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Thread: Gold Band/ So Tired

  1. #1
    madmaxine
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    Default Gold Band/ So Tired

    I was discussing marriage and commitment with someone and hit on a easy conversation piece/ metaphor: I wear a plain gold band on my hand that my brother found in a car he was towing (auto transport trucker.) My best guess as to why the band became my lost-and-found prize is that the previous owner removed it during some cheating-type shenanigans, then lost it in the car, probably caught hell from their parter......and then it became mine.
    The moral of my tale is that it's all about how much you value a union, as to whether you keep it or not.....actions speak louder than words. The original possesor of the ring will never know how much I love the found ring....it doesn't matter, they didn't care enough to keep it.
    The second part of this is that I ran into someone from my life before dancing......at his engagement party. It was a reminder that while I was immersed in one kind of world, everyone else has gone about their normal lives. I am happy for him, but it did remind me of the cynicism and negativity I've gotten from dancing. In a way I'm glad to be worldly, but I feel old inside when I think of not really being able to trust anyone.
    A few years ago I saw a wedding party picking out dress fabric at a fabric shop while I was buying dance costume material....I remember looking at them and thinking, I'll never have that.
    If it's any consolation, I think society as a whole is more cynical about marriage......

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    Default Re:Gold Band/ So Tired

    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine link=board=1;threadid=13918;start=msg183252#msg183 252 date=1096356827

    ......If it's any consolation, I think society as a whole is more cynical about marriage......
    Didn't really know where to respond, what with all the threads re: "Man hating," etc.

    I've never been married myself, and am one of those people who needs much more time than usual to himself. Only met one woman in my life similar in her needs for "alone" time, but we were far too mismatched in too many other ways.

    Although it's interesting that I've always been a "homebody" who enjoys his peace & quiet when I'm not at work...but dating, I seem to be attracted to women who are very outgoing 9 times out of 10 , so I guess the old cliche' about opposites attracting does hold true for me.

    PZ

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    God/dess AinNY's Avatar
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    Default Re:Gold Band/ So Tired

    There seem to be a lot of similar threads going on lately.

    You're probably right about where the ring came from....but you never know why. I was in Miami a year ago and I saw a man in the water cursing and flipping out. His wife was on shore crying. Turns out she lost their engagement ring in the ocean. He had some choice words about her indicating that her idea to wear her engagement ring in the ocean was not the most intelligent move on her part. Amazingly 10 minutes later i see them walking down the beach with the ring. They found it somewhere upshore in the water....How amazing/lucky is that? Sorry for the random thought.

    Anyway...No one wants to hear what i really have to say on this, so i wont go into all my usual bullshit....
    But just don't give up. Listen...the world is shitty....life is shitty....shitty things are going to happen more often than not. Its always easy to see the negative....its always easy to be scared....its always easy to not trust and never get hurt. Its easy to be depressed and its easy to give up. If it was easy to be happy and love...it wouldnt be so great. If its not a great risk....its not a great reward.

    You make what you want out of life..about love...about marraige...about whatever....thats all I have to say.

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    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re:Gold Band/ So Tired

    My philosophy is too many people keep themselves in a miserable situation and not do anything about it.Many people on SW knows about my current situation.I refuse to be miserable and just coast through life.People that do that end up having a mid-life crisis.The last thing I want when I'm 40 is is to freak out or have my spouse freak out also.I believe people should do what makes them happy in life,love and work.This planet would be so much better off if everyone did that.
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




  5. #5
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re:Gold Band/ So Tired

    If you do not like the outlook you have on life, then it's time to make some internal changes. Your view of the world is your own. I believe that life is beautiful and that there are people who love and cherish with all of themselves. I am one of those people...but I didn't use to be. I got so tired of being a "doomsayer" that I began to change myself. The world hasn't changed much, but my view of the world is renewed since I am renewed.

    Good luck.

    P.S. I lost my ring in the car. I took it off, but because I was pregnant and my fingers were a little swollen, I took the ring off for some relief (felt like my finger was going to sleep). That could have been a pregnant woman's ring doing the same thing...

