How bad can a private dance be?

[Joe12601]

We've all said "never again!"..usually it's the girl you look at and say "WOW!! the one I'll remember is a tiny brunette, great body..She just pounded me, and while doing so put her forehead to mine, (for the entire dance. ) I left feeling like I'd slammed my head on the steering wheel..te other I remember (and shes a great girl and gave a great dance)..but.....our faces fit like jig saw puzzle peices..resulting in her chin fitting perfectly into my eye socket..basicaly it was two nutes of ectasy and 8 minutes of "OW!!".. "I'm sorry"...we laughed about it afterwards..but I did have a shiner for a week...

[Chuck149]

How about when she tries to be sexy and pushes her cleavage against your face. You think, "Wow this is going to be great"

Then she pushes harder ???

First, you start to smother, then she starts her sexy slide down toward the floor but continues to mash her chest into your face. :o

As she moves downward, your lips become distorted and your eye lids are dragged shut. You can only hope that you'll be able to see and talk when she's finished,

NOT SEXY AT ALL

[sol_de_pr2]

"How about when she tries to be sexy and pushes her cleavage against your face. You think, "Wow this is going to be great"

Then she pushes harder"

This I don't mind, as long as she lets me BREATHE


How about when a dancer pushes her crotch against your face and it smells ??? Yuk, let's get some soap and perfume down there .

[aggieed]

How about when a dancer pushes her crotch against your face and it smells?

Man, I've got some funny stories there...

Story #1:
This was late September. I went with a group of guys to Michael's International in Houston. It was getting late...most of the guys had gone on to other clubs, but I decided to stay. Near the end of the night, this one girl comes up to me, takes my hand, and pulls me over to some booths where all the dances take place. She starts to dance, and everything is going well...lots of contact...lots of mutually gratifying contact. I'm liking it. At one point, she climbs up on top of my chest with her knees on my shoulders, and then she sticks her crotch in my face. OMG!! It stunk! I wanted to puke so bad, but I just held my breath. I didn't want to be rude, and I knew what she wanted me to do, but there was no way in hell I was going anywhere near there. I let her finish the song, I paid her and left. The night started out very well, but that experience really scarred the night.

Story #2:
This was near the tail end of football season when they were showing NFL games on Saturday nights. I went into my favorite club here in Austin, but I was being one of those guys the girls hate...I was just sitting, drinking, and watching the game...wasn't really interested in getting dances that night. Of course, me being Mr. Observant, I was watching as this one woman was dancing for a guy in front of me. I don't remember how it happened, but she ended up sticking her crotch in his face, and he just started sneezing. He pushed her away, stood up, and would NOT stop sneezing. She can't figure out what's going on. She puts her hand in her crotch and tries to figure out if she smells or what. He ends up pulling some money out of his pocket, hands it to her, and sends her off. I guess it could have been anything: a bad smell, soap, perfume, or even the cloth on her g-string that set him off, but it was damn funny.

Story #3:
A Monday night two months ago. I was supposed to meet some friends of mine at a karaoke bar, but as I was driving towards the place, they called to tell me that they decided to cancel. With some extra money in my pocket, I make a u-turn on the highway and drive to my favorite hangout. When I walk into my second home, I run into an ASPDer I had met a few months ago. We head over to VIP to sit down. It was almost 11 PM when I got there, but he had already been there since 5 PM just drinking...that's it. At the end of the night, he had spent over $300 in alcohol and only bought two dances!!!!! Anyway, he was hot for this hottie blondie. I already had one of my old favorites sitting with me, and we were watching as this hottie blondie starts dancing for my friend. The dance was mediocre at best, and she ends up leaving for the dressing room to "freshen up" before she has to go on stage. My friend turns to my dancer and me and says, "So would it be rude for me to tell her she needs to wipe her ass?" He was being serious.

Oh, man...

...as far as the breasts in the face goes...I wear glasses, and I don't like taking them off because I'm damn near blind without them. Some dancers, though, will still try to mash their chest against my face, and there have been a couple of instances where I've had to push a dancer away when I can feel the frames on my glasses bending back, and in some cases where I simply can't breathe! This also doesn't just happen during dances. I know there was at least one time I went to tip a dancer on stage, she stuck my head between her breasts, and I had to push her away. I sometimes wonder what the other customers were thinking when I did that...probably thought I had some kind of psychological disorder or something.

