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Thread: love problem!

  1. #1
    Veteran Member honeygymgirl's Avatar
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    Default love problem!

    Hi All,

    Okay I am having a hard time. This weekend I spent time with my sweetie. Lately we have only been seeing each other on the weekends cause i work and so does he and he lives about 25-30 minutes away from me and I work from 2-10 and works 8-5. So its like we phone date and see each other on the weekend which is still okay...

    But this weekend I was really pumped to see him and we had a date for Friday and he comes and gets me and I took all day to prep for the date went and got my toes and nails done had my eyebrows done even fit into my j-lo pants so i was feelin good then i get in his car and he doesn't say not one word.

    Then we go for pizza and he then says something about how pretty i looked but I just felt like he doesn't want to be with me or something? So i spend the night and things are going good. Then we have breakfest and he is black and he asks about Puerto Rico and i tell him and i tell him how here they trip about interacial couples and there its so laid back. So he says he prefers to date black women. And I said um okya i am Puerto Rican and ever since he said that i was totally turned off. LIke I felt very insecure with every black girl that walked by us. He took me to Reno and even gave me 60 dollars to gameble but i wanted to come home cause he made me feel like shit and ugly and fat. I told him that he makes me feel like i am low and he is high and he was like WOW REALLY! Said it hurt his heart and that put him in check to treat me better but I don't know I am just not feeling it anymore. Like ever since then it too the wind out of my sail?

    Please help waht do you guys think? I really love him but is this normal?
    Love Yourself Like Nobody Else Could Then you will have that everlasting love we all search for!

  2. #2
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    Default Re:love problem!

    Honey, is this the same guy you posted about last week that was super supportive and wonderful?

    How did he make you feel fat and ugly? Did he say those words, or is that how you felt automatically when he was standoffish?

    I think we women we tend to go overboard a little when we get a weird vibe...as in, he's quiet, (possibly had a rough day) so in your mind, all of the things you are insecure about are running wild. "He thinks I'm fat, he thinks I'm ugly." I'm sure it wasn't you...

    And about preferring black women, there is nothing wrong with this, and certainly doesn't mean he doesn't want to be with you. My husband might not be the type of person I preferred when we met (hair color, eye color, silly things like that) but he certainly became that.

    Good luck!

    Chandler*

  3. #3
    Veteran Member honeygymgirl's Avatar
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    Default Re:love problem!

    Yes, its the same guy! I told him about it and he said that he just needs to unwind he is a Civil Engineer so its very demanding on him..

    I think it was me cause I got my period yesterday and that just made things worse then when we went to Reno I lost 300 he gave me 60 to play with since it was a last min. trip but we did have fun but I guess cause he didn't say right away how pretty I looked I felt fat on my own. This morning he went to church and let me sleep in and told me that I was pretty and he follows with since I don't tell you enough and that to me felt force?

    I think its just me but wnated some outside help thanks Chandler!
    Love Yourself Like Nobody Else Could Then you will have that everlasting love we all search for!

  4. #4
    Senior Member vegasvixen1's Avatar
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    Default Re:love problem!

    I dont know....the only thing that would seem like a sign that maybe he is trying to tell u something would be the comment about prefering to date black women. Im sure u have nothing to worry about but that is sort of a weird comment for him to make. i can see why u are concerned but maybe u just need to sit him down and ask what that was supposed to mean ya know?
    "And when your'e crawling over broken glass to get to me, thats when I'll let you stay." -me

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    Default Re:love problem!

    Honey, I just thought of this! I remember when hubby and I were first dating, he told me he had only dated short, petite girls in the past. I am 5'9 and weigh about 150...muscular and curvy I was a little taken back when he said that, but when I later brought it up, he was shocked that I took it that way.

    We don't always end up with our "type" ya know?

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    Default Re:love problem!

    yeah, I agree the comment about preferring to date black women needs to be addressed. Does he feel pressure from his family to only date black women?


  7. #7
    Veteran Member honeygymgirl's Avatar
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    Default Re:love problem!

    No he dated other races white, latin etc..
    He just said that if had to chose he would pick a black women.

    So I don't know what to do. It kind of ruined my weekend with him. I think I am just going to dissapper for a few days and have my space. We are suppose to go out next Sat. to SF for th weekend. Maybe i just need some space what do you guys think?
    Love Yourself Like Nobody Else Could Then you will have that everlasting love we all search for!

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    Default Re:love problem!

    Maybe he meant it as "before I met you I preferred to date black women" but left the first part out???!!!???

    I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt from what you said about him previously!

  9. #9
    Veteran Member honeygymgirl's Avatar
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    Default Re:love problem!

    UPDATE!!!

    Well I spoke to him about it and he said that he meant in general that he loves me for who I am and could careless for my race. That he didn't know how much it hurt me and that he was really sorry for hurting me and he hates hurting me cause it cause us to have problems

    He thinks cause this is the longest we been going out without any breakups that maybe I am jsut scared. Which I think is right. I am use to fucked up men so when i get a good one I am freaked out LOL Thanks girls for listening to me and for all the help I love you all!
    Love Yourself Like Nobody Else Could Then you will have that everlasting love we all search for!

