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Thread: Help...big decision!

  1. #26
    Senior Member Natascha's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help...big decision!

    Now that she knows you have been a stripper, she will always be suspicious. If you go on a trip or seem to have anything expensive (a stereo, etc.), she will assume you are doing it again. If you felt so guilty about dancing that you broke down and told her, imagine how guilty you will feel if you continue to dance KNOWING that she is looking for the signs. You will have to be even more secretive, almost devious, to keep it from her now.

    The hardest thing about dancing, for me, is the secretive aspect. Noone in my family knows about it. Still, I completely support myself. If my parents were supporting me as your mother is doing, I would feel terrible as well. You say your mother supports you, not mentioning your father. Did she raise you as a single mother? If so, think about the hardships she endured so you could go to school. If she can only afford to give you a $100 allowance per month, I assume that it is because she is indeed struggling to give you all that she can. I think your money from dancing should go to alleviate some of the burden she is carrying. If you are an adult capable of making the decision to dance, then you should not rely on her. You can make enough in this business to pay for school, books, food, rent, and all of the extras.
    Your mom is paying for school, books, rent, and some food. Are you honestly dancing just to put food in your mouth? Or are you dancing to give yourself extras. I don't think its fair to take her money and use it for subsistence while using your dancing money for expendables (CDS, going out, clothes). Especially if she is so upset about it

    Don't dance until she is no longer supporting you. You can always get loans!
    Good luck...I sympathize!

  2. #27
    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help...big decision!

    If you truly wish that your mother's attitude would change, perhaps take doc catfish's advice and try to work a part time straight job 20 hours a week. Tell your mom to be prepared to fork over more tuition money next year as your government tuition assistance payments are likely to drop as a result of your part time job's reported income. When she complains, you can offer to either accept an extra $100 a month in cash from your mother and not work the part time job, or you can return to dancing or a different 'under the table' job where your earnings won't be immediately reported to the government and your tuition assistance payments won't be reduced.

  3. #28
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    Default Re:Help...big decision!

    Nothing is as convinient as dancing while going to school. It will be hard for her to work a part time job , as Im sure she will not be able to make her own schedule. It will interfere with studying, homework, research etc. Stacking walls for 4 hours every night is a sure way to do this.
    I know the idea of lying to our parents is very wrong, but in her situation I dont think she has many options to be honest. Coupled with both the fact that she has already had a taste of the money, and most of all loves to dance, it will be hard for her to not go back.
    I would go back to dancing, and in a months time, tell her you no longer need her support. That way you dont feel too guilty about things.
    Good Luck!!!

  4. #29
    Senior Member Charisma's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help...big decision!

    Wow! I didn't expect so much helpful advice so quickly. Thank you everyone! Let me clarify a few things, though:

    -i've been looking for a "real" job since i quit, and nothing has surfaced

    -last year i told my parents that if they wanted to pay tuition that was fine, but that i would like to pay my own rent and bills and food, etc. Believe it or not, they wouldn't do it. My mom just kind of waved it aside " oh you're not ready, you couldn't support yourself like that" The subject has not come up for discussion since.

    -After next semester i won't get any more tuition from them, and i go to a $20,000 a year school (its because school is taking me longer than 4 years)

    -25 dollars a week is very easy to use up when the bus costs two bucks a ride, and you're running all over town trying to find a job, plus groceries of course

    -i originally didn't want to tell her, but she calls every day w/o fail and asks a hundred nosy questions about my life. I told her about dancing, because she could tell pieces weren't fitting together and thought the worst, and started accusing me of having a drug problem or something, so, figuring the truth sure was a lot better than a drug problem, i told her. I kind of think she'd have preferred the drug problem.

    -Yes, she lives far away, i'm in chicago, and she's in virginia

    -It's Dad's money, but Dad and i don't really get along, My whole life he'd said "When you're 18 you're out of the house, i'll pay your tuition, but don't come back here looking for food and doing your laundry." I took it to heart, but apparently he was just kidding, at least that's what mom says. Mom sends me the money and doesn't tell him about it.

    -Not that it should matter, but they are far from struggling, themselves. Dad, just bought a $40,000 dollar sportscar and a $20,000 motorcycle. And good for him, he's earned it. I just bring this up, because 100 dollars isn't such a huge sacrifice for them. My little sister gets more, but thats because she got a full ride scholarship.

    Also, if there are any people here from chicago, who know of any job openings, maybe ya'll could help me out. I really want to work in a bar, maybe to cocktail waitress or something, but i'm very recently 21, so have no bar experience on the resume...i'm not having much luck. Pizza place, pet food store, boutique, i'll take just about anything right now!


    Thanks again to everyone, God! what would i do w/o this board!

    -Charisma

  5. #30
    Senior Member Charisma's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help...big decision!

    I just thought I'd update everyone who gave me such helpful advice. My mother and i have come to a compromise right at the same time the perfect job opened up. I'm going back to dancing, but this time in a cage I found a want ad for (non-nude)go-go dancers in a regular nightclub, and mom's ok with this! Hurrah! I knew something would work out eventually!

    -C

  6. #31
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help...big decision!

    That's great news!! You have to let us know how it goes!!

    BTW...at a Chicago club? Which one? I might come and visit!!

  7. #32
    Member WickedNYGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help...big decision!

    Hey Sweetie,
    Congratulations! See, eventually everything works out! Glad you and your mom found a nice "middle ground" Congrats again!

  8. #33
    Featured Member discretedancer's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help...big decision!

    For me, the biggest issue here is you are an adult - but not a completely independent one (been there, done that). Until you are free from your mom's dole in every way (tuition and rent easily constitute ten to twenty thousand dollars a year I'd guess) you need to respect her -or refuse the money.

    Whatever happens, don't lie to her - maybe soften the blow saying you're a waitress or something, but don't lie about where. She's not an idiot and you already see what hurt the lies (may) have caused

    Once off her dole, you can do what you wish...just let her know that yu love her and respect her and have (most) of the values she shared with you

    whatever you do, preserve the relationship with your mother...that will last much longer than any dancing gig.

  9. #34
    Featured Member cottoncandy's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help...big decision!

    That's great you and your mom came to an agreement and you get to dance!

  10. #35
    Veteran Member ladysummer's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help...big decision!

    Congrats on compromising, but remember in the end you are the one who has to live with what you do and if you are fine with yourself than make no apologies and do what makes you happy.

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