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Thread: For Pet Lovers..

  1. #1
    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default For Pet Lovers..

    Dear Dog and Cat (And Bunnies),

    When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with
    each other so there are still two of you in the way.

    The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other
    dishes are mine and contain my food.. (Please note, placing a paw print in
    the middle of my plate & food does not stake a claim for it becoming your
    food & dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.)

    The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.

    Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help
    because I fall faster than you can run.

    I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed I am very sorry about
    this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your
    comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can actually curl
    up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other
    stretched out to the fullest extent possible. (I also know that sticking
    tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize
    space used is nothing but sarcasm.)

    My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

    For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some
    miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
    necessary to claw, whine meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under
    the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I
    entered. (In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years...canine or
    feline attendance/supervision is not necessary.)

    The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs or cats' butt. I
    cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

    Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets:

    1. They live here; you don't.

    2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

    3. I like my pets better than I like most people.

    4. To you it's an animal. To me he and/or she is an adopted son and/or
    daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and is speech challenged.


  2. #2
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: For Pet Lovers..

    LOL...too funny!

    Also, I am willing to share my pillow, however, each time you start to hog it, I WILL push you off the bed (this happens every night with both of my cats).

  3. #3
    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re: For Pet Lovers..

    Letter from cat: "Huh?"
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

  4. #4
    Senior Member NurseBettie13's Avatar
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    Default Re: For Pet Lovers..

    LOL.... that is too funny!
    As I am typing this my cat is trying to chase my fingers to get me to pet him
    Damn attention whore....hehe

    P.S.
    thank you for including bunnies for us bunny people
    My bunnies are busy being pro nappers..

  5. #5
    Banned Blade's Avatar
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    Default Re: For Pet Lovers..

    That was pretty funny, however I noticed that there are some eerie similarities to children so I rewrote it....


    Dear Son and Daughter (or any grouping of children),

    When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with
    each other so there are still two of you in the way.

    The dishes with the hand prints are yours and contain your food. The other
    dishes are mine and contain my food.. (Please note, placing a hand print in
    the middle of my plate & food does not stake a claim for it becoming your
    food & dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.)

    The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.

    Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help
    because I fall faster than you can run.

    I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed I am very sorry about
    this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your
    comfort. Look at videos of children sleeping. They can actually sleep in their own beds. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other
    stretched out to the fullest extent possible. (I also know that sticking
    legs straight out and having arms out the other end to maximize
    space used is nothing but sarcasm.)

    My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

    For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some
    miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
    necessary to knock, whine, try to turn the knob, or stick papers under
    the edge or try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I
    entered. (In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years...childrens attendance/supervision is not necessary.)

    The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the dogs or cats' butt. I
    cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

    Rules for parents who visit and like to complain about our children:

    1. They live here; you don't.

    2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

    3. I like my kids better than I like most people.

    4. To you it's an child. To me he and/or she is an adopted cat and/or
    dog who is short, hairy, walks upright and is silence challenged.

  6. #6
    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: For Pet Lovers..

    Quote Originally Posted by Blade
    That was pretty funny, however I noticed that there are some eerie similarities to children so I rewrote it....

    4. To you it's an child. To me he and/or she is an adopted cat and/or
    dog who is short, hairy, walks upright and is silence challenged.
    LMFAO.. I've been laughing my butt off at this one, Blade.. I hope you just forgot to edit it..


  7. #7
    Banned Blade's Avatar
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    Default Re: For Pet Lovers..

    Nope I wrote it like that on purpose....(goin for the cheap laugh)

  8. #8
    Featured Member Magdalena_666's Avatar
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    Default Re: For Pet Lovers..

    Quote Originally Posted by Rhiannon
    Dear Dog and Cat (And Bunnies),

    .

    Thanks for including bunnies rhia


    'Success is relative. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.'
    T.S Eliot

    I believe you Dottie and you have my support






  9. #9
    God/dess whirlerz's Avatar
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    Default Re: For Pet Lovers..

    Cool. Rhi, Luvs it!


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

  10. #10
    Veteran Member azamber's Avatar
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    Default Re: For Pet Lovers..

    OMG I don't need to do situps for a week! I thought I was LMAO at Rhia's post, but Blade, I started crying that was so hilarious! The two of you rock! I haven't laughed that hard in a while!

  11. #11
    Member wolfie3d's Avatar
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    Default Re: For Pet Lovers..

    Dear Human,

    Perhaps there has been some sort of mis-understanding, allow me to correct this.

    I will forever be nibbling out of your bowl. Let's face it, your food tastes better.
    Have you ever TRIED the crap you put in my bowl?! Nope, and neither will I.

    If you think running down the stairs is a game, you are mistaken. I merely have to
    get to the bottom first so I can drag all of the shoes and underwear I've chewed up
    under the couch. Tripping you not only impedes your progress, but is really quite
    amusing (you should see the look on your face!)

    YOU don't curl up in a ball to sleep. 'Nuff said.

    Listen, unless it's the Strat Cats or Garfield, I don't wanna hear it. You call that
    music? Wait until tonight while you sleep, then I'll show you music...

    The bathroom is a common area. You have no right to enter the place my litter box is
    at and shut the door. What if there's an emergency? You get pissed if I crap on the
    floor, but then you go into the bathroom and shut the door. You humans make no sense.

    I keep forgetting how primitive you humans are. I always assumed that you would want
    to establish the other animals scent in memory. It is hard to always remember how
    pitiful your sense of smell is. Not to mention the look on your face. You humans are
    always good for a laugh.

    So, now, hear me out. We will always do these things, just because they annoy you so.
    You are our primary source of entertainment, and besides... when you chop off my cojones
    I'm gonna get even!

    Purr always,

    The Cat

  12. #12
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: For Pet Lovers..

    ^

  13. #13
    Member wolfie3d's Avatar
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    Default Re: For Pet Lovers..

    as for children... I am positive that any child under the age of 12 is completely re-tarded. I use the literal Latin translation for this when referring to my children as "slow again"...

    (Re- being the prefix for "again" and -tard being slow... )

  14. #14
    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re: For Pet Lovers..

    I have two dogs and they get in the way all the time,but I truly don't mind.I love them with all of my heart!!!
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




  15. #15
    God/dess VADEN's Avatar
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    Default Re: For Pet Lovers..

    LMAO! Rhia, that was great! I laughed soooo hard. Wolfie, you almost made me pee my pants!



  16. #16
    Featured Member cottoncandy's Avatar
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    Default Re: For Pet Lovers..

    Thanks for posting Rhianne, how funny. My cat has been really bored lately and has taken to shredding rolls of toilet paper and randomly running around the house.

  17. #17
    Veteran Member ChristyWild's Avatar
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    Default Re: For Pet Lovers..

    OMG! That is soo my cats growing up. Glad to have someone else who understands. lol
    Age is only important when it comes to wine and whiskey!



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