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Thread: biased therapist

  1. #1
    Veteran Member bloodydewdrop's Avatar
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    Default biased therapist

    At the moment, I'm not a happy camper. Had an appointment with a new therapist a couple of days ago (the old one dumped me after I missed an apt.....I fucked up and forgot on the day of an exam). Walked into the office, she seemed nice, sat down, we began talking...usual routine. After being completely honest with her about my job as a dancer, I hear, "That's [dancing] something women with no self esteem do."

    Ok....I realize she's from a different generation, and may share the beliefs of people in mainstream society, but the broad generalization she made made my stomach sink. How the heck can I get support if she's not objective? I realize a good therapist should both challenge and support the patient, so I hope I'm not being picky here. She said, "we'll try to devote some energy towards other ways of making $$." Again, not a good feeling.

    I was also didn't feel like she understood me on the drug issue too. Sure, three years ago I used for more than a few months, but have managed to stay clean for that period of time and remain in the industry when needed. Grr....I may quit in the fall when my TA stipend kicks in. At most it will be once a week at a location far from where I live. And I might be able to retire...who knows. But I will be the one to make that choice, not anyone else. She also noticed my nailpolish and said, "I've never worked with a gothic person before. I normally don't deal with adolescents." I'm 24, and not a guinea pig.

    I'm just afraid nothing constructive will come of these sessions, and am wondering whether or not to give it a chance. Her sessions are covered by my insurance, so wasting $$ isn't an issue. Just time and energy. I'll go in this week any try to address my concerns. Wondering if it will even be worth it.

    thanks to all for listening.....perhaps other dancers have been confronted with similar stereotypes in a therapy situation. Ok...nuff ranting. It's time to get my low-self-esteemed-drug-addicted-gothic-vampire-bloodsucker-whore-ass to work

  2. #2
    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re:biased therapist

    Some of her comments may very well be on target based on numbers. For those most part it is true that those in the dancing industry do not have a high level of self esteem. It is true that most in the dancing industry have had some sort of previous negative sexual experience. It is also true that those numbers are not all inclusive...it is not ALWAYS the case.

    It sounds like she is basing her comments on (a)book statistics or (2) personal feelings.

    Guess what? Doesn't matter. If you are not comfortable with a therapist, then you need to find a new one. Next one comes off wrong? Get a new one. It's not your job to change the therapist, and sometimes personalities or styles quite simply don't mix. Do not feel that it is your responsibility to make the therpaist work for you. They do not all have the right answers...it's all right to say "sorry....we're not a good match."
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

  3. #3
    madmaxine
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    Default Re:biased therapist

    Dump the b*tch. My brother had a therapist he hated with a passion, I sat in on her sessions with him, and she was indeed moronic. He stopped going. It's maybe not about her merit or beliefs but rather if there is compatibilty between you two. Obviously not.
    Therapy for free: chat on the internet, BBs like this, or other groups. Blogs.
    PS Stripping empowered me- I had no self esteem BEFORE. I don't believe the assertion that most dancers have low self-esteem. I have the opposite problem: an attitude problem!

  4. #4
    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re:biased therapist

    It's time to get my low-self-esteemed-drug-addicted-gothic-vampire-bloodsucker-whore-ass to work
    That's damn funny!

    Seriously though, she's already done you a disservice by using wholly external cues as a basis to draw inaccurate conclusions that would otherwise only be reached through extended sharing and analysis of personal information that you likely have not yet provided. That's a bad sign. The nail polish commentary is particularly galling and imbecilic, not to mention unprofessional and irrelevant.

    That said, there is, as we all know, a reason why the stripper stereotype exists--because that's a good chunk of the stripper community. Who we see here at SW is not representative of typical strip club patrons or dancers. I don't think there's much disagreement on this point; SW tends to draw in the more stable, established, educated, and savvy members of the community. Nevertheless, if this is the first time this therapist has come across a woman dancing her way through a BA/MA/PhD, she's been rather isolated professionally, in my view. In fact, it sounds like she's really more accustomed to dealing with women whose greatest crisis in their lives is that their azaleas aren't fully blooming. Sure, judgements are made all the time based on external factors, but anyone with a modicum of interest in who BDD really is can quickly see that you don't fit the Hollywood mold of what a stripper is supposed to be.

    Perhaps a change in therapists is in order...
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    Featured Member scorpio's Avatar
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    Default Re:biased therapist

    fire her and find someone who has a bit more compassion, and wants to get to know you as a person. Just because they have a PHD, doesn't qualify them to help someone IMHO.

