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Thread: Disciplining Children

  1. #26
    God/dess kryssy's Avatar
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    Default Re:Disciplining Children

    Okay, just to defend myself. I have been to a total of 9 different doctors. We have even went as far as to stay at a "hospital" with him, while he went through alot of testing. I have researched this on the internet and at U.T. Hospital Library. I do feel that he has A.D.D. I have done several of the tests at home to see if he would do them differently with me. He is a Momma's Boy, by the way. All of the results were just like with the doctors. I in no way take this lightly. I do want my son to have a good education. I also want him to be able to enjoy the things that he likes to do and right now he can not seem to focus on anything for more than 5 minutes.

  2. #27
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    Default Re:Disciplining Children

    Quote Originally Posted by Lexi link=board=1;threadid=9756;start=msg117609#msg1176 09 date=1086311952
    Its so sad how people just say "Oh its ADD" because someone is hyper, or cant concentrate.
    I read an article once by a very noted physician that essentially said that ADD is extremely rare and way moreso than most people realize. He even said that it is so rare in fact, that it shouldn't even be known as a household word by the average person. It is massively and horribly mis-diagnosed routinely. There are tons and tons of articles out there that support this and like I mentioned earlier, kids in general are hyper at 3 or 4 or even up to ten years old. Based on what you told me about your son not being able to sit and watch a television show doesn't automatically mean he has ADD. To me, it sounds just like any other 4 year old boy I've seen. Probably myself included when I was that age.

    Now, this doesn't mean that your son doesn't have ADD. He really could be just one of the rare few that has it so I don't mean to water down the issue. It is just that so many doctors diagnose kids with it and they are completely off their rocker. It also doesn't mean that ADD is a bad thing either. One of my good friends has ADD and has learned to deal with it in a very positive way and even control it. As it turns out, he's a Navy SEAL! For his whole life, he always channeled his ADD into doing physical activity. You should see this guy...he's one of the most ripped people I've ever met. Well, when he joined the military, they loved him...here's a guy who LOVED to run miles, do hikes, pushups, obstacle courses, etc. The funny part was that when his attention started to go out of control, he would actually do something that would intentionally get him punished so he could go run it off. He would swear in front of his drill sergent so he would be told to happily do 100 pushups and so forth. He learned to control his ADD when his commanders realized what he was doing and instead of punishing him with physical activity, they would punish him with reading. It's worked out great for him and now he's a SEAL. Pretty cool eh?

    My funniest story about him was where we met. I worked at a summer camp for underprivaledged children for many many years. I met him up there as he was one of the new support-staff counselors that started working with the program. We had him run our canoeing on this rather nice size manmade lake near Prescott Arizona. Well, we would take the campers up to the lake by bus where they would canoe for about an hour and go back. The trip to the camp was about 45 minutes 1 way, so he had 90 minutes on his own at the lake to kill time. The way he did it? He swam the entire perimeter of the lake...it was about a 2 mile swim. Oh, and mind you, this was three times a day he did this plus paddle his own canoe while the kids were on the lake. Me? I get winded getting in and out of my car.

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  3. #28
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    Default Re:Disciplining Children

    kryssy, I think it's great that you're aware of his condition and researching it thoroughly. It gives you more ammo especially when he starts school.


  4. #29
    God/dess Lexi's Avatar
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    Default Re:Disciplining Children

    Quote Originally Posted by kryssy link=board=1;threadid=9756;start=msg117638#msg1176 38 date=1086314226
    Okay, just to defend myself. I have been to a total of 9 different doctors. We have even went as far as to stay at a "hospital" with him, while he went through alot of testing. I have researched this on the internet and at U.T. Hospital Library. I do feel that he has A.D.D. I have done several of the tests at home to see if he would do them differently with me. He is a Momma's Boy, by the way. All of the results were just like with the doctors. I in no way take this lightly. I do want my son to have a good education. I also want him to be able to enjoy the things that he likes to do and right now he can not seem to focus on anything for more than 5 minutes.
    Oh no need to defend yourself. I totally believe that you've done your research and checked with all the docs. I was only saying that lots of kids are misdiagnosed.
    Hope it works out for your son.

  5. #30
    God/dess Gynger's Avatar
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    Default Re:Disciplining Children

    I was spanked as a child, or perhaps the correct term should be beaten to a pulp? I do not believe in spanking-period and will not lay a finger on my daughter.

    I believe in grounding and taking away things of enjoyment.

    For example, my daughter is 8. She is in that stage of being a slob- you know, all kids go thru this, they hit about 8 or 9 and they could care less about cleaning their rooms, putting clothes away, etc.. they want to be outside and hang upside down like a bunch of monkeys in a jungle.

