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Thread: Was I too harsh?

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    Veteran Member heidi's Avatar
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    Default Was I too harsh?

    I was sitting chatting with a perspective lapdance customer last night (very slow night by the way)... and i had a drink and chatted a bit. I asked him if he'd like a dance and he said sure, lets just talk a little longer. Since it was so slow, I figured what the hell. So i waited a little longer and asked "How about that dance?" and do you know what he said?!?! "i can't get a dance from you. I feel like I know you now and don't want to degrade you." I was furious (must be the PMS) and replied, "You know what my job isn't degrading, what's truly degrading is to sit with you for an hour, and not get anything for it". I felt so bitchy but I really couldn't take it. I don't understand what's wrong with me... I'm normally not like this... but it just pissed me off so much. Am I wrong?

    xoxo
    heidi
    ....i did not design this game...i did not name the stakes...i just happen to like apples...and i am not afraid of snakes... -Ani Difranco

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    God/dess VADEN's Avatar
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    Default Re:Was I too harsh?

    No, you are not wrong! I have had that happen to me and I flipped wilson! I think it is very rude. They know damn well what they are doing. The key is to learn when to walk away or stay. I never spend more than 20 minutes with a guy unless I know it will go some where. If he has not hinted into the thought of getting a dance or paying me for my time, I'm out of there and moving on to the next person who will pay me for my time. Yeah sometimes it sucks because you can't read everyone's mind but just try to have better judgment. Alot of times, I tell the guy I have customers waiting for me or on their way in, so if they want my company they are going to have to tip/pay me for it or else I will have to come back to them when I'm not busy. 9 times out of 10 this works and sometimes I end up getting more than I thought I would. Better luck to you sweetie!



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    God/dess krchab99's Avatar
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    Default Re:Was I too harsh?

    No you are not wrong. This bussiness can be very frustrustrating and pms only adds to it lol. That asshole dersved what he got from you.

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    Featured Member CalifSCVisitor65's Avatar
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    Default Re:Was I too harsh?

    Ouch as a customer, I'd have to say that guy is out of line too. I would never have someone chat with me for an hr without getting a dance. If I am not interested in someone, I don't even bother chatting with the lady, let alone for an hr. Basically leave me the F&*# alone. Mind you a couple of my favs have spent more than an hr hanging with me before, but I always dropped 2-300 over that time period.


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    God/dess VADEN's Avatar
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    Default Re:Was I too harsh?

    I always dropped 2-300 over that time period.
    Good man!




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    Featured Member CalifSCVisitor65's Avatar
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    Default Re:Was I too harsh?

    Quote Originally Posted by VADEN link=board=27;threadid=13069;start=msg169906#msg16 9906 date=1094332563
    I always dropped 2-300 over that time period.
    Good man!

    thanks Vaden

    and btw from seeing your posts, I don't think I would mind dropping a couple of hundred on your dances either :wink:

  7. #7
    God/dess VADEN's Avatar
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    Default Re:Was I too harsh?

    btw from seeing your posts, I don't think I would mind dropping a couple of hundred on your dances either
    Come on Baby!



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    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re:Was I too harsh?

    Uh....Yeah, I think it was a bit harsh. I have gone through the same sort of experience that this guy is talking about....you start to actually like someone and it throws you off. Mind you, I don't have this problem any more, but as a newbie customer, I did. That said, this is your opportunity to educate him kindly. Instead, he was bitch slapped (deserved or not) and the only thing he'll walk away feeling is that you were only nice while it looked like he might give you money. Yes, I know this is entirely the point of the business.

    Now...here's the deal....as I said, I have felt this before, and expressed it to a dancer in particular a few months ago. She was very cool with it....and what ended up happening was I finally said "fuck it" and got the dance....which never would have happened had she bitch slapped me. I woulda thought "whew...glad I didn't waste my frickin' money on that bitch."

    I do agree what he did was in poor taste. He teased you by agreeing...and then you chatted with him as he requested....then he reneged. Definitely a putz. I would suggest not waiting an entire hour next time.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
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  9. #9
    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re:Was I too harsh?

    On the bright side, maybe now that he doesn't like you so much, he'll get a dance the next time.

    He's dead in the wrong. You made an offer. He accepted it upon conditions. You fulfilled those conditions. He then reneged. You were on your clock, to make money, and he wasted your time and your income potential for his own emotional nourishment. He deserves what he gets.

    Maybe you could've handled it better for future possibilities. I generally advise people not to burn bridges. On the other hand, I'm not sure you'd want to waste anymore time on him than you already have.

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    Default Re:Was I too harsh?

    He was a putz, he had it coming.

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    Featured Member CalifSCVisitor65's Avatar
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    Default Re:Was I too harsh?

