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Thread: Ladies....i need your help/advice...***Girl Problems***

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    God/dess AinNY's Avatar
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    Default Ladies....i need your help/advice...***Girl Problems*** ***UPDATED****

    ****SECOND UPDATE ON PAGE 3****

    OK....so heres my problem....THIS IS A LONG ONE...you've been warned

    I need some help with that girl that I've been talking to for a year now...

    Backround info for those who dont know....some of you already know....but anyway

    So almost exactly a year ago...i got introduced to this girl through my brother's girl at the time. Anyway...we started talking occasionally...mainly online. Sometimes on the phone. Online was easiest b/c she is away at college most of the time....anyway.... We ended up talking A LOT...a few times a week...sometimes for hours at a time. We talk about everything...relationships...who we might be interested in...random shit....everything....but its always been as just good friends...no other talk about "us" in anyway. We have so much in common and we get along so well its scary sometimes. She calls me "twin" b/c we act like we share a brain(finishing each other sentences and saying something the other was thinking)....I havent really met anyone i connected this well with before(at least no one that lives near me )....I have only gotten to see her a few times and it was always with other people around.

    She's a really really shy girl(as in she'll never make a move or say she likes someone)....as we know im a very very shy guy. Neither of us have had a relationship in a year...

    Anyway...i hadnt seen her since March...she was at school then was out of the country until this month....we talked while she was away....and i just got to see her when she got back, at my party....we spent pretty much the whole time at the party together...even ended up hanging out in my room alone just talking for like 20 minutes...there's kind of like an awkwardness when we are alone together...weird goodbyes ending with a kiss on the cheek...i just cant tell

    UGH...this is hard to explain on here....

    anyway....since then we've been talking more(if thats possible) and in someways more about us seeing people and what we are looking for and what not...shit like that...basically we want and are looking for the same things....she always tells me im a great guy and should have plenty of girls...blah blah blah...shit like that...

    At the party last week....she asked me to come help her move back into her apartment at school this Saturday. And we're going to the movies tonight :o. She says alot of stuff like we need to do this and that together when we get time...she wants me to come visit her at school during the semester... we just havent had a lot of time together

    I dont know what else to explain...i could go on for a long time...

    Basically....Im realizing now that I really really like this girl...the thing is I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHETHER SHE LIKES ME THAT WAY AT ALL. I dont know if i'm stuck in the friend-zone and shes just being friendly. Im so scared to make a move in anyway(not just physically) that it might ruin the friendship. I feel like if we're really just friends to her...then its so not appropriate for me to do that

    Also...she was hurt pretty bad in her last relationship(a year ago)...she was cheated on by her boyfriend of a year....so she has issues with having a real boyfriend(she told me this)...maybe she might be afraid to be with me, b/c she thinks we'll end up together and she doesnt want to get hurt????? Maybe she doesnt want somethign serious b/c theres a chance of getting hurt????

    So tonight we're going to the movies and then for ice cream....(YEAH...we're dorks)...she's leaving for school(about 2 hours from where i live) saturday...so after that i wont see her very often unless i go visit her. So should I say/do something tonight?

    HELP ME PLEASE....i suck at this stuff and i havent felt this way about anyone in a LONG TIME

    Sorry that was so long....Thank you for listening
    Last edited by AinNY; 01-17-2005 at 06:53 AM.

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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re:Ladies....i need your help/advice...***Girl Problems***

    Wow A. It seems like you really like this girl.

    I'm not sure if you're comfortable with this, but I think you should maybe have a talk with her, and tell her how you feel. If you don't, you may never know. It sounds like you both get along very well, and have formed a great friendship. There's no harm in just seeing if there's a little more to it.

    The hubby and I didn't get along when we first met. Actually, he liked me, and I hated him. Of course, he was my manager at the coffee shop at the time, so I despised him even more. About a year after he quit the job and went elsewhere, I saw more and more of him. He'd stop by just to say hello, things like that. We got to be very very close friends. He grew on me.