    When I have a major issue with my daughter not cleaning her room, I give her chances, the first time, I tell her its time to clean it and give her a time frame to get it down (she's a procrastinator-she will do everything BUT clean her room-this will include other chores too.. once I came home to my kitchen being all nice and cleaned up and her room still a war zone..)

    The second time, its more strict, more of "Clean up this god forsaken room or no t.v./phone/friends/scooter (whatever the hot item of the week is). Usually a big eye popping, jaw dropping and then, "BUT MOMMMMMMMM...." door shuts, all is quiet and then I have to go in and check on her and poke her like no tomorrow to get it done....

    if after this is not successful, then I resort to the "Mom's getting ugly and either the room gets cleaned or mom cleans it and you know what that means speech." Thankfully, she has learned from experience. She decided to let Mom clean her room, it was cleaned out.. no t.v., no toys, just a bed and a dresser and some books... everything else in the garage for a week.

    On other issues, such as attitude, etc... we ground. There is no yelling, or anything, just basic, you're grounded, this is why and apologies, lessons learned etc...

    one thing that has saved her from being summoned to weekends in her room being grounded more times than one: I have always told her, "Its better for me to hear about what you did or didn't do from you than to find out from someone else. You do something bad at school, its better to tell me about it than to find out from someone else." She tells us. We communicate, and we problem solve.

    I wish I had a magic bottle like Mrs. Piggle Wiggle- you all remember those books? Oh the potions I'd create for my little one and her friends... noses would grow, radishes would pop out of the skin and all sorts of fun lesson learning stuff....



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  6. #31
    Featured Member Wwanderer's Avatar
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    Default Re:Disciplining Children

    A couple of other points, pretty obvious ones but not yet mentioned in this thread (I think):

    - The best/right/good way to discipline a child depends a lot on the character and personality of the child. Kids are people, and like any other group of people, they are not identical or interchangeable. A really good approach, which a parent learned from dealing with other, older children or from advice from other parents or the pediatrician or a book or a stripper web forum or wherever or based on their own childhood experiences or whatever, may fail miserably with a different child. So, it is important to pay attention to the child's reactions, to see what is working and what is useless, to experiment and be flexible, etc. Even if you have successfully raised a bunch of other children already; each one is different and will benefit from what might be called "personalized parenting". Raising a child is about the most challenging thing most people ever do, and it is foolish to think that it can be reduced to any single simple recipie. This is true of many aspects of being a parent, not just discipline of course.

    - Trying to control a child's behavior with punishments alone is throwing away half of your leverage (or tools); don't forget about rewards too. Especially as a child get older, positive reinforcement often works better than negative. And if you can get your kid to, say, keep his/her room in good order for a month in order to earn some reward you have promised, it is not only a more pleasant way to accomplish your goal (for both of you), but it also teaches him/her a fundamentally useful life skill (setting goals and working toward them). Needless to say, if you promise a reward for good behavior, be goddamn sure that you make good on your promise if your child keeps his/her end of the bargain.

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  7. #32
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    Default Re:Disciplining Children

    Quote Originally Posted by DancerWealth link=board=1;threadid=9756;start=msg117359#msg1173 59 date=1086276069
    Just out of curiosity, have you had different opinions from different doctors about your son with ADD? There is something really going against my grain when I hear a doctor say that a 4 year old has ADD. It's so massively and commonly mis-diagnosed nowadays it's disgusting. You show me a 4 year old with ADD and I'll show you an average, every day, hyper kid. "ADD" is a relatively new diagnoses, and being 33, it didn't exist when I was a kid. If it did though, I'm sure I would have been diagnosed with it as would most of my friends. Diagnosing someone who is 18 with it is one thing. Diagnosing someone who is 4 just doesn't make any sense to me. Have you consulted other doctors about this? It's sad, but the natural response from so many doctors nowadays when they see a hyper kid is, "oh, he must have ADD...let's drug him."
    DW, I could not agree with you more on this. I'm glad you brought it up. Doctors are so quick to diagnose children who are a "little" hyper or just preoccupied, as having ADD. As I mentioned earlier, my brother was diagnosed as having ADD. He was prescribed Ritalin (ugh). Well, that didn't work on him at all, it actually had the reverse effect. It made him worse. After a few more "second opinions", my mother found that the problem was him lashing out and nothing more than temper-tantrums and a way to get attention.

    My Grandmother literally had to fight to get him taken off the Ritalin.

    It's commonly diagnosed these days without a second thought. Just like walking into a doctor's office, and telling them you're feeling a little down. They prescribe you Prozac, Paxil, or some other "happy pill" without thinking twice about it.

    In a lot of cases though (Like Kryssy's), that's exactly what it is. I really sympathize with parents who have to deal with things like this.

