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Thread: Yes...I AM an asshole...and it is my right...

  1. #1
    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Yes...I AM an asshole...and it is my right...

    The Asshole Bill of Rights
    ------------------------------------------------
    As an ASSHOLE, I proclaim the following:

    I will live my life the way I deem fit, screw political correctness.

    If I want to eat a cow, I will eat a cow.

    I have the right to hang up on telemarketers midsentence and not have to worry about whether or not I was polite.

    If I think someone's an idiot, I will tell him, "You're an idiot."

    If you don't know what you're talking about, shut the hell up.

    If you are not going to like the answer, do not ask me the question.

    You may have the right to speak, but I don't have to listen to you.

    Before you tell me how to run my life, be certain that your own is squeaky clean.

    Speaking of Blockbuster, if I don't return the tape right away, you do not have to actually sue me for $15!!

    It's ignorant to charge someone $25 if they bounce a check for $5. If I didn't have the $5, what makes you think I'm going to have $25 you retards!!

    If you don't like the way I drive then at the next red light get out from under my car.

    If your dog or cat is so smart, then why do you talk to it like it's a newborn baby?

    If I shoot you while you're committing a crime, and you try to sue me for it, I'll shoot you again.

    Courtesy of Ben Franklin: Anyone who would give up freedoms and liberties for temporary security deserves neither freedom or security.

    If you live in Tornado Alley, don't whine when you get hit by a tornado.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

  2. #2
    Veteran Member kellyallstar's Avatar
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    Default Re:Yes...I AM an asshole...and it is my right...

    my husband is going to love this.
    I'm here to make money. NOT make friends, if I make a friend then it's a bonus.

    I'd rather be absolutely ridiculous that absolutely boring

    Quote Originally Posted by mediocrity View Post
    I don't hate men. I hate everyone equally.
    Quote Originally Posted by CandySeattle
    Kelly you're so raunchy, but in a proper way.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    Dude, it's not her "world" it's her job. It's not some sort of Pavlovian trance that dancers go into when they smell money, it's simply how they make a living.

  3. #3
    God/dess whirlerz's Avatar
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    Default Re:Yes...I AM an asshole...and it is my right...

    Cool, Moj.


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

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    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re:Yes...I AM an asshole...and it is my right...

    Unfortunately,not enough people think this way.AMEN,BROTHER!!!
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




  5. #5
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re:Yes...I AM an asshole...and it is my right...

    The first step is admitting that you are the problem...heh heh heh

    Congrats on taking the first step Mojo!!

  6. #6
    God/dess Gynger's Avatar
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    Default Re:Yes...I AM an asshole...and it is my right...

    Assholes Anonymous....

    Hello, I am (insert name) and I am an asshole....


    LOL.. I love it mojo.. I printed it.. definately a keeper.


    [/URL]
    [/URL]



  7. #7
    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re:Yes...I AM an asshole...and it is my right...

    Heh.. Love it, Babes!


  8. #8
    Veteran Member Ferrari's Avatar
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    Default Re:Yes...I AM an asshole...and it is my right...

    That was totally cool. Love it!
    Like the car, I'm exotic, erotic, and expensive....

  9. #9
    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re:Yes...I AM an asshole...and it is my right...

    Heh.. You know, this reminds me of a song..



    Folks
    I'd like to sing a song about the American Dream
    About me,
    About you,
    About the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottoms of our chests,
    About that special feelting we get in the cockles of our hearts
    Or maybe below the cockles,
    Maybe in the sub cockle area,
    Maybe in the liver,
    Maybe in the kidneys,
    Maybe even in the colon,
    We don't know

    I'm just a regular joe,
    With a regular job.
    I'm your average white,
    Suburbanite slob.
    I like football, and porno, and books about war.
    I've got an average house,
    With a nice hardwood floor.
    My wife, and my job, my kids, and my car,
    My feet on the table,
    With a Cuban cigar.
    But sometimes that just ain't enough,
    To keep a man like me interested,
    Oh no, no way, uh uhh.
    No I gotta go out and have fun,
    At someone elses expense,
    Oh yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah,

    I drive really slow,
    In the ultra fast lane,
    while people, behind me, are going insane.

    I'm an asshole
    (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
    I'm an asshole
    (he's an asshole, such an asshole)

    I use public toilets,
    And I piss on the seat,
    I walk around in the summer time,
    Sayin' "How about this heat?"

