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Thread: Normal to do extras? HELP!!!

  1. #1
    Senior Member DCFoxxx's Avatar
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    Angry Normal to do extras? HELP!!!

    A friend of mine knows a girl who is a very popular dancer at a club. She is like the "star" dancer of this particular club and she told my friend she goes home with clients ALL the time, gives them sex whenever, gets expensive gifts from them, etc. My friend told me that if I want to be a dancer this is pretty much "the way dancers are" and that if I hold myself to any higher standards that is not the norm for the industry. I disagreed with her because I like to think being a dancer or entertainer is just that - DANCING/ENTERTAINING - I still feel it is wrong (not to mention illegal) to give extras to the clients. I guess whatever that "dirty" dancer does in her private time is not considered having to do with the club, but it definitely puts off a bad image for the club where she works and makes patrons think that all strippers are whores or easy. (Also I think it's scary to go home with clients anyway.) I am no prude, but please - I have standards!!! This is something I have dreamed of all my life (dancing) and now that she told me this I am SO frustrated! What is the deal on this? My friend seems to think b/c I'm college educated and not a druggie or easy that I could not succeed in the world of stripping - that basically I would be shunned because I'm not "dirty". PLEASE let me know about any thoughts anyone has on this. I know you people on here sound like you are totally against that illegal "dirty" side of the industry so I thought you might be able to help me. I am really sad tonight b/c I just missed out on a stripper job that I was hoping to get. Now I am thinking that I don't have what it takes to be a stripper b/c I refuse to compromise myself or do illegal things! I just want to DANCE - entertain, have fun, and be sensual while making good money - is that wrong? Someone please let me know your thoughts on this...I feel like my dreams have just been shattered and I need to know if it's worth pursuing my dream of dancing or just throwing it away. Are there any clean clubs out there? Thanks in advance everyone for letting me vent!



    It is never too late to be what you might have been. - George Eliot

    There is no scarcity of opportunity to make a living at what you love; there's only a scarcity of resolve to make it happen. - Wayne Dyer

    "Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got." -Janis Joplin

  2. #2
    aussiepunkshocker
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    Default Re: Normal to do extras? HELP!!!

    You're right your friend is mostly wrong so take no notice of her or anyone else who makes negative comments about the industry. Yes sometimes dancers do give extras, but that doesn't mean we all do or that it's even the norm!
    I guess your friend is just worried (unless shes a little bit envious?) but enough is enough - ask her nicely to either be supportive, get the facts right or shut up
    If you want to dance - go for it - don't let it bother you that you didn't get the job the 1st time round!!! All the best (-:

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    Senior Member DCFoxxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Normal to do extras? HELP!!!

    Oh thank you so much Aussie! I appreciate the encouragement!!! Yeah I'm gonna go for it at another club - already have an audition lined up. I like your signature comment too by the way.;->>>All the best to you too!



    It is never too late to be what you might have been. - George Eliot

    There is no scarcity of opportunity to make a living at what you love; there's only a scarcity of resolve to make it happen. - Wayne Dyer

    "Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got." -Janis Joplin

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    Banned All Good Things's Avatar
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    Default Re: Normal to do extras? HELP!!!

    Hi DC,

    Since you're solidly in my territory in D.C., I'll take this one.

    I don't know which D.C. club you are speaking of, but it is not "the norm" to go home with customers regularly. If you were to do a scientific poll on this, I think you would find that it is rather rare behavior because once the activity moves outside the club, the money tends to follow it.

    Having said that, there is a huge range of relationships both in and outside the clubs between customers and dancers in any city, D.C. included. It can get a bit complicated. "Relationships" does not necessarily mean sexual ones. I don't think I'm going out on much of a limb to say that daily sexual relationships with a variety of customers represent something of a rarity.

    What's important to remember is that "the norm" is not nearly as important as your own preferences and desires. You are the one who should define what you are comfortable doing, set the limits, and work within those boundaries. This is good advice for any job. Allowing another dancer, star or otherwise, to define "the norm" and impose that expectation on you is a fast road to confusion and unhappiness.

    Have fun, live your dream, and let us all shower you with money.

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    God/dess Susan-Va's Avatar
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    Default Re: Normal to do extras? HELP!!!

    It is possible to dance, entertain and have without doing any extras. While there will always be girls going to far they are the exception not the norm. All it takes is for one girl to do something and every one thinks we all do it!

