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Thread: Blonde Jokes

  1. #1
    God/dess lestat1's Avatar
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    Default Blonde Jokes

    Well Amber asked about a new thread for blonde jokes, so I'll start with a few classics:

    Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earings?
    A: So they have a place to rest their ankles.

    Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been using your computer?
    A: There's white-out on the screen.

    Q: What do you call 5 blondes standing ear to ear?
    A: A wind tunnel.

    Q: What's the smartest type of blonde?
    A: A golden retriever.

    Q: How does a blonde turn on the light after sex?
    A: She opens the car door.

    Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
    A: Not everyone's been in a 747.

    - A blonde, a ditz, and a slut walk into a bar. Then she sits down.
    Quote Originally Posted by _Avery_ View Post
    omg, why is it so huge?!! lol lol

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    Featured Member electric_head's Avatar
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    Default Re: Blonde Jokes

    What do blondes and cow patties have in common?
    The older they get the easier they are to pick up.

    How do you make a blondes eyes sparkle?
    Shine a flashlight in her ear.

    What do you call a blonde lying on her back?
    An air mattress.
    Don't make me spank you!

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    God/dess FBR's Avatar
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    Default Re: Blonde Jokes

    I dont know any blond jokes...I just hang out with brunettes
    Once again I have embraced my addiction and have put off the moral dilemma to another day.

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    Featured Member Chuck149's Avatar
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    Default Re: Blonde Jokes

    Question: If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first?
    Answer: The brunette - the blonde would have to stop for directions!

    The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
    "Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"

    A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked,
    "Where did you get that?"
    The pig replied, [laughup]
    "I won her in a raffle!"

    What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you? Run - she is still holding the grenade!

    Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice carton? It said "concentrate" on it!

    How do you make a blonde laugh on a Wednesday? Tell her a joke on a Monday! [laughup]

    What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common? You always hear about them but never see any!

    Postcard from a blonde: Having a wonderful time. Where am I?

    [laughup]




    "when it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day" ~ Marty Bucella

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    Veteran Member TrixieFL's Avatar
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    Default Re: Blonde Jokes

    Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
    A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.

    Q: Why do blondes perfer convertiable cars?
    A: More leg room

    Q: Why did the blonde go up on top of the bar?
    A: Because the bartender said the drinks were on the house

    Q: What do you call a blond with half a brain?
    A: Gifted

    Two Blondes on their Way to Disneyland:
    Two Blondes were in a car and came to a fork in a road and the sign said Disneyland left...
    So they turned around and went home.

    A blonde was working on a puzzle.
    After ten hard months of work, she finally finished.
    She was so proud of herself because on the side of the box it said, "2-3 years."

    Easter Blondes
    Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them before they could enter Heaven, they had to tell him what Easter was.
    The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey."
    St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to hell.
    The second blonde said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts."
    St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to hell.
    The third blonde said, she knew what Easter is, and St. Peter said,"So, tell me."
    She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder....
    St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good."
    "Then," the blonde continued, "now every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball."
    St. Peter fainted...

    A blonde man wearing a headset walks into a barbershop and says he wants his hair dyed brown.
    The barber asks him to take off the headphones. The blonde refuses but the barber dyes it anyway.
    The blonde falls asleep so the barber takes the headphones off and continues dying his hair again.
    Two minutes later he's shocked to find the blonde is dead. The barber puts on the headphones and there's a voice repeating, "breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out."

    Of course I love blondes so nobody be offended by the jokes, it's all in fun!!

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    Default Re: Blonde Jokes



    An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blond guy were doing construction work on
    scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

    They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I
    get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this
    building"

    The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get
    burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

    The blond guy opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again! If I get a bologna
    sandwich one more time I'm jumping with you."

    Next day the Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and
    jumps to his death. The Mexican opens his lunch, sees a burrito and jumps too.
    The blond guy opens his lunch, sees the bologna and jumps to his death also.

    At the funeral the Irishman's wife is weeping. She says, "If I'd known how
    really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to
    him again!"

    The Mexican's wife also weeps and says, "I could have given tacos or enchiladas!
    I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

    Everyone turned and stared at the blond guy's wife. "Hey, don't look at me" she
    said.
    "He makes his own lunch!"

    When the man says, "I do," it is the happiest day of her life.-Al Bundy

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    Veteran Member lethalsoul's Avatar
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    Default Re: Blonde Jokes

    Captain on the plane approaches 3 flight attendants red head, brunette and a blond he asks them to name a soft drink that best describes their boyfriends. The red head say hmmm.. 7up cause my boyfriend is seven inches and he is always up ..up...up.. The brunette replies mountain dew because.. He’s built like a mountain and he always wants to doo. doo . doo. The blond response is hmmm... Jack Daniels.... Captain looks puzzled and tells the blond jack daniels? That’s not a soft drink... that’s a hard liquor... the blonde says Exactly...(hard licker...) that’s him!
    lethalsoul

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    Veteran Member Naomi_Tx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Blonde Jokes

    A depressed young blonde was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."

    Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."

    The girl nodded 'yes.' After all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a life-boat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.

    Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain.

    "What are you doing here?" the Captain asked.

    "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," the blonde explained. "He's taking me to Europe, and he's screwing me."

    "He sure is, lady... This is the Staten Island Ferry!"





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    Featured Member sadbuttrue's Avatar
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    Default Re: Blonde Jokes

    President Bush and Rumsfeld are sitting in a bar.

    A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that
    Bush and Rumsfeld sitting over there?"

    The bartender says, "Yep, that's them."

    So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor! What are you guys doing in here?"

    Bush says, "We're planning WW III."

    And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

    Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big tits."

    The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits? Why kill a blonde with big tits?"

    Bush turns to Rumsfeld and says, "See, I told you no one CARES about the 140 million Muslims".

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    Default Re: Blonde Jokes

    Q: What do you call a blonde in a Volkswagen?
    A: FarFromThinking

    Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
    A: You can park in the handicap zone.

    Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
    A: Because she got an "F" in sex.

  11. #11
    Featured Member Destiny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Blonde Jokes

    Blonde Jigsaw Puzzle

    John gets a call from his very blonde girlfriend Buffy.

    "I've got a problem," says Buffy.

    "What's the matter?" asks John.

    "Well, I bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."

    "What's the picture of?" asks John.

    "It's of a big rooster," replies Buffy.

    "All right," says John. "I'll come over and have a look."

    So he goes over to Buffy's house and she greets him by saying, "Thanks for coming over." Buffy leads John into her kitchen and shows him the jigsaw puzzle on the kitchen table.

    John looks at the puzzle and then turns to her and says, "For heaven's sake, Buffy, put the corn flakes back in the box."
    Dancing is wonderful training for girls, it's the first way you learn to guess what a man is going to do before he does it. ~Christopher Morley, Kitty Foyle

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    Default Re: Blonde Jokes

    Q: Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant?
    A: She blew it both times!

    Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
    A: Pick them up off the floor.

    Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
    A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.

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