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Thread: Good looks and a Bad attitude

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    Veteran Member blackbeauty's Avatar
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    Sad Good looks and a Bad attitude

    Do you believe that being beautiful and having a bad attitude can ruin you in all parts of your life? Why is that pretty girls get flack for having a bad 'tude and is considered arrogant but a woman less beautiful is not viewed that way. I've been having problems lately, maybe all my life with my supposed "bad attitude." How do I change lashing out at people when inside I am hurt because they said something that hurt me but they didn't know it?

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    Senior Member grace's Avatar
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    Default Re: Good looks and a Bad attitude

    People are intimidated by beauty, especially insecure people. They tell themselves, "that gorgeous girl would never give someone like me the time of day" and then they read all your actions accordingly. If you're having a bad day or just a naturally reserved person, they project their own insecurities onto that. I think people also assume that beautiful women "have it all" and are somehow not as vulnerable as other people. I hear this from guy friends all the time -- "pretty girls don't have to work for anything" or "everything just comes to them." Just plain stupid!

    I'm not sure if you're saying that you beleive you have a bad attitude, or that other people beleive that about you. If people are hurting you, and you don't let them know it, those feelings will build up and fester and you WILL lash out. I think the best way to stop that pattern is to explain to people (if they will listen) why you feel hurt by what they've done. At least then your feelings aren't eating away at you inside, and the person then can't say they didn't know what they were doing was hurtful. If you express your feelings more, you may find you have less built-up negativity around them, so you no longer get to the boiling point where you have to lash out.

  3. #3
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Good looks and a Bad attitude

    It's called discrimination. Happens all the time. IF your pretty and have an attitude your a bitch, if your ugly and have an attitude, you are pond scum. I HATE these choice of words, but seems to be pretty populour in my work place.

    Pamela

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    Veteran Member blackbeauty's Avatar
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    Default Re: Good looks and a Bad attitude

    A lot of people tell me I am a beautiful girl and I have a nice body, but I am reserved I guess somewhat shy. Other women talk about me all the time and I get pissed after a while and I lash out saying mean things that hurt their feelings. I attack them esp. if I sense their insecurities. My mom says I judge people too much and give unsolicitated advice that hurts people, but I don't really want to hurt people. either they attacked me and I retaliated or I speak openly about my opinions and people get pissed with me. I am a loner kind of and I don't naturally gravitate towards people in a new situation and it never fails when I go to a new club or school I have problems with other women, specifically black women.

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    God/dess RoseDelight's Avatar
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    Default Re: Good looks and a Bad attitude

    From my 24 years of living, I've learned that people are ALWAYS going to have some opinion about you. You could be drop dead gorgeous, nice as heck, and sweet as strawberries....But people will always end up calling you a 'bitch, whore, slut', etc. It's the way of the world. Kind of like what Pamela said.

    You're always going to be judged, No matter what you look like.

    My advice?

    Know who you are. Your opinion is the only one that counts at the end of the day.



    --Georg Christoph Litchenberg



  6. #6
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Good looks and a Bad attitude

    I feel ya. When I meet new people.. say at a gathering (unlike at work) Im pretty shy and reserved. People take that as Im a stuck up. I am so NOT! I get it all the time "When I first met you I thought you were a total b*tch". Gee... thanks.... My best friend and I thought eachother were total b*tches but after hanging out together a few times we became great friends and we even joke about it. Four years later and we b*tch to eachother everyother day!

    ~Audrey

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    Veteran Member blackbeauty's Avatar
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    Default Re: Good looks and a Bad attitude

    Yeah, all my life I've gotten the "I thought you were a total bitch, but you're really nice" comments. Thnx girls for your advice!

  8. #8
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Good looks and a Bad attitude

    One thought - would you rather be ugly and not have to deal with this? Not me!

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    Veteran Member blackbeauty's Avatar
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    Default Re: Good looks and a Bad attitude

    Quote Originally Posted by AudreyLeigh
    One thought - would you rather be ugly and not have to deal with this? Not me!
    Good point !

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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Good looks and a Bad attitude

    People are intimidated by beauty, especially insecure people. They tell themselves, "that gorgeous girl would never give someone like me the time of day" and then they read all your actions accordingly. If you're having a bad day or just a naturally reserved person, they project their own insecurities onto that. I think people also assume that beautiful women "have it all" and are somehow not as vulnerable as other people. I hear this from guy friends all the time -- "pretty girls don't have to work for anything" or "everything just comes to them."
    Exactly.

