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Thread: When you're from Texas...

  1. #1
    Veteran Member madison_leigh's Avatar
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    Default When you're from Texas...

    When you're from Texas, people who you meet ask you questions like, "Do you have any cows?"
    It's nice to be able to say yes. They ask you, "Do you have horses?"
    Yup.
    Bet you got a bunch of guns, eh?
    Of course.
    They all want to know if you've been to Southfork.
    They watched Dallas. Have you ever looked at a map of the world? Why sure you have. Look at Texas for me just for a second. That picture, with the Panhandle and the Gulf Coast, and the Red River and the Rio Grande is as much a part of you as anything ever will be. As soon as anyone anywhere in the world looks at it, they know what it is. It's Texas.

    Pick any kid off the street in Japan and draw him a picture of Texas in the dirt, and he'll know what it is.What happens if I show you a picture of any other state? You'll get it maybe after a second, but who else would? Even if you do, does it ever stir any feelings in you?

    In every man, woman and child on this little rock the Good Lord put us on, there is somewhere in them a person who wishes just once he could be a real live Texan and get up on a horse or ride in a pickup. Did you ever hear anyone in a restaurant go, "Wow... so you're from Ok-la-homa. Cool. Tell me about it"? There is some bit of Texas in everyone. Do you know why? Because Texas is Texas.

    Texas is the Alamo. Texas is 183 men standing in a church, facing thousands of Mexican soldiers, fighting for freedom, who had the chance to walk out and save themselves but stayed. We send our kids to schools named William B. Travis and Bowie, and do you know why? Because those men saw a line in the sand, and they decided to be heroes. John Wayne paid to do the movie himself. That is Texas.

    Texas is Sam Houston capturing Santa Ana at San Jacinto. Texas is Texas Independence Day and Juneteenth. Texas is huge forests of piney woods like the Davy Crockett National Forest. Texas is breathtaking mountains in Big Bend. Texas is shiny skyscrapers in Houston and Dallas. Texas is oak and cedar trees, cactus, Bluebonnets and Indian Paintbrush in the beautiful Texas Hill Country. Texas is world record bass from places like Lake Fork. Texas is Mexican food like nowhere in the world, even Mexico.

    Texas is larger-than-life legends like Earl Campbell and Nolan Ryan, Denton Cooley and Michael DeBakey, Lyndon Johnson, George Bush, and George W. Bush, Willie Nelson and Buddy Holly. Texas is great companies like Dell Computer and Compaq. Texas is huge herds of cattle and miles of crops. Texas is skies blackened with doves and leases full of deer. Texas is the best Bar-b-que anywhere. Texas is a place where cities shut down for the Cowboys on Monday Night Football and the streets are deserted during church.

    Texas is beaches, deserts, lakes and rivers, mountains and prairies.

    By federal law, Texas is the only state in the U.S. that can fly its flag at the same height as the U.S. flag. Think about that for a second. You fly the Stars and Stripes at 20 feet in Maryland, or California, or Maine, and your state flag goes at 17. You fly the Stars and Stripes in front of Pine Tree High in Longview, Texas, at 20 feet, and the Lone Star flies at 20 feet. Our capitol is the only one in the country that is taller than the capitol building in D.C. We signed those in as part of the deal when we came on. Texas was its own country. The Republic of Texas. Every time I think of all these things I tear up. All of them make you proud to be a Texan.

    Now having read all that, let me tell you about a Texan who died in Ogallala Nebraska back about 50 years ago. Turns out the Texan was so big that he wouldn't fit in any of the coffins the local undertaker had. Ogallala was a shipping point for Texas beef in the 1870s, nearly as big as Dodge City. The undertaker knew that there were Texans buried in the local grave yard and that there was an old woman who had lived there back then so he went to see her. After talking to her he just followed her instructions

    He gave the Texan an enema and buried the body in a match box...

    My breasts have a career, I'm just tagging along

    "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but it may be necessary from time to time to give the stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye." -- Miss Piggy

  2. #2
    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re:When you're from Texas...

    Now ya'll be nice or I'll send the Texas Ranger, Branch Davidians, Jenna Bush, and Leatherface after yur butts!

    LOL

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
    "And do the cats give a shit? No, they do not. Why? Because they're cats."-from The Onion

    Quote Originally Posted by Mia M
    If a cupcake was tossed at me... well, I'd only be upset if it missed my mouth

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    Senior Member Natascha's Avatar
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    Default Re:When you're from Texas...

    When I lived in Spain, I made so many friends based on the fact that I 'm from Texas. They would ask me if I had any guns at home. Sure, one in each room. Do I ride a horse? Yes, I am riding one right now, you don't see so well.
    My good friends knew that the horse/gun/boots were myths just as they didn't flamenco dance down the street with black lace fans and a mouth full of Paella while attempt to spear some bewildered bull. But, yeah, Texas jokes were never in demand for the entire two years I lived there. Yee Haw, etc, etc.

    The old man who ran the fruit stand down the street from my apartment would make lasso gestures every single time I came in for a clementina.
    "Dallas" was still in syndication when I lived there. People would ask me "who shot JR?" all the time. Many would express a desire to visit Dallas! I think they would be a bit disappointed. They would probably be duped into one of those bogus dude ranch vacations. LOL!

    Geez, when I visited a friend in Paris, I met his family. In his boyhood room, on a bookshelf, was the entire Time Life series of "Wild West" books chock full of cowboys and indians and scalpings and frontier landscapes and Annie Oakley...in French!

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    God/dess RoseDelight's Avatar
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    Default Re:When you're from Texas...

    LOL, that's hilarious.


    --Georg Christoph Litchenberg



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    Banned Blade's Avatar
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    Default Re:When you're from Texas...

    I've had several close friends from Texas thru the years, and I thank the heavens that I had them. They introduced me to things I most likely would never have tried or heard of being from Ct, like pre Phil Pantara, deer jerky, rattlesnake chili, Tony Llama boots, a big ole belt buckle etc...
    Seriously when I was in the Navy the friends that I held most dear where my Texan friends cuz they were the ones most like me and once we got past the fact that I was a goddamn yankee, we were all inseperable

  6. #6
    Curious Guest
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    Default Re:When you're from Texas...

    WoW, i really liked readin all this here...

  7. #7
    Featured Member WiseGuy_TX's Avatar
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    Default Re:When you're from Texas...

    Same here, when i lived overseas, an 8 year old from England was just too curious about what "the west" was like. So he asked:

    Q. Do live on a ranch?
    A. No, ...and he frowned in disappointment.
    Q. Do you own any horses?
    A. No, ...and he frowned in disappointment.
    Q. Do you own any oil wells?
    A. No, ...and he frowned in disappointment.

    So i thought, how could i leave this little boy with a "WOW" memory. So i said,
    "...but when i was a little like you, once some wild apache indians attacked my grandfather and me. Those savage indians were shouting, shooting arrows, throwing tomahawks and circling Gramps cabin. Gramps and i had a big'ole gunfight on our hands and we almost ran out of bullets. I think we must have killed 2 or 3 of 'em that day." ...and his mouth went wide open and his eyes lit up.
    "Peter, did you take Stewie to a strip-club? He smells like sweat and fear." - Lois and Stewie (Family Guy) ... "Through early morning fog I see, Visions of the things to be, The pains that are withheld for me, I realize and I can see..."

  8. #8
    Featured Member Destiny's Avatar
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    Default Re:When you're from Texas...

    Growing up in Dallas I always thought the rest of the world was just like my own. Then I moved around and travelled some and found out differently. So here's my list of things a Texan can learn by visiting other places:

    That most fathers would never dream of asking their daughter to move her wedding date due to a Dallas Cowboy game. My cousin's dad actually asked her to do this, I mean after all, it was a playoff game.

    Not everyone has the start of deer season prominently marked on their calendar.

    Some people think pork was makes decent barbeque.

    A lot of people have no idea what "Fixin' ta'" means. As in, I'm fixin' ta' get up from here and go fix some supper.

    Some people actually believe the myth that Alaska is the biggest state in the union. We Texans are sure that if you were ever able to melt all that ice and snow away, Alaska would be no bigger that Iowa. For that matter, some of those puny states in the northeast wouldn't even make a decent sized ranch in Texas.

    That you can actually buy a pick-up truck without a gun rack. I always thought the gun rack came standard.

    Dr. Pepper is not as universally popular as Coke.

    That people in states like New Mexico and Colorado don't always appreciate Texans coming up there and telling them, "you know, this used to be a part of our state".

    Not everyone knows that cowboy boots go just fine with a suit and tie. I mean nice cowboy boots, of course. People think George W. Bush is so hokey for dressing like that. What they don't realize is that in Texas that's consider standard business attire.

    Damnyankee is actually two words.

    Lastly, Madison, in you list of larger-than-life legends, you left out one, Roger Staubach. If i'd been born a boy, guess what my name would have been?
    Dancing is wonderful training for girls, it's the first way you learn to guess what a man is going to do before he does it. ~Christopher Morley, Kitty Foyle

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    Member Discretion's Avatar
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    Default Re: When you're from Texas...

    have to admit when ever i travel overseas
    the worlds biggest ice breaker is i live in Texas

    after that your have no problem chatting with people ..

  10. #10
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: When you're from Texas...

    God Bless Texas. A sweety pie Texan told me a joke about a non-Texas girl going on a date with a Texas boy and doing everything short of sleeping with him. Why? She thought the outline of the chew tobacco tin in his Wrangler jeans pocket was the condom he was packing. LOL
    John Sayles made a cool movie about Texas called "Lone Star." I can't spoil it for you, but you should see it.
    Any state that will produce Latinos with names like Billy Bob Rodriguez is fine by me.....

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