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Thread: Available porn creates lack of intimacy

  1. #1
    Featured Member CrescentLuna's Avatar
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    Default Available porn creates lack of intimacy

    http://www.newyorkmetro.com/nymetro/...437/index.html

    Just wonder what you all think of this. It fails to provide any actual evidence [not even a survey of the college students she has talked to] but I've heard the concept before. Some of us are pornography talents, and strip clubs are mentioned in the article as the place the "wild girls" go to to measure up to those men's new impossible bisexual female standards.
    "I still have my name
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  2. #2
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    Default Re:Available porn creates lack of intimacy

    Wow, has this article got my dander up!

    She says: "The young women who talk to me on campuses about the effect of pornography on their intimate lives speak of feeling that they can never measure up, that they can never ask for what they want; and that if they do not offer what porn offers, they cannot expect to hold a guy."

    They can never ask for what they want? Says who?!!! If young college girls don't have the balls to ask for what they want in the bedroom, that is their own fault! When you grow up and become a woman and become comfortable with your sexuality, you ask for what you want. How can you blame porn for immaturity? This would be another example of blaming outside variables for our own faults. No one wants to take responsibility for themselves. I.e., 80 year old woman spilling hot coffee on her lap suing McD's cause the coffee was too hot.

    "Oh, poor me. I can't ask for oral sex from my husband because he watches porn."

    She continues: ".....the sexual intensity in the air was archaic, overwhelming. It was private. It was a feeling of erotic intensity deeper than any I have ever picked up between secular couples in the liberated West."

    Um, she might think that a woman covered from head to toe in cloth provides "erotic intensity," but I think most people in America would disagree. If she has never picked up such feelings between couples in the west, she is talking to the wrong couples. I think my husband is the sexiest man I've ever met and I flirt with him constantly.

    This woman's points could have gone somewhere, but she started each paragraph with something reasonably followable and then twisted it so much by the end that I think SHE'S twisted.

  3. #3
    God/dess AinNY's Avatar
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    Default Re:Available porn creates lack of intimacy

    I think its crap....

    If any men cant distinguish between porn(whatever they consider pron) and real life then they are not really good men anyway.

    Im sure I've seen my share of porn in my life....and it hasnt effected me in the least in that way.

  4. #4
    Sitri
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    Default Re:Available porn creates lack of intimacy

    If you are looking at intimacy, I think it has to do with the ability to trust one another and how to really interact with someone as a person.

    I watch my teenagers on the web, with 20 IMs going, and they would rather sit in front of a computer and chat then go down to a friends house.

    Ironically, it is easier/ more convenient for me to have a chat with all of you and share ideas and debate in this forum then it is to interact with someone in person. A little less non-threatening than if we were to meet in person. (Put up the shields!!!)

    But relative to pornography and intimacy, you can't blame the porno, it all gets back to how we are raised and taught by our society and parents. As a parent, you try to pass on values, but in the politically correct society, if you teach them to believe in God, there is someone at school saying don't say "in God we trust".

    You can't even discipline a child today because even the slightest thing can be termed child abuse.

    In the old days,,, you had to interact with people and you had to be accountable for your actions. Today, because of all of the litigation, what you do is because of, 1 your childhood, 2. Attention Deficit Disorder, 3. Something someone else did. Today no one is accountable for their own actions.

    There are a million opinions on what causes lack of intimacy, but I think we have to look at the counter question...

    WHAT CREATES INTIMACY! It is love and respect and unconditional acceptance of each other. Not trying to one-up your partner.

    Well, I'm rambling now so I will shut up...




  5. #5
    Pamela
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    Default Re:Available porn creates lack of intimacy

    I have to agree with Sitri. Also porn and intimacy are two very seperate. College students don't really know the difference at this point in their lives i believe, aot of them party do drugs and have sex with many, as well as look at porn. That's the "wild" life of college living!

    I don't speak for all students. But alot. They should have asked women! I know most women know the difference. Experience, and knowing what you want makes us that way.

    I don't like porn myself. ( not even if it's me, lol) But i love intimacy! The 2 are seperate, can't compare them, bottom line.

    Pamela

  6. #6
    Sitri
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    Default Re:Available porn creates lack of intimacy

    Quote Originally Posted by Pamela link=board=1;threadid=10140;start=msg122614#msg122 614 date=1087309502
    I have to agree with Sitri. Also porn and intimacy are two very seperate. College students don't really know the difference at this point in their lives i believe, aot of them party do drugs and have sex with many, as well as look at porn. That's the "wild" life of college living!

