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Thread: Why Women Get Crabby.. Heh

  1. #1
    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Why Women Get Crabby.. Heh

    Got this in my email a few minutes ago.. Figured it was worth sharing. Enjoy! hehe

    Why Women are Crabby

    We started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.

    Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.

    Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

    Then it' was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we ARE), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.

    Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we
    pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER.

    Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more good push
    (more like 10)," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the ***** (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a keyhole.

    After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.

    Then come their teen years. Need I say more?

    When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in
    our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.

    So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned
    "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.

    Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods
    without soaking their socks...

    So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me.

  2. #2
    God/dess VADEN's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why Women Get Crabby.. Heh

    LOL - Very cute Rhi!



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    Veteran Member Artemis's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why Women Get Crabby.. Heh

    LOL!!! That was so great! Let me add the monthly PMS for those of us who have it!! Sucks to be us sometimes.
    Artemis

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    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why Women Get Crabby.. Heh

    And we send MEN into battle? Puh-leeze.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why Women Get Crabby.. Heh

    Oh hush it, Monkey Boy! Try giving birth! LOL

    (You know I love ya, bastid)

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    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why Women Get Crabby.. Heh

    Hey hey...I'm sticking up for your side, dammit.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why Women Get Crabby.. Heh

    LOL Alrighty then!

    You know, when I was married to the squid, I met lots of military women who were incredibly badass. They were dying to get into battle or something. Then again, they also "dipped" and "chewed" tobacco, so.. ew!

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    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why Women Get Crabby.. Heh

    Damn, more proof that I should have been a guy:

    I got a late, laid back period and no boobs until almost 16.

    I dope myself up with ibuprofin, booze, and weed when I have a period because I can't handle pain...

    I'll never give birth.

    I can pee standing up.

    Nuff said.

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
    "And do the cats give a shit? No, they do not. Why? Because they're cats."-from The Onion

    Quote Originally Posted by Mia M
    If a cupcake was tossed at me... well, I'd only be upset if it missed my mouth

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    Veteran Member MisfitBunnie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why Women Get Crabby.. Heh

    LOL I try to tell my boyfriend the same stuff you just posted and he says "Yeah all that is rough but try getting kicked in the balls!" and I just roll my eyes and say "Try PUSHING, STRAINING, yourself to the point of getting hemroids, something the size of a watermelon or bigger out of a hole the size of a quarter for hours, or even days on end while some fucking asshole tells you "breathe! breathe!" when all you are thinking is "KILL! IMPREGNATER! KILL!"

    You know what I say to you men getting kicked in the balls....GOOD! Cos that ain't NOTHING compared to the shit we go through on a monthly basis, giving birth, and going through menopause!

    Try wearing a bra all day long and see how fun it is to carry around weight all day long on your chest with this contraption made out of cloth and wire.

    You don't have shit on us so...
    "And Bill, lamenting how you never see a positive drug story on the news..."Today, a young man on acid realised that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration and that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There's no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and you are the imagination of yourself. Here's Tom with the weather...!"- Bill Hicks, The Greatest Comedian Ever!

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    Banned Blade's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why Women Get Crabby.. Heh

    lol I had kidney stones during Deas first pregnancy and the midwife was point blank when she said"I would rather pop out kid after kid than pass a stone"
    As far as peeing everytime ya sneeze...been there too, I had a cathoder in for 8months everytime I sneezed,walked, breathed too hard or took a sip of water my damn bladder emptied
    The weight o the chest and contraption of cloth and wire...heh I'm an apprentice electrician..I wear 40lbs of steel and leather around my waist and on my hip all day long, climbing ladders etc
    pms? try having it 24/7/365....I'm a moody bitch all the damn time,lol
    so I have no sympathy for you women.....lmao

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    Veteran Member MisfitBunnie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why Women Get Crabby.. Heh

    yeah i heard kidney stones are pretty bad for men.

    I'm in a bitchy mood all the time too!

    I have a couple "female problems", It really sucks but it happens even to the best of us.
    "And Bill, lamenting how you never see a positive drug story on the news..."Today, a young man on acid realised that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration and that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There's no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and you are the imagination of yourself. Here's Tom with the weather...!"- Bill Hicks, The Greatest Comedian Ever!

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    Banned Blade's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why Women Get Crabby.. Heh

    thank the goda ya realized i was joking!
    yeah life happens so ya gotta make the best of it

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    Veteran Member Cranky's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why Women Get Crabby.. Heh

    Quote Originally Posted by MojoJojo
    And we send MEN into battle? Puh-leeze.
    Too funny, I have been saying this for awhile, send a troupe of PMSing women into battle and it would be the end.

  14. #14
    Veteran Member IvyLeague's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why Women Get Crabby.. Heh

    Then it' was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we ARE), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.


    This is how i feel every day lately

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    Featured Member tragic-beauty's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why Women Get Crabby.. Heh

    I think im going to send my hubby in the direction of this thread.....


    Very well said BTW

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