[sol_de_pr2]

...as far as the breasts in the face goes...I wear glasses, and I don't like taking them off because I'm damn near blind without them. Some dancers, though, will still try to mash their chest against my face, and there have been a couple of instances where I've had to push a dancer away when I can feel the frames on my glasses bending back, and in some cases where I simply can't breathe! This also doesn't just happen during dances. I know there was at least one time I went to tip a dancer on stage, she stuck my head between her breasts, and I had to push her away. I sometimes wonder what the other customers were thinking when I did that...probably thought I had some kind of psychological disorder or something.

Well, Ed, I wear glasses too and I don't mind taking them off, it all add up to the fantasy. Since it's usually dark wherever I have privates anyways, I'll gladly look at the blur of boobs in front of me and have them smothered in my face That way my glasses won't get full of sweat so I can go back to the stage and look at the rest of "them"

[doc-catfish]

...as far as the breasts in the face goes...I wear glasses, and I don't like taking them off because I'm damn near blind without them.

Thankfully I'm nearsighted so I can take my specs off. But I've had some adventures with glasses. It wasn't during a private dance, but one time while sitting at the stage, I had an asian dancer pull them off and stick them in her panties.

At another club I had a similar incident with a ball cap.

Earlier in the day I had gotten a haircut and the barber got a little TOO adventurous with the clippers, so I wore my brand new Atlanta Braves cap to the club to cover the hideous results.

This blonde came up to me and asked if I wanted a table dance, so I agree to one and I turned the cap around "rally cap" style so the brim wasn't in her way. About halfway through the song the dancer takes the cap off my head and sticks It down in her panties and rubs it against her crotch before sticking it back on my head. I don't even think she noticed my haircut.

I couldn't see it in the darkness of the club, but the next day, this brand new ball cap had a mysterious stain on the underside of the brim. Hmmm. :o

Truth be told, I have personal artifacts that have seen more action than I have.

[Chuck149]

I wear glasses to. LOL I hate it when they take off your glasses and rub them on thier Titties.... It takes forever to clean them

[sol_de_pr2]

Ha! So we all fit a strip club client "profile" so to speak: we wear glasses!

[Chuck149]

Yea, I never needed glasses until I became a strip club junkie. It's from starring at all of those beautiful BUTTS LOL

[electric_head]

I wear glasses to, but have to remove them as they get all steamy :o

[Traveler]

Yep, glasses here too. On top of the glasses between the boobs thing, I kept waiting to read this: I can't be the only one who has had his glasses taken off by a dancer, who then rubbed them on her crotch. I mean, this has happened more than once, with different dancers at different clubs. Is this sexy? What are they thinking? I mean, I can't SEE it very well now, can I, if she has my glasses? Maybe if I wore a perscription vibrator instead of glasses....

One girl at a local club who has liked me too much for a while used to always shove her crotch in my face in the "fantasy dance." Now, it's a topless club, but she would slide the bottoms aside and say, you can lick it if you want. So here we are, anyone basically could see if they looked over, and on top of it half the time she smelled like yesterday's catch. So No, dear, I won't be exploring that--EVER! I had to stop going to that club because she was all over me the second I walked in and wouldn't let anyone else dance with me, and was constantly begging to see me outside the club which, for some reason after a while, spoiled fun. Her superfine body just couldn't cancel out the pouting and petty attitude. That and the fact that she is 18 with a 6 month old daughter.

In Chicago I occasionally get dances from a girl at one of the big clubs, and she and I really hit it off. They don't let you talk outside the VIP for more than a minute at a time--the bouncers are everywhere moving girls along. So we chat during the dance. She has a tendency to kinda stop dancing and just perch there naked on my lap when we really get into deep conversation. Now I don't mind it completey totally that she stops, but I do wish she would keep on dancing. It's a pricey chat tab! But it cracks me up.

[Joe12601]

Jeez replying to my own post.......but I have to mention the girl with the pierced belly button who scratched my eyelid.... We come out of the VIP and the bamaid says "smedance...you know your bleeding, right??"

