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Thread: what are the funny things youve said...

  1. #1
    Featured Member 21stcenturyfox's Avatar
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    Default what are the funny things youve said...

    ...in answer to silly guys?

    i can think of two instances but i know there are hundreds more, maybe i can remember them for you later

    while dancing a guy said "oh youve got your clit pierced" (which i dont) so i said "no, its just that the sun shines out my arse"

    another drunk begged me for my number after a dance and while telling me how he'd fuck me senseless, so i simply said "73" and walked off
    "Sex is currency. What's the use of being beautiful if you can't profit from it?" - Lily St Cyr (40's burlesque dancer)

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    Member Bishop's Avatar
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    Default Re:what are the funny things youve said...

    A common enough question when I'm dancing is "Are you really gay?"...

    I answer that I haven't quite figured out if I'm a Democrat or Republican yet... for lack of anything better. Anyone care to help out?
    i don't have a sig

  3. #3
    Senior Member Celeste's Avatar
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    Default Re:what are the funny things youve said...

    "are you really gay?"

    No, I just play one on t.v.

    Yes, I'm very happy, thank you. (smile and then skip away)

    kinda like when they ask me stupid questions such as
    "Are you really a red head?"
    I look at them strange then grab some of my hair and look at it and go "Oh my God it is Red!!! How did that happen?"
    "What spirit is so empty and blind, that it cannot recognize the fact that the foot is more noble than the shoe, and skin more beautiful that the garment with which it is clothed?"
    --Michaelangelo--

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    Senior Member Celeste's Avatar
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    Default Re:what are the funny things youve said...

    BTW "73" I love it!

    Gotta remember that one.
    "What spirit is so empty and blind, that it cannot recognize the fact that the foot is more noble than the shoe, and skin more beautiful that the garment with which it is clothed?"
    --Michaelangelo--

  5. #5
    God/dess Gynger's Avatar
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    Default Re:what are the funny things youve said...

    Quote Originally Posted by Celeste link=board=27;threadid=10319;start=msg126146#msg12 6146 date=1087895456

    "Are you really a red head?"
    I look at them strange then grab some of my hair and look at it and go "Oh my God it is Red!!! How did that happen?"
    I am a redhead too.. and I get this one Celeste:

    "Is your hair real?"

    me: (while I'm stroking my hair) Looks like hair, feels like hair, hurts when its pulled.. YEAH.. its real"

    Then of course they laugh and say, "I meant the color" which in turn gets a response as

    "HOLY SHIT? Its Red? I thought it was Pink, I mean, last time I checked it was..."

    I get a lot of comments, but you can always spot a bottled red from the real thing anyday...


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    God/dess Sirona's Avatar
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    Default Re:what are the funny things youve said...

    I had a seriously drunk obnoxious guy at the stage giving me a hard time. I work in a topless club and he kept begging to peek under my thong and then he started in with the usual crude drunk crap; "I love pussy, can I see yours? Meet me after your shift and i'll show you how good I am.", etc.

    I looked him in the eye and said with a big ole smile:
    "Geez Mr., I sure would like to take you up on the offer, but at the moment i'm bleeding like a monkey stuck in a paper shredder."

    The look on his face was priceless.



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    God/dess A_Guy's Avatar
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    Default Re:what are the funny things youve said...

    Quote Originally Posted by Sirona link=board=27;threadid=10319;start=msg126220#msg12 6220 date=1087913707
    "Geez Mr., I sure would like to take you up on the offer, but at the moment i'm bleeding like a monkey stuck in a paper shredder."


    hahhahhaa

    holy shizzle that's hilarious

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    Featured Member Devastating Divyne's Avatar
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    Default Re:what are the funny things youve said...

    One nite at work a guy yelled hey fuck you stuck up bitch! Security was gonna toss him, but I said not to. I then went up and stole the wireless mic and when one dj started talking to the other about the "idiot standing up yelling at the girls." I responded," hey dude about that fucking me thing; I would, I really would but with the economy being so unstable I wouldn't want send your hand into unemployment! Security can finish now and thank you for listening!" DJs were mad as hell and were sure we were all gonna get fired. Manager walked up and laughed his ass off and said not to do it again. DJs now keep the handheld mic in their pockets.

    One more: Dude goes why can't I go home with you? ( repeat multiple times until annoyance is reached). Response: "my mom said I can only bring home one loser, sorry hon customer, a week and I reached my limit this week." Asshole says, "well, how's next week looking?"
    "Come what may although I often say realities come from dreams, but approach all lies with open eyes because NOthing in this world is EVER ALL it seems."

  9. #9
    Pamela
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    Default Re:what are the funny things youve said...

    I actually had guys (we all have i'm sure) beg over and over for my number. Gosh i remember this one guy who would not stop after spending pretty good money on me off and on.

    Anyway he taught me how to give out my number, and he FELL for it. I said, 555-6969. He wrote it down, thanked me, and said "can i really call!" My gosh.

    I have done that a couple more times, i am floored by the men that take the number, and actuall are so happy! Funny thing, a few never came back! LOl.
    others came back and told me i gave the wrong number....So damn funny!

    Pamela

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    Veteran Member alexisgold97's Avatar
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    Default Re:what are the funny things youve said...

    This is a story that was told to me by a girl that i used to work with, I thought I'd share it, it's kind of funny in a sick sort of way. I don't know if this has happened to any of you (probably has). I worked at a nude club; while dancing on top of the bar or table (sometimes even the floor(f*ckin Idiots)); there would be men that, while your back was to them, would blow at your kittie. and I mean really blow, sometimes hard. The first time this happened to me I turned around said somthing like "what the f*ck are you doing" . not in a mean way. he then proceded to tell me that this was suppose to be stimulating for the woman. Now here comes the part my friend told me about. apparently one of these obnoxious guys was blowing his little heart out at one of the girls on one of the bar stages. So she decided to blow right back at him, and not with her mouth.

