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Thread: How Long Does the Relationship Last?

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    Default How Long Does the Relationship Last?

    If you have a a serious BF or hubby, how long is it before problems develop from dancing for a career? Does the relationship grow, diminish, end in a split, end in marriage? What are some of the problems that arise? I'd like to hear some experiences from others since I'm in that position!

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    God/dess AinNY's Avatar
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    Default Re:How Long Does the Relationship Last?

    if you search there's probably a bunch of posts about this...

    But before everoyne responds im going to give you the answer...

    Some people will say it always is a problem
    Some people will say its never a big problem
    Some people will say sometimes its a problem.

    Just like in the regular world of dating...sometimes it works sometimes it doesnt.

    Basically you are just going to get all kinds of varying answers.

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    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re:How Long Does the Relationship Last?

    Your dancing should never effect your relationship.If he has a big problem with it,you may want to re-evaluate the relationship.No one should get in the way of your happiness.
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




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    Default Re:How Long Does the Relationship Last?

    OTB???
    Your already dealing the dance or relationship card.

    I dont think most enter into this lifestyle with the love of dancing on their minds,its usually the need for money.

    Just know this Marylove.Relationships in this industry just never last.Most here cant tell you someone who has seen their 5th year anniversary from something started here.And bet the house on someone knowing a couple at 10 years together.Its just unheard of.
    Another thing you dont ever see is someone comming into this industry married,then retiring in 2-5 years,still married to the same guy.
    Its dance or relationship.

    If this guy is a temp,and you dont want to grow old with him,come on in,the doors open and the beer is cold.(dont forget to tip your DJ)
    But if this is your soulmate,and your just broke right now,go on to plan B.Come visit us soon as a customer couple and have some fun.
    Just an opinion.good luck either way.

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    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re:How Long Does the Relationship Last?

    What I meant was if he has no real reason why he has a problem with her dancing,then he should try to get over it.If he has a real issue with it,then may be she should choose another career.I'm not saying screw the guy,but just take a few steps back and look at the situation on a whole.
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




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    Senior Member RUSTY's Avatar
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    Default Re:How Long Does the Relationship Last?

    Dancing should never influence a relationship. If it does you are not with the right person. The support from your other half should always be there. Concerns about your safety, comittment and if it's worth it financially are all valid, but should be disscussed and then dismissed if each person is aware of the others intentions and loyalty.

    I have several girlfriends that dance that no longer do because they felt weird "showing the goods" to random strangers when they were involved with someone. They made that decision themselves and were not forced into it by their significant other. I know other girls that are in relationships that still dance and it works for them just fine.

    This is definitely a highly discussed topic and it not only applies to dancing but basically any other profession that someone may not want you to do or thinks is effecting the relationship.
    RUSTY

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    Featured Member discretedancer's Avatar
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    Default Re:How Long Does the Relationship Last?

    I love the term "end in marriage" - alot of things end in marriage...some well, some not so well

    Dancing shouldn't end the relationship unless A) it was never right to begin with or B)one party is ignoring the other's needs. If he's got an issue with it, talk it through - maybe you can calm him down.

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    Default Re:How Long Does the Relationship Last?

    Money is not the issue. He is very sucessful and Im doing it mostly for fun because he he likes it, and he seems to always be in a ba better mood after I finsh a shift, and that lasts for days.

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    Senior Member caitlin's Avatar
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    Default Re:How Long Does the Relationship Last?

    I think it also depends on the type of dancer you are and the club you work at. If you are a high contact dancer it could definitely be a problem. In my experience most guys think its cool at first but a few months into the relationship they start to resent it.

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    Default Re:How Long Does the Relationship Last?

    It should not ever effect the relationship if you are with the right guy.

    Dancing is a job or career for some and a level headed guy is not going to want his wife or girlfriend to forfeit the income which for most girls is more than they would net in a traditional job.

    If a couple doesn't own a home, have 6 figures of savings, is free of credit card debt, and have their own business that nets more income than dancing, a guy is a total fool for wanting his lady to quit.

    If he does, the relationship is probably bad to begin with.

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    Default Re:How Long Does the Relationship Last?

    Oh, Big Green MnM, I reached my 5 year anniversary with my fiancee' several months ago and once we slow down the travelling will be married. And we met in a club I danced at.

    And a friend of mine who dances in Texas has been married for over 10 years, has 2 boys in high school, her husband owns a business, they live in a 3000 square foot home, own rental properties, and she has been dancing their entire relationship.

    I also work bookings on the road with a lady who is married, used to own a strip club, still owns a regular bar with her husband, and dances 3 weeks a month 6 days a week on the road. they have been married for some time and she used to feature dance.

