After reading Rhia's post on "What was my mother thinking?" I thought I'd share this one that I have had for awhile that always brings a chuckle or two! Guys, you can also substitute "Mom" for "Dad".
Position: Mother, Mum, Mama, Ma
Job Description: Long term, team players needed for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings, weekends and frequent 24 shifts on call.
Some overnight travel is required. This is to include but not limited to, trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses WILL NOT BE REIMBURSED. Extensive courier duties also required. This may also mean taking friends, friends of friends and pets.
RESPONSIBILITIES: The rest of your freaking life. Must be willing to be hated, at least until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. ALso, must possess the physical stamina of a Pack Mule (yes, you read right, a PACK MULE) and be able to go from zero to 60 in three seconds flate in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating techinical challenges, such as gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Negotiation skills rquired in order to screen calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have the ability to plan and organize social gatherings at a moments notice for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be able to be indepensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must be able to handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap plastic toys (MCDONALDS) and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION: Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years WITHOUT complaining. Crying is not an option. Must be able to constantly retraing and update your skills so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None. On the job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES and COMPENSATION: Get this! You pay them! Yep, you read correctly. Offereing frequent raises and bonuses for bribary of keeping rooms clean, keeping themselves clean and staying out of trouble. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because the assumption that college will help them become more financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatevert is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could do more.
BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered: this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
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that was to cute

I love being a mommy


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