    Envy and covetousness, plain and simple; from women that want to possess what you have, and from men who simply want to possess you.

    That said, please don't pretend it's not easier or preferrable going through this life being beautiful; those of us not so blessed would beg to differ--even without envy or covetousness.

    Two cents.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Good looks and a Bad attitude

    Quote Originally Posted by Casual Observer

    That said, please don't pretend it's not easier or preferrable going through this life being beautiful; those of us not so blessed would beg to differ--even without envy or covetousness.
    Perhaps being good-looking makes SOME things easier, but it also makes SOME things harder. Certain things are assumed and expected from you. It could be said that it's harder for the beautiful people to have great relationships because of the way others see them. Just like on the flipside, different things will be assumed and expected from a less attractive person. And perhaps it's harder for the less-than-beautiful people to attract others for relationships initially. Nobody's got it perfect, and IMO one is certainly NOT easier than the other. It's just a different kind of hard...

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Featured Member bambiblue's Avatar
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    Default Re: Good looks and a Bad attitude

    Quote Originally Posted by blackbeauty
    A lot of people tell me I am a beautiful girl and I have a nice body, but I am reserved I guess somewhat shy. Other women talk about me all the time and I get pissed after a while and I lash out saying mean things that hurt their feelings. I attack them esp. if I sense their insecurities. My mom says I judge people too much and give unsolicitated advice that hurts people, but I don't really want to hurt people. either they attacked me and I retaliated or I speak openly about my opinions and people get pissed with me. I am a loner kind of and I don't naturally gravitate towards people in a new situation and it never fails when I go to a new club or school I have problems with other women, specifically black women.

    I have never ever had a problem with the girls at work, but I do share your beautiful/ shy, loner type of personality. I am also a very sensitive person who is smart.... all that adds up to is people thinking I am a stuck up bitch who wouldn't give anyone the time of day. It's really hard for me in this buisness. Guys will drool over me all day, but are usually too afraid to approach me. I can visibly see them getting nervous and uptight when I try to strike up a conversation with them. Very irritating. Others automatically assume i AM ditsy because they don't even give me a chance to talk without having preconcieved notions about me.

  13. #13
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Good looks and a Bad attitude

    Speaking about how people view us, i will say i am more of a bitch at work. I have to be, years ago i tried the "i want to be a friend to all my co-workers," Nope, they get to know you too well, step on you're toes for a raise and will stab you in the back.

    So started dancing. Sure i will say hi to the other ladies, but i wont hang or have a conversation with you. The customers, that's a different story, i NEED them to survive in the clubs.

    I have learned if you open youself up at work, you wil get taken advantage of. So, stay to myself get my work done, and i do MUCH better.

    Is bitch the proper word? I don't know. Lets just say very very reserved at my jobs with co-workers.

    Pamela

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    Featured Member discretedancer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Good looks and a Bad attitude

    Being a BITCH in the sense Pamela describes is the acronym (Being in Total Control Honey) and that's OK. But having a bad 'tude or being a whiny cranky complainer isn't good whether you're beautiful or not. If you are, you will probably hear less about it but that still doesn't make it right. Bad attitude/manners/ethics are bad no matter who or what you look like

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    God/dess whirlerz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Good looks and a Bad attitude

    quote from Pamela: I have learned if you open youself up at work, you wil get taken advantage of.

    Pamela's message is so right on!!! I've been there too, w/a lot of the other posts in this thread. One hard lesson I had to learn is to NEVER trust my neighbors. Altho, I do have a bit of a friend next door. Been nothing but 'go outta the way kind" & have been totally trashed for it. Usually I keep to myself in the 'hood', but, let my guard down here. The latest, is the envy over my car, it's HYUNDAI folks, get over it. Drove junks for yrs. til now.


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

  16. #16
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Good looks and a Bad attitude

    You never know...different strokes for different folks....I know a beautiful girl who is widely hated because she doesn't know how to treat others well. Like Jay said in the movie "Clerks" about a pretty girl who was a rotten bitch: "What good is a dish if you can't put anything on it?" He was quoting his grandma, by the way.
    Aaaand..to quote the priceless Judge Judy: "[Looks] fade, but dumb is forever!"

