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Thread: being rejected time and time again

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    Featured Member 21stcenturyfox's Avatar
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    Default being rejected time and time again

    ok bare with me here people

    i am not bad looking, some say stunning and gorgeous with amazing eyes and a good body as well as a shining big smile

    so why do i get said no to all the time? it gets to the point where i cant help wondering if there is something wrong with me?

    i smile and stroke and ask about them, then ask if theyd like a dance and they say no or maybe later. 90% of the men i ask every night say no to me

    someone's theory is that theyre either intimidated by my looks or they get a kick out of saying no to me cos id probably do the same to them if we were in a normal club.

    however, this doesnt pay my bills! lol

    i just cant seem to make the same money or do the same amount of dances as the other girls even tho im on the same level looks and personality wise? am i doing something wrong?

    here: this is me: [img]http://groups.msn.com/_Secure/0SQDfAqwVFwt2YLa829yXKgVJxLpG1z6qK7qN*GWOqwMiIuTAu n!5Qkcpo63qHCLS3JVVaoxuGUMF!3nov6b0fg86xcLSDiTAbUg fssOdDU9pz6Rca0Ht!A/03%20(fhm).jpg?dc=4675472359383830448[/img]

    where am i going wrong?
    "Sex is currency. What's the use of being beautiful if you can't profit from it?" - Lily St Cyr (40's burlesque dancer)

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    Featured Member 21stcenturyfox's Avatar
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    Default Re:being rejected time and time again

    im always being told im the best looking girl in the club yet they dont want me to dance for them!?
    "Sex is currency. What's the use of being beautiful if you can't profit from it?" - Lily St Cyr (40's burlesque dancer)

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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re:being rejected time and time again

    I had this problem at my last club. I thought that since it was mainly "white trash girls", I would go in and clean up. Boy, was I wrong! I made ZERO money...no matter what I did. SO, my suggestion is to go to a club that has better looking girls (I don't know where you are at). Go to a club that is more known for hiring 8-10's. You'll probably find that you'll make a lot more money. If you are the hottest girl at your current club, then you may just be "intimidating" a customer. There was a whole thread about this before...I think it was called, "Too beautiful"...do a search on it...you should find it.

    Rest assured that you are not the only one out there going through this. Just find a better club.

    Good luck!!

    By the way...you ARE a hottie!! :ten:

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    Featured Member 21stcenturyfox's Avatar
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    Default Re:being rejected time and time again

    thank you venus g! i joked that sometimes i wish i were dog ugly and then maybe id make some money!
    "Sex is currency. What's the use of being beautiful if you can't profit from it?" - Lily St Cyr (40's burlesque dancer)

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    Default Re:being rejected time and time again


    21st......
    There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are beautiful. It could be an intimidation factor, or , Ive been told than men can feed and feel of of what we are feeling. So, go to the next table w/ the attitude that you have already made tonnes. Get a friend to come over and pretend that some guy wants you in VIP. Men can be so dumb at times....they always want the busy girls. Thinking theres got 2 b something special about them. You are just as special. Attitude means half. I think Sofia Lauren once said " Sex appeal is 50% of what u have and 50% of what other people think you have" Damn she slooks so beautiful these days.
    Good Luck
    Tiffany

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    Featured Member 21stcenturyfox's Avatar
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    Default Re:being rejected time and time again

    you are so right tiffany. the girl who i think is the best looking in my club cleans up. she is always busy and always in the VIP, she dsnt stop for one second and she makes all her money at the end of the night cos she tells the guys she's too busy and they must wait for her so they do. she never sits down or stands by the bar, she is always talking, dancing, moving, smiling, laughing
    i dont know how she does it...
    "Sex is currency. What's the use of being beautiful if you can't profit from it?" - Lily St Cyr (40's burlesque dancer)

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    God/dess Malibu's Avatar
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    Default Re:being rejected time and time again

    Aaaaw, girl. You are a pretty lady.

    You sound like the biz is getting to you a bit. Don't worry, everyone has their moments.

    But I just wanna ask you something; how is your attitude at work? Can you take a no gracefully? If someone says no, do you just up and leave right away?

    As a good dancer, you have to be tough enough to handle these responses. When the economy is bad, or you meet a bunch of a-holes, you'll be hard worked for money. It happens to everyone, not just anyone in particular.