    Quote Originally Posted by VADEN link=board=27;threadid=13069;start=msg169936#msg16 9936 date=1094336228
    btw from seeing your posts, I don't think I would mind dropping a couple of hundred on your dances either
    Come on Baby!
    :cool: in fact I'll be in FL at 1st week of Oct.

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    Veteran Member ladysummer's Avatar
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    Default Re:Was I too harsh?

    No girly you are totally justified!!! I've had the same thing happen to me, but I usually just think what you said in my head instead of saying out loud... But girly pissy customers and PMS are a bad mix so I don't blame you!!!

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    God/dess NinaDaisy's Avatar
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    Default Re:Was I too harsh?

    No you weren't harsh.

    I agree that I wouldn't have spent a full hour though, even if it was slow. I had a very slow night at my club last night, and I broke my usual "never sit with a guy for more than 2 songs if he doesn't pony up rule". I extended it to four songs instead.

    I understand the need for conversation and companionship that some men have when they go to a SC. However, I agree that this guy knew what he was doing. It is my firm belief that if you sit with a guy for too long for free, you are giving too much away and degrading yourself, the "product", Even it it's slow, an hour is still too long. If there are literally no other customers to talk to, go into the dressing room to chill for a while instead. It gives you a while to chill and regroup and for all the guy knows, some other lucky fella was smart enough to whisk you away into the dance area or VIP.

    I've had a handful of guys give me the "I don't want to degrade you by getting dances" line. A few of them have tipped me a $20 or so for my time at least, but the ones that don't and are just being cheap, calculating fucks get one (or more) of the following responses.

    "Not being able to pay my rent is pretty degrading, so I need to get the fuck away from you NOW!"

    "Degrading, huh? And yet somehow you're in here encouraging our oppression!"

    I lean in reeeallly close and whisper in their ear in my most seductive tone, "you are a colossal fucking moron."

    Verbal castration's the way to go in my book!
    "She has written so well, and marvellously well, that I was completely ashamed of myself as a writer...But this girl, who is to my knowledge very unpleasant and we might even say a high-grade bitch, can write rings around all of us who consider ourselves as writers"

    Ernest Hemingway on writer, aviation pioneer and horse trainer Beryl Markham


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    Senior Member LeanneCiccone's Avatar
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    Default Re:Was I too harsh?

    HELL no. He probably knew what excuse he was going to use before you even asked for a dance the FIRST time. Yeah its real easy when youre broke to try to play the "nice guy" and act like you "respect" the girl so much that you cant dance with them.

    OK then, if he feels like hes bonded with you so much, then hows about paying for the hour he monopolized with his stupid ass conversation?

    I totally feel you on this. What a broke ass jerk.
    Leanne

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    God/dess kitana's Avatar
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    Default Re:Was I too harsh?

    You were awesome girl! Don't feel bad in the least. You were a lot nicer to him than I probably would have been.

    Kitana
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    Quote Originally Posted by ExoticEngineer View Post
    Feel like a damn salt lick at the goats petting zoo!
    <08SM>

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    Banned Blade's Avatar
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    Default Re:Was I too harsh?

    Man...how many times have I seen some poor girl tryin to get her hustle on only to be swerved by some jaghoff who gets his jollys by monopolizing her time and then MAYBE droppin a buck or so....
    I think ya handled the situation quite well, this is just one reason I&#039;m glad I&#039;m not a woman/dancer....I&#039;d end up rippin someones balls off and givin em back in a plastic cup

  17. #17
    God/dess blondhottie's Avatar
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    Default Re:Was I too harsh?

    No, you weren&#039;t too harsh. It seemed like that customer knew exactly what he was doing. He wanted to spend the most amount of time possible with you without actually having to compensate you for your time. While I don&#039;t think you were being too harsh, hopefully you didn&#039;t say what you said too loudly, because other customers might have overheard and they might&#039;ve thought you were being bitchy (without knowing the whole situation.)

    Next time, don&#039;t spend more than three songs chatting with a guy before he buys a dance. I used to do the same thing. Even if the club is totally dead, your time is valuable and you still deserve to be compensated for it.






  18. #18
    God/dess Silverback's Avatar
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    Default Re:Was I too harsh?

    I would say that you were too harsh. Not for his sake, but for yours. He&#039;s the potential customer; you&#039;re the professional. It&#039;s pretty clear that he was beig a jerk, but I would suggest that in any situation when an opponent causes you to lose control, he has won.

    So you didn&#039;t make that sale. It&#039;s far better for you to disengage and move on than it is to get the last word in. Why grant someoine the satisfaction of knowing that he got to you. Remain gracious. Learn. Next time spend a little less time before you move on.

    The whole thing is an economic tug-of-war.