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re:biased therapist

    Bdd, I wouldn't waste another second on this chick. She's already made it obvious she can't separate her personal opinions from her professional responsibilities. She's clearly unprofessional and not worth her fees or your time. Heh, just to mess with her, I'd call her up and tell her how much she sucks and that you've put a curse on her which can only be broken by successfully treating another goth stripper.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

  7. #7
    Featured Member SCGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re:biased therapist

    Amen....you MUST get rid of her. My psych professor admitted to all of us that not all patients are suited for particular doctors and not all doctors are suited for particular patients. He said it might take a lot of time, money, and effort to find just the right person, but it's more than worth it. Finding the right therapist is a HUGE deal. They help mold your life. For example, you wouldn't want to eat at a restaurant where chefs never wash their hands, or take your car to an auto repair place that only services VW Bugs when you have a Dodge SUV, or go to a pediatrician when you aren't a child. You need to find the right person for YOU. Take it very seriously--it's your LIFE you're dealing with sweetie!

    Best of Luck in finding a new one.
    "You did then what you knew how to do; when you knew better, you did better" ~Maya Angelou

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    Featured Member NikkiD's Avatar
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    Default Re:biased therapist

    You said it SCGirl, not every therapist is suited for every patient! They all do need to have an open mind, but maybe in her way she did and it was misread, point being, find someone that you feel more comfortable with! It's not going to be beneficial to anyone to continue seeing someone that you just don't "click" with.
    Good Luck!!


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    Featured Member Prester_John's Avatar
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    Default Re:biased therapist

    Quote Originally Posted by NikkiD link=board=1;threadid=11117;start=msg139594#msg139 594 date=1090119452
    You said it SCGirl, not every therapist is suited for every patient! They all do need to have an open mind, but maybe in her way she did and it was misread, point being, find someone that you feel more comfortable with! It's not going to be beneficial to anyone to continue seeing someone that you just don't "click" with.
    Good Luck!!
    At the very least, this person exhibited her bias, preconcieved notions, and rampant unprofessionalism the moment you met her. IN a way, thats good - she tipped her hand immediately. Imagine what it would have been like had you gotten comfortable with her, THEN she hits you with all of this.

    Just like a bad first date, you don't have to wonder about going on a second one. Finding a good therepist is like trial and error. Maybe you can see the fact that she was like that as a positive. You are saved from wasting a lot of your time with her - just one day.

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    Default Re:biased therapist

    Based on what I know now, I wouldn't even waste my time going back for another session. Everyone else is right she is not a good match for you.

    The best counselor I ever had was a counselor at the health center at school. It was free also because I was a f/t student. I liked her immensely because:

    I trusted her enough to be completely honest about my life choices

    She never wrote anything down while we were in session

    It wasn't until the 2nd or 3rd session that my drug use history even came up. This meant alot to me because so many times I had spilled my dirt to a new therapist only to find I couldn't stand her/him and the relationship ended up being short lived.

    In fact, I'll probably start seeing her again when the semester starts up.

    Seriously, I wouldn't waste another miinute with this therapist. Spend the time looking for a new one. I went through about 10 (over the course of several years after giving up many times) before I found Michelle. She had a great and positive impact on me and helped me stay on track. Therapy should make you feel good, not misunderstood.


  11. #11
    God/dess montythegeek's Avatar
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    Default Re:biased therapist

    BDD.
    You found a living, breathing example of the Law of Spare Parts. This law states that there are always more horses' asses than there are horses.

    Dump her ass and find someone competent. Tell them about her and maybe there is some professional association that can help find hr a new occupation. A matchbook I got suggest electronica repair,

  12. #12
    Veteran Member bloodydewdrop's Avatar
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    Default Re:biased therapist

    Thanks everyone very much for the advice and encouragement . Now I feel much better about trusting my gut instinct and finding someone with whom I might be able to work. Lol Bridgette, I'd do the curse threat, but she might think I was paranoid delusional or something...not that I'd care...hehe.

    But anyone, another therapist I will find. And till I do, my massage therapist will work just fine (she's a great masseuse and also gives stellar advice, listens, etc.). And the hairdresser too. And SW.

    This place is awesome...thanks again everyone

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    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re:biased therapist

    Well done.

    NEXT.....
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

  14. #14
    God/dess Silverback's Avatar
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    Default Re:biased therapist

    OK, since my X-wife (and most of her flipped out family) was somewhat of a therapy addict, I developed a few opinions on the subject. They are, in fact, worth nothing, unless you find something useful.

    Look at therapists with a critical eye. The diploma and the license are just the first requirement. Think of it just like shopping for anything else.

    Some of these people are chasing their own demons. Bad childhood stuff - violent parents, sexually abusive parents, relationship problems, interpersional problems, chemical imbalanances. This group will work really hard to diagnose you with their problems. I think the repressed memory finders mostly belong to this group.

