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Thread: Traumatized

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    Default Traumatized

    I work at a club where pretty much anything goes, but I don't allow too much of anything during the lap dances other than minimal touching of non-private areas. I'm fully conscious of how guys/girls are used to behaving in the lap dance area, but it just starts to get to me every once in a while, knowing that when certain things happen, there is nothing I can do about it but ask the guy to stop, or stop the dance. Well yesterday, there were only 3 girls on the shift and we went back to back doing sets of 3 full-length songs (normally we only do 2.5 mins of two songs) and I work 7 hour shifts so I was soooo tired all day. Anyhow, it seems that yesterday, I got the absolute nastiest guys that I have ever had! One guy wore his pajama pants (yes, PAJAMAS) and when I went to give him his dance, I noticed that he had a perfectly square hole cut in the crotch of his pants so that his penis/balls could fall through during the dance! Ewwww! right? Then guys kept trying to grab my ass/boobs and one guy kept trying to stick his finger up my bootie (u know what I mean)... It was the worst day I've ever had! I made a shitload of money, but all in all it wasn't worth it. I just had to get a load off my chest because I've never been so tired, humiliated, grossed out, disrespected and honestly my feelings were a little hurt. When more girls finally came to work at 8pm (my shift is 2 to 9) I asked the manager if I could leave after one more set on stage and when she told me "no, because the girls who have arrived may need more time to get dressed before stage" I just broke down and cried! I didn't mean to, but it was such a rough day! LoL! She said she felt bad and I could go, but damn! Rough day. Thanks for listening girls.

    -Angel

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    Veteran Member Rayleen's Avatar
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    Default Re:Traumatized

    I read elsewhere on the site that you said sex is a regualr event at that club, and when guys expect that and don't get it many will try to force the situation . I know all too well from personal experience unfortunatly

    You need to get out of that club and fast.

    What you described is SEXUAL ASSUALT~ no wonder you came home feeling so badly. No amount of money is worth what you apparently have to endure there. I wouldn't go back if I were you because next time it could be even worse.

    I am sorry you had to go through that and for your own wellbeing please find a club where the regualr contact level fits your personal limits because next time it could end up being a full on rape :o

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    Veteran Member Boobie Monster's Avatar
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    Default Re:Traumatized

    Rayanna is completely correct.

    It seems that this may be the first place you have danced, because you accept this as normal. You said, "I'm fully conscious of how guys/girls are used to behaving in the lap dance area, but it just starts to get to me every once in a while, knowing that when certain things happen, there is nothing I can do about it but ask the guy to stop, or stop the dance."

    This isn't normal. It is, however, the other things that you mentioned: tiring, humiliating, gross, and degrading. And sexual assault, as mentioned above.

    Please hear us when we say that we are not all experiencing the same thing that you are. I recognize that different state/counties have different rules, but your club is severely breaking whatever rules exist for you. And it doesn't have to be that way.

    Find another club. You will see that this business does not have to make you feel the way you did when you posted this.
    If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
    -George Bernard Shaw

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    Default Re:Traumatized

    I really am beginning to think about finding another club as you ladies are suggesting, but I'm not too sure where else I should go. I'm looking into it, but it seems to me that it may be the best option for me right now and although yesterday was particularly bad, I've been there for about 6 months now and that was the first time I've ever come home feeling that way... hopefully the last. I don't want to speak negatively about my own race, but the club I work at is mostly black (all dancers are black, and 90% of other staff, and about 80% of customers) and it seems as though they are more lenient with what goes on because there are only 3 black clubs in the entire greater Los Angeles area and the one I work at is the largest and most successful with the best reputation... and I believe they know that it can be slightly more difficult for black girls to make good money at the other clubs, so regardless, girls will stick it out. I don't know if this makes any sense. But overall I love the club and the way it is run... I don't know if I'm being stupid and falling into what they expect the dancers to do, which is stick through the bullshit because there aren't too many other places to go, but I've made soooooo much money there without ever having to compromise anything except for yesterday, and if it doesn't happen again I think I'm okay for now. Thank you for reading this worty post though and I'm still checking into another place to work.

