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Thread: Dating a dancer

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    Default Dating a dancer

    Hello all,

    I have been reading this forum and I just signed up. I know there has to be quite a few posts on this subject. However I just dated a dancer and she broke my heart. I wanted to take her away from it all and move her to another state with me. Well she is still dancing and is staying where she is. My question to you ladies is. Is is that hard to give up dancing? is it the money? in her case she is not legal and she makes good money.

    Thank you all

  2. #2
    madmaxine
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    Default Re:Dating a dancer

    Oldest story in the book, pal. A guy friend of mine is putting the screws to me to get out of dancing, but the money is too appealing. There's a lot of aspects that are addictive- the attention, the power, the freedom, the adrenaline.
    If you cannot match her earnings as a dancer, she has no reason to be with you. Many dancers become almost irretrievably cynical about men. Some of the dumbest proclamations of "love" and "devotion" come from guys who are following their d*cks. Would you feel the same if she was not a stripper? Even if, can you guarantee being with you is worth her while? There are no sure bets.
    God bless your heart, but please look for a girl who wants the same things you do. Best wishes.

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    Default Re:Dating a dancer

    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine link=board=27;threadid=11371;start=msg143471#msg14 3471 date=1090729298
    Oldest story in the book, pal. A guy friend of mine is putting the screws to me to get out of dancing, but the money is too appealing. There's a lot of aspects that are addictive- the attention, the power, the freedom, the adrenaline.
    If you cannot match her earnings as a dancer, she has no reason to be with you. Many dancers become almost irretrievably cynical about men. Some of the dumbest proclamations of "love" and "devotion" come from guys who are following their d*cks. Would you feel the same if she was not a stripper? Even if, can you guarantee being with you is worth her while? There are no sure bets.
    God bless your heart, but please look for a girl who wants the same things you do. Best wishes.

    Thanks for your reply. You see I was the manager at the club she worked at and yes I can match her money. You see I feel in love with her and accepted that she was a dancer. I would be okay even if she was a housekeeper. I just moved to another state and wanted to take her away from it all. After all she cry's to me that she hates what she does......

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    Member Ellie Tara's Avatar
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    Default Re:Dating a dancer

    illegal in which way?
    etherreal eyes

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    Veteran Member goldclubbing's Avatar
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    Default Re:Dating a dancer

    Why do men so often feel they are doing women a favor by "taking them away from it all"? I for one climbed off my white horse many years ago.

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    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re:Dating a dancer

    A lot of women like dancing and don't feel like they need to be rescued from anything.The reason I like this job is because the schedule is VERY flexible and there is really no cap on how much we can make.

    As for as her crying to you with her work related greivances,a lot of women do this with the men in their lives.It's just simple b*tchin'.Everyone b*tches about their jobs.

    Now,when you say "illegal",one is inclined to think she may be underage.So fess up.What is really going on?
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




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    Senior Member nicole4's Avatar
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    Default Re:Dating a dancer

    I actually assumed he meant working without the proper documentation, not under age but a foreign national kinda thing.
    atleast thats what first came to mind.
    As I have matured,I have learned "that one good turn....usually gets most of the blankets",-)

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re:Dating a dancer

    I've said this a dozen times, so what's one more. Some of you ladies are just amazingly cool. I can see why someone might get interested. It's better not to though.

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    Featured Member polecat's Avatar
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    Default Re:Dating a dancer

    A couple of things..

    Placing an ultimatum on her isn't "taking her away" from anything.. it's trying to dictate or otherwise manipulate/control her into a path of YOUR will, not hers.

    Second, just because she didn't allow this to happen (good girl), doesn't mean she isn't heart broken as well. You forced a decision upon her, and from my standpoint, she made the right decision. Relationships based on one party's will being exerted upon the other set bad precedent for the future.

    I'm sorry for your pain, but I hope you can grow from this and realize this for the future. It's not so much she may enjoy or dislike her job, but it's the forced path you've put upon her. It doesnt sound like it was a choice one bit.
    It doesn't matter if you're somebody in this world, it rather matters you mean the whole world to somebody.