    If things didn't work out at one club try another. If this is sopmething you really want to do don't get discouraged!

    Good luck on your next audition! I'm curious to know where it's at. Let me know if you need anything.

  6. #6
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Normal to do extras? HELP!!!

    No, extras are not normal. It's true, when the "poonanny" goes out the door, the customers and their $$$ follow it. (I was dragged into the manager's office and yelled at in the first club I worked for innocently giving my number to someone in view of a bouncer. The club owner made it clear that men would stop coming into his bar if they knew they could see me outside...)
    Different clubs in different cities vary. The ones that allow extras are usually on a downward slide/ paying off the cops and really don't care what happens. As for you, you should seek a club with a good reputation. They are out there.
    I think your friend wants to convince you to join her in her activities so she can have a buddy to go to "dates" with, as a safety precaution or inducement for extra money from the customer (ugh.) You don't owe that to anyone. Do your thing, and don't break the law or do anything you don' want to do.
    Get a new friend, sweety! Friends don't do that to eachother!

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    Default Re: Normal to do extras? HELP!!!

    Extras goes on in clubs more then people know. No one of course wants to admit it and say it. Outside the club? Is very rare, but happens.

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    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: Normal to do extras? HELP!!!

    Be ready to deal with other girls doing extras. It is a fact of life in the stripping business, and it is on the rise everywhere. Hopefully you can find a club where it is rare, or possibly even non-existent. If not, you still don't have to give up extras or compromise your standards to make it in this business, but it will require a strong heart and a thick skin even in the best of clubs. This will be much more crucial in areas or clubs where dancers are giving HJs, BJs, and letting guys finger them. This goes on in even the 'classiest' clubs, and in fact in our metropolitan area the best club has the most prostitutes working there. When my girlfriend worked there she made great money and kept it clean, but she faced a lot of pressure.

    I love nothing more as a DJ than to make it possible for new dancers like you to realize their dream, "to DANCE - entertain, have fun, and be sensual while making good money". But it is very hard for new dancers to make it beyond the six month mark, and those that do are generally changed. Many of them develop bad impressions of men and a distorted view of the importance of their own surface value, as opposed to what is really important--the beauty to be found inside. All of them develop a hardened exterior, to some extent.

    The problem is not one that can be blamed entirely on the men--both customers and management alike--since there are so many dancers who gladly give up extras for the extra money, or even just the same as a regular lap dance. However there are a large number of men who go to the clubs with the specific purpose of trying to get the most "mileage"--HJs, BJs, etc. being the ideal.

    These men could care less about your desire to dance beautifully and express your erotic nature, without having intimate contact with strangers. They scoff at stage shows, and men who confess to enjoyment of such, or worse yet, men such as myself who like talking to dancers who are trying to be creative--instead of guys who like to get blown.

    They collaborate, advise one another, and cheer on the 'studs' who get the most mileage for the least money, their heroes...

    They are everywhere, even on this site.

    Get used to them, learn to deal with them, and don't let them ruin your experience.

  9. #9
    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re: Normal to do extras? HELP!!!

    If extras were normal, they wouldn't be extras.

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    Default Re: Normal to do extras? HELP!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Jay Zeno
    If extras were normal, they wouldn't be extras.
    So true !

    Also I know a guy who said this to me once : stripper or escort it's the same for money every stripper would go have sex with you ! I played innocent and said come on it can't be tru he said yes u just give them more than what they are going to do this night and you can bang them ! I was like yeah whatever (he doesn't know what i'm doing) and I have the proof it is not true cause I never never did that and have been offered that same thing ! So no it's not normal but the guys like to put us down like we are all sluts and whores because we are strippers ! Like if every strippers would do that I don't know why your friend said that to you but she's not helping by spreading this stereotype about strippers !

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    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: Normal to do extras? HELP!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Jay Zeno
    If extras were normal, they wouldn't be extras.
    There are few men I respect as much as Jay Zeno, but I think it might be time to come up with a new term for extras. The way I see it, from my experience in two different areas of the country, and from communicating with dancers and customers from all over the country, extra-high contact and extras are increasing almost everywhere, even in areas and clubs heretofore considered clean.

    That isn't to say that every or even a majority of dancers in these areas and clubs are granting extras, but there always seems to be a few who will, in more and more clubs.