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    Featured Member bambiblue's Avatar
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    Default Re: Good looks and a Bad attitude

    Quote Originally Posted by Pamela
    Speaking about how people view us, i will say i am more of a bitch at work. I have to be, years ago i tried the "i want to be a friend to all my co-workers," Nope, they get to know you too well, step on you're toes for a raise and will stab you in the back.

    So started dancing. Sure i will say hi to the other ladies, but i wont hang or have a conversation with you. The customers, that's a different story, i NEED them to survive in the clubs.

    I have learned if you open youself up at work, you wil get taken advantage of. So, stay to myself get my work done, and i do MUCH better.

    Is bitch the proper word? I don't know. Lets just say very very reserved at my jobs with co-workers.

    Pamela
    I agree with you pam, the people at work will slit your throat faster than anyone. The ones who are the nicest, anre the ones you should keep your eye on. I too have just altogether stopped interacting with the girls at work. Better for me to stop wasting time on gossip and actually make money.

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    Member raighla's Avatar
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    Default Re: Good looks and a Bad attitude

    I get it all the time "When I first met you I thought you were a total b*tch". Gee... thanks....

    Glad I am not the only one....

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    Default Re: Good looks and a Bad attitude

    That happens to me all the time too. I also find myself guilty of thinking that way about other people who are physically attractive, so I guess that makes me a hypocrite. Don't worry about it too much. Just stay nice and sweet and treat everybody with respect. People who are willing to find out you are a cool person, eventually will, and those who choose to believe you are something you are not, aren't worth your time and energy anyway.

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    Veteran Member charlygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Good looks and a Bad attitude

    2 true girls. This game is about making money. Save your voice for the men who are going to pay for you 2 use it not 4 the girls who'll use iti against you.
    No girl at work needs to know who you are,where your from, where your going or anything.
    If she does me a favor like shares a customer I'll do her a favor back and thats then end of it but dont suggest ou want to be friends because we all know in second she will do some kind of crap to mess you up if she has to.

    As for people telling you your a bitch and thinking its because your beautiful, honey, looks dont come into it. If so many people are telling you your a bitch its time to take a damn good look and ask why.
    Working the club isnt about going around having an attitude. Its a JOB. WORK it, dont mix with anyone you dont have to and then go home. You can do all this as well as be respectful to the people you are working with like all the girls in our club.
    Leave attitudes at home and come to work ready to do just that. WORK!

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    Veteran Member charlygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Good looks and a Bad attitude

    and sorry about the type=o's. My keyboard sucks....lol

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    Featured Member Meea's Avatar
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    Default Re: Good looks and a Bad attitude

    My boyfirend says this and I totaly agree - Pretty girls are always pretty until they open their mouth. Once they open their mouth the real beauty comes out.

    I guess it's important that if you say something mean it should be based on actual facts ("You're a bitch for calling me a bitch to my face") and not assumptions or mistakes of judgement ("You're a bitch for talking behind my back - Linda told me what you said")

    Some people are just plain jerks - they get shits and giggles out of being assholes to pretty girls..

  23. #23
    naomisantos77
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    Default Re: Good looks and a Bad attitude

    don't giva a sh*t
    they are just jalours that must give you more confidences!
    you are who you are don't change!
    there are always people who talk negative... you have to learn with that and laugh about it.
    If they see you don't care they will stop, because it will not give them that fun they wanted to have.

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    Member deepbubbles's Avatar
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    Angry Re: Good looks and a Bad attitude

    I understand , my wife is exceptional looking ( yes im bragging lol) but she's always been very quiet and shy ( she had a stutter as a child) and because she's hang back, people thought she was " stuck up and bitchy!"
    its just others insecurities, dont let them pawn their problems off on you!
    And I can tell you Im really REALLY sick of people asking "SHE married YOU?!"

  25. #25
    Senior Member Mark W.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Good looks and a Bad attitude

    I believe that many men are so intimidated by very beautiful women that they compensate that feeling with insults or comments such as those mentioned in the first post. Usually it has nothing to do the women but more so to do with the man's personal insecurities. We men are often taught to be strong and never show weakness so when we feel weakened or insecure we tend to lash out at the very thing that makes us feel weak or insecure.

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