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Thread: Funny Courtroom Questions

  1. #1
    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Funny Courtroom Questions

    Q: Are you sexually active?
    A: No, I just lie there.
    _______________________________

    Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July 15.
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year.
    ______________________________________

    Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    ______________________________________

    Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
    memory at all?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    A: I forget.
    Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

    _____________________________________

    Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A: Forty-five years.
    _____________________________________

    Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
    A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    Q: And why did that upset you?
    A: My name is Susan.
    ______________________________________

    Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
    A: We both do.
    Q: Voodoo?
    A: We do.
    Q: You do?
    A: Yes, voodoo.
    ______________________________________

    Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    ___________________________________

    Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

    _____________________________________

    Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    ______________________________________

    Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And what were you doing at that time?
    ______________________________________

    Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: None.
    Q: Were there any girls?
    ______________________________________

    Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
    ______________________________________

    Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q: Was this a male, or a female?
    ______________________________________

    Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    ______________________________________

    Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
    ______________________________________

    Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    A: Oral.
    ______________________________________

    Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
    ______________________________________

    Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    ______________________________________

    Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere

  2. #2
    God/dess montythegeek's Avatar
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    Default Re:Funny Courtroom Questions

    Rhia, was that list more intense before you moderated it?

  3. #3
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re:Funny Courtroom Questions

    I've seen that list so many times...and yet I still laugh my ass off at the last one...LOL

    I used to have these posted at my work (I worked with lawyers)...ugh...some were law professors and would tell me all kinds of crazy questioning they've heard throughout their careers.

  4. #4
    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re:Funny Courtroom Questions

    Quote Originally Posted by montythegeek link=board=1;threadid=12812;start=msg165854#msg165 854 date=1093715701
    Rhia, was that list more intense before you moderated it?
    LOL It's untouched babes. I got it in my email and decided to post it.

    Venus, the ones that kill me every time are the autopsy ones! Hahaha

    Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

    Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere


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