    Crystal_eyes, I hope Montreal stays clean, I have heard great things about this city, and enjoyed what little time I was able to spend there. It is hard enough to fight the negative stereotypical image without this problem.

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    Banned LauraLove's Avatar
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    Default Re: Normal to do extras? HELP!!!

    No extras are not the norm. Dancers with self respect do not offer them to customers. They do however occur from time to time but are in no way required to earn a good living in this business. In fact many dancers make a nice living without ever even having to touch or be touched by customers. One may have to travel or move to find a no contact club but there are numerous ones around the country with excellent earning potential.

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    Senior Member DCFoxxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Normal to do extras? HELP!!!

    Great advice Laura. Thanks so much everybody too! I feel much better now. I'm not gonna give up my dreams of dancing OR my self respect for something I don't believe in. Thanks for all the input on this from your various areas of the country - helps a lot! Nice to hear male and female points of view too.



    It is never too late to be what you might have been. - George Eliot

    There is no scarcity of opportunity to make a living at what you love; there's only a scarcity of resolve to make it happen. - Wayne Dyer

    "Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got." -Janis Joplin

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    Senior Member DCFoxxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Normal to do extras? HELP!!!

    PS - I just hope I have a chance at making money in this biz when people realize I am "clean" - i.e. - not be shunned. Hopefully I can meet some nice dancers who keep it clean and will befriend me at whatever club I go to.



    It is never too late to be what you might have been. - George Eliot

    There is no scarcity of opportunity to make a living at what you love; there's only a scarcity of resolve to make it happen. - Wayne Dyer

    "Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got." -Janis Joplin

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    Default Re: Normal to do extras? HELP!!!

    Look, if you do not want to do extras, then don't do them. It's that simple. Do extras go on? Yes, they do. However, there are lots of men who KNOW what a dancer's role is...and they are willing to pay a lot of money for that. There are men who STAY AWAY from the girls that do extras. There are men that do not want an "extras" dancer dancing for them...keeping them company. I think that one of the reasons I made a lot of money is because I DO NOT do any extras...nor will I let a guy touch me. But, I know how to talk to them...take them on their fantasy. The dancers that can do this successfully without having to resort to a "show and tell" dance...are the ones who make the most money. Men are visual, yes...but they also respond to verbal cues...and if you can learn to do this, you will be successful without ever having to touch them or do any extras.

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    Member Sherrill's Avatar
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    Default Re: Normal to do extras? HELP!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by The Other Owner
    What's important to remember is that "the norm" is not nearly as important as your own preferences and desires. You are the one who should define what you are comfortable doing, set the limits, and work within those boundaries. This is good advice for any job.
    I just wanted to highlight this idea of LIMITS .
    Set your limits before you ever start working in a club. If you have a set of standards to live and work by, then you relieve yourself of the neccessity to evaluate every situation you get into.

    What I mean is, if you decide something like this ahead of time: "I am comfortable dancing nude. But I do not want to touch or be touched by a customer"
    Then, when Customer X says "I'll give you $50 if I can touch you there" you don't even have to think about your answer, smile sweetly and say "Sorry, that's out of bounds!" Never mind that you have bills due and an extra $50 would be nice.

    Remember, your self-respect is worth far more than money.

    And it's not what your limits are that's important, it's that you don't overstep them.

    Once you've established some basic guidelines for yourself, then it doesn't matter what another dancer does. It may effect your money, but probably not as much as you'd think. A woman who values herself and is assertive enough not to compromise her values/standards/limits is often far more attractive to men than one who has NO standards.

    just my ramblings

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    Senior Member DCFoxxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Normal to do extras? HELP!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Sherrill
    A woman who values herself and is assertive enough not to compromise her values/standards/limits is often far more attractive to men than one who has NO standards.

    just my ramblings
    Excellent post Sherill! Thanks!



    It is never too late to be what you might have been. - George Eliot

    There is no scarcity of opportunity to make a living at what you love; there's only a scarcity of resolve to make it happen. - Wayne Dyer

    "Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got." -Janis Joplin

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    Featured Member susan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Normal to do extras? HELP!!!

    Well, there are three ways of looking at this.....

    When I danced, it was in a topless club with almost NO contact between dancers and customers. He had to keep his hands to himself, and I could let my nipples touch him lightly while lap dancing, but that was about IT. The clubs served alcohol, and attracted a nice upscale clientile, usually business guys, who liked relaxing after w--k with pretty girls and drinks. That was about IT. I LOVED danding there.

