1. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
2. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
3. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
4. Do I look like a freakin' people person?
5. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
6. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
7. I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.
8. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
9. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
10. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
11. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
12. Adults are just kids who owe money.
13. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
14. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
15. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
16. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
17. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?
18. All men are idiots, and I married their King.
19. Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
20. I Brake for no apparent reason.
21. Learn from your parents' mistakes -- use birth control.
22. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
23. Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
24. I love cats...they taste just like chicken.
25. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
26. Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
27. Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
28. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
29. OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
30. Few women admit their age; fewer men act it.
31. I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
32. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
33. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
34. Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
35. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
36. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
37. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
38. There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
39. Keep honking...I'm reloading....



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It still made me laugh though, go figure.






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