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Thread: what can you do to correct low self esteem?

  1. #1
    Senior Member Va Va Voom's Avatar
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    Default what can you do to correct low self esteem?

    ive been having a hard time making money lately.
    i feel uncomfortable at work so ive been club hopping for the last 4 months - thinking that its just the environment or something. but i realized its just plain old low self esteem. i know i shouldnt but i DO compare myself to my coworkers and it makes me feel inadequate. when i start feeling bad about myself i become completely shy and quiet - so its pretty hard to sell dances when you are sitting by yourself at the bar avoiding making eye contact so no one trys to talk to you.

    so what do you do when you feel this way?
    how do you raise your self confidence and be happy and feel good about yourself?

  2. #2
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    Default Re:what can you do to correct low self esteem?

    You're in a cycle that sounds like it could be leading into depression. Break the cycle. Find a hobby. Do something outside in nice weather...run...cycle.....walk...fly a kite...whatever. Mind if I ask what it is about yourself that you're being so critical about?

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    Senior Member Va Va Voom's Avatar
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    Default Re:what can you do to correct low self esteem?

    its nothing in particular.
    almost everyone has a few things they would like to improve upon. but im not any different physically now than i was a year ago when i was making lots of money and was really proud of myself. im even in better shape actually.

  4. #4
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    Default Re:what can you do to correct low self esteem?

    Don't forget why most of us guys are there....takes care of our own self esteem issues Not the best way to handle it...but it's a temporary fix.

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    Senior Member AnneKatherine's Avatar
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    Default Re:what can you do to correct low self esteem?

    One bit of very useful advice when you're at work: don't watch or look at the other dancers. Just put on your "stripper face" and focus entirely on your "monetary conquests"! If you don't see what the other dancers are doing, then it won't bring you down and you will stay focused on making your money...
    Money is congealed energy, and releasing it releases life's possibilities. ~Joseph Campbell

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    Default Re:what can you do to correct low self esteem?

    I feel better when I do basic maintenance like a pedicure or a haircut. Sounds lame but letting myself go makes me feel crappy. Or maybe I let myself go as a result of me feeling crappy? hmmmm...anyhow little things like that help me feel better. Also just going outside for a bit. Again, sounds so basic and simple but sometimes I tend to fall into that vampire trap...sleep all day and really dont even go outside till I leave the house for work.


  7. #7
    Senior Member Va Va Voom's Avatar
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    Default Re:what can you do to correct low self esteem?

    thanks

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    Veteran Member merely_lurking's Avatar
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    Default Re:what can you do to correct low self esteem?

    Pay close attention to the things you say to yourself in your mind when things are not going so well. Try not to put yourself down and think you are not a valuable person just because you are having a hard time right now. When we are depressed, we tend to focus on all of the bad things that are happening, and dismiss the good. Try to focus on what is going alright, even if it is not that much right now, it is something to build on. I always feel better when I compare myself to people who have it worse than I do, instead of looking around at people who are more successful or have something that I don't. It's not always easy to keep that perspective though, I'll admit.
    A fat chick is like a big, warm, comfortable pillow that you can also have sex with....

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    God/dess AinNY's Avatar
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    Default Re:what can you do to correct low self esteem?

    Im not a stripper....

    But...i go through times like that a lot.

    For me...it usually takes me getting away or getting out and doing stuff to get my mind off of it. If you can go do something totally different and have a lot of fun, forget about any issues you have, it will likely make you forget about any issues you feel while you are at the club also.

    Check whats going on in your life outside of the club too...do you have a lot of other issues that are stressing you out? A lot of things can cause what you are going through...try and clear up all other things in your life as much as you can....go have some fun outside of the club and remind yourself of who you are and how good you look. Then hit the club back up...

    Just my opinion

  10. #10
    Pamela
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    Default Re:what can you do to correct low self esteem?

    Hang with or meet people who are "happy" people. Make friends with them, even if it is just phone buddies. Also keep a journal, it can be a simple one, to make you laugh on days you feel great, like "i wrote that."

    Change something about yourself. Say just paint your nails a colour you never would, or curl your hair, dress a tad different.

    Have fun with your self!!!! Run, watch silly movies. Anything that makes you feel good!

    And ALWAYS remember, we ALL feel insecure at times. Comparing yourself to another for a woman is one of the most common it seems, normal. Don't get hung up on others looks, they never look that way in the morning, NEVER.

    Pamela


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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re:what can you do to correct low self esteem?

    I totally understand what you mean. I am in a rut at work, as well...but, not for self-esteem...more for a lack of wondering WHY I should do so much damn ass kissing for a $20 dance. I may just take some time off until I can get back into the love of dancing and meeting new people.

    For a self-esteem boost. Take good care of yourself. Pamper yourself as much as you can and tell yourself that you do this because you are SO worth it (not for work reasons). As your getting ready for work, tell yourself how great you look and really focus on your fave body parts! It really does work wonders!!

    Hope you "feel" better soon!!
    --Venus

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    God/dess Lexi's Avatar
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    Default Re:what can you do to correct low self esteem?

