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Thread: Humour: Funny Bumper Stickers & T-Shirts

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    Default Humour: Funny Bumper Stickers & T-Shirts

    I'd like to start a new thread here which we can add to week by week.

    Please print out any humorous bumper stickers and T-Shirts you've seen:

    1. The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography

    2. All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand

    3. BAD COP! - NO DONUT!!!

    4. Let's Not Elect Bush in 2004 Either!

    The next one might be a good comeback to a jerk in a club ladies:

    5. "Sorry, I don't date outside my species."

    6. A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

    7. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

    8. "Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"

    9. Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

    10. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re:Humour: Funny Bumper Stickers & T-Shirts

    LOL Audio! Those are great!


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    Veteran Member ChristyWild's Avatar
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    Default Re:Humour: Funny Bumper Stickers & T-Shirts

    Also including keychain stuff too

    11. The voices in my head say they don't like you

    12. Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most

    13. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing

    14. Error 404: Shirt not found

    15. Womens' faults are many; mens faults are two- the things they say and the things they do

    16. Just because you're paranoid

    17. I had sex in the Paris Hilton

    18. Beer: Makes me smarter, stronger, and other people look better

    19. Tell your girlfriend/mom/wife I said thanks

    20. Need cash for alcohol research

    21. Were you always this stupid?/that ugly?

    22. Driving while retarded

    23. If I told you I was in med school, would you wanna play doctor?

    24. ALL MEN ARE IDIOTS, AND I MARRIED THEIR KING

    25. FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software

    26. FOR SALE -- Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once

    27. The trouble with life is there's no background music

    28. There are two kinds of pedestrians - the quick and the dead

    29. They couldn't repair my brakes, so they made my horn louder

    30. Horn broke; watch for finger

    31. So many pedestrians, so little time!

    32. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.

    33. Don't laugh! I just bought this car for my wife. Best deal I ever made!

    34. Out of my mind...Back in five minutes

    35. I took an IQ test and the results were negative

    36. Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

    37. A synonym is a word you use if you can't spell the other one

    38. A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn

    39. Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put It In Reverse?

    40. I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming in terror like his passengers

    NEXT!!! (God, I love these things too much!)
    Age is only important when it comes to wine and whiskey!



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    Featured Member SCGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re:Humour: Funny Bumper Stickers & T-Shirts








    Plus the ever popular:
    Jesus loves you.....everyone ELSE thinks you're an asshole (my personal fav)

    Earth is full, go home!

    Artificial Intelligence is no match for Real Stupidity

    Everyone is entitled to my opinion

    It's been lovely but I have to scream now

    Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups

    Handguns don't kill people...nearly as well as automatic assult weapons do

    So many stupid people, so few comets

    College grad and prowd uv it!

    Horn broken, watch for finger

    Money talks....mine says goodbye

    I'm not you're type....I'm not inflatable

    Mean people suck, Nice people swallow

    Go ahead, cut me off....I'll catch up at the next light! (haha...that's SOOOO me!)

    here's some more funny stuff I found
    http://www.clickslink.com/links/bump...r_magnets.html
    "You did then what you knew how to do; when you knew better, you did better" ~Maya Angelou

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    Default Re:Humour: Funny Bumper Stickers & T-Shirts

    NO MORE BUShit!!!

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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re:Humour: Funny Bumper Stickers & T-Shirts

    Hehe.. Some funny bumper stickers


































  7. #7
    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re:Humour: Funny Bumper Stickers & T-Shirts

    More Bumpers...

    Missing dog and wife. Reward for dog.

    The kids drive me crazy. I drive them everywhere.

    Drive carefully! Remember, it's not only a car that can be recalled by it's maker.

    Even though this is a stupid bumper sticker, you're squinting to read it.

    Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.

    There are two kinds of pedestrians - the quick and the dead.

    They couldn't repair my brakes, so they made my horn louder.

    Your so boring, if you threw a boomerang, it wouldn't come back to you.

    i souport publik edekasion.

    Two wrongs don't make a right but three rights make a left.

    So many pedestrians, so little time!

    Dont laugh ! I just bought this car for my wife. Best deal I ever made!

    I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

    You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.

    So you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

    Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.

    I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

    Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

    UFO's are real. It's the Air Force that doesn't exist!

    A synonym is a word you use if you can't spell the other one.

    A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.

    MONEY TALKS ... but all mine ever says is GOODBYE!

    I'm in shape ... round's a shape isn't it?

    I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?

    43% of all statistics are useless.

    Black Holes are where God divided by zero.

    Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

    Dolphins: Don't trust a species that's always smiling, its up to something!

    If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

    Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put It In Reverse?

    I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

    Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.

    When I get real bored, I like to drive to a busy area and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.

