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Thread: I feel to scared to go to work!

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    Default I feel to scared to go to work!

    I don't know what is going on with me latley but I just feel too ugly to go into work tonight!! I tried going in yesterday but just couldn't do it! I couldn't handle the rejection and I got scared of not making money!! Plus my contacts were hurting but that is besides the point. Sometimes I just feel apprehensive about being at work having men scrutinize me and sometimes before work I feel like I am having an anxitey attack. My heart starts beating rapidly and I feel like vomiting. I really want to go into work tonight but I am scared of guys constantly turning me down and I just feel completly unconfident! What is going on with me!!!

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    Veteran Member bloodydewdrop's Avatar
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    Default Re:I feel to scared to go to work!

    i feel the same way sometimes hun. is there anything else in your life that might be manifesting itself as work stress or insecurity? it sound like you might be having small panic attacks...

    but honestly, you're very beautiful, and i'm sure guys don't see you as anything but that. i know my saying that won't do any good though. maybe take some time off and pamper yourself?

    i feel like you do when i'm stressed about school or something else....i don't want to work and feel "ugly" or something. however, as soon as i turn the confidence back on the money goes up.

    i hope you feel better soon. girl, you're HOT!

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    God/dess scarlett_vancouver's Avatar
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    Default Re:I feel to scared to go to work!

    I know how you feel, but trust me, you're gorgeous! Maybe you need some time off, a step back from the superficiality of the dancing world...

    Ours is a tough job, there's no doubt that putting yourself out there every night to be judged and whatnot will get to even the toughest girl.

    we just express the stress of it in different ways- sounds like you're having mild anxiety attacks. Medication can help (Paxil), but since it's so directly work related, I would think that even just a week off and away (camping or something?) would help tremendously.

    Good luck, hth.

    Feature costumes for sale!

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    Veteran Member Boobie Monster's Avatar
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    Default Re:I feel to scared to go to work!

    When I am feeling ugly and unmotivated, I usually do something different with my look - something to make me feel Special and Beautiful!

    It can be little, like fake eyelashes.

    It can be bigger, like new make-up or a new costume.

    If you normally flatten your hair, curl it, or visa versa.

    If you wear long dresses, go buy a pair of booty shorts and show off your legs.

    Usually, though, I just borrow a different outfit from a friend… something unlike anything I typically wear. I tend to stick to real basic lingerie in black, white, or red. The other day, I borrowed this wild, 60’s, pink- and red-print dress. Other times, I will borrow this one very feminine pink slip dress. It’s a different look and it makes me feel different, and the new perspective typically makes me feel better!
    If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
    -George Bernard Shaw

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    God/dess Farrah_Holiday's Avatar
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    Default Re:I feel to scared to go to work!

    I agree with the ladies..Take some time to pamper yourself

    You seem to be suffering from anxiety and panic attacks.
    Is there anything else going on it your life thats causing stress ?
    Take care sweetie and rememebr you're gorgeous !
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    Farrah
    My new love...is me !

    Even the greatest authority does not, ultimately, know you as you know yourself.
    Jhuka

    When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
    Maya Angelou


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    God/dess erotictonic's Avatar
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    Default Re:I feel to scared to go to work!

    I've been there... panic attacks. Please do not start drinking a lot of alcohol... that's what I did and it messed up my life.

    You need to take some time off and get your head together. Spend some quality time having fun with your bf.

    Are things going well in your personal life?

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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re:I feel to scared to go to work!

    It sounds like you need to take a nice, long hot bath with some aromatherapy...and epsom salts. When you're done with your bath, as your drying off, tell yourself how great you feel and look. When you look in the mirror as you are getting ready, tell yourself how beautiful you are and how awesomely well you will do at work.

    Sometimes, we all need to hear great stuff about ourselves, and sometimes we are the only ones around to do that. Take careof yourself and make sure yiu pamper that hot, gorgeous body of yours!!

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    God/dess Lexi's Avatar
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    Default Re:I feel to scared to go to work!

    Lilac, I feel for ya hun. I dont know how you could think that you arent beautiful enough! Girl you are SMOKIN hot!

    I agree with the others.....pamper yourself, and take a good look at yourself! You are gorgeous!
    I hope you feel better soon.

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    Default Re:I feel to scared to go to work!

    I agree with the mini panic attacks but I don't agree with the Paxil. It takes too long to work (4-6 weeks) if you have insurance ask your doctor about xanax or something similar.


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    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re:I feel to scared to go to work!

    Do you have a work personna? I have found that girls that are the "same person" at work as they are at home have a harder time making the transision from themselves to stripper-self.