  10. #10
    madmaxine
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    Default Re:Dating a dancer

    I feel bad for being blunt with you, romantic male, but from my hard earned experience, it's not as easy as blaming the job. There's probably more to it. If the documentation issue is about nationality and not age, she may be afraid of you controlling her by meddling with her INS applications. (My mom went through that.)
    If she's underage, you've got some big problems there.
    Yeah, stripping is a tough, draining job, but I would never say it is unbearable. Everyone gripes about work.
    You both have to accept life the way it is now. If it's meant to be, it'll happen. If not, you're richer for having known eachother.

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    Veteran Member SaraNLA's Avatar
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    Default Re:Dating a dancer

    There's probably more to it.
    I agree - I assume she's staying put for other reasons then she wants to keep dancing at the same place. Try to take the whole dancing scenario out of the picture - I'm sure you'll find other reasons why it didn't work out.

    After all she cry's to me that she hates what she does......
    If she dislikes her job, you could encourage her to find other ways to become self-sufficient and move herself out of the business in time. But the way you're setting things up, it's you or nothing. And if things didn't work out, she'd be dancing again.
    Let your indulgence set me free. - Shakespeare

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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re:Dating a dancer

    Move her to another state to take her away from it all? Why do you think that would change anything? There are strip clubs all over the place.

    You may have come across as too controlling and she didn't like that. Or, she may just not want to move. She may be enjoying her life the way it is. You may not like it, but she may. As for the bitching part...well, some people just thrive on drama and one way to do that is to bitch, bitch, bitch about it all. In the end...well, sorry you got your heart broken. We've all been there...and life goes on...eventually.

    Sorry to say this...but this post just sorta rubs me like a "trolling" post. I hope that you are not a troll...but it just sorta feels that way.

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    Featured Member WiseGuy_TX's Avatar
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    Default Re:Dating a dancer

    RM the previous good advice seems to cover a lot of ground. You may want to tell us some more about your/her situation and feelings to help narrow down the advice. Was she living with you? Were you just dating and how long? Did you move to another city with clubs she could have danced in? Did she really have the same feelings about you? What was her decision about going with you?

    The way you feel about her is honorable. "Accepting her" means accepting and supporting her choices.

    I somewhat agree with VG about trolling. RM, as her strip club manager, did you try to save her from dancing before you moved?
    "Peter, did you take Stewie to a strip-club? He smells like sweat and fear." - Lois and Stewie (Family Guy) ... "Through early morning fog I see, Visions of the things to be, The pains that are withheld for me, I realize and I can see..."

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    God/dess Lexi's Avatar
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    Default Re:Dating a dancer

    Maybe telling her that you want to take her out of state (without even dating YET) scared her. There have been a few times when I have interested in a guy and something he said just tipped me off as to why I shouldnt (but again I am extra picky)

    Maybe if you start out by being super nice, and getting to know her THEN things can develop but even then I wouldnt hold my breath because this happens to guys everyday at SCs. They are with beautiful women who are treatring them nice, and they start to develop feelings. Its normal, but you should only look at it as her job, unless she says otherwise.

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    God/dess NinaDaisy's Avatar
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    Default Re:Dating a dancer

    Quote Originally Posted by VenusGoddess link=board=27;threadid=11371;start=msg143646#msg14 3646 date=1090760585

    Sorry to say this...but this post just sorta rubs me like a "trolling" post. I hope that you are not a troll...but it just sorta feels that way.
    Gotta agree with you there, VG.

    I've worked in a few clubs where a dancer was dating or even married to a manager and every single one of the dancers except for one made more than the manager she was with. Now dancer that dated one of the owners...that's a whole other story. Even they still worked in the club, they just happened to get the occasional Porsche out of it.

    But I digress...if your post is legit, you got your comeuppance for giving an ultimatum, IMO. I have days where I hate my job as much as the next guy, but for the most part, I love the money and freedom.

    I think one of the few things I need to be rescued from in this line of work is guys who want to rescue me.
    "She has written so well, and marvellously well, that I was completely ashamed of myself as a writer...But this girl, who is to my knowledge very unpleasant and we might even say a high-grade bitch, can write rings around all of us who consider ourselves as writers"

    Ernest Hemingway on writer, aviation pioneer and horse trainer Beryl Markham


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    Default Re:Dating a dancer

    Thanks for all of your replies. I will share the whole story this way you guys could understand. First off what is a "trolling" post??

