can tell it's oregano anyway you sick mutherfucker!

    25) Sorry, I don't do that. Ask the ugly girl with the overbite and the black roots over there by the bar.

    26) It is not okay for you to bounce me on your cock like a baby on a knee. Not okay.

    27) Stop complaining about how short the song was. It felt like the fucking maxi-single to me.

    2 Yes I will fuck you, but only for 10 grand. More if you're ugly. So basically, more.

    29) DO NOT come into the club looking for a girlfriend/date. DO. NOT.

    30) I don't care if you're cute and/or Brad Pitt's stunt double. I do not give free lapdances. Cute don't pay the rent.

    31) Girls--what's with the pole smell? Can we do a little hygiene check? Nothing than worse than twirling around a pole and getting a whiff of stale pussy.

    32) Girls--stop lip-syncing to the song you're dancing to on stage. Especially if you don't quite know all the words.

    33) Girls--if your toes curl and hang over your platforms a la' Fred Flinstone, you need to go up a size.

    34) Girls--drowning yourself in Angel perfume is just as bad if not worse than the BO you're trying to cover.

    35) Hey DJ! You suck!

    36) Girls--may I suggest complete sobriety before getting tatted up? Tattoos should be meaningful, or at least semi-meaningful, or at least semi semi-meaningful. That fucking smurf on your ass is lame.

    37) Girls--some songs should not be stripped to. Please. No Disney soundtracks (you know who you are), Sade, Bjork, or Aaron Carter. PLEASE.

    Thanks for listening.
    Vixen Blue




    it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
    this is in or around Naked L.A.

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    Default Re:A Stripper's Rant (from Craigslist)

    You feel better now....That's why I sit down shut the f#*k up and watch the dancers...Peace

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    Default Re:A Stripper's Rant (from Craigslist)



    31) Girls--what's with the pole smell? Can we do a little hygiene check? Nothing than worse than twirling around a pole and getting a whiff of stale pussy.

    Is this opposed to fresh pussy smell ?



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    Default Re:A Stripper's Rant (from Craigslist)

    ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    LOVE IT LOVE IT!!

    Thanx mark!

    Seraya.


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    Featured Member sander8son's Avatar
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    Default Re:A Stripper's Rant (from Craigslist)

    what exactly is the point of this thread? what type of response are you attempting to elicit?

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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re:A Stripper's Rant (from Craigslist)

    Hey, I thought it was funny too, and maybe customers do need to see this, but SW guys are wise to these types of complaints already.....I hope.

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    Default Re:A Stripper's Rant (from Craigslist)

    Quote Originally Posted by sander8son link=board=8;threadid=7862;start=msg90705#msg90705 date=1080843149
    what exactly is the point of this thread? what type of response are you attempting to elicit?
    These "rants" were posted on craigslist.org by a stripper. One of the ladies at my club printed them out and posted them in the dressing room!

    The point? Humor!

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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re:A Stripper's Rant (from Craigslist)

    bonus rant...

    Hi! I'm the waitress at your local nudie bar.

    Reply to: [email protected]
    Date: Tue Jan 13 14:13:01 2004


    Welcome to your neighborhood nudie bar! Come in, have a seat, check out all the pretty girls. Oh, look! Here comes one now. But why is she fully clothed? I’ll tell you: because she’s me, your nudie bar waitress--here to tell you about our two drink minimum…

    “Two drinks!” you scream, “they didn’t tell us at the door!”

    Let me explain, idiot:
    They don’t tell you that at the door because they don’t want to scare you cheap bastards off. See, you come in, you see a naked dancing lady, chances are, even the cheap mofo’s want to stay. You’ll probably be too distracted by the live pussy to notice the signs on all the tables that say, “two drink minimum.” So I’ve been hired at minimum wage to inform you.

    I don’t tell you this. Instead, I smile, and in the sweetest, bubbliest voice minimum wage can buy, I say,
    “It’s not the doorman’s job to tell you about the two drink minimum, it’s MY job!”
    I hold a little sign with all the drinks and prices on it in front of you and ask kindly, “What would you like?”