    Being that it hadn't been very long that I'd been out of a long-term relationship, nothing was mentioned for awhile about his feelings. Then, one night, we got kind of toasted, and he came out with it. And, I felt the same way, but didn't want to be the first to come out and say it. LOL

    So, she could be waiting on some kind of signal from you. You never know unless you try, hon!

    Good Luck, and keep us posted!

    ~Rhi~

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    Veteran Member DJ_WuLf's Avatar
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    Default Re:Ladies....i need your help/advice...***Girl Problems***

    Guys asking women (and especially dancers) for advice on relationships is kind of like asking Count Dracula to give you a transfusion. Risky business.

    THAT SAID ... I do admit that Rhia's advice is sound IF you read between the lines. It's real hard to be friends FIRST with a woman you want to bang. Anger is a much stronger emotion than friendship (which isn't really an emotion at all). Shes dead on that YOU have to express YOUR Feelings first. Jump in dude .... Learn to swim with the sharks and the dolphins.
    14 years working in Strip Clubs. "What a long strange trip it's been"

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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re:Ladies....i need your help/advice...***Girl Problems***

    LOL I love guy advice, DJ.. Somehow yours sounds better than mine..

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    God/dess AinNY's Avatar
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    Default Re:Ladies....i need your help/advice...***Girl Problems***

    RHI - Thanks...i got ya


    Quote Originally Posted by DJ_WuLf link=board=1;threadid=12765;start=msg164981#msg164 981 date=1093616421
    Guys asking women (and especially dancers) for advice on relationships is kind of like asking Count Dracula to give you a transfusion. Risky business.
    I dont see a problem asking women for advice...they often see a side of things we men dont usually see.

    Thanks for the advice DJ....Its always been my dream to swim with sharks....so i guess now is as good a time as ever


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    Featured Member Hottie7268's Avatar
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    Default Re:Ladies....i need your help/advice...***Girl Problems***

    Just say "Suck me beautiful.........." LOL. Sorry Hunny! You know I love that line!!!! Hehehehe.....

    Anyway, I'm the kind of person that just goes for it. Who cares?! Worse that could happen is she says she's not into you like that, and trust me, she'll be into you baby! Best case scenario, she lets you play tonsil hockey with her. What's the harm in trying?

    I think you already know deep inside whether she's into you or not. Stop letting your shyness get the best of you! She might be waiting for you to make the first move, which most girls like to do because we like the thrill of the chase. Sometimes that's more fun than the actual payoff......

    Just fucking do it already!!!!!

    Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.



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    Default Re:Ladies....i need your help/advice...***Girl Problems***

    Quote Originally Posted by Hottie7268 link=board=1;threadid=12765;start=msg164994#msg164 994 date=1093617374
    Just say "Suck me beautiful.........." LOL. Sorry Hunny! You know I love that line!!!! Hehehehe.....
    LMFAO! I love that line too! "They call me Cassa.. Cassanova"

    Anytime A.. Let us know how it turns out. *muah*

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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re:Ladies....i need your help/advice...***Girl Problems***

    Don't get all sappy and weak, just lay out to her in no uncertain terms that you're interested; this is usually done best in a physical capacity because, as Hottie accurately noted, there's no ambiguity in her response. Either she responds positively in the affirmative, or she responds negatively. And then you'll know.

    If you're into her, be the man--not the best friend. One gets laid, the other gets to hear about it. Which do you prefer?

    Fortune favors the bold.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    God/dess kitana's Avatar
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    Default Re:Ladies....i need your help/advice...***Girl Problems***

    Yeah Manass, I agree with Hottie, you should know by now if she has mutual feelings for you.

    When you are at the movies, do that age-old yawn-arm-around-her thing that all guys do at least once in their lives. Just by her reaction to that you can kinda get a little vibe or two. if she looks at you in a "what the hell are you thinking" way. Forget it, you are just friends. But if she has a slight demure smile and kinda snuggles up a little closer to you, then you are good to go!!!!

    NOTE: This little thing works best if it's a really scarey movie or it's a heartwarming/sad/tragic/lovie-dovie kind of movie. That way if is a horror flic you can "protect" her through the really bad parts, and if it's a "chick- flick" you can comfort her, and be there for her.

