View Poll Results: Would you also think he's cheating?

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  • Cheating

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Thread: Tampons in my BF's garbage = cheating??

  1. #1
    242_fair
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    Default Tampons in my BF's garbage = cheating??

    Since I started dancing I have a hard time trusting men... I need a reality check.

    Last night I found 3 tampon wrappers in my boyfriend's guest bathroom. I asked him what women had been in his house lately and he said none. But, when I told him why I was asking then suddenly he started naming all these possabilities: his mom (shes 65!) his sister, his housekeeper, his buddy & his gf, blah blah. We've been together 2 months and I never had a reason before to think he'd cheat.

    If you were me would you also think he's cheating?

  2. #2
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Tampons in my BF's garbage = cheating??

    Look for odd hairs (women shed like crazy) frequently laundered bedsheets and blankets, more vague descriptions about activities, are you allowed to use his computer and cell? etc......IMHO, a few tampon wrappers are not a red flag (no pun intended.) If you put a lot of little things together, it'll add up to the truth.
    And it would be a shame to punish him if he's not the cheating type- room mates leave all kinds of junk lying around in a communal house. Proceed with caution.

  3. #3
    God/dess VADEN's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tampons in my BF's garbage = cheating??

    It is odd that he said no until you told him the reason, but that does not make him guilty. Just keep your guard up. Try and find out more before you dump him.


    Does he have a bathroom in his bedroom? If he was cheating, would she not be using that bathroom instead?

    Does he have sex with girls on their period?

    Are there pic's up of you in his house to indicate to another girl that he is taken?

    If she knew that, would she be dumb enough to leave the wrappers?


    Sombody was there long enough to use 3 tampons........


    Kind of rules out the house keeper and his buddies girl...unless she bleeds like s stuck pig..


    Were all three wrappers the same brand?

    When you see his sister, ask her casually when the last time was that she got to spend a few hours over your man's house...



  4. #4
    tampafldancer
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    Default Re: Tampons in my BF's garbage = cheating??

    My So.. (guy) Says He's Cheating!!!!!!!!!

  5. #5
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Tampons in my BF's garbage = cheating??

    Dang, I thought people would get on me for sending you on a Cheater Scavenger Search, but it looks like we have some cynical girls here......
    If you've only been serious for 2 months, he might be one of those guys who has a wide definition of cheating. Like, I'm not sure about this girl, why don't I have someone over? Or, I bet she does this too....or she will sometime soon, and I'm beating her to the punch....
    Some people will go into mamby-pamby rhapsodizing about "trust" and "boundaries," but if you have a gut feeling something is up, listen to it. Play it cool now, or he might figure out you're watching him closer. There are some threads on here about catching cheating, you'll have to do a search....
    Good luck and let us know what happens.

  6. #6
    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tampons in my BF's garbage = cheating??

    He could be telling the truth, but in the meantime try to look for more evidence.

  7. #7
    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tampons in my BF's garbage = cheating??

    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine
    if you have a gut feeling something is up, listen to it. Play it cool now, or he might figure out you're watching him closer. There are some threads on here about catching cheating, you'll have to do a search....
    Good luck and let us know what happens.
    I totally agree with this. I was going t write something similar. Hey Fair, keep us update girl & good luck.

  8. #8
    Banned BigGreenMnM's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tampons in my BF's garbage = cheating??

    Im with Vaden on this one.

    Its not proof that he is cheating.

    You did say it was the guest bathroom and not the master bathroom.

    3 is alot,it either means a few hours with someone there,or 1 trip to the bathroom and a purse dumped of trash.Check the bottom of your purses ladies,your bound to have 1 or 2 yourselves.

    If someone was bleeding that heavey,and sex happened,there would be proof in other places like sheets or stains somewhere.

    After only 2 months together,i thinik i would feel kinda stalked if i walked into my SO's house and pics of me were everywhere.Not real proof for a relationship that is that young.One or two pics maybe,and those would be easy to hide in a drawer when someone came over(not that it happened like that)
    And the same brand thingy doesnt always work either.Sometimes you take what the girl next to you has,your brand or not,and its usually 1-2.If you only use one,the second one goes into the bottom of the purse.
    4 out of the 6 females in this house are old enough to need them,all 4 use different brands and types.When they run out,and daddy aint runnin to the store,they have no product loyalties and use whats avail.
    You all have emergency stash spots ladies,are they all the same brand and type??