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    Default Re:Traumatized

    Please be careful. i do understand about the race issue, because my best friend is black. I hat e that it happens. Watch out for yourself and remember that you race doesn't matter when it comes to things that make you feel bad, your insides matter at that point.

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    Default Re:Traumatized

    I've read about guys going commando but pajamas?!? Please! With a hole on the crotch area? What kind of security does that club have? :o



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    Default Re:Traumatized

    I dealt with a lot of that before and I know this will be an unpopular answer, but fight back. Yeah, you might get fired, but there are clever ways to do it. Your shoes are weapons. Your nails are weapons. So's your elbow. And most likely, it's doubtful you'll get reported for hitting a guy ("beat by a girl!") because he'll have to explain why you smacked him. Good luck honey, I'm sorry you had a horrible day. Be strong.

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    Veteran Member Isis's Avatar
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    Default Re:Traumatized

    I agree w/ MadMax- in a situation like what u described I feel u have the ever right to defend yourself, the others are right- that was sexual assualt.

    I'm sooooo sorry u had to go through that, I hope u will try another club- no amount of money is worth being attacked like that

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    Default Re:Traumatized

    Physically trying to fight back is not the solution. I'm half the size of my customers and wearing six inch heels. Fight back, please. I don't worry about getting fired, I worry about getting my car messed up or my named smeared to others.

    Guys like that are what the bouncers are their for. If they don't kick people like that out you are not safe and should not be there. Would you let that kind of shit go on in front of your father. Thats the standard I always use. Yeah, I would strip in front of him, hell no would some guy hurt me in front of him.
    Those who bring sunshine into lives of others, cannot keep it from themselves.

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    Featured Member SCGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re:Traumatized

    yeah...my first reaction would be to "accidently" step on his toes with my heels! I know how much that can hurt....my best friend did it once to my dad (he's an asshole and she hates him)....almost broke his toe!....that was, like, 10 years ago and he still hasn't forgiven her!
    "You did then what you knew how to do; when you knew better, you did better" ~Maya Angelou

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    Default Re:Traumatized

    Wow... I actually smacked a guy in the face once for trying to touch me but that was totally a reflex move... Luckily he did nothing to me in return but the second I did it I became so afraid. I mean these guys are bigger than us, and probably more intoxicated. I wouldn't want to wind up hurt.

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    Veteran Member oceanblue's Avatar
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    Default Re:Traumatized

    no club is worth the trauma , i was sexually assaulted by a drunk in a club when i was 18, he pretty much forced his fingers inside me and held me down on them, i tried to get help but had to wait till the song was over and tell the bouncer, the guy almost got a fist in his face but he managed to hurry out of the club not giving a shit that he just ruined my whole lap dance experience.
    Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop. Your normal speeder will panic and immediately pull over to the side. This is wrong. It arouses contempt in the cop-heart. Make the bastard chase you. He will follow. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

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    Default Re:Traumatized

    This kind of thing is exactly why I advocate no contact dancing. Yes, it still could happen but it's a bit more difficult for a customer to do things like that if you're a foot away from him to begin with. It's a real shame that so many cities don't even have no contact clubs available as a choice for dancers

    AngelX, I feel so bad for what happened to you and I also hope you will try another club.

    Hugs!

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    Default Re:Traumatized

    I understand where you are coming from Angel, especially since we both are black.

    I worked in LA for a short while and now understand your post about being seen around town. I know where those clubs are.

    You're in that south area in a predominately black environment. The club is mostly black so naturally most of the customers live in the area.

    Plus dealing with the types of blacks that frequent a black club is trying at times. I'm not saying that all of them are hard to deal with but more guys come in with attitude and ego than a mixed club.