    Either way if it works, it works. And if you are getting mixed signals, flat out ask her if shewould be willing to try to persue a relationship at this time. You just have to tell her that since he is by far the most captivating woman you have ever known. Even if it might potentially ruin your friendship, you fell you must get it out in the open.

    Flatter the shit outta her, us women loves the hell outta that stuff. And do not forget to tell her, even if she's not into you like that, you hope that you can still consider her a friend, since you just flat out like her as a person.

    Good luck hun!

    And if you do get "lucky" make sure to post all the gorey details asap!!!!

    Kitana
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Quote Originally Posted by ExoticEngineer View Post
    Feel like a damn salt lick at the goats petting zoo!
    <08SM>

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    God/dess AinNY's Avatar
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    Default Re:Ladies....i need your help/advice...***Girl Problems***

    SUCK ME BEAUTIFUL!!!!!

    CO - I&#039;m sappy and weak..what can I say.
    I know what you are saying tho....good points

  11. #11
    Pamela
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    Default Re:Ladies....i need your help/advice...***Girl Problems***

    Well your off and running! That&#039;s a good sign, date tonite. What i like in a man is to ask me if we can see each other more, and maybe get to know each other on a certain level. You never know if you don&#039;t ask. She may not say anything but "i had a wonderful time tonite" when the night ends.

    Go ahead jump for the chance, wait until she is laughing and having a great time, after the jitters have gone away or slowed.

    Worst, she says she just wants to be a good friend, and your free to move to dating others if you wish then as well as see her when you both want.

    Best she really likes you alot too, and wants to try again!!!

    Good luck,

    Pamela

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    God/dess AinNY's Avatar
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    Default Re:Ladies....i need your help/advice...***Girl Problems***

    Quote Originally Posted by kitana link=board=1;threadid=12765;start=msg165004#msg165 004 date=1093619075
    Yeah Manass, I agree with Hottie, you should know by now if she has mutual feelings for you.

    ......
    I have no idea ...i suck at reading women in that way all the time...and its even harder with her


    Thanks for the suggestions....i guess im going to have to do something...hmmmm....

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    God/dess AinNY's Avatar
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    Default Re:Ladies....i need your help/advice...***Girl Problems***

    Quote Originally Posted by Pamela link=board=1;threadid=12765;start=msg165014#msg165 014 date=1093619695
    Well your off and running! That&#039;s a good sign, date tonite. What i like in a man is to ask me if we can see each other more, and maybe get to know each other on a certain level. You never know if you don&#039;t ask. She may not say anything but "i had a wonderful time tonite" when the night ends.

    Go ahead jump for the chance, wait until she is laughing and having a great time, after the jitters have gone away or slowed.

    Worst, she says she just wants to be a good friend, and your free to move to dating others if you wish then as well as see her when you both want.

    Best she really likes you alot too, and wants to try again!!!

    Good luck,

    Pamela
    Thanks Pam....thats really good

  14. #14
    Pamela
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    Default Re:Ladies....i need your help/advice...***Girl Problems***

    Welcome hun, just shoot for it!!! You will be fine.
    She already shows an interest wanting to spend time with you, great start, now it&#039;s up to your charm!!!!

    Pamela

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    Default Re:Ladies....i need your help/advice...***Girl Problems***

    Charm? Whats that? Now im in trouble


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    Default Re:Ladies....i need your help/advice...***Girl Problems***

    Quote Originally Posted by Casual Observer link=board=1;threadid=12765;start=msg165000#msg165 000 date=1093618587
    Don&#039;t get all sappy and weak, just lay out to her in no uncertain terms that you&#039;re interested;
    Yeah, walk up to her, give her a passionate kiss...then say, "Where do you want to shag like bunnies, baby?"

    Really, though. One thing that you are going to find out is this: SHY PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS LAST IN LINE. You&#039;re constantly saying, "No, no...after you..." all the while wishing you could just tell them, "Go take your place...after me!"

    You need to just tell her that you are interested in being in a relationship with her and tell her all of the reasons why. Be forward, but gentle, and honest. I can almost guarantee you that with all of the stuff she&#039;s been saying, that she&#039;s already interested...she&#039;s just waiting for you to make the first move. Even if she turns the opportunity down...you would have learned how to express your feelings and learn that the world does not end. I wish you much luck...and as Nike always says, "Just do it!"

    Love and hugs,
    Venus

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    Featured Member polecat's Avatar
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    Default Re:Ladies....i need your help/advice...***Girl Problems***

    AinNY... AinNY... AinNY.... tsk. tsk tsk.

    Hottie (not the &#039;Suck me beautiful&#039; beautiful part LOL) and CO nailed it perfectly. You&#039;d do best to heed those words.

    You&#039;re likely getting hung-up on two things:
    1) Things she&#039;s told you about other guys and her past relationships. Realize all the things she&#039;s probably told you she dislikes are the very things that latched her onto those past guys. Chics do this ALL the fucking time. What they say they dislike or don&#039;t need are the very things that she absolutely needs to get an animal attraction to a guy. You&#039;re likely getting a HUGE load of wrong signals and it&#039;s causing you to stumble on your approach. Am I right here?

    2) She knows you like her.. end of discussion. Her continued seeing of you is based on one or both of two things: 1) She&#039;s waiting for you to make a move and/or 2) She figures you&#039;re a &#039;nice guy&#039; and has much to gain either way. Hell, free movies, free moving help and ice-cream. It&#039;s win-win for her while you stand around kicking your feet.

    I strongly disagree with the suggestions here to sit down and TALK about how you feel because, again, she already knows this and this is STILL a wimpy way to try to get her to make the first move. Either she wont, or if she does, you don&#039;t deserve her. Remember, women deserve a man that will make them feel safe at night, make them feel as their protector out and abroad, someone they know they can rely upon through thick in thin and someone that is strong willed enough to be an initiator. Being too chickenshit to encroach her physical space or too chickenshit to boldly physically express what she does for you completely erases all of the above in her mind, either consciously or subconsciously. It&#039;s masculine energy and you&#039;d do best to let it out, not in an assholish-way, but in a more valorous way through physical expression. With any luck, it will catch her pleasantly off-guard and change things dramatically for the better.

    Don&#039;t wait for the &#039;right&#039; time.. wait for the first time you two are alone tonight. Pull her in, STRONG embrace, grab the thick of her hair and behind her neck, pull down and plant the most passionate, firey, male kiss on her like you&#039;ve never done in your entire life. Don&#039;t say a goddamn word- and even if she pulls back, do NOT appologize. If the words "I&#039;m sorry.." sneak into any dialogue past there, sell your testicles to someone that will actually use them. You wont lose her friendship for expressing all that testosterone you&#039;ve been ignoring for weeks... and once that&#039;s out of the way, you&#039;ll definately know how to progress based on her reaction. You&#039;ll have gotten your answer pretty clearly (.. and boldly) and can play it by ear from there.

    Good luck, dude. Revel in your masculinity and celebrate what it means to be a man. There&#039;s nothing unsavory or "not-nice" about being passionate and masculine. You&#039;ve got enough soul time with this woman... unleash to her what&#039;s really deep down to give her a glimpse of it... you owe her that much.
    It doesn't matter if you're somebody in this world, it rather matters you mean the whole world to somebody.

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    Default Re:Ladies....i need your help/advice...***Girl Problems***

    You are Blade2, be confident and manly, while at the same time be weak and vulnerable...show her your a badass with a heart(steal her a dozen roses)
    Anytime I&#039;ve ever dug a chick and questioned if she liked me too I&#039;ve found the easiest thing to do is just throw caution to the wind and ask her out..sometimes it works sometimes they piss themselves laughing..but the worst she can do is call all her friends and tell em what a pl I am!

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    Default Re:Ladies....i need your help/advice...***Girl Problems***

    Dude don&#039;t let this chance pass you by! Tonight maybe your last. She could go to school and be swept off her feet!!!!! You really need to ask, it wont hurt. It&#039;s best to get it out of the way and over with now in case she just wants to be friends. Don&#039;t drag your heart through it any longer. Life is short don&#039;t miss this chance!
    "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

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    Veteran Member SaraNLA's Avatar
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    Default Re:Ladies....i need your help/advice...***Girl Problems***

    BE BOLD - perfect advice!!! Just turn your brain off if that&#039;s what it takes. Go for it.
    Let your indulgence set me free. - Shakespeare

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    Default Re:Ladies....i need your help/advice...***Girl Problems***

    Quote Originally Posted by DJ_WuLf link=board=1;threadid=12765;start=msg164981#msg164 981 date=1093616421
    Guys asking women (and especially dancers)
    So, what ??? We aren&#039;t regular women that have regular problems, and we can&#039;t give regular advise?

    I&#039;m just giving you a hard time DJ. I know what you meant.

    Ain, you really need to have a serious chat with this young lady and maybe point out how you&#039;ve been spending a lot of time "talking" (I&#039;m sure she&#039;s notiing you guys&#039; closeness as much as you are.) and you want to know how she see&#039;s you. <~~~~~that&#039;s the short and sweet version. Don&#039;t scare her tho, or she might not give you a straight answer. You know her better then any of us so tailor your talk accordingly.

    However she feels, at least you&#039;ll know right? and more importantly, you&#039;ll stop driving yourself crazy thinking about it, and you can focus on you next move, whatever that may be. Good luck hon.

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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re:Ladies....i need your help/advice...***Girl Problems***

    PC, you are a god among men.

    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    Featured Member bambiblue's Avatar
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    Default Re:Ladies....i need your help/advice...***Girl Problems***

    seize the day!!!!

    Be careful how you approach this though. I have had guy friends tell me they are madly in lust with me, when I thought the whole time we were just awesome friends. Either way if she doesn&#039;t reciprocate your feelings, and she is a true friend, she will remain friends with you.... and then at least you&#039;ll know if you her burning burning hunk of love or just her buddy that she likes to hang out with.

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    Default Re:Ladies....i need your help/advice...***Girl Problems***

    Time to pony up. Don&#039;t spook the filly.When you lasso the wild ones they freak out and get away.If you feed them and get closer every day until you can pet them you are on your way. Don&#039;t saddle and mount up until you have her confidence.Sacking out is always good.You get the filly less skittish by holding onto the leadline and gently flopping a towel all over her until she thinks it&#039;s no big deal.
    Crap.Sorry-I am horse deprived right now. Bsically you have laid the foundation well.Test the waters gently by maybe one of those goofy cards that says I think I may be liking you more than friends.That way you don&#039;t have to get an answer right away.Send it to her at school and let ther recieve it and think about it.She will call or write with an answer.If you also imply you understand how she couldn&#039;t possibly feel the same because of your beastly looks you will get her.It shows modesty and asks her to tread lightly since you are sticking your neck out.But if you ask me take it easy and it&#039;s in the bag for you.Trust me.

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    Default Re:Ladies....i need your help/advice...***Girl Problems***

    Quote Originally Posted by AinNY link=board=1;threadid=12765;start=msg164972#msg164 972 date=1093614516
    OK....so heres my problem....THIS IS A LONG ONE...you&#039;ve been warned
    DISCLAIMER: I often come across as harsh when replying to questions like this, at least that is what friends of mine have said. Trust me dude, I used to be just like you...

    I need some help with that girl that I&#039;ve been talking to for a year now...
    A YEAR? And you have not had sex with her? I think this is already over, but I will read on.

    Anyway...we started talking occasionally...mainly online. Sometimes on the phone. Online was easiest b/c she is away at college most of the time....anyway.... We ended up talking A LOT...a few times a week...sometimes for hours at a time. We talk about everything...relationships...who we might be interested in...random shit....everything....but its always been as just good friends...
    no other talk about "us" in anyway. We have so much in common and we get along so well its scary sometimes. She calls me "twin" b/c we act like we share a brain(finishing each other sentences and saying something the other was thinking)....
    There has been no talk about &#039;us&#039; because you did not move fast enough and/or were not flirtatious enough with her. You have now become her girlfriend with a dick


    I have only gotten to see her a few times and it was always with other people around.
    Ever hear of sayings like &#039;let&#039;s take a walk&#039;, or &#039;come outside with me for a smoke&#039; or anything like that? I was with a girl that invited me over to her friend&#039;s apartment. Me, her, and the friend were playing cards. I could tell she was into me, or at least thought she was, so we go out for a smoke and I kiss her. Simple. We went out for months. You are making this shit a lot harder than it is.

    She&#039;s a really really shy girl(as in she&#039;ll never make a move or say she likes someone)....as we know im a very very shy guy. Neither of us have had a relationship in a year...
    HINT HINT... she&#039;s available... you are talking with her... HELLO?

    and i just got to see her when she got back, at my party....we spent pretty much the whole time at the party together...even ended up hanging out in my room alone just talking for like 20 minutes...there&#039;s kind of like an awkwardness when we are alone together...weird goodbyes ending with a kiss on the cheek...i just cant tell
    You are just torturing yourself. MAKE A FUCKING MOVE. She sounds like a sweet girl, and is ALONE with you WAITING for you to be a man and DO something. OUCH!

    UGH...this is hard to explain on here....
    Not hard to explain at all. As people, we usually tend to think our problems are unique when they really are not. Again, I used to be the same way... there is HOPE

    Basically....Im realizing now that I really really like this girl...the thing is I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHETHER SHE LIKES ME THAT WAY AT ALL. I dont know if i&#039;m stuck in the friend-zone and shes just being friendly. Im so scared to make a move in anyway(not just physically) that it might ruin the friendship. I feel like if we&#039;re really just friends to her...then its so not appropriate for me to do that
    Sorry man, but it looks like you blew it. Badly. Just remember this for the next one.... make your move FAST. Unforunately I am no Don Juan but I know your situation all too well.

    Casual Observer and Polecat gave you excellent advice, now that I have looked ahead in this thread.

    You have made so many mistakes I really don&#039;t know where to start. AGAIN, not ripping you, just being honest.

    1. Ruin the friendship: Huh? You want to be JUST FRIENDS with a girl you want to FUCK? Why? So you can torture yourself like this for months/years to come? Awful.

    2. &#039;So not appropriate&#039;: My hats off to your parents for raising you with great manners and tact. However, you need to dump any shit your parents told you about women out of your mind NOW. Want to see how &#039;appropriate&#039; many women are? Check this out:

    http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/board/v...r=asc&start=0&

    3. Going to the movies: You were saying that you don&#039;t get much time alone with her, then now you want to go to the damn movies when you COULD be spending time alone with her in an environment a lot more private. Ever try to have sex in a theater? It&#039;s hard. And if you have been talking to this girl for a YEAR, you definitely want to have sex with her.

    Also...she was hurt pretty bad in her last relationship(a year ago)...she was cheated on by her boyfriend of a year....so she has issues with having a real boyfriend(she told me this)...
    Well we all know that women ALWAYS say what they mean LOLOLOL

    By listening to her drone on about stuff like this you become a GIRLFRIEND. Stop it, please.

    maybe she might be afraid to be with me, b/c she thinks we&#039;ll end up together and she doesnt want to get hurt????? Maybe she doesnt want somethign serious b/c theres a chance of getting hurt????
    Damn you really do think too much.

    So tonight we&#039;re going to the movies and then for ice cream....(YEAH...we&#039;re dorks)...she&#039;s leaving for school(about 2 hours from where i live) saturday...so after that i wont see her very often unless i go visit her. So should I say/do something tonight?
    This will be too late but yes, you should have fucked her brains out, or at least TRIED. I don&#039;t think you did so she is going to go off to school thinking that YOU are not interested in HER.

    HELP ME PLEASE....i suck at this stuff and i havent felt this way about anyone in a LONG TIME
    Do yourself a favor. FORGET about this girl for awhile. For once, even though you are shy, talk to any attractive woman you see. Try to get phone #&#039;s, etc. It&#039;s OK. You can do it.

    Then maybe your mind will be clear when/if you see this girl again and you will have a decent shot, and you won&#039;t come across as needy.

    E

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