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Thread: Have I got a story for you.......

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    Senior Member brandys's Avatar
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    Default Have I got a story for you.......

    my SO dosn't know i dance. I have managed to hide it for 6 months now. I know i need to tell him , but i wanted to ease into it , so i talked him into letting me do a amature night at a different club.i figured i would go win it , he would see it isn't so bad , and i could tell him i got a job at a better club. sounds like a plan , right ? WRONG !!!

    I get up on stage and do my act , toning it down a bit to make it look like i didn't know what i was doing.I did well , and he was happy and horny so everything was going fine. I don't mean this to sound concieted , but i belive i was the prettiest girl there.
    then the next girl got up there....
    oh my god ! she was touching herself and rubbing all over everyone and hangin from the ceiling [literaly ] the other girls followed suit............
    I work at whats considered to be a classy club here , and granted , the club doing the contest is kind of ghetto , but i never imagined it would be like that. I was shocked at what i saw them girls doing.
    well , long story short , i didn't win and left feeling like a jackass. my SO now thinks all clubs are like that , and since i didn't win , i feel really stupid. [he told me i needed to pratice more , damn it]
    I feel really self concise now , and i didn't sell but one dance today at work. and now i don't have any idea how to tell him what i do [i know he would really flip out and want me to quit , but i like my job , and i love him ,we have a child togeather , and i would really like to have both. ]
    someone please help me !


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    Veteran Member Mercury_Deep's Avatar
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    Default Re:Have I got a story for you.......



    Oh what a tangled web we weave...
    Eyeliner and charisma go a long way!

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    Default Re:Have I got a story for you.......

    Quote Originally Posted by Ice Queen link=board=27;threadid=11550;start=msg146832#msg14 6832 date=1091233868


    Oh what a tangled web we weave...
    My thoughts exactly. It may be too late to help. You needed to be honest with him at the beginning. The longer you maintain a lie, the harder it is to undo the damage.

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    Senior Member brandys's Avatar
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    Default Re:Have I got a story for you.......

    where's the great advice ?

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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re:Have I got a story for you.......

    Oh what a tangled web we weave...
    Could not have said it better.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    Senior Member brandys's Avatar
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    Default Re:Have I got a story for you.......

    hey , I know i screwed up , I need help , not verafication that i messed up.................
    anybody ?

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    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re:Have I got a story for you.......

    Brandy, I'm taxing my brain to try and come up with some advice that would do some good. Unfortunately every scenario I come up with has a risk of making matters even worse. The problem is that you can't show him what dancing in your classy club is like without him discovering that you've been dancing there regularly for the past several months without telling him. You can't even switch to a different classy club in your city (assuming that there IS another one!) because you're certain to run into other dancers and/or customers who know you from your previous club.

    The least damaging scenario I can come up with is to simply come clean with your guy.

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    God/dess erotictonic's Avatar
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    Default Re:Have I got a story for you.......

    You HAVE made a mess. You should've thought about the consequences beforehand. The contest stuff just made your lie look even worse now... such deceit. I'm not proud of your behavior at all, and if I were your bf, I would leave you. If that is what you want to do and he doesn't like it, then you should find someone who does. Tell him the truth now. It's not fair for him to be dating a dancer if he doesn't want to. And it's not fair for him to be lied to. Would you want to be in his shoes? Makes him look like a god damn fool.... If he can't handle the fact that you dance, then you need to find a better match for you.

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    Senior Member brandys's Avatar
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    Default Re:Have I got a story for you.......

    trust me , i really want to tell him , it's eating me alive , i just can't do it. we have a 9 month old lil girl togeather [we don't live togeather though ] and i'm scared to death to lose him. any idea's on the best way to break it to him ?

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    Default Re:Have I got a story for you.......

    Quote Originally Posted by erotictonic link=board=27;threadid=11550;start=msg146917#msg14 6917 date=1091248737
    You HAVE made a mess. You should've thought about the consequences beforehand. The contest stuff just made your lie look even worse now... such deceit. I'm not proud of your behavior at all, and if I were your bf, I would leave you. If that is what you want to do and he doesn't like it, then you should find someone who does. Tell him the truth now. It's not fair for him to be dating a dancer if he doesn't want to. And it's not fair for him to be lied to. Would you want to be in his shoes? Makes him look like a god damn fool.... If he can't handle the fact that you dance, then you need to find a better match for you.
    I'd like to offer some useful advice, but ... well, thing is Erotic is right on the money on this one. And I'm having a heck of a time imagining how this scenerio could possibly play out in a positive way.

    About the only advice I can give is absolutely DO NOT (under any circumstances) turn your apology around on him and blaim him for the lie. Don't go there, and don't even hint at going there. Absolutely no statements like "I just didn't want to tell you because I knew you wouldn't understand" - bad, very very very bad.

    If there is any chance this will play out okay in the long run, it will only be because you are really remorseful for your behavior, and it is clear to him that you are indeed remorseful about it. Turn it around on him, and he will feel like an even bigger fool.