    Okay here is the story. I started working in this club (temporary) around 10 months ago. I met her around 5 months ago. So her and I became friends. She had an ex boyfriend that she broke up with and she would cry to me about him. She was over him and her and I would talk to each other as friends. As we were friends I was falling for her. And I was told by her friend that she had the same feelings about me. So her and I hooked up. We hooked up about 3 months ago. We would work together and then I would go home with her.

    In the meanwhile I was looking to relocate to another state because
    my kids were located in another state and I wanted to be closer to them and also to work in the field which I have been doing in the last 10 years. I did share this with her from the start. So I get the job and she was sad, but we continued to see each other. In that time she would talk to me about moving with me and to plan a future with me. As the time got closer for me to leave she started getting depressed. The night before I left her and I talked and agreed to be friends and that we will see how it goes. She didn't thing she could handle a long distance relationship but we would see what happens.

    So I moved about a month ago and her and I only talked a few times. I came back to the club one night to help out and her and I talked for a few hours. She cried and said that she missed me and that she does see a future with me. She wanted me to give her some time. Which I did and she called me a week after we talked and said that she has been thinking a lot and that she thinks about me more every day. She even said she would come to where I live and spend a few days here to check it out.

    So after this I am feeling good about the two of us. Also one other thing I do come back to this state every other weekend. So last weekend I was there and she didn't call me back. Which was not a problem. Anyhow she calls me a few days ago and she just wants to be friends. She wants to move on and that its pretty much over between us. So thats about it in a nut shell. I cant type to much only because you never know who might read this.

    My problem is I felt as if she "lead me on" she should have been honest with me from the night that I left.

    now to wrap it up, she is not a US citizen and has not even applied for her papers. Now I did not want to resecue her I just offered to help her find a job and I would sponser her for a work visa.

    So I hope that clears it up a bit. I am trying to provide as much info as I can.

    Thank you all

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    God/dess Silverback's Avatar
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    Default Re:Dating a dancer

    Here's my thoughts.

    Women that need rescued make lousy partners. Help them if you can. But, do not, under any circumstances, confuse the apparent need for your services as superhero or white knight as the basis for anything but one of the most miserable types of relationships. In many cases, the need to be a victim doesn't end once you've effected the rescue. And, before you know it all of your efforts become the basis for the most recent round of needing to be rescued.

    Bottom line: You can't save someone from themselves.

    Find a woman of strength and character who can stand back to back with you and help you take on the world.

    Of course, I still haven't entirely figured out what it is that makes some of us run for the nearest phone booth (and those are getting harder to find) everytime a damsel cries in distress.

    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

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    Veteran Member Prina's Avatar
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    Default Re:Dating a dancer

    I dunno..
    Sounds like she was going through RM withdrawl and missed you more because you worked together. I don't think she wanted to be rescued. The friends thing probably means she isn't ready to settle down. She may have felt some pressure and pulled back. Women feel that way too.

    3 months is nothin

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    Default Re:Dating a dancer

    Also let me clear this up a little more. I dont want to make it sound like I was going to "resuce" her. Becasue if she wanted to continue to dance for a living then hey. I figured I met her as a dancer and if she wanted to dance then hey no problem.

    Yes 3 months is a short time but I have never felt close to anyone like this before and I do think her and I would have a good future together. :-)

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    Default Re:Dating a dancer

    Quote Originally Posted by VenusGoddess link=board=27;threadid=11371;start=msg143646#msg14 3646 date=1090760585
    Sorry to say this...but this post just sorta rubs me like a "trolling" post. I hope that you are not a troll...but it just sorta feels that way.
    I was about to say that . Hard to imagine moving her out of the state and not actually letting her dance, it's pretty addictive for those who do .

    If it's not a troll post all I'll say that in my case there are reasons for not having a significant relationship as opposed to just dating the dancer. It doesn't have to do with the dancer as a person but rather with the nature of the job. My new job puts me pretty much on the same level as the typical dancer in PR earnings wise but it would be pretty hard to get used to her work hours :cheesy: So it's better to keep it as a date, dinner or whatever.