    You ignore the sign and say, “I’ll have a Budweiser.”

    This is where I change my tone to sad and empathetic.
    “We don’t serve alcohol,” I explain, “It’s illegal in San Diego to have full nudity and alcohol.”
    I feel you. I understand. You make me want to drink.
    Other times, I think, good try, little under-21 punk. You only got in because it’s an 18 and up club.

    You finally look at the sign I’ve patiently held in front of your face. This is where you exclaim loudly, “$4.25 for a COKE?!!”

    Inwardly, I sigh. Outwardly, I correct,
    “$8.50. You have to buy two.”
    I sense your confusion, (not too good at math, eh?) so I explain again,
    “It’s a TWO drink minimum.”

    You’re speechless.

    Let me explain: In America, when you have a business, you want it to make money. Say you have a nudie bar in a city/state where it’s illegal to have full nudity and booze under the same roof. Where the heck are you going to make your money? You gotta sell something. So you sell cokes and juices for $4.25. And you make it a two-drink minimum.

    Now you’re really upset.
    “8.50 for two cokes? I’m not paying $8.50 for two cokes!”

    Here’s a reality check, idiot: First of all, I’m talking to you. I doubt women talk to you much, unless, like me, they’re in the service industry. That’s gotta be worth something. Secondly, have you been to the movies lately? They’re like $9, and you don’t even get cokes. What’s more, you have to leave after an hour and 50 minutes. In a strip club, the entertainment is live. Nudity, right in front of you, and you can stay longer than an hour and fifty minutes. Plus you get two nonalcoholic drinks. For a mere $8.50. It’s really a super bargain. So get off my ass. I didn’t set the prices.

    The more I think about this, the more it bugs me. You aren’t paying $8.50 for cokes; you are paying $8.50 for the privilege of having many women take their clothes off and dance before you. Ask some random non-crack head woman outside to take her clothes off and dance for you for $8.50. See what happens. You might get slapped, you might get the police called on you. Now, with that same $8.50, you go try to get 15 women to do it. It ain’t gonna happen, buddy. So buy the drinks and realize it’s a bargain.

    But I don’t balk at your resistance to the $8.50. Instead, I make a cute little flirty face and purr, “It’s really worth it…” (I’m a real fucking bargain at minimum wage, I tell you.)

    Now what gets me is the sheer percentage of you who will---after all this---say,
    “Nah, I’m good. I don’t want anything.”

    You look past me, at the naked dancing lady, verbally and non verbally telling me, “go away …”


    I try to put it in even simpler terms. I say,
    “It’s a two drink MINIMUM. You HAVE to buy two drinks to be in here.”
    Then pause, dumb it down more:
    “You HAVE TO BUY TWO DRINKS.”

    You don’t want to tear your eyes away from the bent over ass a few yards in front of you. I know, it’s a joy to watch a pretty naked girl bent over slapping her own ass. But somewhere in your pea brain, it registers that you cannot fully enjoy the ass until you get the persistent waitress to leave.
    “Okay, okay,” you grumble.
    “What would you like?” I ask, slightly relieved. My smile is warmer.
    You look back at the sign. On it, an assortment of non-alcoholic beverages. Coke, diet coke, Sprite. Orange juice. Cranberry juice. Etcetera.

    You start reading it. Slowly.
    Yessssssss, your waitress has allllllllllllllllll dayyyyyyyyyy...

    After an eternity, you decide.

    “I’ll have coke.”
    I turn to your friend, whose been standing next to you the entire time.
    “What would you like?”
    “Uh, nothing. I’m not thirsty.”

