Results 1 to 22 of 22

Thread: a question about life

  1. #1
    Curious Guest buffone's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    2
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default a question about life

    i have a question for the guys. lets say that you have a girlfriend who you are absolutly inlove with. than lets say that she is a dancer. that isnt the part that bothers you.
    what if she feels that that part of her life is totally seperate from the one you two have together, and that one doesnt effact the other. lets say that she doesnt seem to feel that leading guys on at the club is bad. she feels that it will in no way effect you( some people are sick and develop infatuations that have in the past effected their signifigant others, i hear about it on the news). and shows disrespect to you by doing this, and not just dancing, but making guys believe that their might be a chance someday to milk them out of their money.( never the intention or meeting them elsewhere, just the idea that mabe).
    than she asks you how you feel about a certain person she hangs out with who is a female who wrote her a love letter. you say it bothers you because there was a certain situation between them before you two met. lets say she hangs out with them behind your back and lies about it till you find the note.
    than you find a number that is from a guy at the club, she never intended to call, but kept it anyway.
    the only time you two argue is about her dancing because she doesnt show common sence there. she never does extras or shit like that, just little things that seem to be a slap in the face, where you do everthing to benefit the both of you. and the fact that she goes no bothers you alot, when everyother day she doesnt it a great and happy one. you getalong better than great on those days.
    what would you do, how would you feel, and would you end it or still continue. i am not saying i am going to end it or anything, but i wish she would not continue to go anymore, i just cannot argue about it anymore.

    your comments please.

    [move=left,scroll,6,transparent,100%] :troll: TROLL ALERT! TROLL ALERT! TROLL ALERT! TROLL ALERT! :troll:[/move]

  2. #2
    God/dess
    Joined
    Apr 2003
    Location
    Renaissance City
    Posts
    3,343
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re:a question about life

    Oh man, you have no clue how bad it is.... It scares me how dancers diss their boyfriends to customers and do crazy stuff their boyfriends would never even imagine them doing.... I ask girls, "How can you DO that when you have a boyfriend?" It's like a separate life.... Many dancers have been sexually abused for extended periods of time, so they know how to separate their minds from whatever they're doing. But hey, I still feel sorry for guys like you.

    Saddest BF I ever saw was a guy who brought flowers to his girlfriend's club after they had an argument. He walks in the front door, and 20 feet away she's getting off hard while straddling a guy. It was "get even" day for her.


  3. #3
    Curious Guest buffone's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    2
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re:a question about life

    that sucks bro. i feel for your friend. how would you go about telling her that you are begining to get uncomfortable with the idea now. especially when you knew what she did when you met her. i just feel thatwhen you are in a relationship your partner should be the only one to see you and touch you, not total strangers. this is the life for a single woman. not a girlfriend, wife , or mother what ever the case may be. i mean i dont go around dancing for other women or showing what i have or having them touch anypart of me, because that would be disrespectful to her.
    right now she is in school and cant find a job that works with her schedual, but i think that is sort of bullshit. it is the easy money, because she sais it a few times. where else can i make that not anywhere else now. i think she is begining to get a stripper mentality somewhat, other wise it wouldnt matter. i could be wrong, i hope i am wrong. it just is like sometimes the job seems more important, if you can cosider it a job. she says she is going to quit in a few years when she is done with school, but if stupid shit keeps happening and i am uncomfortable with it she is going to have to decide which is most important me or dancing. not to sound like a dick but. i cant be unhappy for years.

  4. #4
    Veteran Member NVJosh's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Lovely Las Vegas, Nevada
    Posts
    665
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re:a question about life

    I think you hit the nail on the head. While I don't think its fair of you to put her in a "choose dancing or me" position (believe me, you lose no matter which she chooses), it is unfair of her to pretend that her work life and real life have no convergence.

    The biggest part of any relationship, and especially one with a dancer, is trust. Its clear from your posts that you don't trust her at this point. I have no idea if your fears are founded or unfounded. However, if you aren't able to get past that issue, the relationship is doomed. Be it now, a week from now, a year from now or five years from now, the trust issues will either make you both miserable or tear you apart.

    It definitely works both ways. If she loves you and you say "Well, since you say you're not going to call that guy, I'd feel more comfortable if you threw out his number" and she says no, you have legitimate reason to wonder why its so important for her to keep it.

    As for hanging out with her friend, you've told her it bothers you. Now, in and of itself that shouldn't stop her from seeing this other person. However, she should be asking herself "Who's more important to me? This friend or my boyfriend?" And if the answer is the boyfriend, then she has to either choose not to see her friend, or talk to you about what would make you comfortable and still allow her to maintain her friendship. It may be "Just be honest about when you're spending time with her" or "Just assure me that you're not looking to get involved with her again" or it could be something else. That's for you to answer. However, if your answer is "There's nothing that would make me comfortable with that", then you're back to trust.