    The biggest problem with dancer relationships in my opinion is that the ages of the dancer and the boyfriends hurts a lot of them.

    Many dancers and their boyfriends or guys they are dating are college aged or in their 20's and their parents and peer groups have an influence on being a dancer.

    Older dancers are more likely to have guys in their life who have been to lots of strip clubs and who understand that there is nothing to be jealous of and who don't care what people think, and whose parents don't play a guidance role in their lives anymore.

    You can't stereotype all dancers. Many are flaky because they have a lack of direction when getting in this business.

    The more a dancer and her serious partner have similar lifestyles, and goals the less problems arising from dancing will arise in the relationship.

    That's a fact!!

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    Default Re:How Long Does the Relationship Last?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tina link=board=27;threadid=13409;start=msg175482#msg17 5482 date=1095206469
    Oh, Big Green MnM, I reached my 5 year anniversary with my fiancee' several months ago and once we slow down the travelling will be married. And we met in a club I danced at.

    And a friend of mine who dances in Texas has been married for over 10 years, has 2 boys in high school, her husband owns a business, they live in a 3000 square foot home, own rental properties, and she has been dancing their entire relationship.

    I also work bookings on the road with a lady who is married, used to own a strip club, still owns a regular bar with her husband, and dances 3 weeks a month 6 days a week on the road. they have been married for some time and she used to feature dance.

    The biggest problem with dancer relationships in my opinion is that the ages of the dancer and the boyfriends hurts a lot of them.

    Many dancers and their boyfriends or guys they are dating are college aged or in their 20's and their parents and peer groups have an influence on being a dancer.

    Older dancers are more likely to have guys in their life who have been to lots of strip clubs and who understand that there is nothing to be jealous of and who don't care what people think, and whose parents don't play a guidance role in their lives anymore.

    You can't stereotype all dancers. Many are flaky because they have a lack of direction when getting in this business.

    The more a dancer and her serious partner have similar lifestyles, and goals the less problems arising from dancing will arise in the relationship.

    That's a fact!!
    Good for you,your in the 1% of relationships that have worked so far in this industry.
    Even you must admit,your a rare breed.How many of the girls you work with are in the same "long term"kind of relationships??
    How many girls have you met over the years that didnt make it to 5 years with thier relationships???

    would you say 1%?
    10%?
    20%?
    Just a guess,since of course we are trying to give this newbie a real life,real world ,realistic outlook on the topic.
    Would you say its at the national level of 50%???
    Or would you say its far worse?

    Im glad your in a good relationship,I really am,its good to see it to remind people its is still possible,not probable,but possible.

    As a father of 5 female types,I would ask what the hell is taking so long,5 years!!!

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    Default Re:How Long Does the Relationship Last?

    Tina: What do the highschool kids and hubby's friends think of the mother and "housewife" that dances? Come on, PTA meetings are going to be a problem! What if she works the late shift and comes home three hours late or the next day? What about that!? These are problems. How do they handle them?

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    Default Re:How Long Does the Relationship Last?

    umm i would hope that coming home three hours late or the next day wouldnt happen if you are married. i'm married been with my husband 6 years and yep danced the whole time. he has a great job too. i would never come home late. it's called trust and respect. what he has for me and vice versa. i dont know the precentage big green. i do know alot of girls in relationships over 2 years, some as much as 10 years. it happens like tina said to the older girls that are serious about the job.
    As quoted by Luckyone:
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    Default Re:How Long Does the Relationship Last?

    I have been with my BF for a year.
    But when I met him he knew I was a dancer .Which I think made it ALOT eaiser for him to accept.(He knew exactly what he was getting into)
    At first he was worried alot and seemed uncomfortable with it. Esp. since he had never been to a strip club himself.
    I admit we have had alot of work related fights.
    But as time goes on things get better and better.
    He trusts me and knows that I woulden't do anything to hurt him esp. for money.
    It is very hard to maintain a relationship while dancing. When I was single I enjoyed it alot more.
    But it takes alot, of trust and understanding from your partner. Plus he has to respect what you do and never use it against you in a fight ect.

    When we were first together he even bragged about how he was '' dating a stripper'' to his friends but once we became close and feelings became involved the whole game changed.
    If you love each other enough it will work out in the end.
    One word of advice though try to date an easy-going,open minded guy who dosen't have to much of a jealous streak.
    There is so much more to be said on this I could go on and on but I will spare you guys..........


    edit: spelling errors


    'Success is relative. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.'
    T.S Eliot

    I believe you Dottie and you have my support






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    Default Re:How Long Does the Relationship Last?