  8. #33
    Member Samantha_Ray's Avatar
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    Default Re:Disciplining Children

    Ok, I have 4 year old twin boys. I used to give them time outs(make them sit on the floor with their head between their legs) but I think this was just a good way for me to cool down and then we'd talk about it (I started this just before they hit the terrible two's) But it was great because it would embarass them if we were out in public like the mall or the grocery store or wherever but it seemed to work! I also Reward for GOOD behaviour as well positive with a positive right? The newest hting is taking away desserts and candy not that they get that every day anyways but it sure hits home when mommy is eating chips or cookies and they can't have any because they haven't been behaving also not letting them go to swimming lessons or soccer practice things that they enjoy seems to work as well. Sometimes I count to ten and calm down then give a little smack on the fingers (more sound than anything) they hate this and it only happens when they are extremely uncontrollable.

  9. #34
    Member onyxxx's Avatar
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    I have a friend that I don't even talk to anymore because of the way she treats her kids. I know if I talk to her, I'll have to tell her the truth that so many people have tried to tell her. I took her and her son out one time, and she just yells top of the lungs at him for everything. He saw a brand new $2000 dirt buggy and asked her for it. She just laughed at him! I told her "Don't squash all his dreams. He's only 7!" And she said "I have no idea what else to say"
    She is close to getting him taken away because she expects him to wake her up in the morning to take him to school, therefore, he doesn't go to school and gets in trouble by her! He's a sweetheart, but she honestly doesn't know what she is doing. I've thought about taking some parenting classes with her, like "Oh I'm taking this thing....I'll pay for you to go so I don't have to go alone" you think that would work?

  10. #35
    Senior Member PaigeTyler's Avatar
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    Default Re:Disciplining Children

    My issue with spanking is this: (An example) I was in the grocery store last week, and I saw this 4 or 5 year old boy hit is 2ish year old sister. At which point his mother grapped him by the arm screamed "we don't hit in this family" and slapped him in the back of his head.
    Well, that was effective.. (pls note sarcasm).
    I don't have any children yet, but it seems to me that the WORST (well, I guess maybe not the WORST) thing you can do is teach a child hypocracy. Spanking is NOT the way (IMO, of course )

  11. #36
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re:Disciplining Children

    Like I said...spanking is WAY over-used...and besides, what that mother was doing was not disciplining...it was abuse.

    If you use it for only the worse offense (like a toddler running into the street) then it is good. My daughter was walking with me when she bolted for the road. I grabbed her and pulled her back to the sidewalk and told her that the road was a no-no...and that if she did it again, she would get a swat on the butt. She did do it again, and I did give her a swat on the butt. She doesn't do it anymore. It's not used every day and therefore, it sticks in her mind better. Children who are raised by parents who strike out at them for any reason are usually going to be alot more "violent".

    Everything needs to be done in moderation. It's not teaching hypocrisy if you spank your child for an offense that is dangerous to them or if it was agreed before-hand that this would be the form of punishment for X thing...and then point this out when they strike another sibling. "Joey, I know that you think it is ok to hit your sister, however, that is not how we do it in this household. Remember when mommy spanked you? It was because you did X and we talked about this and what the consequence was. If you are angry at your sister, there are other ways to express that anger." Striking a child out of anger IS hypocrisy...but, using spanking as a tool on a very limited basis can be beneficial.

  12. #37
    Member onyxxx's Avatar
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    Default Re:Disciplining Children

    I can't STAND the store mom's spanking and yelling, and if I have my daughter with me, she always asks why that little boy got hit like that, and i always tell her (making sure the other mom can hear me) that some parents don't know how to deal with little individuals and that we need to be thankful that we are loved so much. I always make my point known to people willing to attract the attention of everyone in public.

  13. #38
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    Default Re:Disciplining Children

    I totally agree with you Onyxxx...I've been known to shoot my mouth off at people abusing their children. We all know how hard it can be when you are trying to run errands, and junior keeps throwing temper tantrums...but, it should never resort to hitting. Several of the other moms and I get together and have a shopping split (a couple of the moms watch each others kids while the others do the errands). Keeps junior happily playing (and away from the temptations of the store) and helps mom finish her shopping worry/stress-free and quickly. Win-win situation.

    It IS sad to see children being abused...and more of us witness it on a daily basis than we realize. But, until you educate those parents on more effective anger management and conflict resolution, it will continue to happen.

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    I do not have any kids, but I do have a lilttle sister who is 14. She and I were raised the exact same, although there are times when I do become envious that our mom has more time for her that she had for me. Anyways, both of us have gotten our asses whopped when we deserved it. (my mom never touched our face or head---i think that would be entirely wrong) Im not saying that is the only way to handle things, but I dont think it was wrong either.

