I hope any one who knows anything about Ct finds this as funny as I did.
Mattel recently announced the release of Limited Edition Barbie dolls for the Connecticut market
Darien,CT Barbie - This princess Barbie is only sold at Neiman's. She comes
with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV a long-haired dog named Honey, and a 3500 SF house
with or without tummytuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version
Harwinton, CT Barbie - This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with
Ford Windstar minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has
no full time occupation or secondary education Traffic-jamming cell phone
included, headset sold separately
Bridgeport, CT Barbie - This recently paroled former "Porn Actress" Barbie
comes with a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a meth-lab kit. This model
is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash. Preferably
small, untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you
are talking about
West Hartford, CT Barbie - This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW
convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card,
and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken
and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them
Bristol Barbie - This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans
two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and TweetyBird tattoo on her shoulder.
She has a six-pack of Coors Lightand a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can
spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk.
Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper
sticker absolutely free
Glastonbury Barbie - This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a
leopard print bikini outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining
friends at the McMansion. Percocet prescription available
Beacon Falls Barbie - This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair
of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she
chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Bristol Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes
low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and see-through halter top.
Also available with a double wide mobile home
Woodbury Barbie - This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight
brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with
white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow." She does not want or
need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Northampton Barbies and the
optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free
Waterbury Barbie - This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a lowered 1984
Toyota celica with expired temporary plates and four baby Barbies in the backseat
(no car seats). The optional Ken doll comes with a paint-bucket lunch pail
and is missing three fingers on his left hand. Green cards are not
available for New Haven Barbie or Ken. A
camera/cellphone with the Mayor's office on speed-dial is sold seperately
New Haven Barbie - This Italian Princess Barbie comes with over-teased black
hair, 12 gold chains, 7 gold bracelets, 8 rings and 1 ankle bracelet.
Included are a permanently attached cell phone and a black Iroc with
ILUVTONY license plates. The accompanying Ken doll has been replaced with a
black haired Tony doll with a wifebeater, gold chain, hairy chest and gel/hairdryer kit.



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