    So, IMO, the bottom line is whether you feel you can trust her, and if you choose to trust her, whether you feel that your trust will be betrayed. If you feel that it will, then break it off now and find someone with whom you feel more secure. Breaking up always sucks, however at least it frees you to find a better relationship.

  5. #5
    Featured Member polecat's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Bay Area, CA
    Posts
    1,391
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 15 Times in 13 Posts

    Default Re:a question about life

    Ugh.. My brain hurts from reading that initial post. Man, you really gotta lose all that "say that.." indirection stuff.

    Lemme see if I can translate your original post with an emphasis on how it reads:
    ----
    friction.. friction.. tension.. tension.. lies.. betrayal.. mistrust.. more friction.. discomfort.. unhappiness.. friction.. friction.. friction.
    ....
    confusion, lack of understanding, cry for advice/commentary
    -----

    We can't be sure if your original post was accurate or just the result of mood at the time and selectivity of wording, but that's how the original post reads to me.

    Me personally- if she clearly stated she wasnt seeing someone, then I suddenly find out she was.. she's gone. Life is much too short to deal with someone doing things behind your back and covering it up with lies. You made it sound like this other woman is a former lesbian lover, and if so, then that event would have been the end of it in itself.

    Everything else could possibly be more you than her. It's how much comfort you have with someone working this biz and it's absolutely not for everyone. Phone numbers and any form of non-sexual activity that happens in the club is fair game. I disagree with NVJosh that convergence always exists. There are plenty of professional dancers that draw a line between their real lives and their stripper lives. It's almost like two different people, and as long as neither of them are an STD risk and one of them comes home to me every night, everything is fine by me.
    It doesn't matter if you're somebody in this world, it rather matters you mean the whole world to somebody.

  6. #6
    Featured Member Chuck149's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    1,231
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts

    Default Re:a question about life

    The short answer:

    [move=left,scroll,6,transparent,100%]dump her [/move]
    "when it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day" ~ Marty Bucella

  7. #7
    Veteran Member NVJosh's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Lovely Las Vegas, Nevada
    Posts
    665
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re:a question about life

    If she has friends from the club, if the club calls her at home, if she likes to tell you how things went at the club, then her personal life and stripper life converge.

    If she can avoid all that, I suppose they could remain discrete.

    Just my opinion, of course. I've been wrong before.

  8. #8
    God/dess
    Joined
    Jan 2003
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    2,993
    Thanks
    39
    Thanked 12 Times in 11 Posts

    Default Re:a question about life

    First, and most importantly buffone, I love that avatar .

    Secondly, was she dancing when you started dating? If so, didn't you expect some of this behavior going in? My thoughts, either learn to live with it or get out, I doubt she's going to change, and I'm not sure it's fair of you to ask her to.

  9. #9
    Banned
    Joined
    May 2003
    Location
    CA.
    Posts
    929
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re:a question about life

    Dear Buff,

    I'm kind of confused about your article. Is it the woman who is seeing another woman behind your back? Who wrote the love letter and to whom?
    I can agree with her if she says it is a job and that's where the involvement ends. Is this woman she's seeing one at her work? If you can keep your personal life sepate from it that's great. As for leading men on. It's okay if she knows she is not being taken seriously. Part of the reason we find a magic show so entertaining is that we are realize it is an illusion in the end. After all, it's not very nice sawing women in two.
    The thing that really jeapordizes the relationship is keeping a lover behind your back. If the relationship wasn't agreed to include this other party then that person is violating your contract.

  10. #10
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    289
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re:a question about life

    Is that your girlfriend on the avatar?? I'll take her if you don't want her anymore!!!

  11. #11
    God/dess
    Joined
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Puerto Rico
    Posts
    3,474
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 7 Times in 7 Posts

    Default Re:a question about life

    Try getting it hard between her boobies That may win her over again yummy



  12. #12
    Guest

    Default Re:a question about life

    Quote Originally Posted by buffone link=board=1;threadid=1182;start=msg17955#msg17955 date=1074800455
    i just feel thatwhen you are in a relationship your partner should be the only one to see you and touch you, not total strangers. this is the life for a single woman. not a girlfriend, wife , or mother what ever the case may be. i mean i dont go around dancing for other women or showing what i have or having them touch anypart of me, because that would be disrespectful to her.
    Show her what she's doing to you. Dance for other women for a while, and see what her reaction is.

  13. #13
    Curious Guest
    Joined
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    1
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re:a question about life

    Okay, I feel obligated to come here and defend myself, as there are two sides to every story. I am currently a member of the pink site, but chose not to use my alias over there, HERE, for personal reasons.