[Chuck149]

Ouch :o
We should start giving out "purple hearts" for wounds sustained in the line of duty.... I know we'll give "purple nipples" instead. LOL

[doc-catfish]

To me there's nothing worse than a drunken dancer using her DD cup (and sometimes larger) fake saline knockers against your nose like a pair of boxing gloves. Those things HURT. I've damn near been given nosebleeds during private dances by those kind of gals.

And of course, who could forget this oldy but goody...

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/shimkonis1.shtml

[aggieed]

Anybody accidentally had their head knocked around by a dancer's rear end?

I haven't, but I remember a buddy of mine was getting a dance from this one woman. She crouched down in front of him, put her head between his thighs, and then flipped over and knocked the crap out of his nose with her rear end. Ouch!!!

[mr_punk]

i hate it when dancers try to get cute. the two worst private dances i've ever had:

#1- i had the misfortune of unknowingly picking a dancer on her first night. i knew that i was in trouble when she told me that she was about to show me some "tricks". her tricks consisted of a lap dance full of wild herky-jerky movements, including a couple of sharp elbows to my ribs. it wasn't a dance, it was an epileptic seizure. you know,if the dancing thing doesn't work out for her,with her sharp elbows she definitely has a future as a post-up player in the WNBA.

I haven't, but I remember a buddy of mine was getting a dance from this one woman. She crouched down in front of him, put her head between his thighs, and then flipped over and knocked the crap out of his nose with her rear end.

2#- i know exactly what you're talking about. something similar happened to me. i'm half listening to a dancer/wannabe fitness competitor telling me about her gymnastic routine on the way to the vip area. i think i'm in for a pretty good time as she arranges my body (legs closed and slightly extended,torso at about a 45 degree angle) in the seat. ideally, she goes into a handstand and flips her body onto my legs,and as she lands, she spreads her legs with her ankles ending up on my shoulders. of course,that never happened since she almost coldcocks me with one of her f#%king platform shoes. after the vip room stops swirling, i asked why didn't she give me any warning. she told me that she thought i would be interested in seeing her routine.

[SuperDude]

Dancer has a ring or loop of some kind pierced in her nave. During the lap dance this loop hooks on to one of my belt loops and we are "really" hooked up. We couldn't get the ring out of the loop. I had to ask the bouncer to get a pair of scizzors and cut my belt loop to get unhooked. Because the connection lasted two songs while we struggled to get unhooked, she wanted to be paid for the dances. The bouncer told her to forget it.

[Theresa]

OMG aggieed, your stories had me ROFLMAO!!! I haven't heard anything that funny in a long time, thanks for the entertainment.

Anyway, I just had to add an experience of my own:
I had only been at my club for a few months, and the manager had asked me to work a stag for some friends of his. I left work early to do the party, and the manager had one of his cop friends escort me there so I would feel safe. Anyway, I started the party out with a personalized dance for the groom in front of all his buddies. The chair he was sitting in was kind of bulky, it was a reclining thingy. Anyway, I tried doing that trick that was mentioned in this thread, where a girl does a somersault kind of thing in the guy's lap. I guess I put a little too much force into it because I flipped the chair over totally backwards, and we made the LOUDEST sound as we crashed to the floor. We were both okay, but it was SO embarassing b/c I almost killed the groom in front of all of my boss' friends.

Oh wow... I think I've mentioned a few similar things in the old "Most Embarassing Moments" thread on Stripperweb.

I had one guy I was doing a lap dance for, and I didn't think about the fact that my new boots (low platforms) were a touch heavier than my old thigh-high stilettos. I was swinging one leg around to hook my knee behind his head (the idea being that he's to get a good close look at the lower half of my bikini), and the extra weight threw me off balance. Now this lap dance space was very cramped, so there wasn't any real room to make compensatory movements. I fell pretty much backwards, and took him with me (as he had been successfully hooked), and he landed face first right between my legs, with me sprawled all over the overstuffed armchair that had been in front of us. The bouncer apparently happened to pick that exact moment to look over, and the guy came a hair breadth away from being booted, before I could get Big Burly Bouncer to understand what happened. both of us were QUITE red in the face.

He must have forgiven me, though, because he asked for another LD, and came back to see me the next week.