    This way the stripper is getting rejected, but the real Lilac is safe from the rejection because the customer only sees the stripper and not the real person. I know this sounds like head games, but it works. I'm sure you don't approach men outside of the club and blatently flirt, or suduce in public, right? I would never walk up to a stranger sitting in a chair at the mall and plop down in his lap and start purring in his ear, but I do this every night at work. That is part of my stripper personna.

    Many of us have rituals for becoming our stripper selves before hitting the floor. That get's us in the right frame of mind to handle the rejection, and move on.

    Also keep in mind that when we are rejected at work it is in the most superficial way. It is no different than a phone solisitor being rejected, it is not personal. Some guys think it is funny to try and undermine the girls by blatently insulting them. There was a guy that said to me that I was too thick through the middle to buy a dance from. My response "I know, maybe you could recommend your personal trainer and dietitian to help me out." He was well over three hundred pounds, and was wearing sweat pants because he coulodn't fit into anything else

    Anyhow, I'm sorry you are having a hard time of it right now. I have felt the same way, and often it came down to the club not being right for me, not the job itself.

    Take care, and we are always here to support you :


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


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    God/dess NinaDaisy's Avatar
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    Default Re:I feel to scared to go to work!

    I think we've all been there. I ty to drag myself into work even if I feel bloated/have a giant zit/my contacts itch/my hair is frizzy and the funny thing is that a few of the nights that I've looked at myself in the dressing room mirror gettind down on myself before I head out in the trenches that I've had some of my best money nights!

    Last night I dragged myself in even though my tummy felt huge and I could swear I saw new cellulite dimples, but I worked for 4 hours and did pretty well.

    I would advise you not to drink excessively either. I caught myself falling into that trap when I went to work in Vegas and got intimidated by the huge clubs, all the girls working and the super-demanding customers and often indifferent management.

    Try natural calmers at first, like hot baths with lavender oil, or drinking a little kava kava tea before work. Xanax can be a good short-term fix, but can be habit-forming.

    If you need to, take a break for a few weeks or months. Dancer burn out is pretty common and people often underestimate what a numer this job can do on our emotional well being.
    "She has written so well, and marvellously well, that I was completely ashamed of myself as a writer...But this girl, who is to my knowledge very unpleasant and we might even say a high-grade bitch, can write rings around all of us who consider ourselves as writers"

    Ernest Hemingway on writer, aviation pioneer and horse trainer Beryl Markham


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    Default Re:I feel to scared to go to work!

    People have this problem no matter what their profession is. I used to cry before I went into Wendy's every Sunday morning because the manager I had to work with really triggered my anxiety. I wouldn't even say I suffer from true anxiety, but I have dealt with maniac depression my whole life.

    After the Wendy's crying spells I started talking to my family doctor. That was back in high school and I have successfully managed any emotional problems ever since.

    Its not your fault that you are feeling this way. If it is so out of control that you are asking for help on an internet site it might be time to see a doctor or counselor about this. You don't have to live with these feelings.
    Those who bring sunshine into lives of others, cannot keep it from themselves.

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    Member oceana's Avatar
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    Default Re:I feel to scared to go to work!

    Hi,
    I went trough that as well...In my case the fear was more about NOT MAKING MONEY... maybe that what it is for you too...money is an energy...and you have to relax yourself in that area take a deep breath and tell yourself that you are OK with money...imagine that flow of money is coming to you right now...that you have everything you need.
    and that you are well take care off...
    money is beautiful thing and you deserve it!!! do this everyday...
    it will help. imagination is a powerful thing. and it works
    "When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, it seems like two minutes. When you sit on a hot stove for two minutes, it seems like two hours that's relativity." -- Albert Einstein



  14. #14
    tampafldancer
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    Default Re:I feel to scared to go to work!

    hey lilac.. i have the same problem!! but with me, anything can trigger it. (a lot of people) when im at the mall. Sometimes in large classes at school.
    ive always been crazy shy. I'm a totally differen't person at work though. -----most of the time

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    Featured Member polecat's Avatar
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    Default Re:I feel to scared to go to work!

    I'd honestly be concerned for any dancer that didn't suffer from occasional bouts of anxiety, panic attacks, drops in confidence and the like. You're putting yourself under harsh lights and under the super scrutiny of a microscope with absolutely nothing to hide behind while exposed to harsh, and most often tactless critics... some of which get off on negative reinforcement for any flaws, no matter how small or unnoticeable.

    The jury is out above- read how the other women, regardless of how hot or beautiful they are, go through the same thing. It's going to happen, and once you start to rationalize just how silly a notion it is, you'll get through it. It's what makes you human... and normal.

    The other thing to keep in mind- the source of rejection or criticism almost always is from someone that would require a genie/magic wand to ever even have a chance with someone even half of your league. It's usually the motivating factor (amongst other lessor noble factors) for their behavior in the first place. If you can keep that true realization firmly in mind at all times, I think you'll find your cold-feet will stay much warmer during your hustle and bustle.