    It's been some years since I worked a black club and I will say they are not for me. I do sell older black customers from time to time, but these are not the type of blacks that will go to a black strip club.

    You did say you made a shitload of money that day, and LA area clubs are very hard to get hired in , many have schedules which limit earnings, and many with decent earnings potential require heavy penis stimulating dances.

    The brother came in there with his stuff hanging out. Damn. My first question is how much did he spend and was he a hard sell? Was he covered up down there while sitting at the bar or was he just strutting his stuff?

    I caught a guy jacking off in the corner last week where I'm working and I shamed him. You will get that in clubs.

    You do have a choice not to dance for a guy if he gets out of hand, and in a black club the management and employees are always on "red alert" for any problems.

    Just know your options. You are a strong lady to deal with that type of club anyway, but money talks. The LA metro area is not known for upscale clubs with high earnings potential. You would need to move from there to maybe Phoenix for example to have a chance of better.

    It's sad that we as black women have to be dealt the wrong end of the stick by white club managers. To tell you that they don't normally hire blacks but that you could work would never happen in a mainstream business. I faced that all of my dancing career.

    Tiger Lilly. You mean well, but we don't have the option unless we have a "friend" on the inside of working in the best clubs with the prime customers. And what is sad, is that many of the white girls hired in those clubs can't converse as well as Angel and I can, but our skin color overshadows our attractiveness. Well to do older white men are easier for me to sell than the working class guy. Club owners focusing on money customers don't realize that white guys like attractive black women too.And that we all are not niggery acting.

    That is the very reason that the black race will never have the same earnings as whites. We have to create our own opportunites, not rely on the white race for monetary gain.

    But very FEW cities can support a fancy no contact club when guys have the option of contact for the same money in an equally fancy club and with equally attractive girls.

    Stay tough girl. have you thought about moving out of the area near the club? Then the likelihood of being seen at the store if you live in Pasadena for example is slim.

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    Featured Member ami's Avatar
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    Default Re:Traumatized

    Quote Originally Posted by oceanblue link=board=27;threadid=8633;start=msg102155#msg102 155 date=1083096832
    no club is worth the trauma , i was sexually assaulted by a drunk in a club when i was 18, he pretty much forced his fingers inside me and held me down on them, i tried to get help but had to wait till the song was over and tell the bouncer, the guy almost got a fist in his face but he managed to hurry out of the club not giving a shit that he just ruined my whole lap dance experience.
    did you yell? or did he cover your mouth? did he hold your hands too? you dont have to awnser. I just like to think about what I would do in a bad situation so if it ever happens to me I have a plan and dont freak out.

    I have be foutunate. I have had guys constantly try to lick my nipples, they rarely get a chance as I am quicker, and if they do they get smacked and the dance ended. a few guys tried to touch my vulva, again I am quick and can move out of thier range. one guy was a bit faster then me once and just barely caught my hood with the tip of his finger, I barely felt it. the worst thing that ever happend to me was I was doing "ligerie (sp?) modeling", basicly incall dancing. I did the same thing as a regular lapdance (except I dont straddel) then he can jack off while I dance on the other side of the room, and they were fairly large rooms. I worked there because it was the only day shift I could get. anyway, most of the time it was ok, got the normal asking of what he could do, or what we would let him do, a few fetishists, etc. one guy came in and wanted a girl with boots. I was the only one who had boots, nice thigh high ones, with stilletto heels... so I dance for him, then he asks me to sit on the couch with him. ok whatever, he still had his clothes on... so I sit, he asks me to put my boots on his lap, ok whatever.... then he keeps trying to get me to straddel him, first i dont do that, second it wont work with boots on. so he leans over and puts his weight on me and starts humping my leg.... just like a dog!!! i get pissed and ask him to get off of me, he ignores me, so I demand that he gets off me. he ignores again. "get off!!" "just a minute" he says still rubbing himself on me. I was preaty much pinned and he weighed a lot so I couldnt wiggle away from him. it didnt even occur to me to hit him, I dont know why, I hit guys all the time.... he only stoped when he finally came in his pants. I left the room as soon as I could get up. there were no security cameras (although when asked i told guys there was one behind the mirror), and no one can see in the room. I told my manager what he did and he was banned. it almost felt like rape afterward, but by most definitions it wasnt....