    Then, there are the high milage clubs, which vary between high contact in the VIP room to out-and-out turning tricks in the private rooms. At the low end of the spectrum, I don't have a problem with a little bit of milage, and frankly I've been in (but not danced) in some high milage clubs that were a lot of fun. On the high end of the list, I think girls who "dance" in those places are running a huge risk of getting busted in nearly every jurisdiction in the country, not to mention disease, etc. etc. etc.

    Then, there are the girls who see dancing as just a way to meet prostitution customers. I've met those girls, and I've danced in the same clubs with those girls. They don't last in the biz very long. Managers find out about them, and the girls end up working their way DOWN the food chain of clubs to the bottom rungs of the industry.

    Hey, if you want to f--k for money, why not get in the porn biz? It's legal, it's a hell of a lot safer, and you make more money. On the other hand, if you want to dance, then dance.

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    Default Re: Normal to do extras? HELP!!!

    Yes extras happen.Its happens everywhere and in many different forms.
    There is NO club where some sort of extras dont happen.
    If its not on the menu,its an extra.
    You couldnt have "regs"in the club without some sort of extras going on.
    the problem is the illegal extras.This differs from state to state and often county to county.
    What your friend is saying the "star"is doing is illegal in our county and state.
    It could cause the club to be shut down for 2 weeks with a 10k+fine or to "looze the booze"permit altogether like a club in portssmith did last year.
    Most of the people in the club cant afford to take off for 2 weeks just because 1 entertainer decided to become a paid escort.So for the most part it is looked down on and the girls is soon fired after this is learned,or dressing room justice changes the way she does business in that club.

    Just so you know...
    A "star"entertainer doesnt have to do extras and generally dont.

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    Senior Member DCFoxxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Normal to do extras? HELP!!!

    What is the difference between "regular" extras and "illegal" extras? Not sure what you mean by this - thought that all extras were not in the best interest of the industry. And what is dressing room justice? Being treated bad by the other girls b/c you got everyone in trouble?



    It is never too late to be what you might have been. - George Eliot

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    "Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got." -Janis Joplin

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    Default Re: Normal to do extras? HELP!!!

    There are men who STAY AWAY from the girls that do extras.
    And with good reason.

    The possibility of OTC fun if you connect with a dancer is one thing, but I have zero desire to try and score with a dancer in a club. And this doesn't impact how much I spend; if you're a good dancer, you're a good time and money well spent.

    Two cents.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    Default Re: Normal to do extras? HELP!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by BigGreenMnM
    Yes extras happen.Its happens everywhere and in many different forms.

    Just so you know...
    A "star"entertainer doesnt have to do extras and generally dont.
    hold on to your hat BigGreen--
    I couldn't agree with you more on that one !

    Entertainers posed with the chance of taking two weeks off without pay tend to get surley and band together and convince the offender of their evil ways.
    In lots of places it's not just two weeks off without pay , it's being arrested b/c of some extras chick and ending up with a record b/c those dingbats couldn't figure out to earn money in the club w/o resorting to such things.

    The only hookers I respect are those who DON'T work out of clubs.
    I have much respect for the ones who are responcible enough to work out of a NV ranch where they are legal and std tested.

  24. #23
    Member CyndiR's Avatar
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    Default Re: Normal to do extras? HELP!!!

    At my club, if the management finds out about "extras" you get fired. It is very strict in the county where I am at. You can't even sit on the lap of a friend in the bar. In a way, it's great because it protects us from the crazies. So needless to say, extras are not permitted in our club and if you are found out even by other girls they basically push you out.

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    Sad Re: Normal to do extras? HELP!!!

    It is nice to see a dancer speaking the truth about the sticky subject of extras in the clubs.True alot of clubs keep it clean, but more and more are going back to the wild west saloon days type operation.In certain poor countrys the dancers are lined up on stage as the men choose the girl and do it in the back. Maybe that is where U.S. clubs got the idea? In the past Dancers met the men after work.That started when the 1st strip club opened.The clubs realized they were missing out on alot of money, so they started letting dancers do it in the bar and the bar got a cut.We are going full circle, Welcome back to the wild west!

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    Default Re: Normal to do extras? HELP!!!

    DCFoxx, this is the nice defination of dressing room justice...

    Quote Originally Posted by CyndiR
    extras are not permitted in our club and if you are found out even by other girls they basically push you out.

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