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    Featured Member WiseGuy_TX's Avatar
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    Default Re:Dating a dancer

    RM, trolling, in my opinion, is when a new poster drops a thread with the intent to piss off the ladies or elicit their responses just to stir things up. Your original post had very little info to work with but your additional info made it more valid.

    Prina makes a good point. She seemed to miss your company but her actions do not indicate much of a commitment. The key words used were "agreed to be friends, she said she might not be able to handle a long distance realtionship, and see what happens". Thats being pretty honest unless there are few more things you did not post here.

    Seven years ago, by law, if you sponsered her work visa and she gets laid off, fired or quits then decides to go "home", you would be responsible for paying the bill to send her back home. They may have changed federal law by now, i'm not sure.

    I recommend taking a step back and realize you had good feelings and intentions. Try to enjoy the relationship for what is was, keep the door open for her and move on in life. Sorry, just my 2 cents, as your post was directed to the ladies only.
    "Peter, did you take Stewie to a strip-club? He smells like sweat and fear." - Lois and Stewie (Family Guy) ... "Through early morning fog I see, Visions of the things to be, The pains that are withheld for me, I realize and I can see..."

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    Default Re:Dating a dancer

    Quote Originally Posted by WiseGuy_TX link=board=27;threadid=11371;start=msg143791#msg14 3791 date=1090785245
    RM, trolling, in my opinion, is when a new poster drops a thread with the intent to piss off the ladies or elicit their responses just to stir things up. Your original post had very little info to work with but your additional info made it more valid.


    Thanks guys. My intent is not to piss anyone off. I am just hurt and was looking for some advice. I wish I could give up some more info but I cant.

    and thanks for your replies :-)

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    Featured Member polecat's Avatar
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    Default Re:Dating a dancer

    Thanks for the extra details RM. It all makes perfect sense now. And oh boy, how I can relate!

    Quote Originally Posted by romantic_male link=board=27;threadid=11371;start=msg143719#msg14 3719 date=1090774752
    In that time she would talk to me about moving with me and to plan a future with me. As the time got closer for me to leave she started getting depressed.
    Yeah, been there, done that... multiple times. It's a load of bullshit, she's got other things going on and you'll never get the truth.. instead all you'll get is unrealistic drama with no intention of hers to follow through on any of it.

    If I had a nickel for every time a woman has done this shit, I'd be fucking retired... no lie.


    My problem is I felt as if she "lead me on" she should have been honest with me from the night that I left.
    Women that do this don't see it as 'leading you on"- they have some sort of brain damage that tells them to make daily expressive reminders of something with 46 million to one odds... then get all depressed when the universe (with no effort of their own) doesn't magically intervene to win that lottery. But hey, as long as there is still that chance an asteroid will impact the earth leaving only 40 square miles of the planet inhabitable where you two just so happen to be, might as well keep the dream alive. They dont understand how the lack of focused intention is interpretted by guys... it's much worse than just laying it all down truthfully from the start.

    Get aquainted with the 'clean break' technique and utilize it. Tell her it's over, delete her off speed-dial, set her number as blocked for incoming, go through your place to get rid of any remnants of her that may be remaining and try your best to prepare to move on. It's tough until you've gone through all of the above. You wont be fully cured until you have an ass slappin', hair pulling good time with the next candidate... and pray the next one doesn't go all 'brain damage' on you in 3 months also.

    Good luck.
    It doesn't matter if you're somebody in this world, it rather matters you mean the whole world to somebody.

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    Default Re:Dating a dancer

    Yeah, been there, done that... multiple times. It's a load of bullshit, she's got other things going on and you'll never get the truth.. instead all you'll get is unrealistic drama with no intention of hers to follow through on any of it.


    Wow. Thanks Polecat. I am still keeping a little bit of hope. But I just think its time to call ALL ties loose. Thanks for your advice.

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    Veteran Member Lurker_001's Avatar
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    Default Re:Dating a dancer

    She took you home and fucked you i'm assuming and you wanted to leave to another state?

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