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    Default Re:Disciplining Children

    I am a firm believer in spankings. At times I spank my kids 3-4 times a day just to keep the calluses on my hands built up so I feel less pain.
    There have been times where the spankings didn't achieve the results I wanted...my solution?I simply tie the kids to the tow hitch on my truck and cruise down the street, man you should see their lil legs pumpin trying to keep up! It ends up tireing them out and ending the bad behaviour pretty quickly!Of course there was that one time where my oldest tripped....the road rash was enough to teach her to tie her shoes in the future.







    Before anyone starts screaming abuse that was a joke!!she didnt really trip, her sister pushed her!

  16. #41
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    Default Re:Disciplining Children

    Spanking is a joke, my little sister just started laughing at her dad the older she got. Does anyone remember getting in trouble and running and trying to do the thing where you would try to move your butt forward when your parents were chasing you to get ahold of your ass, that was always funny.
    I spent alot of time taking care of my cousins and they were definitely special cases (absolutely spastic shits with psychological issues).....time out works well if not done for too long.
    I'm going to be having my first person in February and I'm attempting to outline a good plan, everything is always great in theory.

  17. #42
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    Default Re:Disciplining Children

    Man... how do some of you do it is all I have to say! I personally wouldn't have the patience even tho' I did pretty good when I was doing my Child Care course.

    I learnt alot about punishing bad behaviour and rewarding good behaviour in that course. I know how to punish the behaviour and not the child when they are young.

    One technique that I learnt and used with success is the ignore strategy. You ignore the child who is tugging on your skirt, pleeding, basically doing a 'bad' behaviour without totally ignoring the child (always keeping an eye out for their safety) and when that child stops the bad behaviour and does something good (ie goes from tugging and pleeding to playing with his toys).. you notice him and play with him as he is playing with is toys.

    This is why I said a long time ago that I would make a great Aunty and not a mother. I was raised with spankings and was emotionally abused by my (late)mother (I have issues.. hell yeah! lol).... I just _know_ I will transfer some of that bad crap onto any children I have without knowing I'm doing it.

    I wouldn't have the patience. Hence I always applaud those parents that do seem to be doing the right thing about raising a child.


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  18. #43
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re:Disciplining Children

    Quote Originally Posted by Blade is a D.j. link=board=1;threadid=9756;start=msg118126#msg1181 26 date=1086410189
    I am a firm believer in spankings. At times I spank my kids 3-4 times a day just to keep the calluses on my hands built up so I feel less pain.
    There have been times where the spankings didn't achieve the results I wanted...my solution?I simply tie the kids to the tow hitch on my truck and cruise down the street, man you should see their lil legs pumpin trying to keep up! It ends up tireing them out and ending the bad behaviour pretty quickly!Of course there was that one time where my oldest tripped....the road rash was enough to teach her to tie her shoes in the future.

    Before anyone starts screaming abuse that was a joke!!she didnt really trip, her sister pushed her!
    LOL...OMG...Blade, you are one in a million!! haahaa Thanks for the laugh!

  19. #44
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    Default Re:Disciplining Children

    Spankings, and threats of spankings really honed my negotiation skills in times of stress. Thanks mom and dad!

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    Default Re:Disciplining Children

    Quote Originally Posted by Blade is a D.j. link=board=1;threadid=9756;start=msg118126#msg1181 26 date=1086410189
    I am a firm believer in spankings. At times I spank my kids 3-4 times a day just to keep the calluses on my hands built up so I feel less pain.
    There have been times where the spankings didn't achieve the results I wanted...my solution?I simply tie the kids to the tow hitch on my truck and cruise down the street, man you should see their lil legs pumpin trying to keep up! It ends up tireing them out and ending the bad behaviour pretty quickly!Of course there was that one time where my oldest tripped....the road rash was enough to teach her to tie her shoes in the future.







    Hahahahahah. LoL, Thay was so funny.

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    Default Re:Disciplining Children

    Quote Originally Posted by PaigeTyler link=board=1;threadid=9756;start=msg117927#msg1179 27 date=1086369339
    My issue with spanking is this: (An example) I was in the grocery store last week, and I saw this 4 or 5 year old boy hit is 2ish year old sister. At which point his mother grapped him by the arm screamed "we don't hit in this family" and slapped him in the back of his head.
    Well, that was effective.. (pls note sarcasm).
    I don't have any children yet, but it seems to me that the WORST (well, I guess maybe not the WORST) thing you can do is teach a child hypocracy. Spanking is NOT the way (IMO, of course )
    Ugh.. I see that all the freakin time in stores. I've also been known to give them a piece of my mind. As a matter of fact, the other day while I was grocery shopping, I saw a father grab his screaming little boy by the arm and threaten to "beat the shit out of him". Lovely, isn't it? The kid couldn't have been more than 3. Some people should NOT have children. EVER.

    Blade.. lmfao.. You're too freakin much.

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