Results 1 to 14 of 14

Thread: frustrating dad

  1. #1
    Veteran Member Jillian's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2004
    Location
    michigan
    Posts
    642
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default frustrating dad

    so my dad pretty much is telling me that I should drop out of school. He thinks that I don't know what I want to do and therefore I should just stop going. He doesn't know anything I've done since I've moved away. So if I do drop out as he wishes, then I'd have to live at home again, and trust me, I don't think either he or I would like that very much.

    The kicker: my tuition is paid for by scholarship, so me screwing around and wasting "his" money to me doesn't even seem like a valid excuse.

    I'm sooo frusterated with him. When I work for a newspaper that isn't good enough for him. When I photograph for other publications it's not good enough. No matter what I do it's not good enough and so he tells me I should just drop out.

    I had a question about schedualing classes and had to talk to him about it and he told me that I shouldn't even bother signing up for classes for next year. He doesn't know that I dance, thinks I waitress, and thinks that that's low class and hates the idea of waitressing. Yeah dad would you rather I made $6.00/hr at the ice arena, is that "high class" work for a student in a large college town. I have bills to pay too.


    I swear it all comes down to the fact that his first child wasn't a boy. My brother gets away with EVERYTHING, all because he has a penis. My brother will be LUCKY to even get into college. I've heard about the phone calls to his parents and brothers when I was born from the hospital. They were also kind enough to tell me about his extreme displeasure that I don't have a penis.


    (sorry for ranting)


    [/URL]

  2. #2
    Banned Katrine's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2003
    Posts
    13,855
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re:frustrating dad

    Why does he discourage you from finishing school? Many people take 5-7 years to get their degree...you are lucky to have a scholarship. Obviously you need to have a long open talk with him. Don't tell him you strip...maybe think of some educational goals you want for yourself, write them down, and tell him about it......


    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
    "And do the cats give a shit? No, they do not. Why? Because they're cats."-from The Onion

    Quote Originally Posted by Mia M
    If a cupcake was tossed at me... well, I'd only be upset if it missed my mouth

  3. #3
    Senior Member Giselle666's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2004
    Posts
    171
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default Re:frustrating dad

    parents can be next to impossible to please, ESPECIALLY when it comes to what you want to do w/ your life. I'm 25 and still don't know. But mine have all sorts of ideas for me that I would never be interested in. And my dad said the same thing about working as a waitress in a club (which is what I mentioned to him). Everyone is going to be successful in their own way.
    I know it's hard b/c it is your father.....is there any way to stay in school w/o his "consent"?

  4. #4
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Home
    Posts
    13,598
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 28 Times in 23 Posts

    Default Re:frustrating dad

    Sweetie...your tuition is paid for by scholarship. So, your dad has no say in anything that you do there what-so-ever. I say that if you are enjoying school, then stay there. You deserve to get what you want no matter what anyone else says.

    Maybe your dad sees your move as a move towards independence, and he is having trouble coping with that. Maybe your dad is still stuck on the days when you were a little 5 year old wearing pig tails and looking up to him like he was a God. That's all fine...just remember that with you growing up, your dad has all new issues to deal with...like you not being around anymore. Maybe you don't understand now...I didn't...until I had my own baby. Now, I see why my parents did some of the things they did.

    Ok...so maybe your dad is not the best source of encouragement. Is there someone else that you are close to in your family? One of the parts about becoming and independent adult is learning which battles to fight and which to let go. It's knowing who to go to for help and who to just chat with. I have a feeling, in this case, that your dad will be fitting into the latter category.

    And, don't dis on your brother so much. Along with all of the "freedom" he gets comes a price as well. The grass always looks greener on the other side, but you know he's probably looking over the fence at your side and wondering why you have it so good that your parents really kept a reign on you and now you are doing as well as you are...you never know.

    Good luck...and stay in school if that is what you want to do! BTW...does your dad have a degree? Just wondering.

