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Thread: give it up or lie?

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    Default give it up or lie?

    I applied at Deja Vu in Seattle tonight (to start in mid-June) and the manager said he would call me on Wednesday. It seems like I may get the job, which will be nice, as I have to quit my present job in the first week of June. The problem: I am 19, have lived in Seattle for about 9 months, and have parents who live about an hour away. Since I obviously need to continue paying rent, my mother keeps asking me if I've found a new job. What should I tell her? My parents freaked out and made me quit when they learned that I had gotten a job as a strip club WAITRESS last year, so I know the idea of dancing won't sit well with them. I figured I could just lie and say that I was working in a restaurant or a drugstore, but I know that lying like that will somehow end up blowing up in my face (in the form of one or both parents saying, "Hey, Jae, let's go down to that restaurant that you work at and have something to eat").

    Should I just give up the idea of dancing altogether? I'd really rather not, as I'd like to have the experience. Additionally, I think I'm a responsible adult; I pay for my own expenses, work, and attend college. I just really don't want to upset them more than necessary, nor do I want them to embarrass me somehow by coming into work and forcing me to quit. Agh. Help?

    Sorry for the long-winded question, thanks in advance for any help, and Happy Mother's Day to all the dancing mommies out there! xoxo

    P.S. I do realize that this question was already asked, but the other woman was 31 and married; I'm still technically a kid, at least in the eyes of my parents.

    -one more thing I forgot to add- Does anybody here work at the Vu in Seattle? One dancer told me the club gets $120 every night, which sounds excessive...but I really can't find anyplace else in the city to dance besides the Lusty Lady (and I'm not interested in dancing nude for little more than minimum wage).

  2. #2
    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re:give it up or lie?

    maybe do another job on the side of dancing so you don't have to lie

    "yeah, mom, I scoop ice cream"

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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re:give it up or lie?

    Either that or tell them that you live on your own and you will do what you need to do to make ends meet and have the time to go to school. You could also say that you work in "telemarketing". Since its commission, then it would explain the "feast and famine" aspect of the job. And, that way...there's really no need for them to want to go hang out at your place of employment. Good luck!

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    Senior Member celeste_63's Avatar
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    Default Re:give it up or lie?

    Don't dance at Deja Vu! There's got to be somewhere else up there! Why would you work your ass off and give up so much of your money?!

    I told my parents about dancing about 3 months before I started, so it gave them time to get used to the idea (especially Mom). But then, I have very liberal parents, who have gone through their own wild-child streaks, so they aren't really in a position to preach.

    I am moving into a new place on Friday and I told my roommates I am going to be cocktailing. I figure this will explain the hours and the excessive cash (tips). I am a little worried though because they keep asking me where I am working and I don't know the area well enough to give them a name. I guess I'll just pick a spot, tell them I work there, and then hope they don't come in.
    "When I squinted the world seemed rose-tinted and angels appeared to descend; to my surprise with half-closed eyes things looked even better than when they were opened!"

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    Veteran Member MotherDaisy's Avatar
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    Default Re:give it up or lie?

    I lie to my parents and friends even though I know I probably don't have to. It just makes things SOOO much easier. I don't have to explain myself to anyone. My business is my business. It also helps me seperate home life from stripper life.

    I have a son and am in college and had to give up the "second fake job" at a fast food joint. Don't do a second job, just lie about what you are doing.

    A telemarketing job will work, but those usually aren't at night. You can say you are a shot girl at a little bar. Make it up so they will never try to call it or anything. Tell them it is new. Tell them it is all college students and its really small. If they don't like the fact that you work in a bar tell them that you like to work for tips and you need that job.

    If they do discover you are lying it won't be as bad as you think. You can tell them you only strip once a week and you are very prude. Just refuse to talk about it. What can they do?

    Save your money and pay for school yourself. That way if they find out where you work you can say "look at my bank statement and I am about to get my MBA or whatever thanks to my job"

    I lie and never worry to much.
    Those who bring sunshine into lives of others, cannot keep it from themselves.

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    God/dess Gynger's Avatar
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    Default Re:give it up or lie?

    Jae:

    I work with two girls who just came from working at Vu up in Seattle (I am in Boise) they have had nothing but good things to say about that club.

    When I was younger, I told my parents that I was a cocktail waitress until they eventually found out. That's an idea you might be able to ponder if you aren't comfortable as of yet to tell them.. chances are, they aren't going to want to go to a bar with you.

    I hated lying to my family, but in the long run it was easier until I matured more as if I had told them when I first started, I think that they would have ultimately freaked out. (Later, my father found out when he came into the strip club I was working at and sat at my rail not knowing it was me on stage until I came up to him).. but, I guess what I am saying is that I'm not one to advocate lying, but in this business sometimes you have to in order to keep your parents from keeping you under their wing. Just tell them you are a cocktail waitress, and, if you have any questions about the VU, I'd be more than happy to ask these two girls I work with and get them in touch with you.