    You sound like you are doing the right things e.g. the smiling, stroking (don't forget to stroke his ego too! lol!) etc. Just try not to make it come across as a false so he senses you want to go straight to his wallet. Also, you have to keep an attitude that it doesn't bother you if a customer says no. You should also try to work on your approaches a little more to increase your chances of selling dances. And ask everyone in the room. Don't feel defeated by the 5th ''no thanks'' (easier said than done).

    e.g. You ask a guy and he says no. Still chit-chat with him for a minute more and tell him that you may pop over again later. Still stay smiling (the tough part) and genuine and be graceful.

    And when asking for a dance, don't always ask them ''Would you like a dance?''. Easier for them to say no. Try a slighly different approach e.g. Sweetie, are you ready to go back and have ourselves our own private party?'' or ''I'm feeling kinda naughty, how about I show you my wicked side in the LD area?''. I dunno. Some suggestions, but anything different is a plus.

    Just try to keep your chin up and don't take it personally. This will happen time and time again, but as long as you stay focussed, things should look up.

    Good luck!
    You are the envy
    of all parallel lines that
    dream of curves and convergence
    - Sara Bailey: Sieve of Words

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    Default Re:being rejected time and time again

    21st......

    LOL!!! You just told me how she does it.


    Tiffany

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    Featured Member 21stcenturyfox's Avatar
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    Default Re:being rejected time and time again

    thank you so much malibu, id like to get to a point where i dont hav to bite back tears, i feel like such an idiot wen i let it get to me...

    its very hard to keep smiling i must admit, all the girls are finding it hard work right now bar a few. the guys just come in to see the girls on stage and they dont even tip us for that even tho they can
    "Sex is currency. What's the use of being beautiful if you can't profit from it?" - Lily St Cyr (40's burlesque dancer)

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    Featured Member 21stcenturyfox's Avatar
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    Default Re:being rejected time and time again

    Quote Originally Posted by Cali_Tiffany link=board=27;threadid=9550;start=msg114159#msg114 159 date=1085595623
    21st......

    LOL!!! You just told me how she does it.


    Tiffany
    lol, yeh i guess so but i dont hav the energy to keep it up like that, i get frustrated too quickly!
    "Sex is currency. What's the use of being beautiful if you can't profit from it?" - Lily St Cyr (40's burlesque dancer)

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    Default Re:being rejected time and time again

    21st......
    Although Im still pretty new to the scene.....Im not so sure how this may sound...but maybe a couple of tequilas to get you relaxed. It works wonders for me.

    Tiffany

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    Default Re:being rejected time and time again

    I would never suggest that, Cali. Drinking becomes a crutch and then you'll need it everytime you go in.

    21st...when I first started, it was a bit rough. You have to learn the "rules" of the game. You have to learn how to take a "no" literally and not personally. And, remember...the guy that turned you down last night, may be the same guy that comes in next week and takes you to VIP.

    Another thing...vet dancers usually build up a "regular" following...it takes time to do that. But, watch the dancer that you admire and learn from her.

    You'll do fine.

    Good luck!!

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    Featured Member The_Kid's Avatar
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    Default Re:being rejected time and time again

    20th Century- What kind of a crowd are you dealing with ? A lot of regulars ? Older ? Younger ?
    As a long time "clubber" I can tell you that sincerity
    goes a lot further with me than a sexy come on. I'm
    admittedly a bit jaded and I refuse to be "hustled". On
    the other hand I KNOW full well that it's a business and
    gals like you are just trying to make a living. On
    occassion I'll slip a dancer a $10 or $20 even though I've just turned her down for a VIP. WHY ? Because I
    appreciate good grace and don't mind rewarding it.
    My suggestion- just try to be your warm & friendly self
    as opposed to a "cat in heat". You'll probably get a
    better response AND don't worry about what the other girls are doing. Just focus on what you have to do.

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    Banned LauraLove's Avatar
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    Default Re:being rejected time and time again

    Quote Originally Posted by 21stcenturyfox link=board=27;threadid=9550;start=msg114146#msg114 146 date=1085594449
    they get a kick out of saying no to me cos id probably do the same to them if we were in a normal club.

    There's quite a bit of truth to that, unfortunatly. I think more than 60% of SC customers are there because they can't get a beautiful girl to give them the time of day anywhere else for one reason or another. And more than half of those guys get off on turning pretty girls down. It's a revenge thing for them. And yeah it gets aggravating and discouraging but that's exactly the responce these jerks are shooting for, so try not to let it show because it does translate as attitude or low self esteem to the good customers. The combined result is very low dance sales. Also what the jerks want. They want to make you feel as bad about yourself as they feel about themselves.