    I like mild contact dancing. where if you brush aginst his knee you wont get fined. and where you can open your legs (eg kick) without a fine. I dont like grinding. and I dont like dances that are 6 feet away. but between 6 feet and full on straddel grind, I pick 6 feet.

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    Default Re:Traumatized

    I understand your hesitation about wanting to leave based on race, however, I have met many black dancers who bank as much or more as the hot white chicks.

    Your situation epitomizes that whole "the devil you know is better than the devil you don't" since it can be hard being the new girl.

    My advice: try a new place for 2 days next week and see how that goes. It's pretty easy to go back and forth between clubs almost anywhere. I understand that you need to make a living, but are you willing to make slightly less to have your limits respected? Then again, it's totally possible you could make more at a new place. Best of luck...
    "She has written so well, and marvellously well, that I was completely ashamed of myself as a writer...But this girl, who is to my knowledge very unpleasant and we might even say a high-grade bitch, can write rings around all of us who consider ourselves as writers"

    Ernest Hemingway on writer, aviation pioneer and horse trainer Beryl Markham


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    Veteran Member Nina's Avatar
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    Default Re:Traumatized

    Having worked at both mostly black and white clubs I've determined that the contact and respect and $$ making level is only as high as the dancers keep it.

    While it's true that you may have trouble getting hired at a white club because of your race it will only affect your money negatively based on how you allow the negativity to make you feel. I'm a consistant top $$ earner at mainly white clubs because
    I refuse to let others negative perceptions affect me. Once I get through the door (thats the hard part!) it's all on !

    I've also found that the dancer demographics vary for white and black girls. You don't find a huge percentage of middle class black girls shaking it for a living. Many BAPs have strong familial or social and religious attatchments that make stripping an unattractive or impossible career choice, and the majority of black clubs are filled with lower class women. Because of this
    I see a large number of middle class black dancers trying out for a limited # of jobs in middle class mainly white or black clubs. or being miserable for a short time at a lower class black club which doesn't suit their personality. It can be very difficult to find a city with a great selection of black clubs-- low/middle and upscale clubs


    White middle class families on the other hand may not have as controlling of a social & or familial influence so it's easier to find a larger percentage of middle class white dancers. Also because of the customer base dancers working in some white clubs may in fact find it difficult to find a suitable club to work in without at least giving an impression of being at least middle class. Also there are generally fewer black clubs than white in a given city so you run into the problem of

    20 clubs = 16 white + 4 black
    3000 dancers = 2000 white +1000 black = 125 per white club + 250 per black club
    the 4 black clubs run from gutter->ghetto->trashy->middle of the road and there are still a ton of girls working at all of them!

    with more white clubs to choose from it's possible to have clubs that represent different social strata.... you can have a few showbars, a few nice neighborhood bars, a few trashy neighborhood bars, a few redneck hillbilly bars,a few whorehouses posing as stripclubs. When a girl doesn't neccesarily fit very well with a particular (white) club she may have more options to choose from.

    If however you want to work in a black club, you have less variety to choose from, more girls to compete against/work with, and because of the general class level of the dancers involved potentially more issues to deal with.

    and on top of all this if you want to move up to lets say a showbar, but the only one's in your town are mainly white and they have met the 4 women of color quota then you are screwed. and stcuk at trashy club where the men come in with holes in their pants 'cause they figure oh it's a trashy club, the girls here will let me do anything.

