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Thread: How To Tell When a Dancer Want to Date You

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    Default How To Tell When a Dancer Want to Date You

    Before I ask my ATF out to dinner I'd like to know from you guys with experience what are common signs from dancers that let you all know she want to date you. :-/

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    Default Re: How To Tell When a Dancer Want to Date You

    Gee that's a tough one ??? If your spending a lot of money on her, it may be the money that's keeping her interested. The only sure sign is when you ask, she says yes
    To see if it's the money, try going to the club and not get any dances from her. If she still pays attention to you, it might be a sign that she is interested. Good luck !
    "when it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day" ~ Marty Bucella

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    Default Re: How To Tell When a Dancer Want to Date You

    Dancers aren't shy. If they are interested in you outside of the club, they will let you know and invite you to hang out with them. This is just from my experience.

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    Default Re: How To Tell When a Dancer Want to Date You

    I've been going to SC for 5 years, and have only dated four strippers. All of them made the first move, they initiated the first meeting. None were the typical first dates really, it was more of just hanging out. But if a dancer likes you, she'll let you know or have her dancer friends pass the message.

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    Default Re: How To Tell When a Dancer Want to Date You

    Drivers License, I'm with Chuck, take the money out of the equation the next time you visit her at the club, and you'll soon find the answer to your question.

    Remember, the club is strictly for business and nothing else. You're crossing into dangerous territory---that of a RIL.

    Good luck
    "carpe diem"

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    Default Re: How To Tell When a Dancer Want to Date You

    RIL stands for "Regular In Love"

    Here's a page on it:
    http://members.aol.com/asscweb/cf001.htm
    Hi, my name is Sleepy and I'm powerless over strippers...

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    Default Re: How To Tell When a Dancer Want to Date You

    Sleepy, you da man.

    You guys can access all the acronyms and great archives and articles regarding stripclubs and dancers at the official ASSC website.
    "carpe diem"

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    Default Re: How To Tell When a Dancer Want to Date You

    Just wanted to add that Fusion posted his experience on the ASSC newsgroups several years ago in order to give his insight about stripclubs and dancers and perhaps spare his fellow PL's from falling into financial abyss with his eye opening post. Also, if I'm not mistaken, I think it was voted as one of the best AFTSD posts on ASSC.

    If there's one thing I can take out of his experience to be true, it would be when he stated:

    "Leave the strip clubs to their true purpose: to entertain us, not to serve as a dating service."
    "carpe diem"

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    Featured Member Chuck149's Avatar
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    Default Re: How To Tell When a Dancer Want to Date You

    Great post Sleepy. I read the article and found that OMG i'm an RIL :o
    "when it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day" ~ Marty Bucella

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    Default Re: How To Tell When a Dancer Want to Date You

    I have to agree with Snoop Dogg on this one, if a dancer does want to date you SHE will let YOU know. Dancers get asked out all the time and it can get irritating really quick. If you do decide to ask her out and she says no, it could be really awkward for both of you.

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    Default Re: How To Tell When a Dancer Want to Date You

    Wife was a dancer........ She told me No the first 10 times I asked but started calling me at home for no real reason other than chit chat.

    Girlfriend before her for 4 years was too............ She hung out regularly at a club I owned and always "dressed up" it seemed in a manner I found rather attractive. Never came with a guy and always hung around after the shows.


    As was the girl she caught me with in April........... She simply came out and asked if I wanted to go out.


    And a few dozen others over the last 20 years.


    Quit spending money on her at the club and see what happens. If she's seriously interested in you she will still hang around in between customers and show interest in your day.

    Sometimes I'll pull all the stuff out of my shirt pocket and place it on the table right before getting a table dance. There will always be a couple of business cards on top and many a lady has asked if they can take one.

    When the phone rings and it's them it's a 50/50 chance they are interested.

    Simply ask though. What's the worse your going to hear? No?

    Lots more where she came from.



    I have a difficult time meeting ladies!