    For me, the only time I buy dances (and yes the tradeoff is dances/dollar, not time/dollar) from a new dancer is after she has spent some time in conversation. "Wanna dance" = NO. The time spent chatting up the potential next customer is never wasted, even if it doesn&#039;t result in a sale. That investment may pay off, if not immediately, after a couple of visits. Sitting in the dressing room or in a gaggle with the other dancers is a wate of time. That will never get you paid.

    The other thing to consider is the posibility of pissing off the wrong person. Some people are dangerous. I would suggest minimizing expressions of anger.
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

  19. #19
    Featured Member GnBeret's Avatar
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    Default Re:Was I too harsh?

    Quote Originally Posted by Silverback link=board=27;threadid=13069;start=msg170070#msg17 0070 date=1094363227
    I would say that you were too harsh. Not for his sake, but for yours....

    The other thing to consider is the posibility of pissing off the wrong person. Some people are dangerous. I would suggest minimizing expressions of anger.
    Silverback&#039;s right.

    YES, the guy&#039;s behavior was inexcusable...
    NO, you weren&#039;t too harsh...
    YES, he deserved everything he got (and then some!)...
    BUT, none of that matters because you&#039;re working in a strip club, you don&#039;t have any idea as to who or what you might be dealing with, and you simply cannot afford the pleasure of tagging somebody like that - in this situation, whether or not they "had it coming" is wholly irrelevant! This is especially so when the guy&#039;s already given you reason to pause, as was the case here - IMO, the "degrade" stuff should have set off a warning bell in your head... I have no idea, but he&#039;s clearly got "issues," and given the situation your ONLY good move was to politely make a quick exodus.
    "That's your answer Old Man? I guess you're a Hard Case too...."
    - Luke
    "Some men, you just can't reach...."
    - Boss, re Luke

    If there's one thing in my life these years have taught me,
    it's that you can always see it coming, but you can never stop it.
    -Cowboy Junkies

  20. #20
    Featured Member WiseGuy_TX's Avatar
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    Default Re:Was I too harsh?

    I agree with ninadaisy, silverback and gnberet. ....and i agree with heidi that it must have been the PMS.
    "Peter, did you take Stewie to a strip-club? He smells like sweat and fear." - Lois and Stewie (Family Guy) ... "Through early morning fog I see, Visions of the things to be, The pains that are withheld for me, I realize and I can see..."

  21. #21
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    Default Re:Was I too harsh?

    You know, sometimes something just puts us over the edge on a bad night, and in this case it was that guy wasting your time then giving you an insulting reason for doing so. The upshot is that you&#039;ve learned not to spend time at a table without being compensated, even with a promise for future compensation.

    When I find myself at the point of being rude to customers, I know it&#039;s pretty much time to pack it in and go home. As much as we may feel like saying something like that, it&#039;s best not to be the girl who actually says it. But you know what? I bet it felt good .

  22. #22
    tampafldancer
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    Default Re:Was I too harsh?

    Well, i think that he deserved it and that you were not out of line.

    But i would have still tried to "turn" the conversation by saying something like, "Oh, i didn&#039;t think you were one of those guys that would waste my time!, are you?" Turn it back on to him! Ask him if he&#039;s been to a strip club before (this may be the case) and if he still proceeds to act like a jerk.... I&#039;d say, "Too bad, i guess i&#039;ll have to warn the other girls about you!"

    I don&#039;t know, it just seems to me if you BITCH him out he will be glad that he didn&#039;t get a dance from you in the first place. What if he has friends that do spend money or he was a newbie who still needed to get "settled in."

    When you do that its a lose lose situation.

    If he honestly was trying to "PLAY" you for your attention, thats pathetic on his part, dont get mad... FEEL SORRY that he has to do that!

  23. #23
    Veteran Member goldclubbing's Avatar
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    Default Re:Was I too harsh?

    You offered...he accepted....no consideration! Was a contract formed. YES. Sadly it happens all the time in sales...I agree with Susan on approach.

    I have felt this way with dancers I talk to sometimes but then I remember that goodness wouldn&#039;t it be fun to get a dance with someone I can hold a conversation with? Somehow that $100 seems so much easier spent.

  24. #24
    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re:Was I too harsh?

    Calling this a "contract" could be a bit much.

    Everyone seems to be in agreement that this guy was a dipshit and a putz. The only real question here is which approach is best, and what is the end result you hope to achieve? The risk you run of losing substantial business by bitching out one person is pretty small....if you don&#039;t typically behave that way. It is also entirely possible that you needed that release, and afterwards your personality could have actually improved, possibly leading to other dances.

    There are too many variables, and frankly I wouldn&#039;t worry about it unless it became a perpetual habit. In the end, you told the asshole that he was an asshole...and without a doubt he deserved it.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

  25. #25
    Banned BigGreenMnM's Avatar
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    Default Re:Was I too harsh?

    She lost her composure as a professional.
    The guy was a fucktard,but he was also a customer and your the professional.
    Mark this as a lesson learned and keep on keepin on.

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