    Part Two: I Bring the Drinks

    “Are you guys paying separately or together?”
    “Separate.”
    “That’ll be eight fifty,” I say.
    You see two cokes in front of you. You complain,
    “Ahh, you bring ‘em two at a time?”
    “Yes, you idiot. Like I would trust you to buy one now and one later?”
    Actually I only say, “Yes. “

    You hand me a twenty.
    I make change, giving you eleven one-dollar bills and two quarters.
    Why so many ones?
    A. Because it’s a strip club! I’m hoping that once you see a big pile of ones, you’ll realize what they’re for, and give me one.
    B. I know if I don’t give you a bunch of dollar bills now, you will be asking for them later when the stripper whose ass you’ve been staring at hits you up for money……… And lastly,
    C. Since you’re probably not going to tip me well on the drinks, you for sure aren’t going to tip me for a second trip if I have to bring you change later. I unload all my ones on you now to save myself the trouble.

    But I do make it slightly inconvenient. I have learned not to hand you your change, which you will pocket. If I put your change on my tray, you have to pick it up. I’m counting on you being too lazy to pick up the quarters. That way, I’ll get at least fifty cents, (yeah, it’s pathetic what I gotta do for fifty cents). Fifty cents is more of an insult than a tip, but because I make so little, I figure it’s better than nothing.

    So you pick up the bills. You look at the two quarters on my tray, decide it’s not worth it, and leave them. You didn’t tip me; you were just too lazy to pick up the quarters. You don’t say thank you. Neither do I.

    I turn to your friend.
    “$8.50,” I say.
    He’s rifling thru his pockets. He’s scrounged up a five-dollar bill and three wadded ones. He drops them on my tray.
    “It’s $8.50,” I say. “You’re short fifty cents.”
    He looks at you.
    “You got fifty cent?”
    You remember that fifty cents and nod at my tray. It’s already there. For a $17 order, I get nothing. And because I value/need my job, I don’t say anything.

    Here’s a little rule: When you buy a drink, never tip less than a dollar. I live so far under the poverty level that I have to go to bars with $2 drink nights. I still tip a buck a drink.

    If you ask your strip club waitress to go get someone because you want a lap dance, give me a dollar for my trouble. If you didn’t tip me for drinks, and don’t intend to tip me to go get her, get off your ass and get her yourself.

    Lastly, don’t come in with a bunch of guys, have a big order, not tip me, then ask me to change $40 into ones to tip the dancers with.

    I’m not making a living wage. My paychecks do not even cover my share of rent. And guess what? In the tipping/service industry, the government assumes we are getting tipped, and taxes us accordingly. I lose money when you don’t tip. It costs me money out of my paycheck!

    My favorite: I wish you were out there reading this, but I’m assuming you’re retarded and illiterate. You came in. You bought two drinks. You asked for all ones for change. You gave me nothing, explaining, “I need these for tips.”

    Let me explain something: You’re telling me that the naked ladies are more important for you to tip than your server. Well guess what? Some of those naked ladies (deservedly) make over $500 per night. Your dollar, little man, doesn’t mean shit to her. You will only mean something to her if you get her in a private booth and let her do a string of lap dances for you at $15 a pop. Ten dances, she’ll remember you and smile at you next time you come in.

    I’ve seen strippers pick up dollars time and time again and not say “Thank you.” I will always say thank you for a dollar. That dollar will mean a lot more to your waitress.
    I can’t believe you, saying, “I need these for tips.” Then not tipping me, your server.

    I hope all that jacking off gives you carpal tunnel.








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    Senior Member kennedy's Avatar
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    Default Re:A Stripper's Rant (from Craigslist)

    This is hands down the single funniest thing I have EVER read on here!!!! OMG!! I also posted it in my dressing room at work for the girls, as well as emailed it to some friends. I love it!
    " If I can't be a good example, then I will just have to be a terrible warning."

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    Default Re:A Stripper's Rant (from Craigslist)

    I SOOO KNEW sanderson and a couple others from the blue site wouldn't be amused especially after reading some of the posts on there lastnight.

    Anyway i found it bloody hilarious! And that was great too emily, maybe it will give some cheap guy reading this a clue!