    I'm an asshole
    (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
    I'm an asshole
    (he's the worlds biggest asshole)

    Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces,
    While handicapped People, make handicapped faces,

    I'm an asshole
    (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
    I'm an asshole
    (he's a big fucking asshole)

    Maybe I shouldnt be singing this song,
    Ranting and raving and carring on,
    Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong.
    NAAAHHHHH

    I'm an asshole
    (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
    I'm an asshole
    (he's the worlds biggest asshole)

    You know what I'm gonna do?
    I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadaliac Eldarado Convertable,
    Hot Pink!
    With whale skin hub caps,
    An all leather cow interior,
    And big brown baby seal eyes for headlights.
    YEAH!
    And I'm gonna drive around in that baby,
    At 115 miles per hour,
    Getting one mile per gallon,
    Sucking down quarter pounder cheeseburgers from McDonalds in the old-fasioned non-biodegradable styrafoam containers.
    And when I'm done sucking down those grease ball burgers,
    I'm gonna wipe my mouth in the American flag,
    And then I'm gonna toss the styrafoam containers right out the side,
    And there ain't a God damn thing anybody can do about it,
    You know why?
    'Cause we got the bombs, that's why.
    Two words, Nuclear Fucking Weapons OK.
    Russia, Germany, Romania,
    They can have all the democracy they want.
    They can have a big democracy cake,
    Walk right through the middle of Tienemen Square,
    And it won't make a lick of difference,
    Because we got the bombs OK!
    John Wayne's not dead,
    He's frozen.
    And as soon as we find a cure for cancer, we're gonna thaw out the duke.
    And he's gonna be pretty pissed off,
    You know why?
    Have you ever taken a cold shower?
    Well multiply that by 15 million times,
    That's how pissed off the duke's gonna be.
    I'm gonna get the duke,
    And John Cassavetes,
    And Lee Marvin
    And Sam Peckinpah,
    And a case of whiskey,
    And drive down to Texas,
    And,
    (hey, Hey, You know you really are an asshole)
    Why don't you shut up and sing the song pal,
    You know the whole time I thought I was that asshole,
    And it turns out it was him,
    What an Asshole

    I'm an asshole
    (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
    I'm an asshole
    (he's the worlds biggest asshole)

    A, SS, HO, LE
    Everybody,
    A, SS, HO, LE

    I'm an asshole, and I'm Proud of it!

  10. #10
    Veteran Member Ferrari's Avatar
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    Default Re:Yes...I AM an asshole...and it is my right...

    OH HELL YEAH!!! I love Leary, Rhi!!!

    Like the car, I'm exotic, erotic, and expensive....

  11. #11
    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re:Yes...I AM an asshole...and it is my right...

    Heh.. Isn't he great? I adore him! I still remember his commercials way back when he'd be talking about Cindy Crawford and Eskimo Pies.. He'd go on and on for like 5 minutes LOL


  12. #12
    God/dess AinNY's Avatar
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    Default Re:Yes...I AM an asshole...and it is my right...

    lol...those commercials were great....he fell off after that...hes still funny tho.

  13. #13
    Veteran Member Ferrari's Avatar
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    Default Re:Yes...I AM an asshole...and it is my right...

    Life's gonna suck when you grow up! ' Cause it sucks pretty bad right now!!! (My fellow Leary fans will understand!)
    Like the car, I'm exotic, erotic, and expensive....

  14. #14
    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re:Yes...I AM an asshole...and it is my right...

    He's on a new show that's on FX. It's not bad at all, and it's nice to see him doing a series that reflects his cause. "Rescue Me" is about New York firefighters after 9/11. He set up a foundation in the memory of those lost on that day, and also to support all those who are Firefighters today. Very cool if you ask me.. Links below.



    His foundation site:

  15. #15
    Veteran Member Mercury_Deep's Avatar
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    Default Re:Yes...I AM an asshole...and it is my right...

    I LOVE Dennis Lery's new show...
    Eyeliner and charisma go a long way!

  16. #16
    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re:Yes...I AM an asshole...and it is my right...

    Dennis Leary has awesome hair!
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




  17. #17
    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re:Yes...I AM an asshole...and it is my right...

    Holy shit.....I've never heard this song before...it's beautiful....I got teary eyed... especially "Two words, Nuclear Fucking Weapons OK?"

    a href=http://www-personal.umich.edu/~gmbrown/denis/sounds/ahole.au
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

  18. #18
    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re:Yes...I AM an asshole...and it is my right...

    LOL.. You've never heard it? Damn! It's been forever..

    It's great isn't it? lol..

    My favorite line is "Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces while the handicapped people make handicapped faces"


  19. #19
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    Default Re:Yes...I AM an asshole...and it is my right...

    OMG thank you for posting the Asshole Bill of Rights.

    I like Denis Leary. Believe it or not, he looks and sounds just like my step dad. XD

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