    I don't speak for all students. But alot. They should have asked women! I know most women know the difference. Experience, and knowing what you want makes us that way.

    I don't like porn myself. ( not even if it's me, lol) But i love intimacy! The 2 are seperate, can't compare them, bottom line.

    Pamela
    Now that is someone who speaks from the soul...

    I found this as a definition that I can relate to.


    What Are We Really Talking About Here?
    -
    Most people seem to define intimacy as two people engaged in hot and passionate sex (or a reasonable facimile). Having discussed the subject with numerous men and women, this seems to be the first image that comes to their minds.

    However, there is a strong argument to be made that intimacy is much less physical and has more to do with the mind, heart, and soul of those who enjoy sharing it together. In fact, I am personally convinced that the beautiful experience of physical connection between two people is really the culmination of all that is intimate between them. It includes how they relate outside of the bedroom as much as what they do inside of it

    -


    -
    Why is Intimacy so Misunderstood?
    -
    One would assume that this simple concept is understood by the vast majority of those who have ever experienced a truly loving relationship. No doubt, this is true. However, it would seem that there are just as many, if not more, who remain totally oblivious to intimacy being anything other than satisfying one's own sexual needs. Perhaps this seemingly widespread misconception provides a partial answer as to why there are so many failed relationships, unhappy couples, and such a high rate of divorce in our generation.
    -
    Getting the Proper Perspective...
    -
    My father was an amazing romantic. When explaining the "birds and the bees" to me, physical descriptions of sex weren't even included in the several discussions we had on the subject. Of course, I was only twelve or thirteen years old at the time so I had no real idea how he should have addressed it, anyhow. Now that I look back on how he did explain it to me, I find myself delighted that his definition of intimacy had more to do with the quality of a caring, loving relationship between a man and a woman than anything having to do with what happens between the bed sheets. What he did tell me was that sex is the way two people treat each other; how they cherish each other from day to day; how they communicate their love in all the little things they shared together. He seemed to view physical intimacy as the total experience of how a couple relates to each other outside the bedroom as well.
    Dad was killed in an auto accident when I was fourteen years old. That was 39 years ago. Mother never remarried. It was only recently that I asked her why. She simply responded, "There is no man in the world that could ever have loved me as did your father."
    -
    How Would I Define Itimacy?
    -
    Intimacy is him cherishing her and her needing him. It's all those little kisses in between. It's going out with other couples and still sitting next to each other. It's getting home from work and finding each other first. It's cuddling up on the sofa together to watch a movie or just chat about anything. It's always treating each other well and never allowing the sun to go down on an argument or a disagreement. It's holding hands in public every chance you get.
    It's lots of hugs, kisses, and whispering sweet "somethings" into each other's ears. It's mutual respect and trust. It's him learning how to dance if that's what she wants to do on the weekends and it's her learning how to find a 9/16ths socket wrench if that's what he likes to do on Saturday afternoons. It's leaning up against a fence together on a clear starry night, gazing up at the sky together, not saying anything, and just holding each other tightly knowing that each is thinking, "In this whole great big universe, we were so blessed to have found each other."


    Thank you.

  7. #7
    Featured Member polecat's Avatar
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    Default Re:Available porn creates lack of intimacy

    While I do agree with several of the points this article makes, I don't agree with the basis from which they make them.

    All their "evidence" seems to have been collected from interviewing college women, which means they are making the basis of male sexuality and intimacy from second-hand information concerning 19-23 year old college frat boys....

    Damn, that's some prime comedy!!!!!!
    It doesn't matter if you're somebody in this world, it rather matters you mean the whole world to somebody.

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    Default Re:Available porn creates lack of intimacy

    To bring this closer to home ...

    Does going to SC's ruin your ability to engage in regular dating?

    The question is not limited to guys - prolonged exposure to fantasy sex-plays has to have an affect on both sides of the fence - reality is bound to pale a bit in comparison. Not to mention the danger of instinctually slipping dollar bills in your date's jeans at the good-night kiss! Definitely a reason to keep me from frequenting SC's.



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    Default Re:Available porn creates lack of intimacy

    Just finished her article - Naomi Wolf is definitely onto somethng here ...

    Sex is just too cheap without mystery. This is not a new concept - just ask D.H. Lawrence.