    First, yes, I do like to keep my dancer life and "real" life separate. I use a separate name at work, tell a different story, etc. I don't talk to customers outside of the club. I used to have a few big spending regulars whom I would contact outside of the club, so they would know when I was working and they could come see me on those days. However, my boyfriend said it bothers him, so I stopped doing it. Even though I am losing out on a lot of money, by not having regulars, I am willing to sacrifice it for my boyfriend. Occasionally, I will get a phone message on my cell from a customer whom I gave my number to before I met my boyfriend, but the messages are definitely decreasing in frequency. At this point, I do still have some of my old customer's numbers in my cell phone, which I never got around to deleting. I haven't used any of these numbers in God knows how long, and will delete them, I just pretty much procrastinated deleting them, just b/c I procrastinate in everything I do.

    And as far as me not thinking it is wrong to lead guys on at the club: I have lead on exactly ONE guy, and this was before I was even with my boyfriend. This one guy at the club asked me to be his girlfriend, and I told him I didn't want a boyfriend at the time, but maybe someday I would. He asked if he would ever have a chance with me, and I said maybe someday. This guy was known for not spending money on girls unless he thought he might have a chance with them, and as soon as I starting going out with my boyfriend, I told this guy I was no longer single. A while AFTER I broke the news to him, he waited outside of my club for me, but that is b/c he is a nut. This guy also had a reputation for following girls home, so keeping him as a customer was probably more trouble than it was worth anyway. And I don't believe that every guy who comes in the club deserves to be led on...if guys come in the club with the mentality, "oh, I am only going to spend money on these girls if they might be my girlfriend someday..." then hell yeah, they deserve to be milked for every penny they are worth. Any normal guy would know that this is a job for us, and I defintely don't lead these guys on. But if some customer is stupid enough to keep asking a girl out, over and over, when she is just trying to make money for school or whatever...then I'm sorry, but he gets what he gets. If a guy comes in a club who is significantly older than a dancer, and average at best, and [i]really[i] believes that a very attractive, 21 year old Barbie doll might go out with him...well, a fool and his money are soon parted. This isn't to say that I would do this again, b/c when I did it before I was single, and now I am in a serious relationship. Also, everything in this paragraph is my humble opinion.

    I am not even going to go there about my one female friend, with whom there was ONE incident almost a year ago, b/c that doesn't really have anything to do with my job. The only reason 'buffone' thinks these two things are related is because, on the night in question, I let her stay in my apartment for the night b/c we were going to work at the same club the next day. I admit it was wrong to lie about it to my boyfriend, but I knew it really bothered him when I hung out with this particular girl. He specifically asked me not to hang out with her by myself, but this girl is a friend of mine, but she is a good friend, and good girl friends like her are hard to find. Sometimes on the phone she will make comments, like she is jealous that my man is touching my ass or whatever, but it is just joking, but 'buffone' doesn't see it as joking, even though it is. However, there is nothing for him to worry about b/c what ever happened is done and over with, and I don't like girls that way. My boyfriend did find a "love" letter from this girl to me...and to the casual observer it would appear to be a love letter. But I think this girl is just a really friendly person, and she knows I have a serious BF and doesn't try to put moves on me or anything.

    And as far as the phone number my boyfriend found...I honestly don't even know why I accepted it. But I never called it, and threw it out the day my man found it. I should have not accepted it, or threw it out before that, but I just forgot out it. However, I think throwing it out shows that it wasn't impt. to me.

    It is true that the only thing we argue about is my job, every other part of our relationship is perfectly fine. This is how I am choosing to make money right now. I understand how it would bother him, and have definitely cut down on the days and hours worked. I can't just quit completely right now, I am in school and have stuff I gotta pay for. He asked me if I would be uncomfortable if he was doing the same job, and I admitted I would, but if I met him while he was doing it, there isn't much that could be said.

    Sorry that this post is so long, I hope no one's eyes are bleeding, but I felt like I had to come here and clarify some details. Thank you for your time.

    [move=left,scroll,6,transparent,100%] :troll: TROLL ALERT! TROLL ALERT! TROLL ALERT! TROLL ALERT! :troll:[/move]

  14. #14
    Featured Member polecat's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Bay Area, CA
    Posts
    1,391
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 15 Times in 13 Posts

    Default Re:a question about life

    Well, after that rather generous submission, my original findings were indeed accurate.

    The end result to buffone is- dump her.

    Yes, 99% of the tension and issues were indeed due to buffone's inability to cope with having a dancer/stripper as a girlfriend (as suspected). People that are unable to fathom the kind divergence that occurs with a professional dancer and her career versus her home/real life don't make very stable or supportive mates for women working this industry. It's not for everyone.