    Welcome to SW.

    Gynger


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    Default Re:give it up or lie?

    If your parents don't have any monetary involvement in your life.. then what they think doesn't really matter. You are a legit adult (hence your own person) in the eyes of law/government at age 19... and your parents need to learn to be more supportive.

    Try and talk to them in their language. What I mean by this is try and emphasis aspects of being a cocktail waitress in a strip club that will jive with them. For instance, I told my folks I'm a drinks waitress emphasising the money aspect of the job.

    My dad is concerned about me financially so I just made sure I emphasised how well I can get tipped in the SC compared to any other place. Besides, I've worked in hospitality prior to becoming a dancer so it isn't that far fetched that I am a waitress.

    If they need to be re-assured about the outfits: BS them about how by law you have to be more covered up to serve drinks. If they need to be re-assured about the customers and how they treat you: tell them that they treat the waitresses with alot more respect and management has 'got your back'... etc.

    Otherwise you can tell them straight out and deal with the fall out. I personally lie because it is easier.

    I don't talk with my folks all that much hence they aren't involved in my life alot.


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    Veteran Member oceanblue's Avatar
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    Default Re:give it up or lie?

    Is the Vu really that bad? I work at Honeys in north lynnwood and i thought the Vu girls had it good there. Shows how much i know. Then again i pay 120 at my club too. but i make money so i dont worry about it. i also have another day job so i have backup.
    Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop. Your normal speeder will panic and immediately pull over to the side. This is wrong. It arouses contempt in the cop-heart. Make the bastard chase you. He will follow. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

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    Default Re:give it up or lie?

    I've always hid dancing from my parents (I'm 22), and now I've learned it's better to keep it hidden from everyone that you possibly can. I know it's rough to not have anybody to confide in, but trust me, it's way better that way. Just be careful and make sure it doesn't get back to your parents through someone else who might find out about it. People can be SO nosy, especially when it comes to stripping.
    I think the telemarketing thing is a great idea, depending upon what hours you are working.

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    Default Re:give it up or lie?

    I personally would not lie about dancing. In the long run WHEN they do find out it will be that much harder. They will think that you are doing something that you are not proud of because you lied to them. I would handle their questions and statements with very adult answers. This way they will respect you in the long run. If you lie than you will lose their trust and respect all at once.

    If you parents are nosy enough than they will find out one way or another. If they only live one hour away than maybe someone they know will come into the club and tell them they seen you. This would be a very bad position for you to be in.

    This is just my view on it.

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    Featured Member NikkiD's Avatar
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    Default Re:give it up or lie?

    Deja Vu is very greedy, especially the once without the booze! I'm in Tacoma and the manager in Seattle is Fred, he just went there from Tacoma earlier this year, I worked with him for years!
    Stay out of the Lusty Lady, ugh! Rick's usually does pretty well, but the mafia management is kinda, well, mafia-like. The owner, Frank is an 80 year old man with a penis implant that will give loans to girls for boob jobs and let them work off the payment on his implant! ewwww!


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    Default Re:give it up or lie?

    Many thanks to everybody who replied to this - I really appreciate all of the advice, and I feel a lot more confident now. I'll let you all know how things go! Thank you so much!

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    Senior Member misschevious420's Avatar
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    Default Re:give it up or lie?

    I went to DeJa Vu about a year ago while I lived in Olympia, and I had a chance to talk to some of the girls. While some seemed to be very nice the tip out there is insane!! They had to walk around the club once an hour and ask each guy for a table dance till they either got one or got turned down by everyone. I personally don't care to beg for my money, not to mention the club was taking a cut from every dance they did. There's got to be somewhere other than there to make some good money.
    "I can handle anything that life throws at me. I may not be able to handle it well, or correctly, or with finesse, but I will handle it."

    Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here, we might as well dance!



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    Default Re:give it up or lie?

    Gynger-
    OMG! I can't believe you saw your Dad at the club! How weird was that?! I'm surprised you even went up to him. I think I'd just scoot when my set was up. You have balls!

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    Default Re:give it up or lie?

    Gynger,

    If you don't mind telling, what did you say to your Dad? I'm very curious to know how this panned out; since I will probably be stripping in a neighborhood club, there's a chance I could see people I know (not my dad, thank gods), and I have no idea how I'd react!

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    Default Re:give it up or lie?