    Bottom line is,he is a man and prone to be a pig.

    You didnt bust him cheating over 3 wrappers.



    Its very early in the relationship and you need to decide IF and HOW MUCH trust this guy deserves.
    The greatest gift you can give to a man is your trust.Everything else comes along after that.

    ::sending ya a cyber daddy hug::

  9. #9
    God/dess VADEN's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tampons in my BF's garbage = cheating??

    Your right Big Daddy, there were probably 3 different girls out of that selection that were all recently on their period....LOL

    I tend to use the same brand, but that's just me....(the cynical one) LOL



  10. #10
    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tampons in my BF's garbage = cheating??

    More questions:

    How long has it been since you were in his quest bathroom and would you have noticed the tampon wrappers before?

    Could they have been there a long time, even since before you came into the picture? Many bachelors don't clean the bathroom so much, and the guest bathroom often goes neglected.

    Why were you in the guest bathroom?

    Does his sister come over often? (most young guys wouldn't know if their 65yo mom had gone through menopause, so him naming her as a possibility doesn't necessarily implicate him)

    Have you met his buddy/gf?

    Some guys definitely do have different definitions of cheating, especially if it's only been two months. He may not consider the two of you exclusive this early in the relationship, but if he's had someone else over he likely wouldn't want to admit it to you. Have you had the exclusivity talk yet?


    It is never a good idea to assume exclusivity with a guy just because you're sleeping with him, even if you're doing so on a regular basis for a few months. You really can't expect him to be exclusive with you until you've had the talk and he's said it is THAT kind of relationship. But be careful how you approach this subject - even the best of guys can reject the whole thing if you make them feel cornered or pressured. Aye! I'm glad I've already gone through all this and learned these lessons, it is not easy!

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

  11. #11
    God/dess VADEN's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tampons in my BF's garbage = cheating??

    Good points Bridgette..



  12. #12
    Featured Member polecat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tampons in my BF's garbage = cheating??

    I don't believe the wrappers are evidence of cheating, but I do believe the quick change in story might be. It's either that or the two of you have pretty poor paths of communication (.. fairly typical this early in a relationship ..).

    What you asked him may have been received or interpretted as 'when was the last time YOU had a woman over' and he may have answered properly. Completely out of context and loaded questions leave us guys guessing as towards what the point may be and the short answer is usually preferred. It would have been more fruitful to just ask the guy straight out if he's been seeing anyone since he's met you because either he's honest or not, and no amount of baited questions with pre-knowledge traps is going to change that.

    If he's a cheater, you'll know. There is a gut feeling in the way a man treats a woman when he's a cheater. It's always there and denial is usually the only thing that keeps these kinds of relationships going.

    P.S. I voted "Cheating"... since you were were actually looking in his bathroom wastebasket as well as didn't ask him straight up. To ask loaded/baited questions in that form would suggest you have some inkling of suspicion.
    It doesn't matter if you're somebody in this world, it rather matters you mean the whole world to somebody.

  13. #13
    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tampons in my BF's garbage = cheating??

    Completely out of context and loaded questions leave us guys guessing as towards what the point may be and the short answer is usually preferred. It would have been more fruitful to just ask the guy straight out if he's been seeing anyone since he's met you because either he's honest or not, and no amount of baited questions with pre-knowledge traps is going to change that.
    Truth there, since I've yet to meet a woman that understands the term "face value" with regard to communication.

    And you girls think it's easy walking around with a Y chromosome...
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  14. #14
    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tampons in my BF's garbage = cheating??

    I don't understand why you can't just straight out ask him if he has had sex/dates with another women since the two of you have been together? Most guys don't consider their mom/sis/buddy's gf as a "woman". 2 months for you might not mean anything to him......

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
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    Default Re: Tampons in my BF's garbage = cheating??