    Beat the evening rush hour, leave work at noon!

    Honk if you love peace and quiet.

    Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

    Support Search & Rescue - GET LOST!

    I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming in terror like his passengers.

    If you don't like the way I'm driving, YOU come get these handcuffs off!

    If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

    Why am I the only person on earth who knows how to drive?

    Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change ready.

    Now that you're after me, wanna get married?

    Go on, I'll see you at the next traffic light.

    I Brake For No Apparent Reason.

    No Radio - Already Stolen.

    I may be slow but I'm ahead of you!

    Keep honking - I'm deaf

    Earth first! (We'll rob the other planets later)

    In a few years I'll be tall enough to see over the wheel.

    Woman make great leaders, you're following one.

    My kid was Prisoner of the Month at Orange County Jail.

    Missing your cat? Try looking under my tires.

    I think therefore I'm dangerous.

    I have a handgun and it's licensed. Any more questions?

    Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!

    If you are close enough to read this, I am close enough to slam on my brakes and sue you.

    I brake for hallucinations.

    Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

    A friend is someone you can call to help you move. A best friend is someone you can call to help you move a body

    There are two types of pedestrians...the quick and the dead

    If crime fighters fight crime, and fire fighters fight fire, then what do freedom fighters fight?

    If a man is talking in the woods, and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?

    Fight crime, shoot back!

    the best things in life are free plus tax

    Why do they call apartments "apartments" when they are built together?

    The grass is always greener on TV

    Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.

    How can I miss you if you won't go away?

    Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.

    Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

    Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

    There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

    Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

    Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

    If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

    A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

    Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

    For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

    He who hesitates is probably right.

    No one is listening until you make a mistake.

    You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

    Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories...

    Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers...




  8. #8
    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re:Humour: Funny Bumper Stickers & T-Shirts

    Some Funny Warning Labels:

    Here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

    On a hairdryer : Do not use while sleeping.
    (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

    On a bag of sweets:
    You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
    (The shoplifter special!)

    On a bar of Soap:
    Directions: Use like regular soap. (And that would be how?)

    On some frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
    (But it's *just* a suggestion!)

    On a dessert: Do not turn upside down.
    *printed on bottom of the box* (Too late! You lose!)

    On a Pudding packet:
    Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment. )

    On packaging for an irono not iron clothes on body.
    (But wouldn't that save more time?) (Whose body?)

    On Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.
    (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents
    if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

    On a sleep medicine:
    Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!)

    On a Korean kitchen knife:
    Warning keep out of children.

    On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or
    outdoor use only.
    (As opposed to use in outer space? Or underground?)

    On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
    (Now I'm curious.)

    On peanuts packet: Warning: contains nuts.
    (Not to mention the nut who wrote the warning )

    On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open
    packet, eat nuts.
    (DDDUUUHHH)

    On a childs superman costume:
    Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
    (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)




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    Veteran Member Tia_q's Avatar
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    Default Re:Humour: Funny Bumper Stickers & T-Shirts

    Here are a few I have around the house:
    "Husband and cat missing: Reward for Cat"
    "Housework if done properly can kill you."
    "Heavily medicated for your protection" (on my locker at work)
    and recently a sign I saw (and loved) :
    "Those looking for a husband, obviously have never had one."

    a sign I have on my desk at my day job:
    "I can only help one person at a time, today isn't your lucky day, and tomorrow doesn't look good either."

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    Default Re:Humour: Funny Bumper Stickers & T-Shirts

    "If I Join Peta, Can I Still Spank My Monkey"

    "Own Your Own Third World Government"

    "Weeping Bush Press release"

    www.covertcomic.com

    "The Truth Shall Make you Freak"

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    God/dess Lexi's Avatar
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    Default Re:Humour: Funny Bumper Stickers & T-Shirts

    I saw a bumper sticker which read:

    Marriage is the only war where in which you sleep with the enemy.


    I also saw another one that said
    "My kid beat up your honor student"

  12. #12
    Sitri
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    Default Re:Humour: Funny Bumper Stickers & T-Shirts

    I have the two classic t-shirts

    If You Can Read This, The Bitch Fell Off.
    And

    I'm the Bitch.

    Rhiannon, you are tooooooo much. Great Ones.

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    Veteran Member bloodydewdrop's Avatar
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    Default Re:Humour: Funny Bumper Stickers & T-Shirts

    These are great...hehe

    I once purchased one that said

    "I'm having sex with your honor's student."

    but didn't put it on the car...thought it was funny, but a bit distasteful in light of all the priest pedophile cases

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    Default Re:Humour: Funny Bumper Stickers & T-Shirts

    Hehe.. I have one more.. It's on one of my keychains. It's classic.. Ready? LOL....