    It might help if your inner dialog sounds more like "there's something wrong with them if they don't want me" instead of " what's wrong with me that they don't want me" because the truth of the matter is most of customers should be thankful as al hell that we'd get naked/topless and dance for them at all, for any amount of money. That's what the body language of other dancer you desribed reads as- and as you have seen it works !


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    God/dess Gynger's Avatar
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    Default Re:being rejected time and time again

    Quote Originally Posted by LauraLove link=board=27;threadid=9550;start=msg114189#msg114 189 date=1085600028
    Quote Originally Posted by 21stcenturyfox link=board=27;threadid=9550;start=msg114146#msg114 146 date=1085594449
    they get a kick out of saying no to me cos id probably do the same to them if we were in a normal club.

    There's quite a bit of truth to that, unfortunatly. I think more than 60% of SC customers are there because they can't get a beautiful girl to give them the time of day anywhere else for one reason or another. And more than half of those guys get off on turning pretty girls down. It's a revenge thing for them. And yeah it gets aggravating and discouraging but that's exactly the responce these jerks are shooting for, so try not to let it show because it does translate as attitude or low self esteem to the good customers. The combined result is very low dance sales. Also what the jerks want. They want to make you feel as bad about yourself as they feel about themselves.


    BINGO! You hit the nail on the head with that statement Laura. I've seen customers who will outrightly insult girls just for mere satisfaction. Don't ever let them see you upset because that's exactly why they are doing what they are-they want to see you upset by their comments.

    Me, after awhile, I just get irritated and say, "Does it make you feel better to insult me? I'm glad to do my part in making your day better." That usually leaves them with nothing else to say.


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    Default Re:being rejected time and time again

    Quote Originally Posted by 21stcenturyfox link=board=27;threadid=9550;start=msg114146#msg114 146 date=1085594449

    they get a kick out of saying no to me cos id probably do the same to them if we were in a normal club.
    Quote Originally Posted by LauraLove link=board=27;threadid=9550;start=msg114189#msg114 189 date=1085600028
    There's quite a bit of truth to that, unfortunatly. I think more than 60% of SC customers are there because they can't get a beautiful girl to give them the time of day anywhere else for one reason or another. And more than half of those guys get off on turning pretty girls down. It's a revenge thing for them.
    I agree that this idiocy takes place at strip clubs, and its more prevalant in some clubs than others, but not at the levels that you're describing.

    It might help if your inner dialog sounds more like "there's something wrong with them if they don't want me" instead of " what's wrong with me that they don't want me" because the truth of the matter is most of customers should be thankful as al hell that we'd get naked/topless and dance for them at all, for any amount of money.
    Oh, you have got to be kidding! Assuming that sort of attitude would be the worst thing that you could do. A guy that feels shunned by beautiful women can sense that "you should be lucky to be seen with me" pretentiousness from a mile away.

    That's what the body language of other dancer you desribed reads as- and as you have seen it works !
    Uhh, doubtful. That dancer probably banks because she has a lucrative stream of regulars. I can assure you that she acquired those guys by being confident, friendly and approachable, not by strutting around like a prima donna.

    Before a dancer assumes the worst about why she is getting turned down by finger pointing (either at the customers or themselves), I'd suggest that they start taking notice of the customers spending habits at their club.

    If your club is in a non-touristy area, or its off season for tourists, more of your income is going to be dependent on locals, and that means regulars.

    If dances in your club are $20 or greater, realize that some guys are not going to buy them, and that some guys who do buy them are going to be very selective about who they buy them from. Mind you that $20 for some guys is 2-3 hours worth of wages (before taxes) handed over for 3-5 minutes of work. The higher the price the more resistance you will get. The lower the price, the easier the sell will be. Same thing applies to VIP's, only more so because of the higher price tag involved.

    For a customer who is new or a casual visitor to your club, being rejected may simply be a matter of timing. If you ask for dances three minutes after he's arrived, he'd probably like to scout out your competition first. If he's a frequent visitor, he's probably a regular of another gal and has his bankroll tied up for her.

    Nonetheless, you should always ask. A polite "that's okay, enjoy your evening, my name is ____." reaction to being turned down might just pay off big later on, particularly when the other dancers aren't doing that.

    About the "Am I hot?" factor. No doubt that good looks are a nice advertisement, but as far as them making a great dancer, they are not everything. I would in fact say that beauty makes up 50% of the creteria at best for most customers. A '10' in the personality department will help a dancer make a lot more money than a '10' in appearance will.
    Former SCJ now in rehab.

