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Thread: Men's Rules!

  1. #1
    Featured Member Chuck149's Avatar
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    Default Men's Rules!

    Ok guys, we always hear "the rules" from the female side. Like How to treat a Lady, How to be a good customer etc. Now here are the rules from the male side.
    For all the ladies out there, These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered
    "1" ON PURPOSE!

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. You can handle it. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
    1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon. Let it be.
    1. Crying is blackmail.
    1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
    1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
    1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
    1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
    1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
    commercials.
    1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
    1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
    nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
    discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
    1. You have enough clothes.
    1. You have too many shoes.
    1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.
    1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

    Do any of you guys have anything to add?
    "when it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day" ~ Marty Bucella

  2. #2
    Veteran Member EvilCyn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Men's Rules!

    Chuck, I have to print that out for my husband, he will love it......

    I have one to add for now, might think of more....
    I fell like I look at and treat life like I am a guy, I love sex, I love Football and racing (don't call my house on sunday I will hurt you)

    1. If you don't want us to fart and or burp, don't feed us, or expect us to take you out to dinner...

    1. Strip clubbing is a contact sport...

    Oh, and Chuck the hubby is all good with the sugar daddy thing, he'll just wanna do a live web cam from the hot tub for our site.....LOL

    Licks Cyn
    There is no better buzz then busting a nut.......
    The Curve is more powerful then the sword .. Mae West

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Men's Rules!

    Here's one.

    1. When we're going at it and you say, "Yes!! Right there!", we think we're in the same place we were a second ago. Don't confuse us like that.

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    God/dess doc-catfish's Avatar
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    Default Re: Men's Rules!

    1. It should not take you three months to do your Christmas shopping, when we can do ours in three hours.
    1. Opera is NOT a cultural art. Pro wrestling IS a cultural art.
    1. You can gripe about me not doing the laundry when you learn to change the oil in the car.
    1. We burp/fart/make stupid noises with our armpits. Get over it.
    1. Dr. Phil sucks and must die.
    1. All long distance phone calls to relatives/girlfriends must be completed in under two minutes.
    1. Suitcases: You pack it. You carry it.
    1. Pastel bed sheets: Don’t EVEN think it.
    1. When we say that “You look great!”, YES we really mean it (even if we don‘t).
    1. Having the kids pull our fingers isn’t crude, its quality time.
    1. One bra should not cost more than a six pack of our boxers.
    1. All meals are required to contain some form of dead animal.
    1. When the game is on, you may not run out OF tampons unless you intend to run out and GET them yourself.
    1. Were entitled to take you to one violent action movie for every crappy chick flick you make us go see.
    1. No, you cannot have the credit cards.
    1. Since you’re always mad at us after watching it, the Lifetime channel will be locked out.
    1. Once we‘ve broken our backs moving a piece of heavy furniture, it will NOT be moved back to its previous location because “it looks better over here”.
    Former SCJ now in rehab.

  5. #5
    Veteran Member EvilCyn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Men's Rules!

    I love all of these!!!!!!!!!
    dr_catfish, lifetime channel and Dr Phil both suck !!!!!!!!!
    Licks Cyn
    There is no better buzz then busting a nut.......
    The Curve is more powerful then the sword .. Mae West

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    Featured Member sander8son's Avatar
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    Default Re: Men's Rules!

    hunhhhh, well...

    i hate both opera AND pro wrestling.
    i have pastel sheets, currently on my bed, some kinda green.
    i dont care much for shootem up action flicks nor cheesy chick flicks.
    other than that, i likem... some especialy more than others.

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    Featured Member electric_head's Avatar
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    Default Re: Men's Rules!

    1. Don't ask if we are really going to wear that,if we have it on we are going to wear it.

    1.You go shopping, we go buying. It works!

    1.If showers where meant to be misted,if would come from the factory.

    1.While staring at young perk females, don't ask what does she have that i don't.
    Don't make me spank you!

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    Default Re: Men's Rules!


    1. If it's NOT okay to wear jeans to wherever we're going, tell me because I'm not going to ask.

    1. If you buy flower bulbs, you plant them.

    1. Beer is a food group.

    1. Potatoes are always better than rice pilaf, so don't ask.

  9. #9
    Featured Member Chuck149's Avatar
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    Default Re: Men's Rules!

    Oh, and Chuck the hubby is all good with the sugar daddy thing, he'll just wanna do a live web cam from the hot tub for our site.....LOL

    Licks Cyn
    I'm game Cyn, as long as you block out my teeny weeny!
    "when it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day" ~ Marty Bucella

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    Default Re: Men's Rules!


    I'm game Cyn, as long as you block out my teeny weeny!

    Too big for Amber! Too small for Web Cam. LMAO!
    When the man says, "I do," it is the happiest day of her life.-Al Bundy

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    Default Re: Men's Rules!

    1. Yes, we still want a blow job even if it is "that time of the month"

    1. We don't care if they are real or not

    1. Don't ask me to go to Victoria's Secret with you and then expect me NOT to fantasize about how the 20 year old clerk would look in that black teddy she is showing you....

    1. I wasn't sleeping, I was just resting my eyes...
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
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    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: Men's Rules!

    1. If I can have the foresite to bring a jacket, so can you.

    1. You can hold babies, I can hold babes.

    1. My balls are just as sexy as your breasts - start worshiping 'em.

    1. MY ASS IS HAIRY FOR A REASON!
    We all imagine ourselves the agents of our destiny, capable of determining our own fate. But have we truly any choice in when we rise, or when we fall, or does a force larger than ourselves bid us our direction. Is it evolution that takes us by the hand, does Science point our way, or is it God who intervenes keeping us safe.

    So much struggle for meaning, for purpose. And in the end, we find it only in each other. Our shared experience of the fantastic. And the mundane. The simple human need to find a kindred, to connect. And to know in our hearts... that we are not alone.
    Heroes

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    Default Re: Men's Rules!

    I'm not sure these are rules, more like universal truths of life. LMAO!

    Q- How many men does it take to open a beer?
    A- None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.


    Q- Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick
    up a woman?
    A- Because a woman who can't even afford a washing
    machine will never be able to support you.

    Q- Why do women have smaller feet than men?
    A- So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.


    Q- How do you know when a woman is about to say
    something smart?
    A- When she starts her sentence with "A man once
    told me..."

    Q- How do you fix a woman's watch?
    A- You don't. There is a clock on the stove in the kitchen.


    Q- Why do men pass gas more than women?
    A- Because women won't shut up long enough to
    build up any pressure.


    Q- If your dog is barking at the back door and
    your wife is yelling
    at the front door, who do you let in first?
    A- The dog of course. At least he'll shut up after
    you let him in.


    When the man says, "I do," it is the happiest day of her life.-Al Bundy

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Men's Rules!

    LMAO! Those are great!

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    God/dess doc-catfish's Avatar
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    Default Re: Men's Rules!

    1. If you get upset at us because we enjoy that Miller Lite catfight commerical, you are more than welcome to invite over a hot looking friend and reinact it for us.

    We'll even supply the mud!
    Former SCJ now in rehab.

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    Veteran Member EvilCyn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Men's Rules!

    dr_catfish, Hell I want the brunette in the black to spank me, and I lick all the mudd off of her to get to the cream filling.......
    Licks Cyn
    There is no better buzz then busting a nut.......
    The Curve is more powerful then the sword .. Mae West

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