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    Featured Member GnBeret's Avatar
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    Default Re:Have I got a story for you.......

    Well, for what it's worth, I'd advise you to either keep it to yourself, continue living the lie, and hope Murphy's Law - in the form of a friend of his seeing you, running into a customer in public, etc. - doesn't get you... or, if you're going to tell him, tell him you were curious about dancing and have been hanging out with a dancer friend at the club for a few days to see what it's like (so you can explain knowing others in the club), and then try to cover your ass by telling him it'll make you self-conscious for him to come in the club, etc., and doing whatever else you can to keep anyone from tipping him off that you've been there for last 6 months. While I'm sure many here will disagree, I know someone in the same position and, after meeting her, bounced the question off of several of my friends... and to a man, every single one of them said they'd have a far easier time with finding out they're SO had been cheating on them than finding out she was dancing without them knowing about it. Mark my words... you up and tell him out of the blue that you've been dancing for the last 6 months, and your worst fears re his reaction will be realized and then some...
    "That's your answer Old Man? I guess you're a Hard Case too...."
    - Luke
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    - Boss, re Luke

    If there's one thing in my life these years have taught me,
    it's that you can always see it coming, but you can never stop it.
    -Cowboy Junkies

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    Veteran Member Kittie's Avatar
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    Default Re:Have I got a story for you.......

    Unfortunately, I don't think there is a "good" way to tell him at this point because you've already lied to him. Even if you sell him on the good points such as how you are working to help support your child, flexible hours that allow you to spend the maximium amount of time with your daughter, good money, the fact that you really like your job, that your club is classier than the one you took him to, etc........the point is you still lied and that's probably what he's going to focus the most on. It's funny but I notice from listening to some of my friends, and reading some of the posts on this board, people can handle so many things in relationships. They can deal with and accept so much bullshit and drama (not that dancing is all about bullshit and drama all the time). The thing that really gets them is dishonesty. People will put up with alot if their partner is honest about it. It's the lie that hurts. So when you make your apology to this guy (and he does deserve one) be sure to apologize for the lie. Don't necessarily apologize for dancing, because it's someting you really want to do, just apologize for the lie.

    If he loves you, he'll eventually get over it and be supportive. Notice I said eventually. He's not likely to be okay with it right away. And I would definitely tell him sooner rather than later. The longer you wait the worse it'll be.

    Good luck.

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    Senior Member brandys's Avatar
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    Default Re:Have I got a story for you.......

    i'm thinking of not telling him i've been working there this long , but that i just started like 2 days ago or something. I know that still isn't the best thing to do , but its all i can think of , and then at least he knows i'm dancing now. any advice on how to tell him i'm dancing?

  14. #14
    aussiepunkshocker
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    Default Re:Have I got a story for you.......

    Just be honest now and be strong too! Remember you are an adult who is perfectly able to make choices and know what's best for you and your child. no-one else should be trying to tell you what you can and can't do. Theres NOTHING wrong with dancing and if he thinks there is then he needs to educate himself. At least he's seen what you do and if he didn't have a problem with it then why should he now? He said you needed practice - isn't that a good sign when you think about it? (-:
    What needs to be adressed is why you felt you had to lie to him. As far as I can see, that's the only real problem. Hope it all works out for you!!!

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    Featured Member GnBeret's Avatar
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    Default Re:Have I got a story for you.......

    Quote Originally Posted by brandys link=board=27;threadid=11550;start=msg146946#msg14 6946 date=1091256012
    ...any advice on how to tell him i'm dancing?
    Depends on how much experience he's had as a customer in clubs. If little to none, focus on how little you have to do for the money, etc., and how it's nothing like what he might imagine. If fair to much, you're going to have to sell him hard on how much you love him and he can trust you, etc. Whatever you do, do not show the least little bit of embarrassment or shame about it - an be extremely indignant with him when the first hint of anything going on in clubs first comes up, 'cause you have to make him believe there's no chance of your fooling around in there before there's any chance of his accepting your working there.
    "That's your answer Old Man? I guess you're a Hard Case too...."
    - Luke
    "Some men, you just can't reach...."
    - Boss, re Luke

    If there's one thing in my life these years have taught me,
    it's that you can always see it coming, but you can never stop it.
    -Cowboy Junkies

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    Veteran Member goldclubbing's Avatar
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    Default Re:Have I got a story for you.......

    Just curious but how did he think you were supporting your child and yourself?

    Why don' t you just invite him down to your club. Call him while your working and when he gets there spend the rest of your shift with him and make him feel like he's the MAN. At the end of the night ask what he thinks of the place...if you've done your job right he'll say fantastic...then tell him good thing because I'm working here. Isn't so much better than that last place?

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    Veteran Member Kittie's Avatar
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    Default Re:Have I got a story for you.......