  10. #10
    God/dess Malibu's Avatar
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    Default Re:love problem!

    Hey Honey,

    Good luck. I just hope for your sake it isn't a recurring theme where he'll say something and try and brush it under the carpet. I just hope he'll not say that again. Stating your racial preferences like that against someone can be very hurtful, especially as you have already said you have insecurities on the issue. Just be careful it doesn't come back to bite you in the bum.

    Regardless, I hope he's for real babe. He does sound like a good guy. Besta luck.

    x
    You are the envy
    of all parallel lines that
    dream of curves and convergence
    - Sara Bailey: Sieve of Words

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    Veteran Member Boobie Monster's Avatar
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    Default Re:love problem!

    Is it possible that he wasn't talking about attraction?

    The conversation that you were having, when he said that, was regarding social stigmas attached to interracial relationships.

    Maybe he just meant that when he was dating a black woman, there was less outside crap, less dicks walking down the street with a nasty comment about your relationship.
    If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
    -George Bernard Shaw

  12. #12
    Veteran Member honeygymgirl's Avatar
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    Default Re:love problem!

    Yeah i think soo too!
    Love Yourself Like Nobody Else Could Then you will have that everlasting love we all search for!

  13. #13
    tampafldancer
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    Default Re:love problem!

    ouch honey, i know how you feel.

    It would cut me pretty deep to know the man i gave my heart to didn't prefer the "type" of women i was!

    Ask him why he feels like this? Maybe you can work with him from there??


  14. #14
    tampafldancer
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    Default Re:love problem!

    oh, and DON'T let people get you down about dating outside your race.
    I had a friend that did, and a year ago they got married.. BUT THEY both had to work together and not pay attention to the negative influences. They laughed when people pointed, and kissed in public when she got nasty stares.

    It takes two to get over it, and ask him if he is willing to do that for the woman he loves?

  15. #15
    mermaidnz
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    Default Re:love problem!

    when i met my bf, he told me i wasnt his "type", he prefered brunetts, short hair, fatter, etc...lol so wat did i do??

    yep, cut my beautiful long hair to my chin, and dyed it BROWN. ewwwwwwwwww definatly didnt suit me. and totally ruined my money at work, not to mention my confidance.

    he found out later the reason i did it was cos i thoguth hed love me more. then he got angry, and said he didnt actually MEAN he ONLY liked that type....and he thought i was beautiful before etc...so my hair got dyed blond again, and now im just waiting for the damn thing to grow back...its getting there

    you know what? it was just an overeaction.
    he didnt mean it the way he said it, and i took it too literally.

    dont stress, just ask for clarification.


  16. #16
    tampafldancer
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    Default Re:love problem!

    i dyed my natural blond hair brown once!! And everyone hated it but my current man. I GOT RID of my man!!! lol

  17. #17
    God/dess Lexi's Avatar
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    Default Re:love problem!

    I love my natural brown hair. When I was blonde it was always dry and nasty. ewwwwww So I just dyed it back to my natural color, and its still growing out, but I will never go back again.

    Anyway, honey, dont worry... he's obviously with you because he cares for you AND does find you attractive. Dont worry too much. Sounds like you have a good guy.

  18. #18
    Veteran Member SexyJess's Avatar
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    Default Re:love problem!

    I can relate to everyone who's man has made "not my type" comments.

    My fiance and I were friends for awhile before we dated. I used to date stocky/muscular preppy guys, he is 6 feet tall, skinny build (although he lifts weights now! lol) and a cowboy. He told me his ideal woman would be 5'2" and brunette, I am 5'6" and blond. Eventually we both confessed we'd found each other sexy as hell since day 1. Both of us have since changed our "ideals."

    Honey, I'm sure your guy didn't mean the "Black women" comment in a hurtful way. The fact is, men like women! Just because they have one kind they consider their "type" doesn't mean they don't check out others, believe me, hehe. And besides, I can tell by our IM chats that he knows what a beautiful woman you are. So don't worry...chalk it up to period hormones.

  19. #19
    Veteran Member honeygymgirl's Avatar
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    Default Re:love problem!

    AWW, THANK YOU GUSY SOO MUCH!

    We are actually doing alot better and spending this weekend together. I am just going to over look this comment and try to move on!

    THANKS GUYS! Glad I am not alone in this!
    Love Yourself Like Nobody Else Could Then you will have that everlasting love we all search for!

  20. #20
    God/dess Gynger's Avatar
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    Default Re:love problem!

    I once dyed my red locks to black for a guy..... two weeks and $400 later(that's how much it cost me to get the shit out of my hair and back to some what of my natural color) I realized that he wasn't for me.

    What we do for men...

    Honey, don't sweat it he's obviously with you, and remember that sometimes guys don't think before they speak. We, as women tend to overanalyze EVERYTHING.

    Hugs.
    Gynger


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