    2 Yes I will fuck you, but only for 10 grand. More if you're ugly. So basically, more.

    LMAO

    Seraya.


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    Default Re:A Stripper's Rant (from Craigslist)

    well done

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    Default Re:A Stripper's Rant (from Craigslist)

    @ the comment which stated

    9) Stop asking me out. You're a smelly, fat loser and the only reason I'm smiling and cooing at you is because I want your money. Outside of the club I wouldn't even fart your way.


    OHH my god, and the one about the smelly pole. "stale pussy?" WTF?

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    Default Re:A Stripper's Rant (from Craigslist)

    LMAO Lexi!!! i know those ones made me crack up too.

    Seraya.


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    Default Re:A Stripper's Rant (from Craigslist)

    I dont see anything wrong with this post. Anyone who doesnt like it, doesnt have to read it.
    I think its hilarious.
    Maybe cause some of it is TRUE, some people dont like it.

    And fresh smelling pussy doesnt smell, Butchee.

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    Default Re:A Stripper's Rant (from Craigslist)

    rotflmao The 2nd one is sooooo meaningful to me not because I waitress but I'm in the same city. way too funny.


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    Default Re:A Stripper's Rant (from Craigslist)

    LMAO..those rans are damnded (lol..my own word, sorry!!) funny and anyone that cant see the humor in them, needs to loosen up!!

    Best part, imo..."I hope all that jacking off gives you carpal tunnel"...lmao
    At this time in my life, the only way I keep moving forward is to know that things will eventually get better..

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    Default Re:A Stripper's Rant (from Craigslist)

    Quote Originally Posted by dymondiva420 link=board=8;threadid=7862;start=msg90894#msg90894 date=1080868673
    Best part, imo..."I hope all that jacking off gives you carpal tunnel"...lmao
    Yeah, if I'm feeling extra catty I may very well use that line on "Jackoff Jeff" (that's a whole 'nother thread in itself)


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    Featured Member sander8son's Avatar
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    Default Re:A Stripper's Rant (from Craigslist)

    yah, i just wasn't sure if he had an angle or whatever. since it was copied from another site and just posted. there was no personal script from the originator of the thread. i dont have a problem with the content. everyone needs to vent. i certainly do a lot(and doso here. lol)

    i was expecting to see a , "this is hillarious" or "what is this girls problem" or something. either a posative or negative spin attempt. i find it funny(the waitress one moreso than the dancer one), but didn't know the thread originators fealings. thats what i was asking about.

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    Default Re:A Stripper's Rant (from Craigslist)

    Quote Originally Posted by sander8son link=board=8;threadid=7862;start=msg90957#msg90957 date=1080882079
    yah, i just wasn't sure if he had an angle or whatever. since it was copied from another site and just posted. there was no personal script from the originator of the thread. i dont have a problem with the content. everyone needs to vent. i certainly do a lot(and doso here. lol)

    i was expecting to see a , "this is hillarious" or "what is this girls problem" or something. either a posative or negative spin attempt. i find it funny(the waitress one moreso than the dancer one), but didn't know the thread originators fealings. thats what i was asking about.
    Here are my "feelings" about the posting - I found it hilarious (with one L). That's why I posted it. I did not add my own "spin" to it because I thought the orginal poster on Craigslist did a very good job and I did not feel the need to draw attention to myself.


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    Default Re:A Stripper's Rant (from Craigslist)

    I read this and all I could think was :o I wanna say some of that shit to some of the guys who come through sometimes. I mean, god, some of these ppl are just braindead. Am printing out both the original rant and the waitress rant to show to the girls at work. might actually have em say that to the guys, but I doubt it since my boss would probably have a cow about it. what can ya do? ah well, there's my 2 cents
    Age is only important when it comes to wine and whiskey!



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    Default Re:A Stripper's Rant (from Craigslist)

    I never do forward emails, but I'm forwarding this mofo to lots of people.

    Also, I think I might laminate a copy of the stripper rant and pull the copy out to point to the corresponding offense when some ignorant dickwad commits one.

