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Thread: Hmmm...

  1. #1
    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Hmmm...

    1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

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    2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

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    3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

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    4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?

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    5. There are three religious truths:
    a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
    b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
    c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.

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    6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

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    7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

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    8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

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    9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

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    10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?

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    11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

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    12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

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    13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

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    14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

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    15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

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    16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me .. they're cramming for their final exam.

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    17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

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    18. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

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    19. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

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    20. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

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    21. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

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    22. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

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  2. #2
    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re:Hmmm...

    LMAO,Rhi!!!!!
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




  3. #3
    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re:Hmmm...

    Sounds very Stephen Wrightish.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

  4. #4
    God/dess A_Guy's Avatar
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    Default Re:Hmmm...

    Quote Originally Posted by Rhiannon link=board=1;threadid=12190;start=msg157015#msg157 015 date=1092628498
    2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?


    I've always wondered this myself... I have yet to find a restaurant that has that special invisible barrier that prevents the smoke from entering the non-smoking area.

  5. #5
    Jay Zeno
    Guest

    Default Re:Hmmm...

    If olive oil is made from olives, what is baby oil made from?

    Canned food in Africa, because of high rates of illiteracy, almost always has a picture on the label of what the food is. Explains why Gerber had problems introducing their products on the continent.

    You can switch a switch and watch a watch. But can you switch a watch and watch a switch? That's why when I wind up a watch, I start it; when I wind up this sentence, I end it.

    Why do we send cargo by ships and shipments by cars?

    Why do we park on a driveway but drive on a parkway?

    Why do we recite at a play and play at a recital?

    If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

    Why when the sun is out, it's light, but when the light is out, it's dark?

    Can your house burn up? Or burn down? Shouldn't there be a difference?

    How can you fill in an application by filling it out?

    Why do we say the human race? Humans are a species, of which races are subsets. And why is it a species, not a specie?

    Bonus for the Political Poo section:

    If the opposite of pro is con, what's the opposite of progress? (Thank you, Gallagher)

  6. #6
    Veteran Member madison_leigh's Avatar
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    Default Re:Hmmm...

    If you throw a cat out a car window, is it kitty litter?

    Only in America:

    Can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance

    Do they have handicapped parking spaces in front of roller rinks
    My breasts have a career, I'm just tagging along

    "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but it may be necessary from time to time to give the stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye." -- Miss Piggy

  7. #7
    God/dess Lexi's Avatar
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    Default Re:Hmmm...

    Only in America do you have to walk to the back of a store to get to the pharmacy (when you can be really sick) yet buy a pack of cigarrettes at the front. lol

  8. #8
    God/dess
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    Default Re:Hmmm...

    Lol! Rhi you always have the funniest stuff!!

    So what do bald guys have on their driver's license?



    Because there ain't no tits on the radio

  9. #9
    Veteran Member bloodydewdrop's Avatar
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    Default Re:Hmmm...

    This is funny as hell rhiannon . I like the Evian one especially.

  10. #10
    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re:Hmmm...

    Quote Originally Posted by MojoJojo link=board=1;threadid=12190;start=msg157118#msg157 118 date=1092641646
    Sounds very Stephen Wrightish.
    LOL Exactly Mojo!

    "I like Skating.. On the other side of the ice"

    "I have powdered water.. Just add water"

    He's great.. lol

  11. #11
    God/dess FBR's Avatar
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    Default Re:Hmmm...

    Rhia thanks for the laugh I need it today

    FBR
    Once again I have embraced my addiction and have put off the moral dilemma to another day.

  12. #12
    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re:Hmmm...

    If you butter toast and glue it to the back of a cat...then throw it out the window............... what happens?
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

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