    Hugs,
    Venus

  5. #5
    Veteran Member Jillian's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2004
    Location
    michigan
    Posts
    642
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re:frustrating dad

    he doesn't even think it's waitressing in a club - just a regular old server!

    not to mention that it is very possibly for me to graduate in 3.5 years. I really don't want to do that because I have my whole life to be a grown up, so why start young. My bdays late in the year so I'm already one of the youngest people, graduating if I graduate in 4 years....I'll barely be 21 if I do it early.

    I arranged my schedual so that that I am exactly 1 credit short of being locked into staying at this school at the end of this semester. At a certain point we aren't allowed to transfer, I'm so tempted to just take out loans and move far away - this hour away from the parents is seeming too close right now. I'm at a really good school now for the field which I want to go into though...

    this whole situation is so annoying. I need to make up my mind about this class ASAP too, and now I have no help from my parents.


    [/URL]

  6. #6
    Jay Zeno
    Guest

    Default Re:frustrating dad

    You cannot choose your relatives. You are not responsible for his lack of human consideration, nor are you bound to abide by unreasonable expectations. And wanting you to be a boy is about as unreasonable as I can imagine.

    Live your own life with integrity, let the bothersome relatives take up some air space when you're together, and then move on.

  7. #7
    God/dess Malibu's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2003
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    2,117
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 14 Times in 10 Posts

    Default Re:frustrating dad

    That is sexist and sad. I'm sorry, but your father's views are extremely juvenile to be thinking this way. It seems like he couldn't even get past the first stage of accepting his children by accepting your GENDER! I'm sorry, but when a fault in the relationship is based on something so irrelevant, it makes you wonder what's wrong with some people.

    Maybe your dad was also an underachiever and he feels jealous to see you doing so well. You also say that your bro would be lucky to get into a college. I don't know, but it all sounds like it sucks major ass.

    But don't feel alone. Just keep at what you are doing. Success is the biggest kick in the teeth for people who want to bring you down. Concentrate on surrounding yourself with supportive friends and family members and maybe they will even in some way, allow your father to see that he has a shining example for a daughter.

    You go girly!
    You are the envy
    of all parallel lines that
    dream of curves and convergence
    - Sara Bailey: Sieve of Words

  8. #8
    Senior Member Giselle666's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2004
    Posts
    171
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default Re:frustrating dad

    can you take out enough loans to just stay in school and pay for everything (incl living expenses)? if so, do it. I graduated from college at 21 too and it was nice b/c I had at least accomplished that and then I had time to relax before working (not like I"m doing anything now w/ my degree though). I would suggest stay in school but let your dad know you are an adult and you will make your decisions. if you can do everything that has to do w/ $$$ on your own, then what he says doesn't even matter. if you're independent of him, he can't hold things over your head.

  9. #9
    Senior Member
    Joined
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    127
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re:frustrating dad

    sounds like the idea of you suceeding in life makes him cringe. This is NOT a good father by any means!


    My father wanted a boy as well, he even adopted two before i was born, when he thought my mom couldn't have kids. He was excited about the pregnacy on the phone too (same in your case) UNTIL he found out i was female.

    Over the years i have loved him unconditionally and he has put me through way too much. He just hasn't been the best father he could be.
    But i love him even though he does a lot more for my two adopted brothers (monetarily and fatherly affection)

    Im sorry to hear about your situation. Do not under any circumstance drop out of school especially if you have a decent scholorship.
    When you graduate.... show your dad what YOU did on your own and you cant believe that he would have wanted any less for you!

    as far as parents telling you what jobs are suitable and which are not. I have a similar problem. My fiancee is a salesman and going to school full time. His parents think that he should go back to being a server, making less then one third of what he is making now JUST because they think that the job isn't classy or suitable enough for their son. MEANWHILE his parents DONT even bother to offer any kind of assistance, and let MY PARENTS pay for our APARTMENT while we are both going to school.

    What a joke. Some people don't have a good sense of reality. A job is a job. The more experience/school you have, the better!

  10. #10
    Senior Member
    Joined
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    127
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re:frustrating dad

    wait.. i didnt mean hes not a good father.. who am i to judge really.. I just mean what he is doing/saying to you isnt a good characteristic of what a father SHOULD BE.