    Quote Originally Posted by BigGreenMnM link=board=27;threadid=13409;start=msg175495#msg17 5495 date=1095209521

    Good for you,your in the 1% of relationships that have worked so far in this industry.
    Oh geezus you always think you know everything about dancers and you know what -- you don't.

    I am also married and we have been together for 8 1/2 years total. I met him at school right around the time I started working in clubs.

    I know several dancers who are married or in longterm relationships that are past that 5 year mark you seem to think only 1% of us ever make it to.


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    Default Re:How Long Does the Relationship Last?

    The thing about young guys and the opinions of their families is right on. Older guys have had the time to cut the apron strings and become their own men. The opinions of their families and friends don't weigh as heavily on their decisions. They tend to know more of who they are and what they want.

    Younger guys haven't had time to fully become adults and to own their own lives. There's often a lot of immaturity there so when parents and siblings and friends diss the relationship, the younger guys tend to go with the drama, which makes for a very doomed relationship.

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    Default Re:How Long Does the Relationship Last?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tigerlilly link=board=27;threadid=13409;start=msg175601#msg17 5601 date=1095234483
    Quote Originally Posted by BigGreenMnM link=board=27;threadid=13409;start=msg175495#msg17 5495 date=1095209521

    Good for you,your in the 1% of relationships that have worked so far in this industry.
    Oh geezus you always think you know everything about dancers and you know what -- you don't.
    Im sorry if it rocks your boat,but its the facts as i see them.Thats why I added the part about it being only my opinion.

    Im not bashing or doubting your relationship,im actually applauding it for its rarity.
    BTW,are you still a full time entertainer??

    Even if it pisses you off that im right(again)you got to admit that relationships in this industry fail at a much higher rate then any industry you can name.Dont admit it to me,i already know the answer to the question,admit it to the newbie who doesnt have any idea and came here asking questions.

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    Default Re:How Long Does the Relationship Last?

    I would reply... however long the relationship is meant to last. I started in this biz. in a relationship.. it was the SO at the time who definately gave me the kick I needed to get into it. He was really supportive.. why? He knew me.. he knew me so well (even better than myself at times!) that he forsaw that this form of employment suited me than being in Hospitality.

    He was right too.. that's why I'm here after 3 years and plan on doing it for another 3-4 years before semi or permanently retiring.

    New guy.. well.. met him the club (click here for the whole thread of this one)... as you will read in that thread.. he DEFINATELY knows what I do for a living. It is still a very VERY new relationship that one.. I'm taking it day by day.

    I personally don't know anyone who has met, married and is still in a successful relationship with a customer (or even a punter).... then again... I usually don't get THAT involved in my co-worker's lives.


    EDIT TO ADD: If you're wondering what happened to my original relationship.. it ended for the plain and simple reason that it had served its purpose (esp. for me).. and it's time was up. That's why I say "however long it is meant to last" as each relationship serves a purpose for both parties involved.. whether it lasts for a day, week, month or 10 years..


    enter: E3167322D9 for your 10% discount

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    Senior Member grace's Avatar
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    Default Re:How Long Does the Relationship Last?

    Quote Originally Posted by BigGreenMnM link=board=27;threadid=13409;start=msg175495#msg17 5495 date=1095209521
    Even if it pisses you off that im right(again)you got to admit that relationships in this industry fail at a much higher rate then any industry you can name.Dont admit it to me,i already know the answer to the question,admit it to the newbie who doesnt have any idea and came here asking questions.
    I think I can name a few...

    Pretty much any jobs that puts stress on the person doing it is going to put stress on the relationship. This includes jobs that are physically demanding, jobs where this a lot of pressure to perform and succeed, and jobs that you just hate so much that you come home every day exhausted. the biggest factor in whether relationships survive is how both people deal with the stress.

    Obviously, dancing may include some extra pressure: the dancer's (esp. if she is new and still getting used to it) and the bf's, if he's bothered by his gf getting nekkid for a roomfull of guys. But dancing is certainly not the only profession where a girl's job can irk her guy. Even when both people have totally ordinary jobs, there are still issues about who makes more money, whether they have time to spend together, whether their jobs have enough "status" to impress the relatives...

    I've heard about (and on occasion seen) relationship fall apart over stripping. I've also seen them fall apart over grad school, junior partnerships, promotions, and firings.

    As for the "How many dancers do you know who've been with their boyfriends for X years" questions, how many PEOPLE do you know who've been together for ten years? We don't marry everyone we date (hopefully.) That's why it's called 'dating' and not 'getting married.'

    Marylove, it's not like you have to decide right now. Go ahead and dance. If problems come up, try to work through them. If you can't, you may be at the point of deciding between the man and the job. But by then, you'll probably know which is the bigger drag.

    (whew...long post...sorry!)

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