    Go get 'em!
    It doesn't matter if you're somebody in this world, it rather matters you mean the whole world to somebody.

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    God/dess Lexi's Avatar
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    Default Re:I feel to scared to go to work!

    Well said, polecat.

    Its totally true...we all go through this at some point or another.
    With me its different. At first I am stressed that I wont make money, and then when I get the money, I stress out about what I have to pay and what not. lol
    So I think its totally normal. Just make sure you tell yourself that your hot and anyone who doesnt wanna get a dance from you isnt doing it to bash you. Its othing personal hun.

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    Veteran Member Rayleen's Avatar
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    Default Re:I feel to scared to go to work!

    Quote Originally Posted by Lexi link=board=27;threadid=8122;start=msg94447#msg9444 7 date=1081541290
    Lilac, I feel for ya hun. I dont know how you could think that you arent beautiful enough! Girl you are SMOKIN hot!
    It isnt that often that I look at a dancers pics and say wow. The industry makes us so used to seeing good looking women but when you mentioned Playboy I took a look and thought to myself "hey they might just be interested in this one!"
    I don't say that often either. And while I'm at it I'll just say I also think you're probably a sweetie as a friend too. I've actually thought of posting that before but felt a little silly I guess.

    Alot of us here understand where your coming from too. You're not alone.
    I hope this set of the blahs passes quickly for you babe.

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    Veteran Member Weluckyfew's Avatar
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    Default Re:I feel to scared to go to work!

    Lilac, the only people who never have doubts are the ones who never push themselves beyond their comfort zone. It's good to have doubts because that means you're challenging yourself and pushing yourself into new things. I know it's a cliche but it's ABSOLUTELY the truest thing ever said : it's not about how many times you fall, it's about how many times you get back up and keep going. Remember that every great book, every great band, every great movie only came into being after a hell of a lot of people said no...the classic example is the fact that Led Zepplin got their name from some guy who said the band would fail like a lead balloon. There's always going to be negative people and there's always going to be a lot of rejection - it's the yes's that you should concentrate on.

    If it's a recurring problem then you can talk to a professional about medication, but if this has just started happening take some of the non-medicine advice: have fun, pamper yourself, get out and do something you've never done before. This business can be a soul suck, and everyone needs time away from it.

    As for whether or not you're hot - I can be very, very shallow about appearance, but take it from me: you are striking. You're adorably cute in one picture, beautiful in another and insanely sexy in another. Most women are lucky if they can even get one of those, you've got all three. (and I've photographed more than a few beautiful women - )

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    God/dess Zabrina's Avatar
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    Default Re:I feel to scared to go to work!

    I would love to give you some spiffy advice or words of wisdom--But I can't. I do the exact same thing! Every time I get a zit, feel bloated, tired, etc-- I take the day off.

    Though sometimes I can get my self re-motivated if I have a new outfit to wear, or I know a regular customer is going to be there. That stuff helps! Otherwise, at least once a week I'll say "F*** it, I'm not going today."

  20. #20
    God/dess Mare's Avatar
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    Default Re:I feel to scared to go to work!

    You are beautiful! Maybe you just need to do it more.I am 34 now.Have danced on and off for years.I have had nights where I was in a hurry got dressed stayed relatively busy and made good money.Then went home and bent over in front of a mirror and had zits ALL over my ass.Had I known I would have been too self conscious.Perhaps I made pity dollars?But I made them.Tampax string fall out by accident-whatever.Bleed through the g-string"oops,I'll be right back."I had a dancer friend who had a black stain between her front teeth and a mole in the middle of her nose.Nobody cared.She was still pretty.Hang in there-you can do it.

  21. #21
    Veteran Member livenudegirlsunite's Avatar
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    Default Re:I feel to scared to go to work!

    I have been feeling that way lately myself. I work in a club with an upfront fee. I used to be able to go in at 3am without paying an upfront fee. I would go in way more often. Now that the club is not 24hrs I have to pay $50-$60 upfront. If I have overspent and don't have much money in the bank it's really scary to take that risk. It's hard to spend so much time getting ready and think that you might not make a profit or maybe a very little profit.
    One thing that I have been trying to keep in mind is that if I can think about the negative stuff that could happen; I can also think about the positive stuff that can happen. I did this last week when I only had three cents in my checking account after withdrawing my last $60 for my upfront fee. It turned out to be a really slow night but I had one really great customer who bought the $500 vip session + I made another $140 in regular lap dances.
    By the way - when guys reject us it's usually because they don't have enough money. It has very little to do with what we look like.
    Most people prefer to believe their leaders are just and fair even in the face of evidence to the contrary, because once a citizen acknowledges that the government under which they live is lying and corrupt, the citizen has to choose what he or she will do about it. - M Rivero

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