    Give it up or lie or just bite the bullet and tell them before it can get back to them? I'm wrestling with this one now. My parents and I always seem to have an on-again, off-again thing going and it's been going well so I'm afraid to screw it up, and I'm afraid we'd be in an off state and not visit and then the kids don't see them. But I really think if I could just find my balls, tell my mom (not dad - we'll let her handle that) that I'm doing it, that's it my choice, something I enjoy, etc. that it might go better than her finding out on her own. Isn't that what they tell you the whole time you're growing up? Of course, there's the chance that she'd never find out and I would've given myself up for nothing... LOL, like it matters, she's going to kill me either way... However, I think because of past issues with my husband and my self-image, I might be able to swing the sympathy card - something like 'Mom, I really feel like I need to do this for myself, blah blah blah.' OR, she'd just assume my 'cult-of-one' (as she used to call him) husband put me up to it and blame him. And he'd take the heat for me, he's so...nice I plan on starting in two months (tick tock tick tock), so I'm gonna start trying to phrase it now... Or should I just let fate take it's course? But if you're trying to communicate that you're a responsible adult and you want their respect, isn't it better to 'fess up and do it the way they taught you to? I'm struggling with this big time. Ughh, 22, married, 2 kids, and still terrified of my mother. OTOH, my mom and I have talked about going to a counselor together (yeah, we have some things to work out) - LOL, maybe I should tell her and then go to counseling to help smooth it over. Ooh ooh. Now THAT might be a way to go. Everyone, send your mothers into counseling! : - OK, I've decided... I'm gonna think of something brilliant to say and just tell her... LOL, "Ask for me tomorrow and you shall find me a grave 'man'"...

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    Default Re:give it up or lie?

    Hey Illuminata! Where did you get your avatar? I am such a Tink fan I love the scene in your pic... and when she gets all mad and burns up the leaf... LOL, I am such a Disney junkie.

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    Senior Member Illuminata's Avatar
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    Default Re:give it up or lie?

    I just did a Google image search for Tinkerbell. It was on the first page, I think. I'm actually half-considering it for a stage name. It's awfully silly, but I have enough of a "fae" look that I think I could pull it off.

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    Default Re:give it up or lie?

    LOL, my coworkers told me stories of telling their mom's, one had a mom who said "Oh, I wish I had the body for it!" and tried to show up at her daughter's work, and she had Mom thrown out! haha.
    Another brought her mom to the club, got her really drunk and then said "Mom, I'm going to be working here as a dancer next week." Mom: "That's great honey!"
    Yet another occasionally has her mom stalk her, she'll wait until business is letting out at night and harass her in the parking lot, ie, "HOW CAN YOU BE DOING THIS TO YOURSELF?!!?!?" type of stuff. I feel SOO bad for her, the DJ, bouncer and I have elaborate plans involving back doors and alternate routes home so she doesn't have to deal with it. One night the bartender was drunk, went out and started yelling "IT's only a bad job if you make it a bad job! She's a good girl, so it's not a bad job!!"
    I told my mom I waittress at my club, so far that's all I'm saying, at least while I might have to rely on them to pay for school. Ugh, I wish strippers had a better image! I remember watching Gypsie Rose Lee type of stuff, and it was glamorous, and then there is grinding against strangers [which, yeah, I do, but we'll not get into that] and Jenny Jones. Grrg.
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    Default Re:give it up or lie?

    I knew a young dancer who told her parents she was a house cleaner, so they never had a place to find her. And she wasn't lying to them, cuz she reallly did clean house where she danced.

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    Veteran Member ToriBaltimore's Avatar
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    Default Re:give it up or lie?

    Emily...i always LOVE your answers!!! they are either crazy hilarious..or full of enourmous witt!! Its fabulous!!! I might have to make a thread all your own....called the "praise emily thread" you are alway so great!!! and you make me laugh...

    okay ...back to the topic at hand

    I am in the boat on the same waive lenght (excuse for type "o" and what not...I am a little tipsy ( damn how many times can I push back space in one sentence...( and how many type Os GO ME!!) anyhow....

    dont give up danceing...keep your head on staight (aka NO meth or Blow whatever....and have fun make money)
    and Now I lost my train of thought...damn the wine...perhaps I will try again tomorrow ...

    excuse me....damn my and the wine

    bottom line ..fuck it ..do what you want not everyone else...screw them ..and now i must run from my drunkin state!!! ahh..
    good luck you little hotty!!
    bye the way ...am i making ANY sense...i tried...
    xoxo
    to much wine
    tori baltimore



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    Featured Member bambiblue's Avatar
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    Default Re:give it up or lie?

    Make sure you like the job before you go telling them your gonna dance. If you like it then do it until you have proven to them that you are responsible and not stereotypical. But eventually i think that you should tell them.

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    Senior Member darlinpandora's Avatar
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    Default Re:give it up or lie?

    Don't feel bad yall. If you remember, my manager told my mother that I was a dancer and I freaked out. Be sure to tell them before they find out, but do it in a quiet, secure place for you. They are your parents and love you. As long as you pay your bills, who cares?
    If you search deep enough in your soul, you'll always find a slight reminder of me.... - TLC Something Wicked This Way Comes

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