    This just shows what you get if you're acting like a jackass and mess with the wrong woman!
    Wellspring of energy
    Rises in the body's core
    Tap it and be sustained.
    Channel, and it will speak.

    from 365 Tao



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    Featured Member Devastating Divyne's Avatar
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    Default Re:what are the funny things youve said...

    That is what he gets and I totally love that. I bet he's thought twice about doing it since then and I really hope she gave him one of those silent or quiet but deadly ones that reek. He deserves it.
    "Come what may although I often say realities come from dreams, but approach all lies with open eyes because NOthing in this world is EVER ALL it seems."

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    God/dess Gynger's Avatar
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    Default Re:what are the funny things youve said...

    One more:

    I had a guy get really pissed off at me for this. He kept bugging me to go home with him etc... and I was being really nice but he was really getting on my nerves and bugging the hell out of me.

    Finally I got so irritated that when he asked me why I wouldn't go home I said this:

    "My mother taught me to never touch something unless I knew where it has been.. "

    He just got up and walked away from the rail...


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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re:what are the funny things youve said...

    Ooh, ooh!! I would tell you but I just can't think of anything at the moment...dammit...I'll make sure that I take notes tonight, though. LOL

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    God/dess Gynger's Avatar
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    Default Re:what are the funny things youve said...

    Quote Originally Posted by alexisgold97 link=board=27;threadid=10319;start=msg126250#msg12 6250 date=1087918138
    This is a story that was told to me by a girl that i used to work with, I thought I'd share it, it's kind of funny in a sick sort of way. I don't know if this has happened to any of you (probably has). I worked at a nude club; while dancing on top of the bar or table (sometimes even the floor(f*ckin Idiots)); there would be men that, while your back was to them, would blow at your kittie. and I mean really blow, sometimes hard. The first time this happened to me I turned around said somthing like "what the f*ck are you doing" . not in a mean way. he then proceded to tell me that this was suppose to be stimulating for the woman. Now here comes the part my friend told me about. apparently one of these obnoxious guys was blowing his little heart out at one of the girls on one of the bar stages. So she decided to blow right back at him, and not with her mouth.

    This just shows what you get if you're acting like a jackass and mess with the wrong woman!
    LOL HA HA.. that's funny, however, we had a girl at our club who Blew hot air and was offered $20 to do it again... so I'm not sure if that would work all the time.. some men have gross requests...


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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re:what are the funny things youve said...

    Quote Originally Posted by alexisgold97 link=board=27;threadid=10319;start=msg126250#msg12 6250 date=1087918138
    there would be men that, while your back was to them, would blow at your kittie. and I mean really blow, sometimes hard.
    They would BLOW at your kittie? WTF!

    Quote Originally Posted by alexisgold97 link=board=27;threadid=10319;start=msg126250#msg12 6250 date=1087918138
    he then proceded to tell me that this was suppose to be stimulating for the woman.
    That's a new one on me. But, then, i guess you ladies have seen everything two or three times in that regard. I have to admit that men are often pretty strange (I.E. panty sniffers, etc...). You name it and i'll bet there's a guy out there turned on by it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gynger link=board=27;threadid=10319;start=msg126362#msg12 6362 date=1087930086
    LOL HA HA.. that's funny, however, we had a girl at our club who Blew hot air and was offered $20 to do it again... so I'm not sure if that would work all the time.. some men have gross requests...
    Case in point. That's disgusting!

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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re:what are the funny things youve said...

    Quote Originally Posted by Madcap link=board=27;threadid=10319;start=msg126371#msg12 6371 date=1087930873


    They would BLOW at your kittie? WTF!
    Ugh.. Yes.. I distinctly remember an incident when I was dancing at one of the clubs in Norfolk. A group of Turkish sailors came in and were doing that. I have no idea to this day what the hell the thrill is, for either party. Completely ridiculous.

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    Veteran Member Pisces3x3's Avatar
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    Default Re:what are the funny things youve said...

    Geez I would smack anyone who blew on my kittie at work. What the heck goes through their heads?

    Anyways I have some funny things Ive said to customers but I cant think of any. But I recently one was involving the DJ. At the end of the night I usually give him his tip into one of his jeans pockets. Him and I have a sexual humor between us so its totally cool between the 2 of us. The other night I gave him a tip at the beginning of the night because the previous night I wasnt able to. At the end of the night I decided to give him an extra tip. He said "I thought you already tipped me?" I looked at him like he was an idiot for not taking an extra tip and said "I know but I just like being in your pants." He wound up laughing hysterically.
    You think you know... but you have no idea!

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    God/dess Mare's Avatar
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    Default Re:what are the funny things youve said...

    I once heard a girl say in response to are those real?
    "yes-REAL fake!"
    When a real annoying assbandit tries to move in on me i.e." What are you doing after work?"I respond with variations of :"going home to pay the sitter for watching my 5 kids." Any variation on this theme will send them running so fast you can see the sparks shooting off their heels and a smoke line directly behind them.

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    Senior Member JadeBrooklyn's Avatar
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    Default Re:what are the funny things youve said...

    Okay. A beautiful black girl at my club sat with a group of like 3 guys. They didnt want dances so she looked him dead in the eye, he said, you're so beautiful. Without blinking she said 'thank you, I used to be a man, and smiled.' She ended it with an Im joking but man was he rattled!!! LOL
    Carpe Diem!

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