    Hun, I went through this in high school and it was when I was "chubby" and stuck to certain friends. I got over it by some advice someone gave me. He was a close friend and said, "Everyday, when you wake up, look in the mirror and say to yourself 'I am beautiful' or 'I am so cute' " Say it like you mean it though. Dont just say it. Make sure you MEAN it. Sometimes I would feel like shit, and I would say, "Damn, I am fucking cute!" I know that half the time I felt silly, saying it, but I swear that it worked. Now I am not insecure about myself (only once in a while do I get a little bit, but thats when I let myself...and its not a good feeling)

    Also, you say you are in better shape. Make sure you show that off. Stay sexy, wear revealing things at work...make eye contact on person. Funny you mention that. In 7th grade, my teacher said, "I dont trust people who cant make eye contact, and when I am teaching and looking at you, dont look away..." Anyway, I had the hardest time trying to STARE at her back. I used to feel stupid, but ya know what? In a few weeks I held the eye contact so well, that now it is natural to me. I feel odd if I am talking to someone and they arent looking at me, or if I do the same. Just practice it. Smile a lot. Act as happy as you can. Some people say that smiling (even when you are upset) tricks your brain into thinking you are sort of happy. So on your way to work, just smile once in a while...and your mood may lift a bit.

    Good luck!

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    Veteran Member DestinyDevine's Avatar
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    Default Re:what can you do to correct low self esteem?

    when i run myself into the ground and start feeling like shit and get all depressed and down on myself, i usually head to the gym blows off a lot of steam and im doing something for myself, also i go on a little shopping spree, take a long bubble bath with my favorite cd, i know it sucks but you'll get out of it good luck sweetheart lol
    So you buried all your lover's clothes and burned the letters lover wrote, but it doesn't make it any better. Does it make it any better?
    And the plaster dented from your fist in the hall where you had your first kiss reminds you that the memories will fade. -Dashboard Confessional

  14. #14
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    Default Re:what can you do to correct low self esteem?

    I like Pamela's advice! Dallas here...yesterday, I went running with pigtails in my hair. Something about wearing pigtails...makes me feel like a littel girl. I have been in my little box lately too. I have to venture outside of myself when I get this way. I have to try something new, go do something by myself. Today, I am going to get some fishing tackle so that I can do something that I love to do whenver I want. It is new for me to do stuff alone because I have always had a boyfriend or husband. Excersize helps so much too, I ran 7.5 yesterday. This way, I am all tired out and don't have the energy to crawl inside my head which is a dangerous place to be! I know, I preach about sobriety a lot - the great thing about being sober is God! Turning all of my problems over to a higher power has given me such relief. Especially struggling with the stigma of what society labels my profession. Also, working a 12-step program and meeting with other alcoholics. It is like group therapy. Depression sucks, so does low self-esteem. Life can be so wonderful...be gracious to yourself, take time to love yourself, and most important, know that you are God's greatest miracle.
    Big D

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    Featured Member Lilith's Avatar
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    Default Re:what can you do to correct low self esteem?

    Contray to popular pop psychology, the method to gain self esteem is to do something that makes you proud of yourself. Modern social analysts and the public education system got things very wrong when they assumed that loving yourself no matter what was a cause of self-esteem, rather than it's result.

    So do something that would make you proud. Fix the faucet. Dump the skeevy boyfriend. Move to a better house. Save for and purchase an expensive set of top-quality pearls. Play with your kids. Clean out your closets. Balance the checkbook. Anything at all that makes you sit back and say, "Wow, I did it!" will raise your self-esteem, and it needn't be anything earth-shattering.

    Good luck to you and i hope you feel better soon.
    He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

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    Default Re:what can you do to correct low self esteem?

    Quote Originally Posted by Va Va Voom link=board=27;threadid=10055;start=msg121234#msg12 1234 date=1087034429
    its nothing in particular.
    almost everyone has a few things they would like to improve upon. but im not any different physically now than i was a year ago when i was making lots of money and was really proud of myself. im even in better shape actually.
    Bummer

    My immediate thought is that if you know nothing is different, and there is really nothing specific bothering you, but you are just not feeling like your old happy (happier?) self and you don't know why... I agree that it could be that your starting to suffer from some depression. Fairly common, easily treated, unfortunately not so easily diagnosed because it can be so many other things. I would try some other things first, but if you continue to feel blue/down and are aware you have no reason to feel that way then you should go see a doctor. But yea there are some other things you can try first...

    Taking a break from ourselves can help to break the cycle of negative thoughts/feelings. If you haven't taken a vacation recently, it may be time for one. Whatever you do try to do something out of character because the best vacations are the vacations we take from ourselves. For example, be a kid again, go to an amusement park for a couple of days and ride rides and eat bad food. If you can't take a vacation, or even if you can, and you have an SO (or don't mind paying for it) a long massage can be a great way to let yourself go for a while.

    I also agree with Lilith that accomplishing something can be a great way to raise your self esteem. Again, putting our minds/self to a goal takes our minds off ourselves, breaks the cycle of thought, and accomplishing something has the added benefit that you can look back and be proud of what you accomplished.

    Good luck, hope you feel better.



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    God/dess AinNY's Avatar
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    Default Re:what can you do to correct low self esteem?

    Im with Darren....vacations are a BIG help sometimes...

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    Default Re:what can you do to correct low self esteem?

    You sound like you are slipping into depression or social anxity disorter. Don't feel like a freek it is extremley common!! Go talk to your doctor immediatly!! Mabey you should try an antidepressent. Paxil works wonders for me. When I miiss just a few pills I start slipping into the exact thing you are talking about. I have been on Paxil since I was 15 and I have seen psychitrists and all that. Mental illness is something people look down upon but your mental health is soooo important. It really deserves the same empathy of someone with cancer or diabites because it is beyond your control. My mother is a schizophrenic so mental dissorters do not scare me or upset me. I am not saying you are suffering from depression or trying to push pills on you. I am just saying go to your doctor and don't be shy about expressing what you are going through. Physicians do not judge and they will refer you to a Physicaiatrist who can help you choose the best option for you. Take care of yourself.

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