    Quote Originally Posted by VADEN
    Your right Big Daddy, there were probably 3 different girls out of that selection that were all recently on their period....LOL

    I tend to use the same brand, but that's just me....(the cynical one) LOL
    I AM RIGHT!
    "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

  16. #16
    God/dess threlayer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tampons in my BF's garbage = cheating??

    242, we do not know your expectations here. Nor his. Not even the amount of time you have called him your "boyfriend" and he calls you his "girlfriend." Don't make too many assumptions about people; let your actual experience with individuals rule your mind.

    I think it is time to clarify the terms of your relationship regarding intimate relations with others. At least you need to FIRST clarify it in your mind. Reflect on it, don't just show your anger or hurt. Also don't assume his preference is the same as yours unless you have had your heart-to-heart already.

    Then tell him that seeing these wrappers hurt you even if you accept any one or more of his explanations. So now you wonder where your intimacy with each other stands in his mind. Do not expect it is the same as yours. Probably would be good to let him bring up the "E" word -- exclusivity. Probably good to leave it up to him to verify where those wrappers came from.

    Good luck with your heart.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

  17. #17
    242_fair
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    Default Re: Tampons in my BF's garbage = cheating??

    Hi everyone,

    thanks for all the replies.

    Just to clarify, we already had the exclusivity talk - it was him who brought it up. He was like 'I never have more than one partner at a time', and he asked if I felt the same.

    And although last night I didn't ask him directly if he had cheated on me, it was pretty obvious that was the point of the conversation we were having.

    Basically I don't know if I'm over reacting or paranoid. All I know is that I met this guy at my work and it's hard for me to... i dunno... trust the kinda guy who goes to strip clubs. Jeez that sounds messed up but its true.

    I think I'm gonna take the suggestions from the first couple posters and not jump to conclusions, but keep my eyes open. Also, I've decided that if he doesn't introduce me to some of his buddies within a couple weeks, I'm gonna call it quits. Although I havn't introduced him to any of my friends so thats a bit of a double standard, but wtf, I know Im not cheating.

    blah

  18. #18
    God/dess VADEN's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tampons in my BF's garbage = cheating??

    Best of luck to you sweet-heart. We will be here if ya need us....



  19. #19
    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tampons in my BF's garbage = cheating??

    Well, you'll have to be willing to introduce him to your friends if you expect him to introduce you to his. And don't be so sure the point of the conversation was so obvious to him - often what we girls think should be obvious to the guy, isn't. That whole Mars-Venus thing. Good luck hun.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

  20. #20
    Senior Member stripperbrat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tampons in my BF's garbage = cheating??

    First, it's really hard to judge one's character during only two months--especially if you do not live together. As someone else mentioned, the wrappers were in the guest bathroom. I would keep my personal items in my b/f bedroom and private bath.

    When you questioned him as to what women had been over, he could have just thought "Is she questioning whether or not I've had women with sexual relations over?" and just automaticly replied none. Besides, if he knew he was cheating or doing something he wasn't suppose to be doing, if he had any common sense he would be double checking for evidence.

    I tend to over analyze and have learned from many of my mistakes. Sometimes it's best to not make something more than it is. If you felt that his actions were dishonest and not truthful, as someone suggested, play it cool and look for other signs. Because if he is being honest, it sucks to be accused of something you didn't do and he may either see you as insecure about yourself, a jealous person or just too clingy for a new relationship. After looking for other clues and you find he is a cheating guy, at least you know while the relationship is still young.

  21. #21
    Veteran Member stant's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tampons in my BF's garbage = cheating??

    Quote Originally Posted by stripperbrat
    When you questioned him as to what women had been over, he could have just thought "Is she questioning whether or not I've had women with sexual relations over?" and just automaticly replied none.
    That's exactly what I would have thought you meant. It sounds like an accusation, and denial is the immediate reaction. Why did you ask him if he had had any women in his home, after finding the tampon wrappers in the trash? You knew the answer. This is what I refer to as "trapping him in a lie". Its a very bad idea, and deceptive in its own right. In my opinion you should have been straight with him and asked "Hey boyfriend, you have tampon wrappers in your trash, are you seeing someone else?" Leave the deceptive questioning techniques to lawyers and cops, or you'll likely kill communication and the relationship.

