Results 1 to 13 of 13

Thread: Help me to help her

  1. #1
    Newbie
    Joined
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    7
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Can i ask some advice?

    .
    Last edited by ummitsme; 11-01-2004 at 09:01 AM.

  2. #2
    madmaxine
    Guest

    Default Re: Help me to help her

    Find a way to help her without shoving her out of the business. A lot of men offer to "help" dancers get out of the business, but it is usually interpreted by a suspicious dancer as a sneaky way for the man to make the woman dependent on him (I've seen it happen.) There are plenty of horrible things that can happen in relation to strip clubs- there is a very bad element that comes through SCs, just like any bar anywhere. Work can be depressing sometimes because we meet all these people, and have to deal with their horrible behavior. It can poison your outlook on life quickly and make you lonely for "normal" people- hence, why she might be doing the 3AM drunk phone calls. I think you're wonderful to come in and keep her company when she needs you. However, don't let her take advantage of you kindness. Always be honest with her.....even if you feel like a broken record.
    There are plenty of ways to help- just talking to her is a phenomenal way to be there for her.
    IMHO, if she came from a broken-home situation, she might be more resilient than you think. That kind of crap can prepare anyone for the worst dysfunction you can see out in the real world. So....find a way to be the family she might not have. If she feels truly alone and like no one really cares for her, she can slide into very bad habits that can lead to misery and death. She's young yet. She has time. For now, just show that you care.
    Last edited by madmaxine; 11-01-2004 at 07:22 AM.

  3. #3
    Newbie
    Joined
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    7
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Help me to help her

    .
    Last edited by ummitsme; 11-01-2004 at 09:01 AM.

  4. #4
    madmaxine
    Guest

    Default Re: Help me to help her

    Yeah, tell her about this site. It sounds like she could get a lot from reading here. I have, certainly.
    The drinking is always a problem. I rarely drink because I've had men try to do things when they thought I was too tipsy or unable to fight back. (I ended up drinking more as a bartender- go figure..) You know though, a lot of my friends ended up having drinking problems without ever being part of the bar scene. It's the easiest, cheapest, legal way to "relax."
    edit: Just be her FRIEND. Probably in her mind, she sees most men coming at her with their dicks in their hands. That's what's depressing. My attitude about men was bad before I danced, and I'd have to say that helped me not have the depression that hurts other dancers. It did make me very hard though.
    Just be patient. But speak up if you think something is too outrageous. I'm only tacking this on because you are so young, but..does she seem to have a pretty good personality? Does she appreciate what you give at face value, or does she demand more than you want to give? I'm glad you want to help her, but some people can be very manipulative. Just make sure you don't end up being a co-dependent.
    Last edited by madmaxine; 11-01-2004 at 07:44 AM.

  5. #5
    Newbie
    Joined
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    7
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Thumbs up Re: Help me to help her

    Cheers, that helps, i'll tell her about it tonight, although i think i'll be in trouble for posting! lol

    Thanks a lot

  6. #6
    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Key West
    Posts
    16,343
    Thanks
    1,395
    Thanked 5,487 Times in 2,768 Posts

    Default Re: Help me to help her

    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine
    There are plenty of horrible things that can happen in relation to strip clubs- there is a very bad element that comes through SCs, just like any bar anywhere. Work can be depressing sometimes because we meet all these people, and have to deal with their horrible behavior. It can poison your outlook on life quickly and make you lonely for "normal" people- hence, why she might be doing the 3AM drunk phone calls.
    Well put, MM...

    Just like any bar anywhere, except that sexually-oriented entertainment (and very frequently, sex plain and simple, in the clubs where extras are going on) is being sold. This makes it even more of a strain. It doesn't help that the male employees of stripclubs are often as bad as or worse than any customers, or that there is a whole class of customer who specialize in 'working' the newcomers to the scene, helping them get drunk and/or drugged up, and winning them over to pliability.

    The best thing this woman could do would be to stop drinking. Dealing with the stress of this business is hard enough sober.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

    ______________________________________

  7. #7
    Newbie
    Joined
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    7
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Help me to help her

    .
    Last edited by ummitsme; 11-01-2004 at 09:02 AM.

  8. #8
    madmaxine
    Guest

    Default Re: Help me to help her

    I've had the reverse situation, of dating men who had a lot of problems. My first boyfriend was a straight up mess. No shortage of unhappy people in this world!
    I worry very much about the teenaged dancers. The first really young girl I worked with had a recreational heroin habit. Yikes! Also, when you're young and feel like you have nothing to lose, all the warnings in the world won't faze you. You just-do-not-give-a-shit.

    Well....due to circumstances....you both have to let go of the past and go into your separate futures. This hurts, a lot. In fact, I'll be honest and say it will probably scar you heart forever. I feel for you there. However, in her mind, she's dealing with surviving on her own and coming to terms with not having a real family to go to for help (you said she was kicked out?) As much as she cares for you, she seems to want to make it on her own.

  9. #9
    Newbie
    Joined
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    7
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Help me to help her

    .
    Last edited by ummitsme; 11-01-2004 at 09:02 AM.

  10. #10
    madmaxine
    Guest

    Default Re: Help me to help her

    Uh, yeah, tell her to not do the speed. I don't know where you two live, but speed leads to nothing but trouble, whether it's ice or biker crank.
    Was she doing drugs before she got into dancing? It's hard for someone to reject something they really don't see as attached to another/different stage in life.
    LOOK, I know it seems laughable to just be saying, Oh, say this, say that, talk to her....but in my experience, people in these situations are not easy to help out. There is usually a deep anger and despair that fuels drug abuse and reckless behavior. You can't spook her with warnings and tough talk. You can fight destructive tendencies by showing that the person in question is beloved, valuable, and hurting other people with their behavior. She needs to know that someone would miss her and hurt for her if something terrible happened. She needs things to live for and goals for the future....just like anyone else....

  11. #11
    Newbie
    Joined
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    7
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Help me to help her

    thank you

  12. #12
    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2002
    Location
    Gettin the fuck outta Dodge!
    Posts
    14,241
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Help me to help her

    If she hates the job that much she definitely shouldn't be doing it. The money is NOT worth it. She may not be able to make as much money at a regular job, but it definitely sounds like that's what she needs. Suck it up and take the paycut. Stripping is NOT for the faint of heart and if she's calling you up drunk on a regular basis that is a sure sign she can't handle it. I don't care what anyone says, there are other things a girl can do to survive without stripping and there is NO excuse for staying in this business if you hate it. Young and no skills, go to jobcorps or apply for financial aid and get your ass in school. Go through the classifieds and temp agencies to find jobs. Work two jobs if you have to. Whatever it takes, just get off your ass and do what you have to in order to survive and keep your sanity. Stripping is not the only option and frankly I have little sympathy for girls who are too lazy or unmotivated to explore alternatives when they hate stripping!

    I do not apologize if this sounds harsh. IMO, some people need a wakeup call.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

  13. #13
    Newbie
    Joined
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    7
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Help me to help her

    I've told her about this site, and as such, i've deleted my previous posts. I believe she would not like me to have posted here. But i will say this. 90% of the money she earns pays forrrrr her rent, her books and her university fees. She is doing this to get ahead.

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •