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Thread: Open relationships

  1. #1
    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Default Open relationships

    Inspired by Topaz's thread, I have to ask.

    What do you consider an "open" relationship?

    ???


    I'm so old school, I gotta ask...LOL

  2. #2
    Featured Member polecat's Avatar
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    Default Re:Open relationships

    Out in these parts (SF/Bay Area), open relationships seem to be more common than in many other regions.

    Locally, "open" relationships boil down to a couple that has decided to form a set of rules and conditions (different to each relationship) that allows either one or both partners to have sex with others outside the relationship.

    Everyone has different morality lines for what they consider "cheating"- open relationships, in a nutshell, define that line as mind, spirit and soul... with the body and physical realm of lesser importance. Rules and conditions are placed mainly for reasons of placing safeguards to keeping feelings clear and unviolated, disease/risks and danger minimized and other such factors.

    To some degree, there are morality lines that might consider having a stripper as a girlfriend, wife or SO a form of open relationship. After all, a stripper's man has to feel confident and secure with the fact that his woman is going to work to rub her bare or near-bare body over guy's groins or otherwise provide physical/sexual entertainment to dozens of guys every night. Men that consider this a form of 'cheating' or draw a line where intimacy begins at such a low point are obviously not well suited to this role, and unhappiness will result. In my opinion, open relationships accept this divison of heart/soul from body several steps further, and allow this for more than just a career or source of income, but also allow it as a form of pleasure or sexual exploration for one's partner.

    Open relationships require very special people. I'd say more than half of the people that THINK they are ready for an open relationship truly are not... and spend a lot of time brooding or quietly jealous and feeling trapped. It truly takes two people with similar lines of where intimacy begins and where cheating ends.. as well as monumental amounts of security, openly expressive communication and a special bond between those two people. Otherwise, open relationships can be catastrophic and should not be attempted.

    Just my $0.02
    It doesn't matter if you're somebody in this world, it rather matters you mean the whole world to somebody.

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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re:Open relationships

    Everyone has different morality lines for what they consider "cheating"- open relationships, in a nutshell, define that line as mind, spirit and soul... with the body and physical realm of lesser importance. Rules and conditions are placed mainly for reasons of placing safeguards to keeping feelings clear and unviolated, disease/risks and danger minimized and other such factors.

    In my opinion, open relationships accept this divison of heart/soul from body several steps further, and allow this for more than just a career or source of income, but also allow it as a form of pleasure or sexual exploration for one's partner.
    That's about right.

    Physical fidelity is far less important than emotional loyalty. To me, anyway. But it's hard to find people that can truly handle such an arrangement, as PC said.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    Featured Member bambiblue's Avatar
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    Default Re:Open relationships

    I think it means permission to be unfaithful. Not my cup of tea, but to each his own I guess.

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    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Default Re:Open relationships

    Quote Originally Posted by bambiblue link=board=1;threadid=12799;start=msg165483#msg165 483 date=1093658862
    I think it means permission to be unfaithful. Not my cup of tea, but to each his own I guess.
    It's not mine either. This is the first time I hear about something like this, that's why I had to ask. Personally I couldn't do it, it would hurt me so much to see my SO being shared with mind, body, & soul. And yes, to each their own way of happiness. I hope this thread doesn't get ugly or defensive to anyone.

  6. #6
    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Default Re:Open relationships

    Hey Polecat where is that area at, is that in CA?

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    Veteran Member Topaz's Avatar
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    Default Re:Open relationships

    it's something i'd never do...if you want to fuck around...then why be in a relationship with someone...

    physical fidelity is just as important to me as emotional faithfulness...i don't want a man that can't/won't be completely faithfull to me...and since that is impossible for most...it seems that i'll be 'flying solo' for the rest of my days...
    Why do some people still have to fight...to get the same opportunities...that are given to others??...

    Look out for self...because noone else will...AND
    The greatest revenge in the world...is success...

    Reclusivness...is a good thing.

  8. #8
    Featured Member polecat's Avatar
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    Default Re:Open relationships

    Quote Originally Posted by bambiblue link=board=1;threadid=12799;start=msg165483#msg165 483 date=1093658862
    I think it means permission to be unfaithful. Not my cup of tea, but to each his own I guess.
    You mean to each his or her own, don't you?


    Quote Originally Posted by Vyanka link=board=1;threadid=12799;start=msg165488#msg165 488 date=1093659188
    Hey Polecat where is that area at, is that in CA?
    Yuppers. San Francisco, California. There are plenty of openly 'sex clubs' here, prostitution runs rampant (with 'safe' lack of enforcement given the DA's policies) as well as a massive degree of alternate lifestyles (gay, lesbian, bi, swingers, bdsm, etc.etc.). It's about as liberal a region as you can find anywhere.


    Quote Originally Posted by Topaz link=board=1;threadid=12799;start=msg165497#msg165 497 date=1093659572
    it's something i'd never do...if you want to fuck around...then why be in a relationship with someone...

    physical fidelity is just as important to me as emotional faithfulness...i don't want a man that can't/won't be completely faithfull to me...and since that is impossible for most...it seems that i'll be 'flying solo' for the rest of my days...
    You know what Topaz? I think there's much to be said for your standpoint.. and I tend to personally agree with you.

    While I've been in a number of open relationships (and in one currently..), I personally prefer committed/faithful relationships substantially more. There is much less concern of risk/danger and much less 'footwork' involved in them... but I do notice communication channels are much more open in open relationships as they have to be. There are never any 'dirty little secrets' in open relationships and both partners feel more comfortable to air feelings and desires rather than keep them pent up and feel guilty about them (.. or worse yet, act upon them in secret). The emotional bond is substantially deeper too and if it's the right kind of relationship- jealousy is all but non-existent, but those are just my personal experiences and not typical of all open relationships.

    By traditional values, open relationships ARE 'playing with fire' and more often than not, someone gets burned.. so they are definately not for everyone. If the emotional bond, presence of strict honesty or communication isn't there- it's doomed to failure from the start.

    This is a very pertinent discussion for this website since sex workers, in general, open a can of worms in the traditional sense towards this newer, more progressive mindset. If everyone holds physical contact strictly as the determining factor of faithfulness, then many strippers are doomed to lives of solitude and the inability to have meaningful, passionate, connected lives. The same goes for escorts, prostitutes or brothel workers, but to a higher physical contact degree. Creating some dividing line with money as the barrier simply becomes a convenient scape goat to help some rationalize that line, but it still comes down to creating a mindset that physical contact and sexual stimulation (to X degree, wherever your line may be) is not considered 'cheating'...

    It doesn't matter if you're somebody in this world, it rather matters you mean the whole world to somebody.

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    Banned Blade's Avatar
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    Default Re:Open relationships

    Deanna and I have an open relationship, however we have a set of rules we follow to a "T".
    The most important one being if I want to fool around with someone and she (Dea) says no..then I don't. The same goes for her...It works for us, but it doesn't mean it will work for everyone

  10. #10
    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Default Re:Open relationships

    This sounds like a typical relationship a meathead would be in, lots of them. Hence, why i'm so over them, lol.


    So what you guys consider cheating? ???


  11. #11
    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Default Re:Open relationships

    California huh? UGH, i'm head over heels over someone that lives over there too.

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    Banned Blade's Avatar
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    Default Re:Open relationships

    Quote Originally Posted by Vyanka link=board=1;threadid=12799;start=msg165521#msg165 521 date=1093663002
    This sounds like a typical relationship a meathead would be in, lots of them. Hence, why i'm so over them, lol.


    So what you guys consider cheating? ???

    A meathead? So much for not wanting the thread to get ugly or defensive....God I just LOVE when someone asks a question then insults either the people who answer or the answer itself, even if it is tongue in cheek an insult is an insult.

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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re:Open relationships

    LOL Let's try to keep the gloves up everyone.

    I've known people who have had very successful, happy open relationships. It's not for everyone, of course.

    It's not something I could see myself doing, of course. I have enough work with the man I have, no need to add to it.. LOL

  14. #14
    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Default Re:Open relationships

    Quote Originally Posted by Blade is a D.j. link=board=1;threadid=12799;start=msg165537#msg165 537 date=1093664909
    Quote Originally Posted by Vyanka link=board=1;threadid=12799;start=msg165521#msg165 521 date=1093663002
    This sounds like a typical relationship a meathead would be in, lots of them. Hence, why i'm so over them, lol.


    So what you guys consider cheating? ???

    A meathead? So much for not wanting the thread to get ugly or defensive....God I just LOVE when someone asks a question then insults either the people who answer or the answer itself, even if it is tongue in cheek an insult is an insult.
    That wasn't an insult. But to me it does sound like it. I'm sorry if it offended you. Sawwy. I meant to say it playing around too.


    *EDIT*

    I have to ask...

    Are you a meathead in an open relationship? If yes, then how is that an insult? I guessed it right then. ???

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