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    Banned LauraLove's Avatar
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    Default Re:being rejected time and time again

    Quote Originally Posted by doc-catfish link=board=27;threadid=9550;start=msg114218#msg114 218 date=1085604440

    If dances in your club are $20 or greater, realize that some guys are not going to buy them, and that some guys who do buy them are going to be very selective about who they buy them from. Mind you that $20 for some guys is 2-3 hours worth of wages (before taxes) handed over for 3-5 minutes of work. The higher the price the more resistance you will get. The lower the price, the easier the sell will be. Same thing applies to VIP's, only more so because of the higher price tag involved.
    DO NOT LOWER YOUR PRICES! It will only make you feel less self worth (which will make your situation worse both emotionally & financially) also you'll end up working twice as hard for the same (or less) money and ticking off your co-workers at the same time.

    I think improving your internal feelings of self worth is the key here. Do not let these customers determine it for you. Remember the majority of these men can't get attention from a woman of your caliber for one reason or another and that's why they are in the club to begin with!

    to you 21stFox

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    Default Re:being rejected time and time again

    Quote Originally Posted by LauraLove link=board=27;threadid=9550;start=msg114242#msg114 242 date=1085609554
    DO NOT LOWER YOUR PRICES ! It will only make you feel less self worth ( which will make your situation worse both emotionaly & finacialy) also you'll end up working twice as hard for the same( or less) money and ticking off your co-workers at the same time.
    I agree with you for all reasons stated, but who said anything about cutting prices? I was making reference to the price of a dance/VIP that is set by the club.

    Its simply logical to figure that customer is more likely to bite on a $10 dance as opposed to a $20 one as it is a smaller investment. In effect, the reason a dancer may have trouble making sales may have nothing to do with her sales style, or asshole customers, but the simple fact that the price of the service rendered is either beyond his means, or at a point where some degree of budgeting/selection has to take place. A dancer shouldn't be kicking herself, or others for that matter, for circumstances that are beyond her control.

    I think improving your internal feelings of self worth is the key here. Do not let these customers determine it for you. Remember the majority of these men can't get attention from a woman of your caliber for one reason or another and that's why they are in the club to begin with !
    I think the best way to improve one's feelings of self worth is not to be obsessed with it. Self worth doesn't get the rent paid. Instead they should focus on their sales approach, most notably understanding the fact that there a multitude of explainable reasons for a customer to not buy a dance from them (which I explained earlier), and to not take rejection so personally. Just because a customer turns down a particular dancer does not mean that he is taking his petty anxieties with the entire female race out on her.

    As for the truly misogynistic cretins, (and they're usually easy to spot), ignore them. Your nerves are not worth their time and they deserve no better than to sulk in their self-absorbed pettiness.
    Former SCJ now in rehab.

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    Veteran Member Santos's Avatar
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    Default Re:being rejected time and time again

    I don't know what the exact problem is 21st, but I can tell you that looks aren't the problem. You're beautiful and more importantly IMO, you have a great smile. My advice is to use it as much as you can. Sometimes it's hard to smile on the outside if you're not smiling on the inside.

    I'm sure it can be hard hearing “no” all night long, but try not to let it get you down. If you can have fun at work, I'm sure it will show through and translate into more dances.

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    Default Re:being rejected time and time again

    Everybody is saying confidence is key, and that may be true, but one day I was running late for work and did not have time to curl my hair, and they threw me on stage before my makeup was complete, so I felt like shit. Really. My insecurity made me work harder and smile more on stage, and I came off stage to thank the guys, thinking I was just going to say thank you and rush back to the dressing room to finish getting ready, but I kid you not I got 4 dances from 4 customers each and I don't know why, but I think it has something to do with trying harder with less confidence. I was really smiling hard, speaking louder, making more eye contact... you know... going the extra mile because I didn't feel as adequate, and it got me really far. Now I keep the same humble attitude even after the curls and the makeup and jewelry and I'm doing better than I ever have in my 3 years of dancing. It may not work for everybody, but that's what I've learned in the past month about the relationship between looks,personality and confidence. Good luck. And you're beautiful.