    Also, if a guy is seeing two women at the same time, in my experience, only one of them will be at his home. The chances of something bad happening are just too high otherwise. Unannouced visits, late night phone calls, hansel and gretel evidence (usually jewelry, not tampon wrappers), phone messages, food and drinks he doesn't consume (wine coolers, diet coke, herbal tea), a chick flick DVD left in the machine, two wine glasses in the dishwasher, his alarm clock is set for a much earlier hour than he usually wakes up, lipstick in any of 1001 places, long hairs in the shower trap... Believe me the signs of a woman's presence in a single man's home for a nonplatonic encounter are everywhere, and don't generally include tampon wrappers. The wrappers are very weak evidence of cheating.

    If you've met his friend's girlfriend, or even if you haven't but his friend told told her your bf was dating a stripper, it's possible she deliberately planted the wrappers in the trash. Sheer cattiness. I'm sure you've seen this before.

    Stop looking for evidence of cheating or you'll start seeing it everywhere. And by all means do not read his email, or some other nonsense. If you're spending much time at all in his home at all, any cheating on his part will be obvious soon enough. How would you feel if a man went digging through your things for evidence of cheating, especially reading email and such. Pretty violated, right? And you'd dump him. Don't do it. If you love him, get out of his trash and into his arms. (My apologies to Luther Vandross)

    [just noticed your second post]

    You brought up two new big points. First, if you met him at a SC, you shouldn't trust him. You've also unfortunately spurred on the annoying delusions of several PL members. I can hardly wait for: "what colonge was he wearing when you met him.....?" and on and on.

    On the plus side, if he were cheating, no WAY would he ask about exclusivity. This is a total non player thing to do. Many girls would see this as possessive and controlling and become unattracted. He's serious.

    Second, you mention meeting his friends and a two week cutoff. This seems a ridiculously quick "eject" button reaction. A former girlfriend of mine hated that she rarely met my friends, and refused to believe the truth, which I told her many times: when I was lucky enough to spend time with her, I didn't want to waste the time chit chatting with my friends and their SO's. And second, I was frankly embarassed of at least one of them, and quite sure he'd say something horrifically indelicate, and had no desire to put either of us through such an awkward evening.

    Finally, why not tell him you want to meet his friends and wonder why you haven't. It's entirely possible if you're a dancer, that he's worried they'll say something to offend you, and he doesn't want to screw things up with you.

    Or he could be a complete pig.

    Best of luck

  22. #22
    242_fair
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    Default Re: Tampons in my BF's garbage = cheating??

    Stant, thank you so much for the reply. Its good to have a man's opinion. You might be right on his not introducing me to his friends incase they said something stupid to upset me.

    **But where you said that I can't trust him because we met at a SC, is this a definite rule?? Any opinions from the other guys here?**

  23. #23
    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tampons in my BF's garbage = cheating??

    No it's not a definite rule about meeting guys at the SC, but it's true MOST of the time, simply because of the way MOST guys see strippers. But think about it, most people think all strippers are untrustworthy as well, and we know how untrue that is. IMO it's ridiculous to say any guy who goes to the SC is an untrustworthy pig.

    While I have a personal policy of not dating guys I meet at work, I have done it twice now, and both times it's been GOOD. Obviously you have to be very careful (like you hopefully would with any other guy) about giving him your trust and making character judgements. Never sleep with a guy you just met at work, unless all you want is to get screwed. It takes time to see if he's sincere or not. Most guys will just see you as a piece of meat and a stripper trophy. But there ARE guys who can see past the job and value you for who you are, who are secure enough with themselves to handle dating a stripper, and who will be every bit as loyal, honest and caring as you deserve. They are very few and far between, and if you find one, it doesn't matter where you met him!

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

  24. #24
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Tampons in my BF's garbage = cheating??

    I agree with Katrine. First ask the sister if and when she was there, and the other friends gf, then just ask your bf. See if the wrappers add up with the times you found them.

    GOSH and i thought women fushed the wrappers....I do!

    Pamela

  25. #25
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Tampons in my BF's garbage = cheating??

    Sorry meant flushed the wrappers. My computer wont let me edit......i hit stop.

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