    But the issue with the other woman is solidified as being bad news. There wasn't an emphasis on the reason for tension/uncertainty due to this other woman having any tie to her job. It was concern for infidelity- covered up by lies and hiding, and no denial of guilt was given- just displacement.

    What broke the camel's back is-
    >>"there is nothing for him to worry about b/c what ever happened is done and over with, and I don&#039;t like girls that way."<<

    It&#039;s either one or the other, can&#039;t be both. And admission of her spending the night alone, sexual jealousy commentary by phone, a letter with "casual observer" attached as love letter (rather than "was not a love letter"), then explaining what happened was in the past.. but oh, I don&#039;t look at women that way. Conflicts laiden with displacement are almost always sure fire indicators of further hiding. It&#039;s walking a big circle around the event, but never stepping directly inside... which occurred clearly for every other point addressed. Whether it&#039;s truly over or not, nobody can tell as the displacement/conflict surrounding this one thing is still very thick and clouded.

    It doesn't matter if you're somebody in this world, it rather matters you mean the whole world to somebody.

  15. #15
    God/dess
    Joined
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Puerto Rico
    Posts
    3,474
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 7 Times in 7 Posts

    Default Re:a question about life

    Ok, is buffone and buffonette (his GF) one and the same? Are they (or he/she) trolls? Hey, in Spanish there a word for "joker": "bufón"



  16. #16
    Guest

    Default Re:a question about life

    In english the word is buffoon.
    Of course it&#039;s a troll. The entire first post is written as a speculation. That way he can say "I was just asking &#039;What if?&#039;." when we find him out.

  17. #17
    God/dess
    Joined
    Jan 2003
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    2,993
    Thanks
    39
    Thanked 12 Times in 11 Posts

    Default Re:a question about life

    I don&#039;t know guys, sounds like a hot stripper and her insecure boyfriend to me.

    My advise to them, it&#039;s not working, end it, buffoon is obviously too insecure, and his g/f obviously doesn&#039;t want to change and IMO she shouldn&#039;t have to change, perhaps I&#039;m naive but if he really loved you he would accept you for who you are not be trying to change you.


  18. #18
    Senior Member JimLovesJazz's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2003
    Posts
    129
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re:a question about life

    I have to say I agree with Richard on this one

  19. #19
    God/dess
    Joined
    Apr 2003
    Location
    Renaissance City
    Posts
    3,343
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re:a question about life

    Troll thread or not, it&#039;s a pretty good script of an insecure guy and a dishonest dancer.

    When a dancer offers lame excuses and convoluted contradictory explanations when she gets caught, you know she lives on impulse.

  20. #20
    Newbie jonnyboy's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2004
    Location
    buffalo, ny
    Posts
    14
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re:a question about life

    i know the guy in question, he is a friend of mine. it is not that he is insecure. honestly this is one the most secure people i know. he knows what he wants and dont want to put up with. anyone who knows him can vouch for that. it is that he really cares for her, and lets face it it was some fucked up shit. if it was your wife or girlfriend would you like it, i know i wouldn&#039;t.
    well since then she has decided to stop dancing. she realized how he felt and how she would feel in the same situation. of course it took him almost leaving, but they worked it out the same.

  21. #21
    God/dess
    Joined
    Jan 2003
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    2,993
    Thanks
    39
    Thanked 12 Times in 11 Posts

    Default Re:a question about life

    jonnyboy is that "friend" really you ?

    Okay, just for a second I&#039;ll buy the fact that your "friend" is not insecure, that still leaves his controlling personality, great catch this guy is. I see red flags everywhere.

    If I was him and I wasn&#039;t confortable with a dancer as a girlfriend, I WOULDN&#039;T date a dancer! Pretty simple in my mind.

  22. #22
    Newbie jonnyboy's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2004
    Location
    buffalo, ny
    Posts
    14
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re:a question about life

    no, i have known this guy since highschool. he is one of my best friends. when they started dating he felt as if it wouldnt bother him, but after they lived together, it began to. because of the other stuff that happened aswell( all involving dancing). he isnt contolling, he just feels that if he changed his life for her, she wanted him to move, than she to should do something to help the relationship along.
    i talked to him yesterday and he told me that she has decided to stop, because she doesnt want stupid shit to happen and risk losing him.
    because he has had enough of the stupid shit and i do not blame him for that, however he does really love her. so we will see how it pans out.

Similar Threads

  1. Question about shoes and "real life"
    By Sparxxx in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 38
    Last Post: 05-13-2008, 07:53 PM
  2. Question about passion for life
    By dishis in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 11-27-2007, 09:33 PM
  3. New Life
    By Sweet in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 01-01-2007, 10:49 PM
  4. Replies: 39
    Last Post: 10-23-2006, 09:16 PM
  5. Life as a DD or above
    By BFF in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 08-02-2005, 06:36 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •