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Thread: When a customer tells you he loves you

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    Default When a customer tells you he loves you

    Hi everybody!

    I have had a couple customers tell me they have to stop having me dance for them because they have developed feelings for me. But lately, I had one guy who was spending between $400 - $600 a week on me then tell me he had fallen in love with me. He wanted to know what I had to say... and I was like, "Ohhh, :o you're so sweet! " I had no idea what to say. He gave me this card and a letter that professed his undying love for me and he knew I probably didn't feel the same, but he felt he had to tell me. I was like, why the hell tell me cause now I thought it was probably going to be wierd dancing for him. Well, he has stopped coming in as often and last time he came in only spent $200 but gave me another "I love you" card and some stuffed animals.

    I guess my question is how do you keep a guy coming back but keep them from getting to the point where they feel as though they love you and can't get dances from you anymore? It seems as though lately all my customers are big spenders and I only see two or three customers a shift. This scares me because although the money is great right now, what happens when these guys stop coming in? I don't have any time to expand my base of customers because all my time is taken up by a select few. I'm afraid that these guys might be developing feelings and I don't really wanna lose them as customers. What do I do?
    HELP!!!
    Thanks!

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    Default Re:When a customer tells you he loves you

    Actually, after I posted this, I thought it would probably fit better in a different thread... sorry!

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    God/dess Lexi's Avatar
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    Default Re:When a customer tells you he loves you

    Well I dont know where your other thread is so I will respond here.

    I had the same sh*t happen to me. The guy would spend 600 everytime he came in, didnt want me to dance for him but to sit on him....he'd play with my hair, touch my back....and stare at my face. All good and dandy.
    Then I exchanged emails (so I could tell him my schedule) but also being very new, I was over friendly and he developed feelings. (overly friendly, as I didnt seem as sexual as I should, but more like a friend) and he said he had feelings for me. He said he couldnt "see me like that" anymore.
    SUCKED major ass.
    Then this other guy, started off buying 300 worth....and dropped...and dropped... (cause I wouldnt go to eat with him) and now he doesnt get any at all, but he makes it a point to get dances with every other girl while I am there.
    ugh

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    God/dess Lexi's Avatar
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    Default Re:When a customer tells you he loves you

    Oops, forgot to include....

    I dont really know how to "keep" a customer, I just dont exchange friendly emails anymore. I just say, "hey whats up??? (insert a few sentences here) and then give them my schedule.
    I dont want them to look at me like a friend anymore because I am there to make money (as you are) and nto to make friends.

    Good luck hun!

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    Featured Member tragic-beauty's Avatar
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    Default Re:When a customer tells you he loves you

    "I love you" customes tend to end up dissapearing after they get burnt out.. just get as much money as you can from them.. dont lead them on though.. because they might figure out the whole scene and come back to spend on you

    I had a customer that did that too.. then offered me 20k.. then dissapeared into the night.. *shrug*

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    God/dess NinaDaisy's Avatar
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    Default Re:When a customer tells you he loves you

    Quote Originally Posted by Tragic-Beauty link=board=9;threadid=8129;start=msg94484#msg94484 date=1081547767
    "I love you" customes tend to end up dissapearing after they get burnt out.. just get as much money as you can from them.. dont lead them on though.. because they might figure out the whole scene and come back to spend on you

    I had a customer that did that too.. then offered me 20k.. then dissapeared into the night.. *shrug*
    So THAT'S what happened with the 20K va-cay! I was dying to know!

    I hate dealing with regulars and try to avoid it whenever possible. This happened to me once and it sucked for me too. I let him down easy when he came in. If you talk to your guy about it, don't make it about him. Tell him you can't get involved with anyone now because your life is too chaotic from school/kids/work/whatever. Tell him that you're so busy from your life outside the club that you just don't have time for a BF. Either he'll get the hint OR come in more and spend to be with you. If he just keeps coming in and spending next to nothing on you, pretend you have someone else to sit with and say "it's been really slow in here lately and he's tipping me pretty well. I'm sorry, I have to go." Again, odds are he'll get the hint and take off or spend more. Either way ot could work in your favor.

    Keep us posted!
    "She has written so well, and marvellously well, that I was completely ashamed of myself as a writer...But this girl, who is to my knowledge very unpleasant and we might even say a high-grade bitch, can write rings around all of us who consider ourselves as writers"

    Ernest Hemingway on writer, aviation pioneer and horse trainer Beryl Markham


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    Featured Member polecat's Avatar
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    Default Re:When a customer tells you he loves you

    I can only relay things that work locally since this has come up a number of times. Might be worth a shot, but everyone's different so who knows what might work for you.

    1) If you're a good bullshit artist (important skill to develop if not), embellish a fictional lavish and enrichening lifestyle. Remember, you have multiple handsome, rich and powerful men fighting for your attention when you're not at work. Your last vacation was spent with one of them in the Riviera or Carribean, even if it was really spent moping around the house in a robe with a box of Cheeze-It's. The goal is to push yourself so far out of their league that they'll instead shift on feeling lucky to "rent" you for the times that he can inside the club versus standing any chance on getting into your personal life. This is more preventive maintenance for future PL's than some 180 degree change for the ones fallen now. I know about 15 women that use this tactic, and only for one of them is it even close to true. LOL.

    2) For guys totally fallen now, you command a certain degree of control. You might want to try to manipulate an early visit sometime right at shift change and let them see you in your street clothes w/ no makeup. Extra points for hair-curlers, tennis shoes and complaints about the cable bill before running upstairs to change into the starlet. They've fallen in love with the fantasy, give them a harsh look at the reality. There's only three possible outcomes from this, two of them good, one of them the same as where you're at now. They will either: a) Change feelings but continue to lesser frequently patronize (good), b) Change feelings and move on to another dancer (good as future bullshit is avoided), c) Still be madly in love with you (equal- since they already were).

    3) Nina put it best- create someone that needs 30 hour days in order to fulfill all their life's activities, thus no time for anything else. This one can work well since it's not really rejection, just impossible odds or circumstances. It can leave a glimmer of hope on the customer though.

    Having someone fall for you at work can be pretty dicey territory. Confrontation can lead to stalkers, negative situations, drama and trouble as you don't know what kind of fuse the guy might have. So of the most importance is- never underestimate the ability of even the most generous and frequent visitor to go nutcase on you. As you've got a few hooked on you, it probably wouldn't hurt if you had some security or a more discreet bouncer aware so as they can be on heightened alert when they visit in case a confrontation occurs and they go psycho.

    Good luck and I hope things work out for you! Let us know how things go!
    It doesn't matter if you're somebody in this world, it rather matters you mean the whole world to somebody.

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    Veteran Member darkness's Avatar
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    Default Re:When a customer tells you he loves you

    my friend had this happen to her,she just wanted to vomit every time he'd get on the "love" subject

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    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re:When a customer tells you he loves you

    If it were me, I would drop him really fast. Those are the potential psychos. You can only milk him out of so much $$ before he feels entitlement.

    Stay away from him for a while, no emails, don't do dances for him at the club. After a few weeks, if he is still willing to part with the bucks, try again, but don't expect much. Keep your safety in mind

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
    "And do the cats give a shit? No, they do not. Why? Because they're cats."-from The Onion

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    Veteran Member bloodydewdrop's Avatar
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    Default Re:When a customer tells you he loves you

    if he becomes a real problem, shatter that "fantasy image" real fast (ideally when other customers are not around). i have never used any excuse like this, as i haven't had that need. but one of my friends did, and this is how she did it...

    1. threw up on him in the VIP and told him she did so spontaneously
    2. said she lived with her sick mother, and had to take care of her
    3. a born-again virgin to marriage, and he'd have to convert to the Mormon faith

    make him think less of you, so it will be his choice to leave. then, he won't have any misplaced anger towards him

    silly suggestion maybe, but i took my sleeing pills and they're kickin in :

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    God/dess Gynger's Avatar
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    Default Re:When a customer tells you he loves you

    Lexi brought up some good points.. so did some of the others...

    I no longer talk about anything except business, and I don't bat an eye anymore with gifts, or with the "I love you" statement. I have had my fair share of feeling guilty, but then I realized that I have NOTHING to feel guilty about.. they are the ones who want to spend the money, and the ones who want to buy the flowers, gifts etc.. let them.. (I posted a thread about a man who wanted to buy me a car.. we settled, for me working for the money.. he comes in every Friday.. and he pays me well for two hours of dances.. I compromised with him and he is in the minority of those who will allow a compromise).

    But, all in all, I don't email anyone, I don't give out phone numbers and if a customer says he wishes to take me to dinner, than he can, inside the club (we serve food) and he'll have to buy me out for the rest of the night in order to do so.

    In regards to keeping the customer, I just don't care really. If he wants to get all weird and tell me he loves me, and that he wants to "Rescue me" (How many of us here have heard that line?), I can always find another customer, my pocket book may hurt if the dude who tells me he loves me no longer gets dances from me, but it is worth the feeling of knowing that I have no more drama to put up with. Sometimes, guys can be more dramatic than any woman, and I try to avoid it.

    If he becomes a problem customer, then say something. I use the "camera" line alot too. When a customer starts getting weird on me, handsy, whatever, I always say, "Did you know that this club has more cameras than fort knox?".


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    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re:When a customer tells you he loves you

    I agree with Gynger. It prevents me from having lasting regulars, but I sleep well at night knowing I am not overpromising while underdelivering once we get past the lapdance point....hehehe, call it "stripperethics"

    meow!

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
    "And do the cats give a shit? No, they do not. Why? Because they're cats."-from The Onion

    Quote Originally Posted by Mia M
    If a cupcake was tossed at me... well, I'd only be upset if it missed my mouth

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    God/dess Gynger's Avatar
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    Default Re:When a customer tells you he loves you

    Katrine!!! Stripperethics! I love it!


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    Default Re:When a customer tells you he loves you

    I had a guy like that in one of my small town clubs I book in.

    He would literally come in the club at 5 when we started dancing and stay until 1 when we closed. Maybe one day out of a 6 day booking did he skip coming in. I only booked this club once every 4-6 weeks and made about $3000 off of him in cash plus I sent him shopping for a digital camera, and some Lauren item such as a winter coat and sweater at Marshall Fields along with Victorias Secret.

    This guy even wanted to propose on stage.

    I just gradually faded out some bookings and started brushing him off. He began thinking I was too expensive for him as he was somewhat cheap.

    As time wore on he faded away and now when I go to the club he may randomly buy 1 or 2 dances from me and all is cool.

    Did you ever watch the G String Diva series on HBO? Ginger was a top earner in the former Divas club in Philly and had a guy named Carl who would buy Champagne Court after Champagne Court from her and spend thousands on her in the club and he fell in love with her, and then finally he realized nothing was going to happen between them and he stopped coming in the club.

    She was upset about the money loss.

    Moral of story, guys come on hot and heavy in the beginning thinking that if they impress us with big spending and gifts in the beginning it will endear us to them and after awhile still see nothing happening on the relationship front will fade away.

    There is no real way to prolong these guys. Just get all you can from them while they last (including gifts if you feel comfortable sending them shopping or having them take you shopping) and just see what plays out.

    Just keep us posted on what is happening.

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    Default Re:When a customer tells you he loves you

    Thanks for all the great advice.
    This one guy I'm talking about I have never even spoken to out of the club... through email or otherwise. I barely ever really spoke to him in the club either. He'd come in at the beginning of my shift, buy about 15 dances, then he'd go back to his table and I'd go find another customer. I never led him on or gave him anymore than dances while he bought my time. I didn't even know his name until he gave me the first "I love you" card for Christmas. I haven't been to work for a couple weeks but when I see him again, I will definately let you all know what happens.

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    Featured Member Chili Palmer's Avatar
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    Default Re:When a customer tells you he loves you

    I find threads like this remarkable.

    Not because of the responses by other dancers, but because this phenomenon seems to be incredibly prevalent.

    I've been clubbing for over two decades and cannot even conceive of falling in love with a dancer just because she sits next to me. I've gone out with them (both on platonic and non-platonic dates), helped 'em with websites and most certainly bought laps, but I've never ever paid a girl just to sit and chat with me.

    I must say I really have no sympathy for any idiot who gets so caught up in his own fantasy world he can no longer separate reality from it. What you do as far stringing it out is your own affair, but beware: this site has many, many threads similar to this that all seem to end the same way--dude ends up stalking/harassing the dancer to the point where the dancer fears for her safety/livelihood. Play it safe and play it smart.

    CP

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    Default Re:When a customer tells you he loves you

    Hi, I am a new member and read this thread with great interest. I think what I have to say is somewhat relevant, but if you think it should go into another topic, please let me know.

    I feel a little bit like the guys you describe, but also a not quite.

    I've been going to this club in my neighborhood (all-nude, full-two-way-contact) for more than a year. Usually I get 3-4 dances from 3-4 girls and go happy home without hardly remembering the girls names.

    A few months ago I met one of the dancers in a social setting outside the club (pure coincidence). The next day I went to the club and she recognized me and got all of a sudden very excited and told me that she had noticed me before in the club, but that she didn't recognize me the previous night in an outside setting.

    Then I started buying dances from her regularly, and man, she started to put real great effort into it, I was enjoying them a lot. I began to feel (rightly or wrongly, I don't know) that there is real chemistry going on here. All this led at one point to me asking her out. She said "Yes" and we sat a date and place, and she never came. When I came to the club afterwards, I asked her what had happened and she gave me some lame excuse. I asked her if she still wants to go out with me and she said "Maybe". I gave her my e-mail and told her "well, if you feel like it, just drop me an e-mail". She refused to give me her e-mail or phone.

    I never heard from her and so it happened that I had a lot of travel and work, so I didn't show up at the club for quite sometime. When I finally came she approached me super warmly and solicited a dance, to which I agreed, thinking that things are reverting to purely professional level. However, before we started she brought up the point of her not calling me. She said she really wanted to but that something stopped her.
    I told her, "Look, I really like you and would really like to go out with you and have something develop, but for that to happen, obviously you need two people" She looked at me all misty-eyed and said, "Maybe I'll call you..." What proceeded next were some of the hottest laps I've ever gotten, with kissing, moaning and all-out making out. I spent like 15 dances that night.

    Fast forward a few more visits, a few more hot (at least in my mind) session and still no call or e-mail from her. If I bring up the question, I always get the "Maybe I'll call you" stuff.

    Meanwhile, I am starting to get all worked up. I am thinking about her at work, I am not getting any laps from other girls, I am trying to only go during her shifts, I did the presents thing, in other words, I think I am falling for that girl big time.

    So here's where I am right now, and I was hoping to maybe get some feedback on my situation. On one hand, I feel like I must put an end to all this, and as some other posters said I should "fade away" or disappear, as this thing is starting to interfere with my normal way of life. On the other hand, for 10 years of clubbing, I have never gotten such great laps, and even if this whole thing is a ploy to establish and keep a "regular", I don't feel outraged and incensed, as I do get great laps from this ploy...

    So there we go, I really don't know what to do. I don't know what is appropriate and I don't know what is best for me.

    (If it is of any importance, I should probably say that the girl is foreign (EasterEuropean))

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    Default Re:When a customer tells you he loves you

    As long as you are spending money on her you're just a customer to her, nothing more. If she was interested in you she would call you. Her saying that maybe she'll call you is just a way to get you to keep buying dances from her. Which is clearly working very well for her.

    It's the dancer's job to act like they like you... it wouldn't be much fun otherwise... but remember that it's just an act. They are there to make money.

    You really need to stop getting dances from her or maybe not go to the club for a while... until you start to see things more realistically.

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    God/dess Mare's Avatar
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    Default Re:When a customer tells you he loves you

    Moral of story, guys come on hot and heavy in the beginning thinking that if they impress us with big spending and gifts in the beginning it will endear us to them and after awhile still see nothing happening on the relationship front will fade away.
    Wow! I need to work in better clubs!In my club a guy gives you a dollar and feels entitled to reach for your p*ssy!AMAZING.Geez at least they could bring me a card too!lol

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