Then there was the guy for whom I could only kind of bounce on his knee, shake my boobs about a foot from his face, and wiggle between his feet. I felt really bad because I truly felt he was getting a crappy dance. But there was nothing else I could do - his belly was THAT big.

The worst LD I've seen though was a new girl who was a 21 year old, bleached blonde, Catholic airhead. Never stripped before. First night, a cowboy type in for his birthday decides he wants to pop the $20 for a LD with her. I tell her what to do and send her off, with a smack on the butt, to do her thing. 1.5 songs later (that $20 is for one song), I walk by the LD area, and she is still dancing for him, three feet away from his knees. By dancing, I mean she was kind of wiggling her hips in an arhythmic fashion, grimacing, and had not removed a single article of clothing. And it was only a bikini bar, so it's not like anyone was asking her to flash her cootch or anything... I made her stop and sent her to talk to the shift manager. The bouncer said he let her start the second song for free because he felt so bad for the guy. Damned newbies

McCain

[Duffy]

I once visited a strip club in Ensenada, Baja, Mexico. It had as astage a long, narrow runway that ran down the middle of the club. Around the side walls of the basement room were banquets that could seat four or five customers around a small table in the middle. The club had an m.c. who looked very Mayan and introduced every stripper with, "And now she'll go all the way down for you," the only English he apparently knew. This is the kind of strip club one only finds in Mexican border towns. The kind of place a that sold Corona for 25 cents a bottle and inspired a lot of Southern California teenagers' fantasies. All the dancers were women, as opposed to girls, with swarthy complexions, quite a bit of "junk in he trunk" and thick black pubic hair that trailed its way upward toward their bellybuttons. Among the customers the night we were at the club were two young men who looked and acted as if they'd just won the lottery. Brand new boots and cowboy hats, hootin' and hollerin' as every stripper came out qnd did her thing, i.e."going all the way down for you!" Then came time for the evening's feature dancer, brought in at great expensive all the way from Acapulco. Down the runway sashayed a tall, exotic looking woman in a revaling costume. Well, when she got to the end of the runway and started stripping the two yung men just went bananas, shouting, jumping up and down trying to grab the dancer as she took her clothes off. They were clapping a long to the music, and laughing. As she reaches the end of the runway all she has on are fishnets and a tiny g-string. Standing at the end of the stage, looming over her young admirers and grinding her hips she pushes down the top of her hose and g-string. Out pops the longest cock I've ever seen on a girl. All hell breaks loose. As the stage lights dim, beer bottles and chairs start flying through he air, while over the p.a. systen is heard the voice of the m.c. promising us that "now she will go all the way down for you." The poor stripper is clutching her manhood and what's left of her costume trying to make an exit as fast a she can. The way this scene played out was p[riceless. My wife and I and our friends were in hysterics as we tried to hide behind our little bar table. It wasn't until a couple of Ensenada police officers came through the door blowing their whistles that things began to quiet down. This is one of the funniest experiences I've ever had.

[lestat1]

I wear glasses to. LOL I hate it when they take off your glasses and rub them on thier Titties.... It takes forever to clean them

Ugh me too!

And what is going on with stinky butt lately? It used to just be the crummier club where that happened, but now the nicer neighborhood club I go to as well. Half of the dancers there smell like shit back there, which duh, makes sense, but if you just pooped then keep your anus off of my nose!

[mr_punk]

LOL..hold on. half the strippers at this club aren't washing their asses? and you still go to this club? at the very least, this place should charge half-price at the door and give out complementary clothespins.

[lestat1]

Because at my other club it's more than half!

[GenWar]

And THAT, lestat, is one of the primary reasons I don't go to clubs in our town.

Dude...there are decent clubs 90 minutes away. just 90 minutes. Even with gas prices, it's worth it.

-gen

[crizgolfer]

I wear glasses to. LOL I hate it when they take off your glasses and rub them on thier Titties.... It takes forever to clean them

I know what you mean. I was sitting stageside with a dancer and we were running a sexiest smile contest. The dancer sitting with me was the judge and she was distributing the cash awards.

Anyway, one dancer looks at me and says I will give you a real close up look at my "sexiest smile". She then took my glasses off and danced the rest of the song while rubbing my glasses on her crotch. It was a golden moment!

Took a while to get those glasses clean again.