    Quote Originally Posted by brandys link=board=27;threadid=11550;start=msg146803#msg14 6803 date=1091226232
    oh my god ! she was touching herself and rubbing all over everyone and hangin from the ceiling [literaly ] the other girls followed suit............
    I work at whats considered to be a classy club here , and granted , the club doing the contest is kind of ghetto , but i never imagined it would be like that. I was shocked at what i saw them girls doing.
    Um......I was reading through some of the other sections on this site, and I saw your post about escorting..........now, I'm just curious, but if you did shower and toy and girl/girl shows before, why would you be shocked about some girl touching herself?

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    Senior Member brandys's Avatar
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    Default Re:Have I got a story for you.......

    this was in a club ! I woud never do anything like that in a club. escorting is entirelly different. And I really didn't expect to see it in a amature contest !
    I may have a little freak in me , but the club is not where i put it out there.
    what I do in a man's home behind closed doors for a lot of money is one thing , and what you do on stage in a club for one dollar tips for all to see is another.
    I've been to a lot of clubs , and never had i seen anything like this.

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    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re:Have I got a story for you.......

    Tell him you are going to get a job as a dancer to try it out for a while.....period.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

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    Featured Member polecat's Avatar
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    Default Re:Have I got a story for you.......

    Well brandy...

    You are asking us to somehow guess the nature of your boyfriend... which is what it really comes down to. From the very limited information that you have given... and possibly some wrong assumptions from it...

    You mentioned you went to an audition with him. It sounds as if he was okay with that. You also said you thought you were the prettiest one there- did he verbally contribute to this notion? You also said that when you didn't win, he was supportive with "you just need to practice more".. if these two are true, things are already in your favor as he sounds like the supportive type. Add on that the two of you have a child together; is he a good father? He didn't run off either and is doing the right thing as well.

    Everything you've given paints a pretty good picture for someone that can take the truth. The problem is, you have several bombshells to drop at him at once: 1- of course, you are an exotic dancer/stripper, 2- you've been lieing to him for an extended period of time, 3- you didn't give him the benefit of the doubt of being understanding, 4- you created that big audition scheme.

    If he's anything like your hints describe, I think everything else aside from your being a dancer is going to hurt him more than the dancing itself.

    Given all this, you now SHOULD give him the benefit of the doubt (and express it as such) and start from the start and finish at the end. Lay it all out, from your turmoil, to what you do, to the audition plan.. everything... then give him some time to vent and give him some space to deal with it. Being an exotic dancer isn't something that really requires forgiveness.. but lieing to someone and trying to scheme a way around the truth does... so give him time to forgive. If he's worth it, he will and you'll both be better for it.
    It doesn't matter if you're somebody in this world, it rather matters you mean the whole world to somebody.

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    Senior Member brandys's Avatar
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    Default Re:Have I got a story for you.......

    you know pole cat , i think your right , and i feel horrible. he is a good boyfriend , and he let me try it after a few months of talking him into it , but he does not want me to dance. any ideas on how to break the news. i can't just call him up and say''baby , i been lying to you , i'm a dancer'' i know i should , but i just don't have the balls for that.
    has anyone here starting dancing a few yrs into there relationship? how did you break the news?

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    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re:Have I got a story for you.......

    brandys - scroll up....tell him you're going to try it.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

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    Default Re:Have I got a story for you.......

    yup...telling him you're gonna try it or have just started is probably the best half-truth you could use. you probably shouldn't keep the lie going, since it's effecting you so much, and since you'll probably get caught eventually. i think you should just come clean, but i can see how you might not want to.

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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re:Have I got a story for you.......

    Good lord...what a bunch of drama! I would say that you just need to come clean. Why lie about how long you've been dancing for? If you are going to come clean, you are going to need to be honest about everything...right now. You may need to give him a little space...most people take being lied to extremely hard and he may need some time to himself to sort through his feelings. However, leave an open invitation for him to visit you at the club. Tell him the days that you work and let him come in and see you.

    It just doesn't seem right to lie about the length of time you have been dancing. Obviously...you most likely will get caught in that lie too. I can almost guarantee you that if he finds out you lied to him AGAIN...the relationship will surely be over...do you really want to risk that?

    Just be completely and totally honest with him about ALL of it. Take it from there. Unfortuately (?)...you are just going to have to deal with the consequences of your decisions. Sorry...I don't have any other advice to offer you.

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    Default Re:Have I got a story for you.......

    I agree with polecat on many points. Brandys, does he pay child support or give you money? Does he have custody rights to your child? Why would "he let me try it"...is he controlling your life? I assume he is not living with you based on 6 months of dancing and a best friend working too.

    On one hand i agree with MJ. Tell him you have been going to amatuer nights and even danced a few nights already. Break him in slowly and gauge his reaction. Reassure him that you love him if he gets mad. Is he the kind of person that can accept your dancing?

    On the other hand i agree with VG. He will find out you danced by accident or rumor or however. Beyond the shock of knowing you danced, his greatest pain will be one of deception and violation of trust.

    "Peter, did you take Stewie to a strip-club? He smells like sweat and fear." - Lois and Stewie (Family Guy) ... "Through early morning fog I see, Visions of the things to be, The pains that are withheld for me, I realize and I can see..."

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