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    Default Re: How To Tell When a Dancer Want to Date You

    Hi everyone. I'm new to the blue site. This is my first post over here. I read through this thread and noticed that there weren't any dancer responses to this question. (Sorry if it was answered already in another thread. I havn't gone through the whole site yet.)
    Anyway. You guys are right about the dancer approaching you. generally if a dancer wants to date you, she'll let you know. However, I don't think that most dancers really want to have a serious relationship with a customer. (Now this is just my opinion. I don't speak for all dancers everywhere so don't give up all hope)
    I personally like to keep things professional. I don't enjoy having contact with my customers outside the club. That's not to say that I don't appreciate their patronage or that I don't like or respect them as people. But I like to keep my home and work separate. Things just get too complicated when I try to mix the two.
    For instance, there was one guy who came in to see me at least three, sometimes four times a week. He always got a few LD's and we sat and talked for awhile when I things were slow. He was really funny and nice and an all around good guy. I really enjoyed his company and looked forward to seeing him. Then one day he asked me if I would like to go out with him sometime. I said sure and we went out for breakfast that morning after I got off work. (We weren't alone. A few other girls and one of the bartenders went out with us also.) We did this a few times and then he quit tipping me in the club. When I asked him why he no longer felt like tipping me, he said that he thought we were past that point in our relationship. What relationship? We had breakfast together a couple times. So what? I do that with my sister and I'm not dating her. I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but I wasn't interested in starting a new relationship at that point in my life. And to be honest, as much as I liked his personality, there just wasn't any real attraction there for me. So, even if I had been ready, it wouldn't have been with him.
    I let him know in as nice a way as I could. He really was a nice guy and I don't like hurting people who've been respectful of me. (That's awful hard to find in this business)
    I told him that I hoped it wouldn't stop him from comming to see me at the club. He said that he felt like I'd lied to him the whole time he'd been comming to see me. And that I was a money-hungry bitch.
    And that's why I no longer have outside-the-club activities with my customers. Because it can get too complicated.
    And while I don't consider myself to be a money-hungry bitch, I was concerned with the income I'd lost when he quit comming to see me. I mean, think about it. $10 a dance, about 4 dances a day, three to four days a week. That's $120-$160 that I had to make up somewhere else. It doesn't seem like that much, but $160 covers my car payment. Or I could use it to cover ALL of my utilities for the month. So, yeah I'd be lying if I said his money didn't figure in at all.
    Just remember fellas. We are dancing because it's our job. It's what pays our bills. Of course we enjoy ourselves. And we enjoy being around you guys too. We would be doing something else if we didn't enjoy it. But it's a job first and foremost.
    My advice is this: if you really like a dancer, DONT ask her out. For reasons both similar and different to mine this might make her uncomfortable around you. (Plus you have no idea how many guys think that a strip club is a dating agency, and it does get really, really annoying)
    If you really like her, let her know you enjoy her company. Be nice. Be respectful. Tip well(she is at work).
    And most importantly, HAVE FUN when you're with her. Show her what a good guy you can be, and if she's looking for a date, she'll ask you out!l

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    Default Re: How To Tell When a Dancer Want to Date You

    Hey Kittie,
    Thank you for your post it comes at a good time for me
    Don't make me spank you!

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    Default Re: How To Tell When a Dancer Want to Date You

    Kittie: Great post, thank you. Too many guys lose sight of the fact that, even if a dancer likes you as a person and enjoys your visits, you are still income to her as well. Any guy who is interested in a dancer needs to remove money from the equation first and foremost. If a girl is still interested she will find time for you in-between customers. I know dancers who date customers and I know dancers who don't. There are no other early warning signs that are relaible except for the all-mighty dollar.
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
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    Default Re: How To Tell When a Dancer Want to Date You

