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Thread: what not to do during sex

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    Default what not to do during sex

    Since this board has turned into a sex forum, I was curious for answers to the query "What should men or women not do during sex?"

    Here are some of my thoughts:
    1. When you first start kissing, do not open mouth as wide as it will go as if you are trying to inhale your partner.

    2. When Mr. Happy goes limp mid coitus, do not keep pumping away thinking " she won't notice if I just keep moving" For some reason this just seems comical and it is not good to have the woman laughing at this point.

    Any other tidbits and advice out there??

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    Veteran Member Happy_Camper's Avatar
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    Default Re: what not to do during sex

    Dont let your wife know where you are at.
    Quote Originally Posted by Chuck
    Remember HC, "NO" only means "NO" when she says it..... LMAO

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    Featured Member MeganS's Avatar
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    Default Re: what not to do during sex

    DON'T fall asleep, I've gotten' in trouble for that one! Ok, it was a good excuse though, I was drunk! Sheesh, go figure!
    "A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to want to take it off you."
    Francoise Sagan

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    Default Re: what not to do during sex

    Don't moan, whine, yell or make other noises during sex. It may sound as if you've seen too many porno flicks



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    God/dess doc-catfish's Avatar
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    Default Re: what not to do during sex

    Don't accidently call out your ATF's name while being pleasured by the wife/GF. That's why words like "honey" "sweetie" and "snookums" were put in the dictionary.
    Former SCJ now in rehab.

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    Default Re: what not to do during sex

    Dont let your wife know where you are at.
    ha ha ha!

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    Senior Member m's Avatar
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    Default Re: what not to do during sex

    Don't get caught sneaking a peak at the TV

    Don't forget that there are area's of the body that are only to be treated nicely, mind knees and elbows when changing positions. This will help eliminate the possibility of your partner rolling around on the floor yelping in pain, serious mood killer.

    Don't use a headboard of a footboard for extra traction unless you are sure that it won't break. Especially in your friends house.

    Referring to the last, If it does break don't give your friend the dumbass line "Dude, I guess i kicked it out while I was asleep." Do expect to get hazed for many years to come if you get caught in this situation.

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    Featured Member Prester_John's Avatar
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    Default Re: what not to do during sex

    Don’t stop and introduce a wallaby in the middle of sex. Always clear any wallaby participation with your partner prior to the session.

    Don’t let your partner get spoiled, especially if you leave him/her out all night on the counter. Don’t forget to refrigerate him/him...keeps em fresher.

    Don't fill a bathtub full of chocolate pudding and invite Bill Cosby over.

    If your partner is missing two or more limbs, never say "Oh you make me hot, Stubby". That can be construed as being a tad insensitive.

    NEVER NEVER NEVER swallow your partner's pet goldfish just before sex. I can't tell you how awkward that can be,

    Just a few friendly PJ helpful hints.




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    God/dess velvet's Avatar
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    Default Re: what not to do during sex

    Don't moan, whine, yell or make other noises during sex. It may sound as if you've seen too many porno flicks
    i couldnt be quiet if i tried. wow carlos you must have some boring sex... sorry couldnt resist
    As quoted by Luckyone:
    I asked directions from a genie in a bottle of jim beam and she lied to me.

    Methodus saved my life!

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    Veteran Member Rayleen's Avatar
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    Default Re: what not to do during sex

    [rotflmao]

    You guys are so funny !

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    Default Re: what not to do during sex

    If I can't watch tv during sex, I guess I won't be having sex anytime soon!!!

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    Default Re: what not to do during sex

    Don't let the rope get all tangled up....

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    Default Re: what not to do during sex


    * Don't tickle

    * Don't pull out and jerk off on her face unless the camera is rolling

    * Don't start it if you're too drunk to end it

    * Don't refuse to do anything she wants to do, and be prepared - that means ANYTHING

    * Don't let her rip your toupee off.

    * Don't leave for the bathroom for first aid medicaction to close the scratch marks until she's done

    * Don't finish before she does and walk out to get a
    beer.

    * Don't reach over and take a bite of that anchovie pizza.

    *Don't film it and show your friends, saying "Isn't she hot?" And don't sell the film on the internet.

    *Don't say "Thanks for the extra. How much will that be?"

    * Don't leave a tip on her night stand.


    * Don't take a cell phone call in the middle of sex, or at least stay within your alloted minutes.

    * Don't take you teeth out before you start saying, "I want to make sure I don't hurt you."

    * Don't say, "Is this what they call cellulite?"

    * Don't pinch her vagina together and try to whistle.

    * Don't call your dog up on the bed so he can watch better.


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    Default what not to do during sex (part 2)

    During sex, don't ever say: "An Error Has Occured! Unable to open."




    Behind every big man is a big behind.

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    Featured Member electric_head's Avatar
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    Default Re: what not to do during sex (part 2)

    Don't die during sex
    Don't make me spank you!

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    Featured Member sadbuttrue's Avatar
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    Default Re: what not to do during sex (part 2)

    Never tell your S.O. she isn't doing something the right way. The response might be: "Where are you getting it done the right way?"

    >>>Sad<<<
    Blonde jokes are two lines long so that men can understand them.

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    Default Re: what not to do during sex (part 2)

    no matter how tired you are, DON'T fall asleep mid-fuck. it won't go over very well (not to mention hurt your partners self estime....) :-/

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    Featured Member Chuck149's Avatar
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    Default Never screamRe: what not to do during sex (part 2)

    Never scream out your ATF's name while cuming, unless of course, you're with your ATF
    "when it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day" ~ Marty Bucella

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    God/dess doc-catfish's Avatar
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    Default Re: what not to do during sex (part 2)

    Never float an air biscuit while doing the deed.

    Between the smell and the two of you laughing incessantly, it WILL kill the mood (unless you have a fetish for that sort of thing in which case I really don't wanna know). [bye]
    Former SCJ now in rehab.

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    Featured Member Chuck149's Avatar
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    Default Re: what not to do during sex (part 2)

    When dangeling from the ceiling, never never ask "What's this rope for"? at the same time you're pulling it. [winky]

    When doing it "doggy style", be sure the dog is out of the room.
    "when it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day" ~ Marty Bucella

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    Default Re: what not to do during sex (part 2)

    Not sure what happened to Part 1 of this thread so I'll repost

    Since this board has turned into a sex forum-I am curious as to the answer to this query--What should men and women not do during sex?

    When Mr. Happy goes limp mid coitus, do not keep going thinking "she won't notice if I just keep moving" this seems comical somehow and it's not a good time to make her laugh.

    When you first start kissing don't open your mouth as wide as it will go as if you are trying to inhale your partner.

    Realize your parameters--I have fallen off the end of the bed in weird positions

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    Veteran Member Naomi_Tx's Avatar
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    Default Re: what not to do during sex (part 2)

    Let's see, lately it would have to be, make sure you've got extra batteries handy in case they die at crucial moment.

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    Featured Member Chuck149's Avatar
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    Default Re: what not to do during sex (part 2)

    What's the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I'm home."
    "when it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day" ~ Marty Bucella

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    Featured Member electric_head's Avatar
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    Default Re: what not to do during sex (part 2)

    Be careful Naomi you know if you put the Energizer in backwards they keep coming and coming
    Don't make me spank you!

  25. #25
    God/dess FBR's Avatar
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    Default Re: what not to do during sex (part 2)

    Never start thinking about work...guaranteed to cause the condition described by Jenny :-/
    Once again I have embraced my addiction and have put off the moral dilemma to another day.

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