    My only option when I'm temporarily stuck in this type of environment is to be myself. I keep my standards high and make sure the customers know that they are expected to act a certain way also. go ahead get upset, have a cry about the assholes you have to deal with, the unfairness of it all and then get angry, and plot revenge, and then get calm a start to plan. What will it take to get me out of this situation Make and find friends at a more upscale club in the city so they can help me get in, change my look and or persona to be more marketable at that type of club?.........What will it take to keep me sane and safe until I can get out. Develop a don't fuck with me sexy bitch attitude? Tip your bouncers nightly so that they are more comfortable helping you in case of a problem?.... Don't be shy about slapping customers?

    Men usually do what they can get away with. Of course sometimes the shock of their indecency can keep us from reacting quickly, but once you plan it out in your head it's easier to follow through with it immediately.

    Whatever you do I wish you the very best, and hope you can resolve this issue soon
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    Default Re:Traumatized

    Awesome post @Nina... I have worked at white full nude clubs but I have yet to try a 21+ alcohol club out here in CA. I pretty much figured that the class level at the all black clubs would be lower and I guess I haven't really tried another club because I've been making so much more money so easily. The thing I really like about my club is that although it can be rough in the lap dance area, the stage tips are awesome. We have an upstairs/downstairs area. The downstairs has alcohol and you only go topless, but upstairs is fully nude w/no alcohol, so you go on stage more frequently and for some reason stage tips are outta sight! I really don't hustle for lap dances because I don't like to do them regardless of how the guys are going to act... and I kid you not it is not hard to make over $300 per shift just from going on stage so for me that's more than enough to be happy. You know? I have yet to find a club where it is so easy to get "free" money like that. I totally agree with you when you say "I've determined that the contact and respect and $$ making level is only as high as the dancers keep it." That is one thing that I have learned to be so true and I think it's also why I have run into so few problems at this club in the 6 months I have been there. How long have you been dancing?

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    Oh my gosh but you know what is a trip about the club? Management is really strict about having "exclusive talent" and they do not want any of their girls dancing at other clubs at the same time. Well April is supposedly the worst month at the club and the time when the most girls quit. So this one dancer went to go see her friend do an amateur contest (she wasn't in the contest, mind you, just watching), and when she came back to work the next day, the manager goes up to her and says 'So I heard you were at this other club last night? Were you just visiting or were you in the contest?" The girl goes "Oh I was just supporting my friend, I didn't do the contest." And he goes "Good. Because if you don't want to work here you don't ever have to come here again." Crazy huh?

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    Veteran Member Rayleen's Avatar
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    Default Re:Traumatized

    sounds like they know if their dancers try other clubs they know the grass is actually greener

    I still say get out of there before something really bad happens. They clearly could care less about your safety or a bouncer would have come to your rescue the other day.

    What's the name of this place? I'd hate to see one of our other site members go through a similar ordeal there :'(

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    Default Re:Traumatized

    Sounds like you work at either King Henry's, Barbary Coast, or First King. Though I'm just a white boy, I've been to all three clubs at one time or another. Personally, I prefer women of color, but that's me.

    I honesty don't understand the problem. High mileage, mutual contact laps are pretty much a given at these clubs. It's not a secret, and when a PL comes in, that's what he is expecting.

    There are something like 75 clubs all over LA, from Chatsworth to Lake Forest, and 40 suburbs inbetween. Most Valley clubs are low contact, low to medium mileage. Virtually ALL clubs in OC offer no mileage. Downtown clubs vary, and only in the SGV/CoI do you really find the off-the-charts stuff happening. I find it very hard to believe, no matter what color your skin is, that it is impossible to find another place to dance if your present environment is uncomfortable to you. I agree with the other black dancer who delineated some of the unique obstacles facing women of color in this industry, but they are not impossible to overcome.

    FYI, you might want to give Imperial Showgirls in Pico Rivera a try. They have a multicultural customer base, and prolly 75% of the dancers are either black, Latina, or asian.

