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Thread: I made a mistake of going out with a customer

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    Member NewbieTx's Avatar
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    Default I made a mistake of going out with a customer

    Hi ladies,
    hope you guys are doing well. For me, I am in a state of confussion and feel kinda stressed out . I am a fairly new dancer and have been "entertaining" in tx for about 3 months. One day about 2 weeks ago, I met this guy at work where i made about 2 grand and kinda let him slide on one extra hour since i felt kinda bad for taking "a lot" of his money. I have never gone out or try to communicate with any of my customers outside my work hours at the club before because I didn't know how to handle the situation and especially when it comes to money. So make this short, I exchange my contact info with this guy and we eventually went out on what seem to be a "date" and I was not getting compensated for my time. I actually like him but i do not want to compromise financially. And today he invited me to go out again. I don't know what to do......I don't want to be mean....Hope you ladies who are reading this can give me some advice. Thanks

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    Default Re:I made a mistake of going out with a customer

    I'm not sure what you mean when you say you "like him but don't want to compromise financially?" Chances are after you turn him down ... you will not get the same money from him as before. He gave you a great sum, which shows how much he likes you and wants to see you. If you say you like him,,, and he isnt trying to use you for anything sexual or creepy... why not see what happens? I don't think you will be able to keep him as a good paying customer if he realizes there is no chance of further development. He paid for a chance already .... just my opinion?Is he hot ?around your age? a gentlemen?

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    Default Re:I made a mistake of going out with a customer

    First mistake was giving him an extra hour. A couple dances here and there for that kind of money is one thing. But a whole extra hour is too much to give away.

    Second mistake was not getting the $$ part clear before you went out with him. If you expect a guy to compensate you for your time, you have to agree on it up front. Otherwise he's just going to take whatever he can get from you. He may also feel he sort of "paid" for the outside activities up front by spending so much on you in the club. If you're gonna go outside the club and expect to be paid, make the agreement up front.

    It's great that you don't want to be mean, and you don't have to be. But you do have to be firm and learn to make your terms known up front. Let them know you mean business.

    Third mistake is letting your "liking him" get in the way of your business judgement. If this is a business thing for you, it's great that you can enjoy his company, but in the end you are there to make money and you have to keep that as the main objective.

    Best advice for you, being apparently quite new, is to stick to inside the club work until you've got a bit more experience. Tell the guy you had a great time but you can only see him in the club in future. Perhaps you can still salvage him as a decent regular.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Default Re:I made a mistake of going out with a customer

    My question is when you say you like this guy, if you met him outside the club would you date him?

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    Default Re:I made a mistake of going out with a customer

    So make this short, I exchange my contact info with this guy and we eventually went out on what seem to be a "date" and I was not getting compensated for my time. I actually like him but i do not want to compromise financially.
    Say so in no uncertain terms.

    It's not that OTC time is a bad thing by any stretch, but lay out the ground rules and terms of renumeration up front.

    Two cents.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    Senior Member LeanneCiccone's Avatar
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    Default Re:I made a mistake of going out with a customer

    You could say, "Im supposed to work tonight and I really need the money.. I cant go out unless I bring home X amount.."

    Sounds like a golddigger, but oh well. He will get the picture and its probably what hes used to.

    tell him sure I really want to but I have this or that bill to pay and Im just trying to survive.

    Usually they dont even question anything else.

    Good luck, I hope hes not expecting more.
    Leanne

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    Veteran Member Aleah's Avatar
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    Default Re:I made a mistake of going out with a customer

    I would say do it and if money is an issue, bring it up to him maybe in a fashion that some of the other girls mentioned. Don't let him take advantage of you because you're new. Don't feel guilty because I am sure he knows what he wants and what he's doing - you should both be getting what you want out of it. MOST OF ALL check in with yourself and don't let this mess with your mind or let him mess your mind and if at any point you really have a bad gut feeling, STOP. There will always be others in the future. Maybe next time you can leave some of his info with someone to make you feel a little safer if that is an issue as well.

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    Member NewbieTx's Avatar
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    Default Re:I made a mistake of going out with a customer

    This guy is an older gentleman…he’s already making a lot of proposals to me….like he wants to make me his and he wants to take me to get a new place next time he is in town and take care me…..at first I bought into the idea of how nice that would be. But now I am back to my “reality zone� and just don’t want that. Is there any way I can turn this whole thing around and how can I convince him to come to the club to see me when he is in town. Is it possible?

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    Featured Member polecat's Avatar
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    Default Re:I made a mistake of going out with a customer

    I know you asked for ladies advice, but I have to ring in here.

    The extra-hour may or may not have been a good idea, depending on your club. In these parts, a $2K drop can be typical of 'buy out the shift' rate, so throwing in an extra hour if this is typical or equivalent rate wouldn't be a bad idea. It may actually work in your favor if he becomes difficult and refers back to the $2k initial drop.

