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Thread: how to give advice nicely?

  1. #1
    Featured Member noelle's Avatar
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    Default how to give advice nicely?

    Hey guys,

    I am hoping I can get advice from you guys about this situation.

    I work with a really nice, interesting girl who NEVER makes money. Yeah, my club is tricky to make a lot of money at, and our house fees are high, but I have honestly never heard this girl say that she's made more than our house fee in a given night. It seems like she's going around and asking guys for dances just like I am, and I have never had a problem making house. Even on terrible nights I haven't left with less than $100-200.

    She spends a lot of time complaining to me and the other girls about how no one is getting dances from her. I've seen her go entire 6-8 hour shifts without getting ONE dance! This girl is not ugly by far. However, I try to stay away from her when I'm working because her negativity brings me down.

    I personally think she should quit. She is constantly leaving with nothing, not even enough to pay her entire house fee. I suggested to her that she work at the Lusty Lady across the street, where she'd make an hourly wage and guarantee that she'd mkae money. Shit, it'd be better for her to work at McDonalds.

    I like her and I want to help her out. I'm too nice just to ignore this. Should I just try to ignore it and distance myself from her? Would it be rude to tell her she probably should find another job? I don't want to hurt her feelings. Man, I am a big softy This situation depresses me.

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    Featured Member Katherine's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to give advice nicely?

    Even though she may very well make more at McDonalds it's a difficult thing to tell a girl she could do better out of the sex industry. One of the allures of the industry is that if you are female you can make money. Telling someone otherwise is basically saying that there's no femininity or appeal. Or it could be taken that way. Tread Carefully.

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to give advice nicely?

    I have to think she must be making some money somehow, otherwise she couldn't afford to keep showing up and paying to work, not to mention feed herself! It's very possible she's hooking out of the club, setting up meetings for later. Or perhaps she's getting guys to pay her to go away, or picking their pockets....

    I find it hard to believe anyone would go in day after day and pay without making SOMETHING.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

  4. #4
    tampafldancer
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    Default Re: how to give advice nicely?

    wow. I don't think its your place to tell her she should quit. But i do think you should stop trying to help her as much as you are. ESP because her negativity brings you down.

    I don't understand why anyone would work if they could barely pay house or whatever anyway. Maybe bridgette is right? Hmmm

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    Member Susane's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to give advice nicely?

    Besides Bridgette’s opinion there could be another reason too.
    1. Me personally I’m from different country and it was and still is sometimes hard for me to socialize with people. (Weird in Spain it never happened to me) example: people have different sense of humor then I do. – Maybe she don’t know how to communicate (I don’t thing that you can help here there, because obviously you can not change here personality.
    2. maybe she don’t have much friends for some reason and feel lonely and so, when she find some guy with whom she feel comfortable “talking” she stays talk for ever without making any money. That absolutely sucks because it happens to me some times too . I travel lots- and unfortunately I can not bring my friends with me, but I desesperately need friends and can not live without them. (There you can not do much either, when she complains, say nicely and with smile: make sure you don’t talk with the people to long. It could be a little push for her.
    3. She could be to nice or WRONGLY asking people the right question. “Lap dance” maybe she ask to sweet, to rude etc. (there could be many different reasons)

    Anyhow if you really want to help her, the only thing you could do is: when she is sad ask her: what do you thing you are doing wrong? And then gave her a little suggestion on how to do it. (I don’t say that you give her a step by step instruction, because each person should have they own way to work” other wise there could be just 1 dancer per club” , but a little push if you know what I mean. She definitely should not get upset, because if she complains she may be looking for help. I would definitely NOT tell her to change job ! And finally why would she work even if she is not doing money? She probably hopes it will change one day, or she like dance, or she like the atmosphere, or she don’t have/ want another job. And she probably has $ for the house fee from her husband???
    So that would be my case, except I’m never rude, the opposite to nice.
    And I try to hide my negativity as much as possible. Beside there are days when I do great!! Trust me if you help her nicely she will appreciate it, if she gets offended F**k It. And if your help doesn’t help her, sorry there is not more you can do. You can not please everyone- at least I can’t.
    Author of this book : MY
    Is my opinion. I do not try to be a smart ass
    Ps: best thing would be make a copy ot this replay and give it to her.

    Ps: I thing I should get honored for the longest reply. Soooooo sorry.Upss


    PS: ..............just kidding. That's all for now.
    Dem now I'm late this website is addiction!!!!

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to give advice nicely?

    Susane, you're from Spain? So's my bf, from Valencia We're going next week for 10 days, will be my first time there. woohoo! Yes I think we'll definitely have to look for you when we go back to GGC

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

  7. #7
    Member Susane's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to give advice nicely?

    Quote Originally Posted by Bridgette
    Susane, you're from Spain? So's my bf, from Valencia We're going next week for 10 days, will be my first time there. woohoo! Yes I think we'll definitely have to look for you when we go back to GGC
    Aaaaaa I want to go to! So badly
    I'm from Czech Republic, but I have live in Spain 4 years and had the best time of my life. I have live in Madrid and traveled all over Spain. All my best friends are over there and I speak perfectly Spanish language. I know that I will end up living in Spain and I do always say that it is my second home. Love it, love it love it. You guys will have so fun I bet that you will like it a lot. Just make sure that your bf take you as many places as possible. O and I have live in Valencia for half year on the beginning and then still gone few times to the beach over there. I got drunk one time in middle of the full playa from Sangria and that was so funny (we made just laugh everyone who was there. Sangria mnam you have to have the Spanish one and jamon and tortilla. Say it to your bf he will know what I'm talking about and you will soon to. PS: yes I need to meet you guys don't forget me.

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    Featured Member noelle's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to give advice nicely?

    Susane, I think some of the stuff you say is probably right. I think she might just be saying the wrong stuff, approaching the wrong guys, sitting too long with guys who don't get dances.

    Bridgette, I don't understand how she wouldn't be making any money either! I know she is not hooking up outside the club. Actually, I think she might not be giving very good dances, because she said guys rarely get even a second dance with her, and that seems weird to me.

    Man, it sucks being a big old softy who wants to help everyone =( She made money last night so she wasn't complaining, but I think next time she acts for advice I'll just stay out of it.

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    Senior Member grace's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to give advice nicely?

    Well, you said her negativity brings you down, so maybe that's her problem with customers, too. Most people can sense a buzz-kill personality, and stay away. If she's in a rut and feeling bad about it, business will just get worse. I think if I felt like that I'd take a break for a few weeks, take care of myself and get myself together, and then start again, maybe at a different club.

    She might need a break. I guess you could suggest that to her. I wouldn't say it's your place to tell her to quit, though.

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