    CP

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    Veteran Member Nina's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AngelEyezXYZ link=board=27;threadid=8633;start=msg102529#msg102 529 date=1083180315
    Awesome post @Nina... I have worked at white full nude clubs but I have yet to try a 21+ alcohol club out here in CA. I pretty much figured that the class level at the all black clubs would be lower and I guess I haven't really tried another club because I've been making so much more money so easily. How long have you been dancing?
    Thanks Babe.... as I read my post over again I see 2000 typos, however laziness prevents their correction... My generalization about the class level in black clubs was just that, and who knows? There may be a few upscale black clubs in your area, CA is reportedly full of beautiful, cultured, wealthy and class (or cash) conscious people so I can't imagine there not being a place somewhere that catered to higher caliber dancers and patrons of color...... At least the music video's make it seem like ther are a few!

    Anyway I in no way implied that the obstacles are impossible to overcome. I've danced for 7 years, and my preference is for showbars with a neighborhood feel, which in ATL translates to a mainly white club .......I've worked in most of this cities black clubs also, but usually just for a few weeks to do something different, or on a vey part time basis to have an alternative club to work at. The reason I hate to work at one exclusively is because the customers expect to get away with more. It's as if they equate black clubs and the women who work in them as less than and therefore willing to put up with more crap. ALso along with the derth of middle class black dancers, there are also comparitively few middle-upper class black customers.These men tend to go out to strip clubs only occasionaly (there are of course exceptions) primarily because of a lack of cultured educated and attractive WOC dancers and clubs.........I'm a definetly not saying this type of person doesn't exist, just that you don't find him or her hanging out in clubs on a regular/daily basis...

    Recently and for the first time I've worked exclusively at a trashy black club, and made decent $$ there, because I was totally different from the other girls. It really worked in my favor- I did very well with almost all of the more educated, well-mannered and older men, but when the club became"gutter" those type of customers stopped coming in and I had to leave.

    Sex was becoming a regular part of the V.I.P. room to the point where the mngmt opened the rooms up..., Security was stressed and not performing, and basically the thug customers and hood rat dancers had taken the club over! I had to leave because I no longer felt safe and even though I'm very lazy about finding new clubs ( though I've worked at about 20+), I got off my butt and did it. I'm much happier with my present club...money is much better and comes to me a lot easier, and I look back and think "I should have gotten off of my duff MONTHS ago to move over here!"

    Of course I'm not at all saying that you won't have these problems at a mainly white club, just look around and see what your options are, and if you have no viable options make the customers you deal with at the place you are at conform to your standards.
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    Default Re:Traumatized

    The first club I worked at sounds alot like yours, except a little more than half of the girls were white. I had just turned 18 at the time, and didn't realize what I was getting myself into. I hope that you get out of there soon, before it eats you up
    "We all must suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons. In order to achieve what others don't, you have to do what others won't."


  24. #24
    Veteran Member oceanblue's Avatar
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    Default Re:Traumatized

    well, the music was loud and the guy held my hands down, iwas new to the situation so i kinda clammed up in shock. I had been sexually assaulted by a group of boys when i was younger so i kinda went into an out of body type of thing until i realized that i needed some help. At the time i was having a hard life , i had just moved out of my moms house and i knida felt weak you know. I still feel icky thinkin about it but ive learned to better defend myself since then. i wont give a guy a dance if his fingers costantly go out of bounds, i will refuse and leave him in the booth.
    Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop. Your normal speeder will panic and immediately pull over to the side. This is wrong. It arouses contempt in the cop-heart. Make the bastard chase you. He will follow. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

  25. #25
    Newbie Pink Diamonds's Avatar
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    Default Re:Traumatized

    Um Angel , i'm new and i'm black, i'm also built like Beyonce, do U have to be slim and all to make the loot?I know it's off topic but coming from black dancer to another... I really need to know b4 I start ! Thanx

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