    That's true. If you stop giving her money you will definitely know if it was money and only money that keeps her around you.
    And like I said, don't loose all hope. Because you never know. I met my fiance at the club where I work. He came in and played a few games of pool with me. He had gone to high school with some of the girls who worked there. Others he just knew from some of the other bars he goes to. We talked a lot and one night while I was working, I did something I normally don't do........I complained about my roomate. Ususally I don't bring up anything in conversation about my personal life if I can help it. But on that particular day one of my roomates' kids thought it would be fun to get into the fridge, take out some eggs, and break them open over my bed. I told him about it and I think I said something like, "I have got to find a new roomie!" Well, he had a 3 bedroom house that he bought with his ex before they split and he said he had an extra room if I wanted. One of the other girls I work with was living there already and since he knew a lot of the girls and the bartenders and the doorman and the waitresses, I had a lot of people that could give me a character reference. And he'd always been real respectful and fun so I said a very heartfelt thank you and arranged to move in. (Don't get me wrong here. I love kids, but OMG.....the eggs were the last straw.)
    So I moved into the house, and since we now lived together I got to see a lot more of him and I got to know him a lot better than I would have if I'd been dividing my attention between him and my other customers at the club. (And actually he quit comming in to see me at the club after I moved in. **Hence the removal of money from the situation**)
    At the time I moved in, he and I were both casually dating other people, but as we got to know more about each other we found that we really fit well into what each of us was looking for in a partner. So we told the people we were dating that it was quits and starting seeing each other. (That was actually kind of weird at first. I mean it's hard to have a first date with someone when you live at the same house. There's no impressing someone with my makeup or hair or outfit because he sees me in the morning.....before I brush my teeth or wash my face. But looking back on it now, I think that maybe it was the best way for us to start a relationship with each other. Cause we both had been hurt before. We both had been cheated on. And when you live with someone and you see them every single day, you don't have to worry about those kind of deceptions. You get to know them for who they really are......really quickly. I've dated some guys in the past who were pretty good at playing games with me, but I can't think of anyone who could keep up that kind of facade 24/7. So, yeah it was weird at first cause neither one of us had ever started dating someone while we were living with them before, but it worked out really well with us.)
    Now I'm not saying that anyone thinking of dating a stripper should invite her to move in with him/her. And actually more often than not I can see that being a recipe for a dating disaster. The point I was trying to make with this is that you never know what can happen.
    So yeah, I'd follow the advice to take money out of the situation. (And actually, come to think of it, my fiance was never really a customer of mine. He tipped when I was on stage but he never did get any dances from me.)
    If she's really interested she'll still stick around after the money is gone.
    Good luck with your girl

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    Default Re: How To Tell When a Dancer Want to Date You

    First why do want to date her? Is it because you are interested in her as a person or that you just want to screw her? If it is her personality go ahead and ask her out, the worst that can happen is she says no. If you just want to do her, don't bother just order up an escort instead.

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    Default Re: How To Tell When a Dancer Want to Date You

    i have no idea if this guy is looking for a "serious relationship" or a not so serious relationship. if it's the former, i'd say don't bother asking. if it's the latter,i'd say ask away.


    <snip>
    Then one day he asked me if I would like to go out with him sometime. I said sure and we went out for breakfast that morning after I got off work.
    <snip>
    He said that he felt like I'd lied to him the whole time he'd been comming to see me. And that I was a money-hungry bitch.
    And that's why I no longer have outside-the-club activities with my customers. Because it can get too complicated.<snip>
    can you blame him? he may have planted the seed, but by agreeing to go out with him. you provided the sunlight,fertilizer and the water.


    Is it not a problem that the woman have a smaller brain than a man? The government scientist Dr. Yamuka has proved it is size of squirrel. - Borat

    Alan Marciano
    : Oh, man...(to himself) Why did I get mixed up with that bitch?
    Lt. Vincent Hanna: Cause she's got a great ass and you got your head all the way up it! - from the movie "Heat".

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    Default Re: How To Tell When a Dancer Want to Date You

    If a dancer wants you, she'll let you know right away. It's a kind of like impulse shopping. And it's a risk for you. I know a dancer who took a guy back to her apartment just to enrage her ex-BF. You don't need the drama of a smashed windshield (or face).... If get into it with a dancer, and you're good, all her friends will know.... If you're looking for good love, volunteer at a food bank.

