I thought this was hysterically tongue-in-cheek.
D-Day as covered by today's media
By William J. Tobin
Here's how today's media might have covered D-Day, 60 years ago:
Off the coast of France, June 6, 1944:
Hundreds of paratroopers have fallen wide of their target zone. (In
Washington, the Senate Armed Services Committee is demanding an
explanation. The Army chief of staff may be called to testify.)
The French village of Cerville has been destroyed by mortar fire from a
U.S. infantry platoon. Four civilians were killed, including one elderly
great-grandmother. German defenders had retreated hours before the
American attack. Army intelligence failures are cited.
NBC Exclusive: Four bombs dropped by 8th Air Force raiders failed to
explode when they fell in an empty field close to the village of Le
Challimond . An examination indicates the duds came from an Iowa
munitions factory. An unidentified Army corporal said additional
defective bombs may already be aboard other U.S. bombers heading for
France.
Thousands of American casualties were suffered today as troops poured on
shore at Omaha Beach. (In Washington, a Nebraska congressmen charged
that many GI's were unprepared for what they encountered during the
invasion. "Somebody needs to be held accountable," he said.)
Heavy Navy shelling from battleships and cruisers had little effect on
Nazi gun emplacements raining fire on U.S. forces, several
correspondents at the scene reported. (In Washington, a World War I
veteran interviewed by a reporter questioned the value of troop support
by warships, saying "the days of naval involvement in battles is long
past.")
CBS Exclusive: Bombs falling on the tiny French village of Entierier
killed all four cows on which residents depend for milk and cheese.
Severe shortages are feared unless U.S. forces can replace the animals
by next week.
A 411-year-old church in the village of Marsuiles was destroyed by Army
artillery fire after a German sniper was detected shooting from the bell
tower. The Vichy French government mayor of the town protested to
advancing GI's, saying the sniper surely would have ceased firing had
the American soldiers asked him to do so. He demanded an apology from
Gen. Omar Bradley.
NBC Exclusive, in a report from Paris: Residents here fear the Eiffel
Tower might be destroyed by advancing American forces. "They probably do
not appreciate the beauties of the City of Light," said Pierre Mutrand,
the mayor appointed by occupying German forces. His sentiments were
echoed by a number of Parisians and several Nazi SS officers,
interviewed while sipping aperitifs at sidewalk cafes along the
Champs-Elysées.
A river near the French coast has been contaminated by fuel leaking from
two disabled tanks that advancing GI's pushed over the side of a bridge.
French puppet civic leaders questioned the need to clear the bridge by
such drastic action, saying it appeared soldiers could have climbed over
the wreckage had it been left in place. Correspondents were denied an
interview by the young Army captain commanding troops in the area.
CBS Exclusive: American forces bogged down in the hedgerows of the
French countryside have been calling for reinforcements to help escape
withering German fire. Communication problems, however, have left
commanders on the beach unaware that some of their troops are in a
desperate situation. It makes you wonder whether their training was
adequate - or even if there was any training at all.
On the home front:
As first battle reports indicated heavy casualties on Omaha Beach, a
Republican leader addressing a Republican rally in Bloomington, Ind.,
told a group of somber Hoosiers that the invasion losses are evidence
that President Roosevelt is incompetent. The Indiana congressional
delegation responded by saying it would begin bipartisan hearings to see
whether Roosevelt had concealed information that the invasion would be
more costly than expected.
In a panel discussion broadcast by NBC Radio, four White House
correspondents provided illuminating insight into the difficulties being
encountered by Allied forces in France. Jeremy Jeffords, Washington
Bureau chief of a small Midwest newspaper, said, "The decision to start
the invasion this early in June is open to severe criticism. Gen.
Eisenhower and his planners apparently failed to take into account that
delaying this assault until August would have found much of the French
population on a holiday and thus removed from the path of the fighting."
In Chicago, the Rev. Blakely Elmera, a noted peace activist, deplored
the violence taking place on the French battlefields. "Apparently our
government in Washington gave no thought to the possibility of
negotiating with German leaders in an effort to resolve their
differences," he said. "We seem to be blindly following Churchill's
affection for war." In London, the British prime minister lit a new
cigar and declined to respond.
William J. Tobin is an editor of The Anchorage Times.



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