    "Why don't you go slip into something a little more comfortable? Like a Coma."



    My sister has one that says "You're the reason I'm medicated." LOL

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    Default Re:Humour: Funny Bumper Stickers & T-Shirts

    LMAO! Those are great. I'd list one, but all the good ones I've seen have already been posted. So I'll have to resort to listing the magnets on my refrigerator.

    "Coffee, you can sleep when you're dead."

    "Marijuana, proud sponser of...uh, we forget!"

    "Videogames--why waste good technology on science and medicine?" (I so wish this one was a tshirt!)

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    Default Re:Humour: Funny Bumper Stickers & T-Shirts

    Hmmmmm....
    "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get my kicks before the whole shithouse goes up in flames" Jim Morrison

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    Veteran Member darkness's Avatar
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    Default Re:Humour: Funny Bumper Stickers & T-Shirts

    caution: i don't stop for pedristions
    "DICK N BUSH" SELF EXPANITORY WE'RE GETTING FUCKED!

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    Default Re:Humour: Funny Bumper Stickers & T-Shirts

    I'm known for my not-so-nice keychains, so I thought I'd share another one that's currently holding my keys. LOL...

    My sister found this for me at some store when she was out and about one day...

    "I worship the ground that awaits your corpse." heh


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    Default Re:Humour: Funny Bumper Stickers & T-Shirts



    These are great... I must add to the list!


    No man has ever died as a result of doing housework.

    Life is too short to dance with ugly guys ( )

    Silly Cowboy-Trucks are for girls

    Do not mettle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup

    Karoke: Ancient Japanese for Tone Deaf

    Have you taken your angry pill yet?

    You just can't fix stupid

    I do not do perky

    This gene pool could use a little chlorine

    There are no stupid questions, just inquisitive idiots ( )

    If Men are from mars can we send them back?

    Which Dwarf are you?

    Here I am, now what are your other two wishes?

    Dad's the boss, right Mommy?

    How about never? IS never good for you?

    I have a great body-its in the trunk.

    Whatever look you were going for, you missed

    There are two ways to argue with a woman-neither one works

    How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he is lost?

    I keep pressing escape but I am still here.


    Just a few more to add to the laughs.

    But I am a bit partial to the one about dragons.. I laughed my ass off for about five minutes!!!















    [/URL]
    [/URL]



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    Default Re:Humour: Funny Bumper Stickers & T-Shirts

    Quote Originally Posted by Rhiannon link=board=1;threadid=8706;start=msg102779#msg1027 79 date=1083215496
    Some Funny Warning Labels:

    Here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

    On a hairdryer : Do not use while sleeping.
    (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

    On a bag of sweets:
    You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
    (The shoplifter special!)

    On a bar of Soap:
    Directions: Use like regular soap. (And that would be how?)

    On some frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
    (But it's *just* a suggestion!)

    On a dessert: Do not turn upside down.
    *printed on bottom of the box* (Too late! You lose!)

    On a Pudding packet:
    Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment. )

    On packaging for an irono not iron clothes on body.
    (But wouldn't that save more time?) (Whose body?)

    On Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.
    (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents
    if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

    On a sleep medicine:
    Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!)

    On a Korean kitchen knife:
    Warning keep out of children.

    On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or
    outdoor use only.
    (As opposed to use in outer space? Or underground?)

    On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
    (Now I'm curious.)

    On peanuts packet: Warning: contains nuts.
    (Not to mention the nut who wrote the warning )

    On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open
    packet, eat nuts.
    (DDDUUUHHH)

    On a childs superman costume:
    Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
    (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)





    Rhia!

    I have a box that says, "Handle like icecream".... with a penguin and a slash thru it.. WTF???? I love these things!


    [/URL]
    [/URL]



  21. #21
    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re:Humour: Funny Bumper Stickers & T-Shirts

    LOL Gynger.. I love those warning labels too!

    Anyone remember Bill Engvall's song with Jeff Foxworthy, "Here's Your Sign"? That song was full of things like that. I believe it was based on Jeff's comedy routine, it's too funny. The Lyrics are below:

    ********************************************

    I just hate stupid people.
    They should have to wear signs that just say I'm stupid.
    That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you?
    You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops,
    never mind"
    "I didn't see your sign."

    It's like before my wife and I moved from Texas to California our house
    was full
    of boxes and there was a u-Haul truck in our driveway.
    My friend comes over and says, "Hey, You moving?"

    "Nope."

    "We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week. Just to see how many
    boxes it takes."

    "Here's your sign."

    Why can't they get the picture? Why don't they understand?
    We're not dealing with the planet of apes, we're talking about the
    modern man.
    So you people with them itsy bitsy teensie weensie tiny minds...
    Here's your sign. Here's your sign.