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    Default Re: How To Tell When a Dancer Want to Date You

    I would like to remind mr_punk that (as I believe I stated in my previous post)when I did go out to breakfast with this particular customer, we were NOT alone.
    There were other dancers, the bartender, and one of the bouncers present. Some of the girls had their boyfriends with them too. This was something we all did about 3 times a week anyway. He just joined us on a few occaisions. I drove there in my own car and paid for my own food and went home by myself. I never gave him my phone number or my real name. He didn't know where I lived, so he didn't come and pick me up at my door and take me out. I did not consider it to be dating. And until he said something about our "relationship" I didn't realize that he did either.
    I don't think that I led him on. What I think is that this guy read way too much into the situation. I think that because he wanted me to be his girlfriend, he imagined that more was going on than actually was.

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    Default Re: How To Tell When a Dancer Want to Date You

    I would like to remind mr_punk that (as I believe I stated in my previous post)when I did go out to breakfast with this particular customer, we were NOT alone.There were other dancers, the bartender, and one of the bouncers present. Some of the girls had their boyfriends with them too. This was something we all did about 3 times a week anyway. He just joined us on a few occaisions. I drove there in my own car and paid for my own food and went home by myself. I never gave him my phone number or my real name. He didn't know where I lived, so he didn't come and pick me up at my door and take me out. I did not consider it to be dating.
    i got that part. obviously,all of those factors made a difference to you but not to him.

    And until he said something about our "relationship" I didn't realize that he did either.
    exactly. thus,when he asked you out and you ACCEPTED, he believed that you were interested. his assumption may have been misguided, but you also assumed that he was interested in just being friends.


    I don't think that I led him on. What I think is that this guy read way too much into the situation. I think that because he wanted me to be his girlfriend, he imagined that more was going on than actually was.
    i don't think you lead him on, at least intentionally. however, how many guys in a stripclub (or in real life) ask you out with the basic intention of just being friends? he wasn't the only one imagining things.





    Q: How do you write women so well?

    A:I think of a man and I take away reason and accountability. - Jack Nicholson from the movie "As Good As It Gets". ;-)
    Is it not a problem that the woman have a smaller brain than a man? The government scientist Dr. Yamuka has proved it is size of squirrel. - Borat

    Alan Marciano
    : Oh, man...(to himself) Why did I get mixed up with that bitch?
    Lt. Vincent Hanna: Cause she's got a great ass and you got your head all the way up it! - from the movie "Heat".

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    Default Re: How To Tell When a Dancer Want to Date You

    Kittie
    Great posts. I had the same problem with 2 guys. One was a $300 regular, and he stopped as soon as I became "too real" because we spoke through email once in a while. The other was one who said he couldnt look at me that way anymore, yet again because of email. I mixed work with my real life. And I rarely ever do it now.

    You guys have to understand that we are there to make money. I dance to pay for school. If I lose a regular, it bothers me. I hate when guys say, "take away the money...see how fast she loses interest". Its the same for you. If you continued to work at your current job, yet received no pay, im sure your enthusiasm for work would dwindle, would it not? You'd go looking for a new job, one who PAYS. Same for us. Since my regular left, I moved on to others who would.

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    Default Re: How To Tell When a Dancer Want to Date You

    I dunno. It seems to me that he meets a dancer within a group from the club, and she drives there herself, picks up her own tab, then goes home herself - to make a romantic connection out of that is real PL material, and the dancer shouldn't be held accountable for the PL's delusions.
    it's no more or less delusional than when a dancer assumes that, if a first time customer or regular asks her out,he just wants to be friends. there are simular threads on SW covering this issue and most of the dancers there know that is not the case. which is why most of them don't (at least that's what they say) see customers outside the club. i'm not saying she is 100% accountable, but she does bare some responsibility by not setting boundaries. yes, he may have been delusional,but her assumption that he should have picked up these non-verbal clues maybe equally unrealistic.