    As far as continuing to see him outside the club, it really boils down to two things:
    1) If you want him for a boyfriend, continue seeing him the way you do.
    2) If you want him as an outside customer, you need to discuss compensation for your time prior to accepting another date.

    You say you don't want to be mean, but the customer is either thinking you really like him if he's a decent guy, OR he's thinking he's getting free time and attention otherwise. It's a LOT less mean if you define the terms of the 'relationship' early on so as you're not leading the guy on if you're not really interested romantically in him.

    It doesn't matter if you're somebody in this world, it rather matters you mean the whole world to somebody.

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    Default Re:I made a mistake of going out with a customer

    Quote Originally Posted by NewbieTx link=board=27;threadid=13679;start=msg179446#msg17 9446 date=1095878775
    he’s already making a lot of proposals to me….like he wants to make me his and he wants to take me to get a new place next time he is in town and take care me
    Sugar daddy syndrome. He wants to put you in an apt that he can visit you in when he's in town. If you're into that and can handle it, it could be a beneficial arrangement. However for this type of relationship you need to at least like him a little, and you need to be prepared to have to keep him in check, not IF he starts expecting too much of your time, but WHEN. Sometimes these guys can start to see you as kind of a toy or pet they own.

    …..at first I bought into the idea of how nice that would be. But now I am back to my “reality zone� and just don’t want that. Is there any way I can turn this whole thing around and how can I convince him to come to the club to see me when he is in town. Is it possible?
    It seems obvious to me you're not interested in anything romantic with him, you just want to keep him as a customer. If you're not interested in seeing him outside the club anymore, you really need to let him know. If you want to test the waters, perhaps you could get him to compensate you for a couple dates (since you'll have to take a night off from the club to go out with him), and see how you feel from there. ALWAYS take care of your safety, let someone know where you'll be and carry a cell phone to check in with your friend once in a while (maybe have your friend call you at set times to be sure you're alright), and like someone else said, leave HIS information with your friend before going out with him. Psychos come in all packages, including older guys with money.

    If you're only interested in seeing him in the club from now on, you'll have to make that clear. Perhaps arrange to have a "date" with him at the club, where you meet him there on an off night, and he pays you to entertain him. This would work better if the club has a good restaurant and a vip area.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Default Re:I made a mistake of going out with a customer

    wow Bridgette, excellent post.
    I'm so unlucky I fell into a barrel of nipples & came out sucking my thumb
    Computers beat me at chess, but kick-boxing...
    Masturbation is sex with someone I love
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    Life is an STD, and we all die from it

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    Default Re:I made a mistake of going out with a customer

    Thank you everybody for your inputs. It helps me clear up my thoughts a bit…. But I have more questions.

    Scenario 1, outside the club: How can I gracefully bring up the money issue if I decide to go out with him again? And how does the money transaction usually work in this type of scenario? Do the gentlemen give you the money at the beginning of the date or at the end, does he pay in cash/check; I prefer cash. What if he forgets to pay you when you guys are exchanging your goodbyes, what is a nice way to remind him?
    Scenario 2, at the club: How can I invite him to stop by the club to see me and how can I bring up the money issue in this situation and when is the best timing? Is there a way that I word it so that it doesn’t make me come off as if I am only after his money. I usually charge by the hour and ask the waitress to dock our time, should I stick to this the next time I see him, or is there a better way?

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    Default Re:I made a mistake of going out with a customer

    Quote Originally Posted by NewbieTx link=board=27;threadid=13679;start=msg179538#msg17 9538 date=1095889151
    Thank you everybody for your inputs. It helps me clear up my thoughts a bit…. But I have more questions.

    Scenario 1, outside the club: How can I gracefully bring up the money issue if I decide to go out with him again? And how does the money transaction usually work in this type of scenario? Do the gentlemen give you the money at the beginning of the date or at the end, does he pay in cash/check; I prefer cash. What if he forgets to pay you when you guys are exchanging your goodbyes, what is a nice way to remind him?
    Scenario 2, at the club: How can I invite him to stop by the club to see me and how can I bring up the money issue in this situation and when is the best timing? Is there a way that I word it so that it doesn’t make me come off as if I am only after his money. I usually charge by the hour and ask the waitress to dock our time, should I stick to this the next time I see him, or is there a better way?
    NewbieTx:

    1. Of course he knows you are only after the money. And hes only after whatever it is you guys do. Its business. Minimal SS is required.

    2. Get your money upfront outside the club which negates any need to remind him to pay you. Assuming a few successful transactions occur, both of you will be comfortable with the arrangement. Neither of you will be afraid of getting ripped off.

    3. Dont be shy about inviting him to come see you for club time. Get his cell number and email addy and let him know when you are working.

    4. These arrangements can work out very well for both parties as long as honesty prevails.

    FBR
    Once again I have embraced my addiction and have put off the moral dilemma to another day.

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    Default Re:I made a mistake of going out with a customer

    Say "I'd love to but I need money and I have to work tonight." See what he says. Then say, "I guess if you made it up to me I could miss work. I would need to make X dollars."