  10. #10
    Veteran Member Adina's Avatar
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    Default Re:Available porn creates lack of intimacy

    Quote Originally Posted by milonguero link=board=1;threadid=10140;start=msg123046#msg123 046 date=1087369858


    Sex is just too cheap without mystery. This is not a new concept - just ask D.H. Lawrence.
    So true.

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    Default Re:Available porn creates lack of intimacy

    I think there is something to this. Particularly the parts about women comparing themselves to an unreachable (that is without LOTS surgery) so called physical ideal.

    These days more and more it seems that unless a woman has had DD implants, lipo, lips done and hair extensions and anorexic skinny to boot -- she is considered simply unacceptable by many men.

    This was taught through years of media (very much including porn) glorification of women who put themselves under the knife. Probably starting with Marilyn Monroe when she was told to get her nose done and bleach all color out of her hair and put on pills so male studio execs could control her. And Pamela Anderson is another great example of this kind of thing. She was gorgous before all the surgery and now looks like a walking doll not a woman.

    I find it sick that women are more and more deemed unworthy of being considered attractive by men if they are natural. Look at that show The Swan -- it's a perfect example.

    And as far as sex well, if you were to believe porn (and many men do) then you'd think a woman was a bad lover if she was not bi and willing to take two cocks in her ass at the same time and like being verbaly abused at the same time.

    With all this fakeness being shoved down our throats it's no wonder people are forgetting what intimacy is all about. It's extremely sad. However I am very happy that I have a husband who was too busy studying to have fallen prey to this stuff as he was developing into a man.

    I am proud to say I am 100% natural and though I did think about implants for a short time I am glad I didn't do it because now I am at a place where I refuse to let anyone but me decide if I am worthy or attractive. I'm not letting the media control me into changing what is already just fine the way it is


  12. #12
    Sitri
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    Default Re:Available porn creates lack of intimacy

    Again, we are back to talking about physical features relative to intimacy.... and blaming it on someone else.

    I take exception to the statement, "I find it sick that women are more and more deemed unworthy of being considered attractive by men if they are natural. Look at that show The Swan --" Tigerlilly, this is a blatant sweeping generalization. I know you would jump all over anyone who made that general of a statement.


    Men look at all women, but they are typically oblivious to expecting perfection. How many topics and replies are on this board with the basic premise, "I'm too attractive. I don't get dances. Therefore I intimidate the men."

    Men will look at anything. We are designed that way. But, when the decision is made on who to have a long-term intimate relationship with, it is not based on the size of the cup.

    I don't think it is fair to lay all of this at the feet of men. In MHO, a lot of it is inter-gender competitiveness.

    If you go by this premise, men only love physically perfect women, THEN only the very perfect/beautiful women would be married (or in satisfying intimate relationships) and happy.

    Based on my observation, there are a lot of millions of men HAPPILY married to women who aren't perfect physically. And they are married to men who aren't physically perfect.

    So while it is nice to look at a beautiful women, you don't have to be a beautiful woman physically to have a fullfilling relationship and true intimacy.

    This image is created by the media because it plays on the insecurity of women. So, if you are unhappy or not in a satisfying relationship, your odds of going under the knife and changing the MAN'S perception of you is not going to happen.

    My observation on a show like the Swan is that the woman's perception of HERSELF changes and THAT is what can allow her to break free and believe that she is worthy of being loved.

    You have to love yourself before you can love someone else.

    I imagine the flame will start, and I apologize in advance because I am going on a 4 day vacation and will be unable to fuel the fire or put it out.

    Now men have other issues, but that is another topic for another day.






  13. #13
    Veteran Member Isis's Avatar
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    Default Re:Available porn creates lack of intimacy

    here we go again she didn't say ALL men she said it seems to HER that MANY... she didn't say ALL the time either, she said more and more..... I'm getting mighty sick of men telling the strippers how to post on STRIPPERWEB


  14. #14
    Sitri
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    Default Re:Available porn creates lack of intimacy

    Sorry, I didn't refer to the generalization of ALL men, it was the context that the result was caused by a man deeming a her unworthy. And I think that is a logical conclusion based on the statement.

    I would never presume to tell Tigerlilly how or what to post. But I do enjoy promoting the topic and questioning the assumptions behind the statement.

    I guess I should add, that TL and I are in total agreement on one statement, "With all this fakeness being shoved down our throats it's no wonder people are forgetting what intimacy is all about."

    It is just not fair to place the blame on one gender or another.

    Isis, do you believe I am being less than sincere?




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