    I've gone out dining and drinking and dancing with women and never considered those dates. Just friends having a good time. A rational person knows the difference.
    so have i and a rational person also knows that there's a big difference between dining, drinking and dancing with women that holds his "interest" (or his "interest" for a night) vs a woman that holds no interest for him at all.



    You guys have to understand that we are there to make money. I dance to pay for school. If I lose a regular, it bothers me. I hate when guys say, "take away the money...see how fast she loses interest". Its the same for you. If you continued to work at your current job, yet received no pay, im sure your enthusiasm for work would dwindle, would it not? You'd go looking for a new job, one who PAYS. Same for us. Since my regular left, I moved on to others who would.
    i have no problem with that. i'm sure you realize that you can't have it both ways with some of your regulars. you can't be totally honest without losing some them as regulars. it's just the nature of the beast. however, i'm just bewildered by dancers who think that if a guy asks you out or offers you expensive gifts,that his ultimate goal is to be your friend. most of the time that's not the case at all,imo.

    Is it not a problem that the woman have a smaller brain than a man? The government scientist Dr. Yamuka has proved it is size of squirrel. - Borat

    Alan Marciano
    : Oh, man...(to himself) Why did I get mixed up with that bitch?
    Lt. Vincent Hanna: Cause she's got a great ass and you got your head all the way up it! - from the movie "Heat".

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    Default Re: How To Tell When a Dancer Want to Date You

    Oh man how I'm actually experiencing this at the moment! Ever since my move to the club I dance at currently... I'm learning a whole new set of lessons! I didn't have regulars at my old club hence I wasn't able to learn thru hands-on experience all of what has been talked about within this thread.

    I have two RILs... one is a definate RIL. He's been spending $$ at my club for many years.. he had a dancer which he spent $$ on exclusively prior to me and one prior to her. He did that for 2 years with the dancer prior to me...

    The other one has only just recently become an RIL.... I mean like last weekend recent! He usually comes in and gets a VIP dance with me.. well.. guess who was trying to take $$ out of the equation. Unfortunately for him (and to me in the end)... it is ONLY because of the $$ that I show interest in him (flirt with him and listen to him tell me about his work etc).

    Granted, I may loose them but there are others who are club regulars... they have a group of dancers who are their favourites hence share their wealth amongst that group. That's a good way to operate.... makes sure that no ONE particular dancer feels she "owns" you .. that you are HER regular.

    I'm glad I read about this thread... it helped me with my most recent RIL situation.



    enter: E3167322D9 for your 10% discount

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    Default Re: How To Tell When a Dancer Want to Date You


    You guys have to understand that we are there to make money. I dance to pay for school. If I lose a regular, it bothers me. I hate when guys say, "take away the money...see how fast she loses interest". Its the same for you. If you continued to work at your current job, yet received no pay, im sure your enthusiasm for work would dwindle, would it not? You'd go looking for a new job, one who PAYS. Same for us. Since my regular left, I moved on to others who would.

    This is a really good point. I think that some guys are under the impression that they are the ONLY customer to ever ask us out. I also hate it when I see the advice, "stop giving her money and see what happens." If every guy who wanted to date us started doing that we wouldn't even be able to be dancers anymore b/c we would be making absolutely NO $$$ at all.

    Also, I was recently having a discussion with a shooter girl at my club about guys wanting to date the dancers. She brought up a very valid point: Most dancers are extremely attractive, as we spend a lot of time and money on improving our appearances, due to the nature of our job. I hope this doesn't sound snobbish, but many of the customers who patronize our clubs are average looking, at best. WHY do some of these guys think that they can just walk into a club full of beautiful women and think that these girls are ripe for the picking?


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    Default Re: How To Tell When a Dancer Want to Date You

    I have been out with dancers and have gotten to know some of em pretty good. And after getting to know them, I have a question for the guys that want to date dancers. And that question is WHY? Most of them have issues somewhere along the way. They may look good, but the baggage is incredible! OK, if you just want them for a quickie fine, but to get to know them personally? NO WAY! I wouldnt want my worst enemy to have to suffer the psychological trauma that they would go thru during and after the relationship ends! Anyhow this is just my opinion!

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