You will love number 3.. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Business cons have been around as long as there have been bottom feeders willing to operate on the far side of the law. Going back nearly a hundred years, it's easy to get lost in stories of duplicity, deceit and enough schmooze to float an ocean liner teeming with suckers.
But, no matter how unethical, many have a legitimate lesson to offer — be it creativity, sales savvy or simply never knowing when you're licked.
So hang onto your wallet. Straight from the sharpie archives, here are five of the best old-time business scams ever:
1. The con: Dr. Albert Abrams. In one of the most outrageous and successful medical cons ever, Abrams hawked a variety of electrical equipment that he claimed could cure everything from cancer to social diseases. His timing was perfect: The age of radio was just breaking in the early 20th century and, as a result, patients flocked to him on the premise that radio waves were a bona fide panacea. He died with an estate valued in the millions.
The lesson: Quack though he was, Abrams recognized that a good résumé was good marketing, so he played up impeccable medical credentials to validate his nonsense. He also used the media effectively. Although critics lambasted his work in print, he selectively peeled off portions of the criticism to make it sound like high praise. That's a ploy seen in most every movie and book advertisement today.
2. The con: Seymour Cox. Cox was a stock con artist of the highest order in the 1920s. Not only did he sell millions of dollars of worthless oil stocks, he even used legitimate oil drilling activity to market his fraud. He hired an airplane to fly over others' oil fields, taking pictures which he would show marks to document activity at "his" drilling sites.
The lesson: Although he was found out and sent to prison, Cox remains a powerful example of a thoughtful, low-key sales professional. Rather than push prospects, he seemed to exude wariness and caution, asking his targets if they thought they were ready to handle the "responsibility" of becoming fabulously wealthy. Tens of thousands of buyers took the phony plunge.
3. The con: Dr. John Brinkley. If today's Internet-based purveyors of sexual prowess have a patron saint, it's likely to be John Brinkley. A physician who obtained his degree through an unorthodox manner — bribery — Brinkley made millions by selling goat implants. However unreal, Brinkley actually stitched goat gonads into hundreds of men on the premise of improved sexual performance.
The lesson: Freakish it may have been, but Brinkley leveraged several established business practices to his favor. In his own way, he emphasized customer service — for example, implantees could select their goat of choice from Brinkley's backyard herd. He was also one of the first cons to use media extensively, aggressively hawking his libidinal services over the radio.
Proof that Men will do anything to improve our performance. See how much we care!
4. The con: Charles Ponzi. If you ever wondered where the term Ponzi scheme came from, here's your man. A one-time penniless immigrant whose sole desire was to get rich with the least amount of work, Ponzi made and lost millions in the early 20th century by balancing new investors with the old. His system was ingeniously simple: recruit new money, which was then used to pay off those who had been around for a while. Then, keep the ball rolling by constantly recruiting newcomers.
The lesson: Although Ponzi was a miserable businessperson — he would stuff excess cash into nooks and crannies in his office — he was nonetheless an icon of determination. After serving several years in prison, he was arrested and charged with mail fraud for a second time. He later was nailed for a real estate swindle, and even served a short stint in Italian dictator Benito Mussolini's treasury department. He skipped the country with a suitcase full of cash when Italian officials noticed that his knowledge of finance was akin to that of the most inexperienced bank teller.
5. The con: Juan Barrena. Here's proof positive that there really is nothing new under the con racket sun. Operating in Mexico in the 1930s and 1940s, Barrena worked the "Spanish Prisoner" con. Hooking up with American tourists, a distraught Barrena would claim that a wealthy relative had been wrongly imprisoned. If only the good-hearted gringo would help, Barrena would gratefully give him or her half of his kin's vast financial cache.
The lesson: Follow through and watch your good name. Berrena's pitch sounds a lot like a tear-jerking letter from a wronged Nigerian government official that many of us have received in recent years. Well, Barrena went well beyond a pleading e-mail. He also employed a colleague to pose as the jailer holding the unfortunate relative — a police officer who, remarkably enough, seemed to soften with the more money the mark ponied up. One gullible American businessman reportedly handed over tens of thousands of dollars.
Barrena and his associate were eventually arrested and tossed in the slammer. However, they were hailed as heroes by the Mexican press, which called them "patriots" looking to right the financial disparity between the United States and Mexico — proof positive that, no matter your business, your good name is everything.
Jeff Wuorio is an award-winning writer and columnist, and is the author of "The CNBC Guide to Money and Markets." For more information, check out his Web site.


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poor things. their head gets bigger and their body shrinks.....

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