    When you meet him, give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek and, "it's so good to see you again sweetie" and step back. If he has any experience at all he'll hand you the money then. If not say, "I've been stressing so much about money, I really want to be able to relax and have a great time with you tonight without worrying about money. Lets get the business part out of the way so I fan relax and focus on our evening."



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    Default Re:I made a mistake of going out with a customer

    man, Lena...excellent post. I have never done this, but I can honestly say, that if I did, armed with this information, I would look like less of a loser than if I didn't.
    I'm so unlucky I fell into a barrel of nipples & came out sucking my thumb
    Computers beat me at chess, but kick-boxing...
    Masturbation is sex with someone I love
    Sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic
    Life is an STD, and we all die from it

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    Default Re:I made a mistake of going out with a customer

    Newbie, you seem like you have a good heart. But i'd listen to these ladies if i was you. It's a hassle, sometimes, but you do seem like you have it up there enough to at least have that little voice telling you something is amiss.

    Starts, it's good that you like him, but do you really have anything in common with him?

    Seconds, Why is he wanting to make you 'his' after one date?

    Lasts, he's a lot older than you. If you're without a BF, you need to find one your own age who is a closer fit (And he should know this if he's actually worth a damn, anyway), that is if you want or need a BF at all.

    Keep in mind that i'm not saying this to YOU, for your benefit (because i know you're not out looking for a BF in this guy) but rather asking questions that he damned well should know the answers to.

    It should be (on his part)

    Starts: No, probably not.
    Seconds: He shouldn't be.
    Lasts: Even if you accepted, it would be an unhealthy situation for you so he shouldn't even be offering.

    It sounds like you are the one behaving like the grown up, here, and he's behaving like a fifteen year old kid.

    Like i said, you seem like a sweet girl. Listen to B and Lena, they won't steer you wrong.

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    Default Re:I made a mistake of going out with a customer

    :o Have we strayed into "how to be an escort 101?"
    Quote Originally Posted by Bridgette link=board=27;threadid=13679;start=msg179492#msg17 9492 date=1095881620
    Quote Originally Posted by NewbieTx link=board=27;threadid=13679;start=msg179446#msg17 9446 date=1095878775
    he’s already making a lot of proposals to me….like he wants to make me his and he wants to take me to get a new place next time he is in town and take care me
    Sugar daddy syndrome. He wants to put you in an apt that he can visit you in when he's in town. If you're into that and can handle it, it could be a beneficial arrangement. However for this type of relationship you need to at least like him a little, and you need to be prepared to have to keep him in check, not IF he starts expecting too much of your time, but WHEN. Sometimes these guys can start to see you as kind of a toy or pet they own.
    Bought and paid for.
    The least you can do is be there for him as his pet.
    And yes your going to have to sleep with him.

    …..at first I bought into the idea of how nice that would be. But now I am back to my “reality zone� and just don’t want that. Is there any way I can turn this whole thing around and how can I convince him to come to the club to see me when he is in town. Is it possible?


    It seems obvious to me you're not interested in anything romantic with him, you just want to keep him as a customer. If you're not interested in seeing him outside the club anymore, you really need to let him know. If you want to test the waters, perhaps you could get him to compensate you for a couple dates (since you'll have to take a night off from the club to go out with him), and see how you feel from there. ALWAYS take care of your safety, let someone know where you'll be and carry a cell phone to check in with your friend once in a while (maybe have your friend call you at set times to be sure you're alright), and like someone else said, leave HIS information with your friend before going out with him. Psychos come in all packages, including older guys with money.

    If you're only interested in seeing him in the club from now on, you'll have to make that clear. Perhaps arrange to have a "date" with him at the club, where you meet him there on an off night, and he pays you to entertain him. This would work better if the club has a good restaurant and a vip area.
    Just know you have stepped far outside the prescribed fantasy that entertainers"strippers"subscribe to.IMO
    In our world we call them escorts/prostitues.In the vanilla world they call them Kept women.
    Im not saying its good , bad, or ugly,Its your life and not mine.

    I am saying its not stripping IMO.

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re:I made a mistake of going out with a customer

    I never tried to imply this is still stripping. But since she ALREADY went out with the guy and was questioning what to do now.....

    I know what it's called dear. Wasn't offering any kind of judgement on it and I don't think she asked for one. Was just offering some advice, which is all she wanted.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Default Re:I made a mistake of going out with a customer

    Thank you again everyone for your honest inputs, and Lena-great tip! Thanks for sharing=). I think I'm going to get ready for work now....

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    Default Re:I made a mistake of going out with a customer

    Quote Originally Posted by Bridgette link=board=27;threadid=13679;start=msg180274#msg18 0274 date=1095964239
    I never tried to imply this is still stripping. But since she ALREADY went out with the guy and was questioning what to do now.....

    I know what it's called dear. Wasn't offering any kind of judgement on it and I don't think she asked for one. Was just offering some advice, which is all she wanted.
    no offense towards anyone

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