  11. #11
    Senior Member Flounder's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Houston/Galveston
    Posts
    128
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts

    Default Re:frustrating dad

    School is one of the best investments you can ever make for yourself, don't let your father talk you out of it. That fact that it's free is the kicker, you should take full advantage of that. I payed for most of my college and I have never regretted one penny I spent.

    I'm sorry but your dad's advise is not good here. Stay in school.

  12. #12
    Featured Member Destiny's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2003
    Posts
    1,355
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts

    Default Re:frustrating dad

    I'm also an oldest child. Like yours, my father was disappointed I didn't have a penis. Unlike your dad, my dad's second child was born female too. If you can keep from it, do not drop out of school. You may think to yourself that it is just for a short time, but it will be harder to go back than you think, and you are less likely to do so the longer you stay out.

    I know how it is to have a Dad that you can never please. You so want to feel his love, acceptance and approval, but it never comes. Just remember, he is the one who controls his feelings towards you, not you. You'll never be good enough for him, you'll never do enough, make enough money, have enough prestige to make him happy. Don't even try. Trust me, it will drive you deep into depression if you let it. The only person's feelings and emotions you can control are your own. The only advice I can give is set your goals and work towards them. Then look back at the progress you're making and let your own sense of fulfillment and accomplishment satisfy that need.
    Dancing is wonderful training for girls, it's the first way you learn to guess what a man is going to do before he does it. ~Christopher Morley, Kitty Foyle

  13. #13
    Veteran Member Jillian's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2004
    Location
    michigan
    Posts
    642
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re:frustrating dad

    thanks everyone for your kind words.

    i haven't talked to him since yesterday. I did talk to my mom and he told her a complelty different story. Well, not completly, but he changed the order of event of our conversation to make himself look good and me bad. That's my daddy!

    My mom's smarter than to believe what he says and ignore me - she's seen him go off on me and be like he's nuts, you're right jen (and yeah they're still together). Sometimes it feels as if to him I have some kind of retardation because I was born a girl.

    In high school he didn't come to even one of my softball games. He thought I should be doing track instead - he told me that I would never be good enough to play ball for the school let alone make varsity. I was named to all star and all division teams, pitched perfect games, could bat left and right handed, highest batting average on my team, and he was too stubborn to come and see me.

    Destiny - because of what you said about it being so hard to go back to school after taking time off is exaclty why I dcon't want to take time off. I've seen too many people take a semester off - and years later are yet to go back.


    19 years in, it seems like everytime either he or my mom try to tell me that they don't think I'll be able to do something, I prove them wrong. Maybe this is some kind of blessing to push me to work harder and prove him wrong.

    oh yeah - my dad has a degree, and is a desinger for fords, he can walk up to a car and point out what he drew up, so him thinking I am surpassing him intelectually I don't think is an issue. He's a very smart and successful man...just not when it comes to having a daughter.


    [/URL]

  14. #14
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Home
    Posts
    13,598
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 28 Times in 23 Posts

    Default Re:frustrating dad

    Your dad has issues that you just cannot comprehend. And, I'm sorry to say that it will probably be like that for the rest of your life.

    Now, instead of focusing on how BAD a father he is, why not focus on what YOU can do for yourself? You are an adult now. It's time to take responsibilities for yourself. No one can MAKE you think, feel, or act in a way that is not acceptable to you. So, the question now is, what are you willing to do and what is acceptable to you? I think that will help you find where you are and where you want to go.

    Good luck...I know that you will be fine and it will all work out. You just need to stop wishing your dad is something that he is not. You need to really stop seeing how he is failing you and instead start looking at how he is helping you. There is a lesson in everything...if you are willing to see it and learn from it.

    Love and hugs,
    Venus

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 40
    Last Post: 10-05-2013, 09:48 PM
  2. Frustrating week
    By DigiLuv in forum Camming Connection
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 07-22-2011, 12:13 AM
  3. Rich Dad, Poor Dad
    By Vivacious in forum Dollar Den
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 05-04-2008, 06:07 PM
  4. frustrating!
    By kandie_kitten in forum Body Business
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 02-16-2007, 03:13 PM
  5. frustrating night
    By anomar in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 07-24-2006, 05:56 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •