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Thread: In the interest of fairness, ladies...

  1. #1
    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default In the interest of fairness, ladies...

    Things Men Wish Women Knew


    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

    2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put it down.

    3. Birthdays, Valentines' Day and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present, again!

    4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    5. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

    6. Get rid of your cat. No, it's not different. It's just like every other cat.

    7. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.

    8. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot, and your dad probably is too.

    9. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

    10. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.

    11. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

    12. A headache that lasts 7 months is a problem. See a doctor.

    13. Your mom doesn't have to be our best friend.

    14. Have the oil checked.

    15. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take "the quiz" from Cosmo together.

    16. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 24 hours.

    17. If you don't like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

    18. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

    19. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

    20. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done. Not both.

    21. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.

    22. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

    23. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and its not going to deter us from reading the magazines.

    24. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.

    25. Anyone can buy condoms.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

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    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re:In the interest of fairness, ladies...

    LMAO!!!!!
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




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    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re:In the interest of fairness, ladies...

    At long last... The Men's Guide to what a woman really means when she says something. Pay close attention (there WILL be a quiz later).


    You want
    = You want

    We need
    = I want

    It's your decision
    = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

    Do what you want
    = You'll pay for this later.

    We need to talk
    = I need to complain

    Sure... go ahead
    = I don't want you to.

    I'm not upset
    = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

    You're ... so manly
    = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

    You're certainly attentive tonight.
    = Is sex all you ever think about?

    I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting!
    = I'm on my period.

    Be romantic, turn out the lights.
    = I have flabby thighs.

    This kitchen is so inconvenient
    = I want a new house.

    I want new curtains
    = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

    I need wedding shoes
    = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white.

    Hang the picture there
    = NO, I mean hang it there!

    I heard a noise
    = I noticed you were almost asleep.

    Do you love me?
    = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

    How much do you love me?
    = I did something today you're really not going to like.

    I'll be ready in a minute.
    = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

    Is my butt fat?
    = Tell me I'm beautiful.

    You have to learn to communicate.
    = Just agree with me.

    Are you listening to me!?
    = [Too late, you're dead.]

    Yes
    = No

    No
    = No

    Maybe
    = No

    I'm sorry.
    = You'll be sorry.

    Do you like this recipe?
    = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.

    Was that the baby?
    = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

    I'm not yelling!
    = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

    All we're going to buy is a soap dish
    = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new pocket books, and OMIGOD those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?
    (The answer to "What's wrong?")

    The same old thing
    = Nothing

    Nothing
    = Everything

    Everything
    = My PMS is acting up

    Nothing, really
    = It's just that you're such an jerk

    I don't want to talk about it
    = Go away, I'm still building up steam
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

  4. #4
    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re:In the interest of fairness, ladies...


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    God/dess NinaDaisy's Avatar
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    Default Re:In the interest of fairness, ladies...

    Quote Originally Posted by MojoJojo link=board=1;threadid=12366;start=msg159736#msg159 736 date=1092987278

    21. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
    Wasn't he trying to find ASIA?!?!? Yes, you DO need directions! Or a GPS system installed in your car for your birthday.
    "She has written so well, and marvellously well, that I was completely ashamed of myself as a writer...But this girl, who is to my knowledge very unpleasant and we might even say a high-grade bitch, can write rings around all of us who consider ourselves as writers"

    Ernest Hemingway on writer, aviation pioneer and horse trainer Beryl Markham


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    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re:In the interest of fairness, ladies...

    Quote Originally Posted by NinaDaisy link=board=1;threadid=12366;start=msg159819#msg159 819 date=1093004557
    Quote Originally Posted by MojoJojo link=board=1;threadid=12366;start=msg159736#msg159 736 date=1092987278

    21. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
    Wasn't he trying to find ASIA?!?!? Yes, you DO need directions! Or a GPS system installed in your car for your birthday.
    Huh,someone calling me???LOL!!!
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




  7. #7
    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re:In the interest of fairness, ladies...

    Wasn't he trying to find ASIA?!?!? Yes, you DO need directions! Or a GPS system installed in your car for your birthday.
    Not true. All the history books are wrong. All of 'em.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

  8. #8
    God/dess verfolgung's Avatar
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    Default Re:In the interest of fairness, ladies...

    Okay, I've been saving this one.....



    What's 6 inches long, 2.5 inches wide, and thrills women?

    Money!
    If you can't win. Make the fellow in front of you break the record.


  9. #9
    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re:In the interest of fairness, ladies...

    Quote Originally Posted by verfolgung link=board=1;threadid=12366;start=msg159832#msg159 832 date=1093005339
    Okay, I've been saving this one.....



    What's 6 inches long, 2.5 inches wide, and thrills women?

    Money!
    OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




  10. #10
    God/dess verfolgung's Avatar
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    Default Re:In the interest of fairness, ladies...

    How to Impress a Woman

    1) Wine her.
    2) Dine her.
    3) Call her.
    4) Hug her.
    5) Hold her.
    6) Surprise her.
    7) Compliment her.
    8 ) Smile at her.
    9) Laugh with her.
    10) Cry with her
    11) Cuddle with her.
    12) Shop with her.
    13) Give her jewelry.
    14) Buy her flowers.
    15) Hold her hand.
    16) Write love letters to her.
    17) Write poetry for her.
    1 Go to the end of the earth and back again for her.


    How to Impress a Man:

    1) Show up naked.
    2) Bring beer.

    (Yes, we are just simple creatures!)
    If you can't win. Make the fellow in front of you break the record.


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    God/dess NinaDaisy's Avatar
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    Default Re:In the interest of fairness, ladies...

    Not to be off-topic Mojo, but how did you get the SW logo on Mojo's turban?
    "She has written so well, and marvellously well, that I was completely ashamed of myself as a writer...But this girl, who is to my knowledge very unpleasant and we might even say a high-grade bitch, can write rings around all of us who consider ourselves as writers"

    Ernest Hemingway on writer, aviation pioneer and horse trainer Beryl Markham


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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re:In the interest of fairness, ladies...

    Probably either Photoshop or PaintShop... At any rate, some graphic editor.

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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re:In the interest of fairness, ladies...

    Quote Originally Posted by MojoJojo link=board=1;threadid=12366;start=msg159827#msg159 827 date=1093004895
    Wasn't he trying to find ASIA?!?!? Yes, you DO need directions! Or a GPS system installed in your car for your birthday.
    Not true. All the history books are wrong. All of 'em.
    So what's the truth? I think he just set sail...with no destination in mind to see where he'd end up...then he just said that that was the land he was aiming for anyways. LOL

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    God/dess DancerWealth's Avatar
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    Default Re:In the interest of fairness, ladies...

    Quote Originally Posted by verfolgung link=board=1;threadid=12366;start=msg159832#msg159 832 date=1093005339
    Okay, I've been saving this one.....
    What's 6 inches long, 2.5 inches wide, and thrills women?

    Money!
    Actually, I think the real joke is:

    What's 6 inches long, has a head on it, and makes women go "oooooooooh"?

    Answer: A 100 dollar bill!

    The ORIGINAL Stripper Sales School
    -
    Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle. ~Abraham Lincoln

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    Veteran Member Topaz's Avatar
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    Default Re:In the interest of fairness, ladies...

    thanks again everyone for reminding me why i quit dating...and have lost all desire to get married...
    Why do some people still have to fight...to get the same opportunities...that are given to others??...

    Look out for self...because noone else will...AND
    The greatest revenge in the world...is success...

    Reclusivness...is a good thing.

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re:In the interest of fairness, ladies...

    Quote Originally Posted by Topaz link=board=1;threadid=12366;start=msg159935#msg159 935 date=1093015148
    thanks again everyone for reminding me why i quit dating...and have lost all desire to get married...
    Topaz, tell me you didn't actually take this thread seriously... It's a joke thread.

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