    My BF and I were almost in tears laughing so hard!
    "She has written so well, and marvellously well, that I was completely ashamed of myself as a writer...But this girl, who is to my knowledge very unpleasant and we might even say a high-grade bitch, can write rings around all of us who consider ourselves as writers"

    Ernest Hemingway on writer, aviation pioneer and horse trainer Beryl Markham


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    God/dess GoldCoastGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re:A Stripper's Rant (from Craigslist)

    LOL btw at the stripper and waitress one

    I know plenty of waitresses at my ex club who do the "leave the money on their tray" trick. It usually works for them and since $1 and $2 come in coins here in Australia... that can sometimes guarantee them $2.

    As for some of the individual points from the stripper rant:

    6) No I will not let you just "slip it in real quick" for 50 more bucks. If you're going to proposition me, at least don't insult my worth.

    Hell yeah!

    12) My horniness is in direct proportion to your income.



    2 Yes I will fuck you, but only for 10 grand. More if you're ugly. So basically, more.

    Damn.. that's cheap! If I was going to go against myself and have sex with someone for money... well.. at least I'd do it so I would only have to do it once and never have to work another day in my life again

    How about making that a min. of $1 million. I can do plenty with $1 million so I wouldn't have to work EVER again. It would be worth it then..

    30) I don't care if you're cute and/or Brad Pitt's stunt double. I do not give free lapdances. Cute don't pay the rent.

    Love that one! Or something similiar if the guy is a student or local he will ask for a 'student' or 'local' discount. I usually reply back in a way to make them think about it... "why would I want to make myself cheaper when I'm worth every cent. You want quality right ?"

    LOL

    I enjoyed this thread.


    enter: E3167322D9 for your 10% discount

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    Veteran Member heidi's Avatar
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    Default Re:A Stripper's Rant (from Craigslist)

    omg... this cracked me up... i'm sending this to all of my girls that dance

    xoxo
    heidi
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    Default Re:A Stripper's Rant (from Craigslist)

    Quote Originally Posted by GoldCoastGirl link=board=8;threadid=7862;start=msg91044#msg91044 date=1080899885
    LOL btw at the stripper and waitress one

    I know plenty of waitresses at my ex club who do the "leave the money on their tray" trick. It usually works for them and since $1 and $2 come in coins here in Australia... that can sometimes guarantee them $2.

    As for some of the individual points from the stripper rant:

    6) No I will not let you just "slip it in real quick" for 50 more bucks. If you're going to proposition me, at least don't insult my worth.

    Hell yeah!

    12) My horniness is in direct proportion to your income.



    2 Yes I will fuck you, but only for 10 grand. More if you're ugly. So basically, more.

    Damn.. that's cheap! If I was going to go against myself and have sex with someone for money... well.. at least I'd do it so I would only have to do it once and never have to work another day in my life again

    How about making that a min. of $1 million. I can do plenty with $1 million so I wouldn't have to work EVER again. It would be worth it then..

    30) I don't care if you're cute and/or Brad Pitt's stunt double. I do not give free lapdances. Cute don't pay the rent.

    Love that one! Or something similiar if the guy is a student or local he will ask for a 'student' or 'local' discount. I usually reply back in a way to make them think about it... "why would I want to make myself cheaper when I'm worth every cent. You want quality right ?"

    LOL

    I enjoyed this thread.
    Hey I was in Sydney recently and I wondered into what I thought was a strip club near the Kings Cross station After some of the girls were pulling customers on stage and giving bjs out in the open and propositioning for sex I realized this was actually a brothel disguised as a strip club... Are there actually any strip clubs in Sydney???

  25. #25
    God/dess Gynger's Avatar
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    Default Re:A Stripper's Rant (from Craigslist)



    I had to take a break, my tummy hurts and my eyes are watering from this post...

    Emily! You are hysterical and this post is just too damn close to home...

    Thanks for the great laughs!

    Love it!

    Gynger


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