    Others have basic personal biases that they can't get past - Sripper's have low self-esteem, Men are bad, Marriage is bad. Some push toward religion. Others push away. These can't ever help you.

    Others tell you exactly what they think you want to hear. I think of this group as emotional prostitutes. You can get the same thing out of poison tongue friends and relatives that tell you everyone else is the problem, you deserve more, blah, blah, blah. They undermine your life and steer you away from personal accountability and responsibility. Everything is somebody else's fault.

    Some are just incompetent.

    There's probably more, but having gotten off the therapist tour bus, my observations are limmited.

    You'd be better off getting your advice from the massage therapist or a friend.

    Now - thoughts on what constitutes a good one.

    They don't tell you the answer. They make you come to your own conclusions. They help with the thought process, but in the end, it's your answer.

    I would expect a good one to question you and challenge you to think through things like what brought you into the stripper field, but in the end if you're OK with it and it's not because of other underlying issues, that's great. You should be a little uncomfortable. That's, of course, what you're paying for. You need to challenge youself and consider that you might not know yourself as well as you think you do.

    As for the fingernails. My son straps his pants below his butt. Those things are not so much, in my opinion, an indicator of psychological issues, but simply an expression of how young people strive to be nonconformists by looking like everybody else who isn't conforming. Those stylistic choices fall by the wayside with time.

    That said I avoid the profession.

    What do I need a therapist for when there are so many, bartenders, waitresses, and strippers in the world.
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

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    God/dess erotictonic's Avatar
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    Default Re:biased therapist

    I had a therapist like this once. I dumped her ass.

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    Default Re: biased therapist

    A therapist like this can't relate to you one bit. She will be of no help to you. The most effective therapists out there are those who can relate to many different types of clients/people. I have met therapists like this before. I actually walked out on one. I'm sure she still, to this day doesn't get where she went wrong....It is ok, in my opinion to desert a useless therapist. Excuse the bluntness, but F that woman, she shouldn't have ever been allowed to counsel people.

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    God/dess RedZ28's Avatar
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    Default Re: biased therapist

    Drop this bitch like a bad habit. The best therapists know how to lend an objective ear at most if not all times. Besides you are paying around $100 an hour to see her, get someone who is more empathetic to your needs.

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    God/dess doc-catfish's Avatar
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    Default Re: biased therapist

    Quote Originally Posted by bloodydewdrop
    Her sessions are covered by my insurance, so wasting $$ isn't an issue.
    I wonder how many $$ an hour your insurance company is paying this gal.
    Former SCJ now in rehab.

  19. #19
    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: biased therapist

    There are a lot of examples on dumping her because she is bad, but no one is telling you what a good one is.

    I would pay attention to what Silverback wrote. Good info.

    You want your therapist to frame questions YOU NEED TO ASK YOURSELF. The whole idea is self enlightenment. That is the most important thing. Some of the best never give an answer (unless it is educational) - they simply help you ask the questions you need to ask yourself.

    You want a therapist that can aid you in expressing yourself. As a child of an alcoholic, a lot of me emotions were simply turned off. I didn't have the vocabulary to express myself. There are these charts with different facial expressions for different moods and ya can point. That's just an example of giving you tools to express yourself.

    You want a therapist who can educate you about different things. They need to be sure to express - "THIS MAY NOT BE YOU, BUT YOU MAY FIND A LITTLE ABOUT YOURSELF IN THIS." Just to give you a framework about what has been found out about certain things.

    And your gut says a lot too. You are about to get very intimate with this person and if you wouldn't have em as a friend, you certainly shouldn't have em as a therapist. (PS You're not looking for a friend in a therapist - your looking for a catalyst.)

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    Banned MissTaylor's Avatar
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    Default Re: biased therapist

    I think you should go to ONE more appointment. Not because I agree with anything she said but so that you can tell her how poorly she has done her job. I think you should Paraphrase what Casual Observer said.

    "Seriously though, she's already done you a disservice by using wholly external cues as a basis to draw inaccurate conclusions that would otherwise only be reached through extended sharing and analysis of personal information that you likely have not yet provided. That's a bad sign. The nail polish commentary is particularly galling and imbecilic, not to mention unprofessional and irrelevant."

    Sit down and say "you have done me a huge disservice by using wholly external cues as a basis to draw inaccurate conclusions that would otherwise only be reached through extended sharing, which I've yet to do, and analysis of personal information."

    I think she'd be stunned by this!! If I were you, I'd throw in what CO said about her nail polish comments to you as well. Then dispute her charging your insurance company for the session.

  21. #21
    God/dess Silverback's Avatar
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    Default Re: biased therapist

    Why not just write a letter and not have a charge to dispute?
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

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