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    Featured Member The_Kid's Avatar
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    Default Re:being rejected time and time again

    21st- The consensus is that you are beautiful and there
    is no reason for a lack of confidence. Let me ask you a
    question - have you ever approached a guy and asked him out ? If you have, then I suggest you try the same or similar approach. Just a suggestion and the reason
    I give it is this - what works with me and a lot of
    regular and experienced club-goers is something
    different. We KNOW it's a business; we KNOW you
    gals are trying to make a living; in most cases we KNOW
    you don't want to date us or have our babies or even
    have sex with us. So why are we there? To escape
    for a little while; to be entertained by beautiful women
    such as yourself. I get approached all night by beautiful
    women rubbing my neck and blowing in my ear and 90% of the time they strike out. Why ? NOT because I
    want to hurt them or get off on turning them down.
    Quite the contrary, I don't like saying NO. I decline their
    offers because either I have no interest or more likely
    it is OBVIOUS that they are HUSTLING. BUT when my polite "No, thank you " is responded to with graceful
    acceptance as opposed to a rolling of the eyes ( or
    similar "fuck you" facial expression I usually slip her
    a tip anyway, esspecially if she's invested time & effort
    in trying to sell me a dance.
    What are the successful 10 % doing? They are being themselves- they are approaching me in a relaxed,
    casual manner just as they probably would at a regular
    bar or club.Or at least it seems that way. They don't put on this silly act that in less than a minute I've gotten them all wet and they can't wait to drop the laundry and go at it. They at least ACT like they are genuinely interested in me as a person ; not just a customer. BTW- this approach doesn't just work with me- they successfully use it with other guys and the dancers I am drawn to are almost always among the most popular in the club.
    I suppose it's because SINCERITY is so lacking in the
    strip-biz that I find it so refreshing to encounter a
    dancer who's secure and confident enough to just
    be herself.

  22. #22
    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re:being rejected time and time again

    If I'm approached by a pretty lady who says, "Would you like a private dance," I'll generally say no.

    If I'm approached by a pretty lady who says, "May I sit with you?" and over the course of the next three minutes, we trade some conversation, a flirt or two, and she leans against me as she laughs, I'm a lot more likely.

    I don't know if this is approaching the situation, but that's my first reaction. Because truly, with the way you look, I'd probably be secretly tracking you across the floor - and hoping for just a bit more than a "wanna dance?" if you come my way.

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    Veteran Member oceanblue's Avatar
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    Default Re:being rejected time and time again

    Id have to say that men are just intimidated by your beauty, you are gorgeous! How do you ask for dances, maybe you just need a diferent approach.
    Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop. Your normal speeder will panic and immediately pull over to the side. This is wrong. It arouses contempt in the cop-heart. Make the bastard chase you. He will follow. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

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    Default Re:being rejected time and time again

    Thank You Jay Zeno ! That is most of what I've been
    trying to get across. Like you, I'm much more likely
    to turn down a dancer who's just "making the rounds'
    as opposed to one who invests a little time and effort.
    AND a dancer who uses the latter approach will usually
    get tipped by me, even if I do ultimately turn her down.

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    Default Re:being rejected time and time again

    Quote Originally Posted by 21stcenturyfox link=board=27;threadid=9550;start=msg114146#msg114 146 date=1085594449
    ok bare with me here people

    i am not bad looking, some say stunning and gorgeous with amazing eyes and a good body as well as a shining big smile

    so why do i get said no to all the time? it gets to the point where i cant help wondering if there is something wrong with me?

    i smile and stroke and ask about them, then ask if theyd like a dance and they say no or maybe later. 90% of the men i ask every night say no to me

    someone's theory is that theyre either intimidated by my looks or they get a kick out of saying no to me cos id probably do the same to them if we were in a normal club.

    however, this doesnt pay my bills! lol

    i just cant seem to make the same money or do the same amount of dances as the other girls even tho im on the same level looks and personality wise? am i doing something wrong?

    here: this is me: [img]http://groups.msn.com/_Secure/0SQDfAqwVFwt2YLa829yXKgVJxLpG1z6qK7qN*GWOqwMiIuTAu n!5Qkcpo63qHCLS3JVVaoxuGUMF!3nov6b0fg86xcLSDiTAbUg fssOdDU9pz6Rca0Ht!A/03%20(fhm).jpg?dc=4675472359383830448[/img]

    where am i going wrong?
    your a super hottie... ...but dont trip off this just do as the other ladies said find a new club...this used to happen to me...and i just think its funny because every so often i will see the samn guy that told me know ...screaming to manage ment because they were ripped off by another dancer..lmaoooooooo!! oh yea and it is always nice to have some sort of conversation...some times ill sit with a customes and spill out my whole day to em...and other times some guys just wanna talk to me...


    "If You Harbor Bitterness, Happyness Will Dock Elsewere"

    Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
    Quote Originally Posted by britneyireland View Post
    All you need is ONE person to have a $1000 night in Vegas.
    Quote Originally Posted by holiday View Post
    Yep. And if you never find him, you can still make $900 while you look .

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