    A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled
    his boat
    into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass this idiot on
    the dock
    goes, "Hey, yall catch all them fish?"

    Nope.

    "Talked 'em into giving up."

    "Here's your sign."

    I was out in the front yard with my boy the other day and he was
    playing with his little friend, and he hit his friend and I went up to
    him
    and I said "Hey, (smacks his boy), we don't hit." He looked up at me
    like, "Here's your sign, dad."

    Why can't they get the picture? Why don't they understand?
    We're not dealing with the planet of apes, we're talking about the
    modern man.
    So you people with them itsy bitsy teensie weensie tiny minds...
    Here's your sign. Here's your sign.

    I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel, there
    was a guy
    inventing a shark bite suit. There's only one way to test that.
    "Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want
    you to jump
    into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite
    you."

    "Well allright....hold my sign, I don't wanna loose it"

    Why can't they get the picture? Why don't they understand?
    We're not dealing with the planet of apes, we're talking about the
    modern man.
    So you people with them itsy bitsy teensie weensie tiny minds...
    Here's your sign. Here's your sign.

    Last time I was home I was driving around I had a flat tire, I pulled my
    truck into one
    of these side-of-the-road gas statioons, the attendant walks out, looks
    at my truck,
    looks at me, I swear to GOD he went, "Tire go flat?"

    I couldn't resist.

    I said "Nope".

    "No I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on
    me."

    "Here's your sign."

    Why can't they get the picture? Why don't they understand?
    We're not dealing with the planet of apes, we're talking about the
    modern man.
    So you people with them itsy bitsy teensie weensie tiny minds...
    People with them little bitty teenie weenie tiny monds...
    Here's your sign.

    We were trying to sell our car about a year ago, a guy come over to the
    house, drove the
    car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out
    of the car, reaches down
    and grabs the exhaust pipe, then goes, "Damn thats hot!"

    See...

    If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.

    ********************************************


    (The one about the tires cracks me up everytime.. LOL)
    ~Rhi~

    I think in Jeff Foxworthy's skit, he had a bit about a shampoo bottle. "Rinse. Lather. Repeat." He had said "Now, you know there's someone somewhere who is STILL in the shower!"


  22. #22
    Sitri
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    Default Re:Humour: Funny Bumper Stickers & T-Shirts

    My Red Neck Friends will understand...

    25 Question Sex Test for Rednecks



    1. A menstrual cycle has three wheels. True or False
    2. Asphalt describes rectal problems. True or False
    3. Spread Eagle is an extinct bird. True or False
    4. Vagina is a medical term used to describe a Heart Attack. True or False
    5. The clitoris is a type of flower. True or False
    6. A G-string is part of a fiddle. True or False
    7. Semen is a term for sailors. True or False
    8. Anus is a Latin term for yearly. True or False
    9. Testicles are found on an Octopus. True or False
    10. A pubic hair is a wild rabbit. True or False
    11. KOTEX is a radio station in Cincinnati. True or False
    12. Masturbate is used to catch large fish. True or False
    13. Coitus is a musical instrument. True or False
    14. Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke. True or False
    15. An umbilical cord is part of a parachute. True or False
    16. A condom is a large apartment complex. True or False
    17. An orgasm is a person who accompanies a church choir. True or False
    18. A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry. True or False
    19. A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle. True or False
    20. An erection is when Japanese people vote. True or False
    21. A lesbian is a person from the Middle East. True or False
    22. Sodomy is a special land of fast growing grass. True or False
    23. Pornography is the business of making records. True or False
    24. Genitals are people of non-Jewish origin. True or False
    25. Douche is the French word for "twelve." True or False


  23. #23
    Sitri
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    Default Re:Humour: Funny Bumper Stickers & T-Shirts

    You know your a red neck stripper when...

    You measure a man by the size of his pick up.

    You see a stain on the customers pants and you know its bar-b-que sauce. (and what brand it is)

    You're looking forward to meeting new guys.... at the family reunion.

    Your dance costume consists of texas long horns you have strapped to your rack.




  24. #24
    Senior Member tranquil_waters's Avatar
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    Default Re:Humour: Funny Bumper Stickers & T-Shirts

    Saw a girl in Cleveland wearing a T shirt that read , NO JOB
    NO CAR
    NO CHANCE!

    Tranquil Waters

  25. #25
    Veteran Member Happy_Camper's Avatar
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    Default Re:Humour: Funny Bumper Stickers & T-Shirts

    It's only premarital sex if you plan on getting married.
    Quote Originally Posted by Chuck
    Remember HC, "NO" only means "NO" when she says it..... LMAO

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