  6. #6
    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re:Gold Band/ So Tired

    Quote Originally Posted by AinNY link=board=1;threadid=13918;start=msg183308#msg183 308 date=1096376627

    You're probably right about where the ring came from....but you never know why. I was in Miami a year ago and I saw a man in the water cursing and flipping out. His wife was on shore crying. Turns out she lost their engagement ring in the ocean. He had some choice words about her indicating that her idea to wear her engagement ring in the ocean was not the most intelligent move on her part. Amazingly 10 minutes later i see them walking down the beach with the ring. They found it somewhere upshore in the water....How amazing/lucky is that? Sorry for the random thought.
    Wow.. This reminded me of a time when something like this happened to me. Me and the ex hubby had come home for a visit, and while the grandmonster was watching our son, we stayed for a night at our favorite Inn (Lighthouse Inn, formerly the Dutch Inn in Galilee). We of course, went swimming. My diamond somehow slipped off while we were in the pool, and I came out without it. While he jumped back in and searched for it, I was crying my eyes out. He didn't find it, but luckily, a maintenance person who had just gotten off work saw what was happening. He temporarily closed the pool because he had a feeling that he knew where it went. He went right for the filter, and there it was. Whew.

    What a flashback! That had to have been 11 years ago!

    I completely agree with Venus on the topic though. You have to have a positive outlook on things. I went through a time where I hated everyone and everything, basically after my first marriage went into the pooper. That may be fine for a while, but eventually, you'll have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and change your outlook on things... everything.

    Although my wedding bands have meant a lot to me, it's the symbolism behind them that matters. I could lose my ring permanently, but never the feelings and meaning behind it.

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    God/dess VADEN's Avatar
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    Default Re:Gold Band/ So Tired

    Quote Originally Posted by onlythebest link=board=1;threadid=13918;start=msg183316#msg183 316 date=1096379678
    My philosophy is too many people keep themselves in a miserable situation and not do anything about it.Many people on SW knows about my current situation.I refuse to be miserable and just coast through life.People that do that end up having a mid-life crisis.The last thing I want when I'm 40 is is to freak out or have my spouse freak out also.I believe people should do what makes them happy in life,love and work.This planet would be so much better off if everyone did that.
    Soooo very true... I would share a story with you on this but I may break into tears typing it.... :'( Maybe later....



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    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re:Gold Band/ So Tired

    I don't think people are much more cynical about marriage. Plenty of people are still getting married, the same amount that have ever been.

    People are cynical about staying married when its no longer as unacceptable to get a divorce these days......

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
    "And do the cats give a shit? No, they do not. Why? Because they're cats."-from The Onion

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    If a cupcake was tossed at me... well, I'd only be upset if it missed my mouth

  9. #9
    madmaxine
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    Default Re:Gold Band/ So Tired

    I am glad to hear the alternative stories as to how the band became mine. I try not to wallow in negativity more than necessary, believe it or not....
    I noticed my friends and relatives who come from two parent homes have a a better view of marriage than people like me, who got to witness my parents' ugly divorce. However, my aunt and uncle have been married as long as I've been alive, so I cannot say I had no positive role models.
    I suppose I am mourning the death of the pure image I had of marriage- a good cute movie to see about the subject is "Committed" with Heather Graghm and Luke Wilson- a married couple with different approaches to their union.

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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re:Gold Band/ So Tired

    In a way, I can relate to how you're feeling, Hon. My parents divorced when I was 5 shortly after the move to RI from CT. I guess they had thought that relocating could salvage their marriage. Didn't work, of course, and the end was very very ugly. But, it would have been much uglier if they had decided to stick-it-out for our sake.

    I also have an aunt and uncle who have been married since they were 17 years old, right out of high school. They are now in their 60s and as happy now as they were back then. They were a great inspiration when I married at 16 (He was 1. My first marriage of course, couldn't get over that seven-year-hump and ended shortly after our seventh anniversary.

    But, seeing my parents' marriage fail made me want to be different, and make things work. When my first marriage ended, I didn't mourn for the loss of him, just the failure of the marriage.

    You should always cling to some kind of hope for your future, Hon, no matter how you feel now. But in contrast, you should still go on with what you're doing now, without depending on that hope. You should remain strong with or without.


  11. #11
    God/dess Gynger's Avatar
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    Default Re:Gold Band/ So Tired

    I have a lot to say about this topic.

    I won't go into a long bullshit theory either, but I truly believe that everyone has to become worldly at some point in their lives. Unless you are completely cut off from society, you have to become worldly sometime.

    In regards to marriage, I think that Rhia summed it up perfectly; you can lose the ring but the meaning and the feelings behind it never go away.

    I have a friend who remains married because of her children. I recently removed myself from my marriage after a few years of unhappiness and am realizing that staying because of children or whatever the reason is just plain silly. There is a whole world out there and many people who pick up the pieces of their lives and move on. I have realized how independent I truly am, how cut off from things I felt, and how unhappy I truly was. I don't hate him or anything, even though some in my situation would be, I just choose to be the bigger person and remain as civil as possible and taking control that way instead of juvenile antics and over reactions.

    I mourn the fact that I couldn't continue in my marriage, but I celebrate that I was given a brain and I refused to allow it to become clouded with things that weren't healthy.

    I don't think that people are cynical, I think that too much is placed on the event itself, or the planning, the things that you do to have the biggest the best etc... sometimes people get married just for the act itself or because they feel that "its time".

    Personally, I think every person should live alone and be single at least once in their lives. You can't really commit to someone if you don't know yourself.

    Just my two pennies.


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  12. #12
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re:Gold Band/ So Tired

    Quote Originally Posted by Gynger link=board=1;threadid=13918;start=msg183997#msg183 997 date=1096430122
    I have a lot to say about this topic.

    I won't go into a long bullshit theory either, but I truly believe that everyone has to become worldly at some point in their lives. Unless you are completely cut off from society, you have to become worldly sometime.

    In regards to marriage, I think that Rhia summed it up perfectly; you can lose the ring but the meaning and the feelings behind it never go away.

    I have a friend who remains married because of her children. I recently removed myself from my marriage after a few years of unhappiness and am realizing that staying because of children or whatever the reason is just plain silly. There is a whole world out there and many people who pick up the pieces of their lives and move on. I have realized how independent I truly am, how cut off from things I felt, and how unhappy I truly was. I don't hate him or anything, even though some in my situation would be, I just choose to be the bigger person and remain as civil as possible and taking control that way instead of juvenile antics and over reactions.

    I mourn the fact that I couldn't continue in my marriage, but I celebrate that I was given a brain and I refused to allow it to become clouded with things that weren't healthy.

    I don't think that people are cynical, I think that too much is placed on the event itself, or the planning, the things that you do to have the biggest the best etc... sometimes people get married just for the act itself or because they feel that "its time".

    Personally, I think every person should live alone and be single at least once in their lives. You can't really commit to someone if you don't know yourself.

    Just my two pennies.
    Verry well said, Gyng!!

  13. #13
    madmaxine
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    Default Re:Gold Band/ So Tired

    At the moment, I've been keeping in touch with a man I dated who is on the cusp of getting married. It's funny because we're thousands of miles apart and I take pains to not get him in trouble with his fiancee- she's Italian and would kick my ass soundly for trying to interlope in the marriage plans- BUT of course we both wonder what would have happened if we had gotten a real chance together. (Tragedies forced us apart....there was nothing that could have been done....)
    I learned to not "what if." AND I'd put Vegas Betting Odds on IF we had a relationship, it wouldn't work. I wish to retain him as a friend. Hard to explain to his fiancee though. I&#039 kick my ass if I were her.
    So.....I can't steer him away from a possibly premature marriage anymore than anyone can steer me from being allergic to the idea of getting married. People have to make their own mistakes and learn things their own way.
    My gold band reminds me To Thine Own Self Be True, in the furthest sense. And to remember my brother, who will always be more important than any man in my life, despite his many problems.
    I know I stirred up many strong feelings. I apologize for any hurt feelings.

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